I rarely cross post stuff from SomethingAwful here, but every now and then goons take something and run with it with amusing results.
From Admiral Snackbar.
Leapt they through hoops? Nae! Nor Wrote they 'pistles -
Naught but warps and weaves so friv'lously scatter'd!
They dare thereby to seek some recompense?
Not winged Mercury himself could hope
to return those bitcoins faster than I!
Through his error t'was I who suffer'd grief,
my name besmirched, my pride so sorely bruised!
He cast blame on me, whose purse already
grieved the loss of countless precious hash codes!
Such vicious strains of ranc'rous vitriol
brought neither near to vict'ry so desired;
the quarrel let us therefore lay to rest.
'Tis true, my plans thus far have nought produced,
Nor yet have they been joined by any fellows.
Yet this small truth entitles me to claim -
Occurred a thing most unsolicitéd:
'Twas not so long, perhaps two days ago,
A man from Me great cheer elicitéd -
I stand so fine a friend, he told Me so!
But wait! Before you think Me full of pride,
or gay, perhaps, repressed and under-sexed,
there's proof this false belief may be belied:
Behold, I've won a date for Sabbath next!
Think not, withal, that your misdeeds, though slight,
shall go unpunished, Matthew, once again.
Test not My starch, My Wrath do not incite;
for I, your Foe, am quite beyond your ken!
While life doth oft My Blesséd Worth affirm -
despite what some have recently alleged -
'tis you whose judgement proves to be infirm:
your feeble feint flew forth not fully fledged!
Where there is iambic pentameter, there must also be Haiku.
Public buses are bad.
Ninety-five Ford Explorer
Will not take the bus
Ninety-four Ford Explorer
No more, and no less
Manager of fur
Casino, my destiny
Business name goes here
This is not my fault
Let me go buy the card now
ten percent profit
From Howard Beale.
There are seventeen, all told
Like petition names
Theater's like Ford
Both can handle my driving
Into the ground