Me (30M) and my wife (29F) changed after the baby

[sandqueen]

So, me and my wife had a wonderful baby girl 2 and a half years ago. Before the baby we we're very intimate and affectionate towards each other. After the baby, with the new major responsibilities and sleepless nights, our relationship changed in a very negative way. We started to bicker and argue about little things, and we became very frustrated and annoyed with each other. Over the past two years our lives became purely focused on raising our baby and our relationship kind of got put in second place, which makes sense and I feel is very normal for couples with their first baby.

However, just a few weeks ago I became very aware of how I may have been a big problem in our relationship. I was viewing it all wrong. I was the one who wasn't putting in so much effort with the baby and I was still trying to live my life pre-baby style instead of fully taking up as much of the responsibilities as my wife was. Since realizing this I have made a complete change and I am taking over most of the responsibilities where I can. This has lead to me feeling a lot better about life in general and feeling a greater sense of love and affection for my wife as well as my daughter. My wife and I hardly argue anymore and I've realized that her behaviour towards me was a reaction to my actions, or lack there of, around her. I was always putting me first instead of her and our child, which was wrong.

So all that being said, the problem is, before the baby my wife was very affectionate towards me. Random hugs and kisses, she would initiate intimate moments and she just had a certain look when she looked at me. Since our rough patch ended things have been better. More sex, more admiration for each other and all that, but it's still different than before. My wife hardly ever initiates sex unlike before, and a lot of times when I ask there's some reason like "I'm tired." It's like our roles are now reversed. I'm the completely smitten, affectionate one and she's now a little more reserved and withholding.

I'm worried that I may have cause some permanent damage while I was being not a great partner to my wife. We have had a few discussions about how I was acting, she's very glad I changed and am improving and trying to be better. She tells me I don't need to regret any of my past and the fact that I've changed is all I need to focus on and we'll move forward together.

Does anyone have a similar story that would share some advice? It has only been a few weeks since I've changed so I understand it's early and I am hopeful that we may be able to get back to a point similar to before our child.

[acener]

This is very similar to my story so many things had changed just like yours.
I also tried to changed myself to be better and it was all doing great until I got sick to be precise I got a fever for about a week I couldn't help out on the house and take care of our baby since I don't want my baby to get sick too.

[Ucy]

It's possible that the baby has taken away some of the attention/affection that you need from her. I think if you continue to care alot about the baby her love for you will grow strong. Just make sure you take care of the child like strong men would take care of kids they love... For example, taking the child for a long walk to show him/her around your property, buying gifts/toys for him/her , playing with him/her etc.  Also make your wife's need is well taken care of, even before she ask. Ask what good things she would like given to her or what problems she would like solved for her. That should help lessen the burden and make her more happy towards you

[DeathAngel]

Life changes when you have a baby, your child takes priority & you just have to accept that there will be changes & sacrifices will have to be made. Your wife doesn’t feel as pretty & sexy probably, maybe her body has changed since the birth. Stop being so selfish, she carried a baby for 9 months.

Maybe you need to make her feel beautiful again, treat her, buy her gifts, compliment her. You have a new priority in life now & it isn’t sex.

[boyptc]

Forget the former things and if your wife is happy with your changes and you're doing better, maintain it.

Change is constant and even if you've been partnered for a long or short time, both of you will suddenly feel some changes which is very normal.

[bitterguy28]

Does anyone have a similar story that would share some advice? It has only been a few weeks since I've changed so I understand it's early and I am hopeful that we may be able to get back to a point similar to before our child.

nope because we have learned what will be the Life style of being married before deciding to have a child.
Not like you both that it looks like you just enter the marriage living without formal knowledge of the family making.

If you did not manage this now then expect losing your family soon.

[peter0425]

You must act faster mate because if not then there is a chance of losing your family , it is obvious that you admitted the mistakes and not understanding what is your wife facing in  having a baby so best to ask for forgiveness and talk heart to heart on how you can make things best together because this is not only for single part but a both effort.

[Chato1977]

Never take for granted the effort and the love of every mother/wife ..you have just only looking for your benefits but not giving look on what She is engaging with your child.

When you enter fatherhood , you must extend your patience and understanding because it is not easy to experience a Giving birth for every woman , they are facing a lot aside from taking care of the baby.