Are there any selfless deeds?

[Pmalek]

I came across a Friends episode the other day where Joey and Phoebe were discussing selfless deeds and if there is such a thing as selfless deeds, deeds that can truly be selfless. It is a very complex question so let’s take a look at what a dictionary has to say about the term selfless.

The definition of selfless is being more concerned with the needs of others than with your own needs.
An example of selfless is a mother's devotion to her child causing her to always put the child's needs first, before her own.
https://www.yourdictionary.com/selfless

This is a good example of what a selfless deed could be but is it really selfless?
Yes, a mother loves her child, she will do anything for her child and wants it to do well, be healthy and be strong. But, every time a mother sees a smile on her child’s face she will fill up with joy, she will be proud and happy that her child is satisfied. Is she happy partly because it was her actions, her deeds that resulted in her child’s happiness?! And can those deeds in that case be considered as selfless?

In the mentioned Friends episode, Phoebe says that she donated some money to a good cause and because she ‘didn’t get anything in return’ and now has less money in her pockets, she did a selfless deed. But Joey asked her how did you feel when you donated the money? Were you happy that your donation will be used for a good cause? Are you proud of yourself? You gave the money to charity and didn’t spend it yourself, do you like the recognition you received?
“It made you feel good, that makes it selfish" - Joey Tribbiani

People might argue that a deed is selfless if you give or offer something and don’t get anything in return, but you do get something in return - spiritually. Because the happiness and satisfaction you get from your deed is also a profit of some sort. Something as simple as a back scratch where you scratch the back of your partner but don’t get a back scratch yourself is not truly selfless if a part of you likes the compliment that you are giving the best back scratches in the world.

What do you think about selfless deeds and is there such a thing?


Sources and additional reading:
http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20160718-there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-truly-selfless-act
https://www.quora.com/Can-there-be-truly-any-selfless-good-deed-If-there-is-none-then-what-is-a-deed-that-comes-close-to-a-selfless-good-deed

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[Vod]

I was on a plane earlier this week when an old Chinese man sat in the aisle seat and started looking through the magazine pouch for earbuds.  Of course, they are not free anymore and I guess he couldn't afford them because when they came down the isle selling them he sat quietly staring at the TV.

When the flight attendants came by selling drinks, I ordered a screwdriver and a set of earbuds.  I placed the buds on his tray table.  At first he was upset saying "I didn't ask for these!" but eventually he accepted the gift and happily watched TV the rest of the flight.

Is there such a thing as a selfless act?  I didn't expect anything, but I did feel good afterwards. 

[SaltySpitoon]

If you are trying to limit the definition of selfless to a deed that helps others without giving you self satisfaction for doing the good deed, I'd say yes, they exist. To avoid the positive feelings from helping someone, it just needs to be an act that you do so frequently that you don't think about it at all. I grew up holding doors for people, being especially polite to people who have to deal with others for a living, and a handful of other common courtesies that aren't really anything major, but apparently some people notice from time to time. I don't get any satisfaction out of doing things like that, its just habit.

That said, I wouldn't consider those things good deeds or selfless acts, but rather, support for my theory that in order to be selfless by your definition, it must be habit. Consider the case of someone who volunteers 20 hours per week, does good deeds left and right, goes out of their way to help people whenever possible. If rescuing people from a burning building is just their friday evening, something that an average person would go out of their way to do, might just be routine for someone else. In that case, I believe its possible to be selfless by your definition.

[joniboini]

I think there are no selfless deeds. Everybody pursue happiness eventually. However, there is a person who would do something if they get something in return (anything, materially or else), but somebody else will just do that and don't expect anything. This is the key difference. They just do that because they feel it is the right thing to do, it expresses their value and they just love to do it. It's a self-fulfilling act.

[Pmalek]

I grew up holding doors for people, being especially polite to people who have to deal with others for a living, and a handful of other common courtesies that aren't really anything major, but apparently some people notice from time to time. I don't get any satisfaction out of doing things like that, its just habit.

I like your reply a lot but I wanted to ask you about this part that I quoted. You say that you grew up holding doors for people. You were either thought to hold doors or you saw someone else do it, liked it, and decided to do it yourself, am I correct? I do it all the time as well. When i walk in/out of my building and see that a neighbour is approaching I tend to stay for a few extra seconds and hold the door. It seems un polite to slam the door before their faces. I was taught to do that and I also saw my parents do it while I was growing up and now it is a normal thing for me to do. Most of the time the reaction of the people who I held the doors for were positive. There was either a smile, or a thank you or the occasional 'what a polite young man you are'... Intentionally or not, I am sure those reactions stick with you in one way or the other. Imagine if the reactions were negative and instead people would say 'I can open my own doors, I don t need your help'! Can you really say without a doubt that the reactions you received from people didn't have the slightest affect on you growing up? I dont think I can. I am not doing it because of the recognition but I do expect at least a 'thanks' in return.   

[SaltySpitoon]

I grew up holding doors for people, being especially polite to people who have to deal with others for a living, and a handful of other common courtesies that aren't really anything major, but apparently some people notice from time to time. I don't get any satisfaction out of doing things like that, its just habit.

I like your reply a lot but I wanted to ask you about this part that I quoted. You say that you grew up holding doors for people. You were either thought to hold doors or you saw someone else do it, liked it, and decided to do it yourself, am I correct? I do it all the time as well. When i walk in/out of my building and see that a neighbour is approaching I tend to stay for a few extra seconds and hold the door. It seems un polite to slam the door before their faces. I was taught to do that and I also saw my parents do it while I was growing up and now it is a normal thing for me to do. Most of the time the reaction of the people who I held the doors for were positive. There was either a smile, or a thank you or the occasional 'what a polite young man you are'... Intentionally or not, I am sure those reactions stick with you in one way or the other. Imagine if the reactions were negative and instead people would say 'I can open my own doors, I don t need your help'! Can you really say without a doubt that the reactions you received from people didn't have the slightest affect on you growing up? I dont think I can. I am not doing it because of the recognition but I do expect at least a 'thanks' in return.   

I have absolutely no idea. I don't remember being told, deciding, or observing anyone else do it. Obviously I know that at some point, that was the case, but as I said before, its just habit. I don't think, oh it'd be impolite to slam this door in someone's face, its just a boolean, If person coming hold door true, the same way you check for traffic before crossing a road without much thought process. And about your second part, that does happen from time to time. I'll see someone coming but misjudge how fast they are walking, and then I end up standing there for 10 seconds looking like an idiot, or I'll hold a door open for a man, and it'll hurt their pride for some reason.

I don't expect a thanks, I'm doing it mindlessly because its become the same habit as looking both ways before crossing the street. And of course as I said, this was all just support for my theory that someone who does a ton of good deeds could potentially have it end up as just a habit in the same way. I don't consider holding a door for someone selfless, I don't really consider it anything at all. Maybe some Mary Poppinsesque person out there considers helping out everyone that they see in the same fashion.

[Spendulus]

....Can you really say without a doubt that the reactions you received from people didn't have the slightest affect on you growing up? I dont think I can. I am not doing it because of the recognition but I do expect at least a 'thanks' in return.   

Yes, we can design "selfless deeds" and do them.

But by definition it's no fun.

So we don't want to do things that are no fun.

Now did someone assume that selfless deeds were "good deeds?"

The problem lies there.

[o_e_l_e_o]

I was involved in the case of a patient who donated a kidney. They didn't donate it to a friend or relative, there was no incentive (financial or otherwise), they weren't being coerced, or any other reason. They just decided - people can live with 1 kidney, so I'll give one away. They put themselves through a life-changing operation, that carries a very real risk of death, for the benefit of an anonymous stranger. Due to patient confidentiality, this donor will never even find out who received their kidney or whether the transplant was successful, unless the recipient chooses to waive their right to confidentiality.

They put themselves at risk for no personal gain for the benefit or someone they don't know and will likely never meet. I'm not going to get hung up on whether or not the donor felt good about it or not - this is a truly selfless act.

[MULTIK888]

In any category of people there are always those who do not lift their nose up and try to help people in everything that is Possible.
I can give an example with one famous football player is Mohammed Salah. Here is a clear example of selflessness in the face of a certain person.
Today he plays in England and gets a lot of money for his work , but he does not spend his money like most ordinary football players buying a collection of antique cars, yachts, villas and planes. He helps his country to develop and raises the level of football. When the robber got into his house and robbed him-his father wrote a statement to the police, the robber was caught, but Muhammad asked to withdraw the application and let him go, moreover he gave him money and helped to find a job. This is what I call selfless actions, when people, despite their position, always try to help others. And Yes I am sure that unselfish acts are.

[Jet Cash]

I grew up holding doors for people,

I was taught to do this for ladies, and to stand up when one joined the table. Nobody does this now, and if you do it, you are considered to be sexist, and a chauvinist. I was also taught not to eat in the street, but again these days people do it all the time, and they throw their wrappers away as they waddle along.

To return to the OP. Giving away source merits is a selfless deed, and it is often a thankless task. I wish the spambies would stop whinging about it, and help us by posting creative comments, rather than attaching their keyboards to a Xerox.

[Pmalek]

<snip>

I know about this and about M. Salah's nature but consider this. M. Salah is a religious man and he is a Muslim. Islam like all other religions preaches humbleness, decency, helping those in need. As a religious man it is Salah's duty to help those less fortunate than him. Even if you are cheated and hurt by someone but you are religious, you need to find it in your heart to forgive and forget - it is your duty.
     
Pope John Paul II was gunned down I think in Turkey sometimes during the 1980s. The gunman was imprisoned and when the Pope recovered he went to see him in the prison. He forgave him for what he did and blessed him. Again, these are religious men and being 100% devoted to your religion means forgiving and helping those around you. What these two men did was Honorable but again it is their duty to do so. They can only reach the Heavens by doing good deeds so that is an incentive from the start.

[Arian247]

Yes there are selfless deeds, just like what @vod did to me that was a selfless act for he saw that the man needed earbuds but couldn't afford them he bought them and gave him even though he was reluctant at first he accepted, now my buddy over here didn't feel compelled to give him the buds but he did anyway not because he wanted to be thanked or anything but he felt it's normal. Those who do selfless act on the other hand for personal gain isn't actually a selfless act but a selfish one to me.

[crwth]

It’s good to hear a lot of good deeds every now and then, good deeds which don’t need to be returned forcibly. Selfless deeds are often unrecognised by people. Most of us just see the bad things those people do or don’t acknowledge them. This is why we always need to think deeply before we say anything because we’d usually regret it after. Selfless deeds come in different forms — big or small. I remember my mom, every time we eat and she has a last piece of my favorite food, instead of her to eat it even though she’s hungry, she’d give it to me. That’s why now that I’m older and have the capacity to provide for her, I do. It’s not that she wants me to repay her, it’s because I love her and I want to.