Why do people always speak good about the dead?

[Fiatless]

I attended a burial of a well known criminal in my hometown because he was a relation. He was involved in kidnapping, armed robbery and all sorts of criminal activities. When it was time for the funeral eulogy, many people came up and spoke about their relationship with the deceased. All of them spoke of his kindheartedness, generosity, love, kindness, etc. Nobody ever mentioned about his bad character or criminal activities.

This funeral made me recall that I have never attended any burial where people speak about the true character of the dead. They only speak good things about the deceased. Are they scared to speak evil about the dead or is there a tradition that forbids people from speaking bad against the dead?   

[asawale]

I attended a burial of a well known criminal in my hometown because he was a relation. He was involved in kidnapping, armed robbery and all sorts of criminal activities. When it was time for the funeral eulogy, many people came up and spoke about their relationship with the deceased. All of them spoke of his kindheartedness, generosity, love, kindness, etc. Nobody ever mentioned about his bad character or criminal activities.

This funeral made me recall that I have never attended any burial where people speak about the true character of the dead. They only speak good things about the deceased. Are they scared to speak evil about the dead or is there a tradition that forbids people from speaking bad against the dead?   

I wouldn't say people are saying good thing about the dead at funeral. Funerals are attended by the the close relatives, friends and allies who loved the dead while alive. The dead person might one way or the be other be bounded to be good to these people. You will see that those called to read parting notes about the dead are mostly family or friends which he will mostly be good to. So, what else will they say if not his good.

And also from the religious and moral point of view, there is a general warning of Not speaking I'll of the Dead.

[Ndabagi01]

That is not the circumstance in all cases. People who speak well of him must have had an encounter with him in which he was courteous and never displayed a negative attitude toward them. Whereas you only knew about his negative aspects, you don't have the right to conclude that he's a bad person because you don't know the whole story. He may be involved in various criminal activities, but he also exhibits the characteristics of a good human being, which they appreciate and value.

[o48o]

I attended a burial of a well known criminal in my hometown because he was a relation. He was involved in kidnapping, armed robbery and all sorts of criminal activities. When it was time for the funeral eulogy, many people came up and spoke about their relationship with the deceased. All of them spoke of his kindheartedness, generosity, love, kindness, etc. Nobody ever mentioned about his bad character or criminal activities.

This funeral made me recall that I have never attended any burial where people speak about the true character of the dead. They only speak good things about the deceased. Are they scared to speak evil about the dead or is there a tradition that forbids people from speaking bad against the dead?    

Reason is quite obvious when you think about it. People who hate that person don't often even come to the funeral, because why would they? They don't care.

There are only friends and relatives left and they want to remind themselves about the good things in his/her life. And that's completely understandable because they are mourning.

It's also for the same reason you don't yell in weddings things like "this won't last" etc. It's just polite behavior not to.

[Doan9269]

Are they scared to speak evil about the dead or is there a tradition that forbids people from speaking bad against the dead?   

We yend not to appreciate things and people not until we are loosing them or have loost it all before we realized what we are missing already, this is not about traditional practice ir any custom but what we ordinary humanbeings do or behaved unconscious, we should learn to appreciate ourselves, presents impact and roles they played in our lives and the truth is that we cannot lived the life all alone without having anyone around us or could we have made it to where we are without someone's impact or help, but we get naive when offenced by someone and reacted badly, we may be fighting against someone but we cannot wish same person death because that's the only thing everyone will taste at the end.

[Lordhermes]

Simply said, it's because the deceased cannot speak, and the majority of those who are positive about the deceased have never been kind to them. Just to appease other people, they say it.

I occasionally wonder if a deceased person ever did anything wrong when they were living when I witness tributes to them. People just speak positively; no one has the courage to expose the grave wrongdoings.

[darkangel11]

It's probably a courtesy towards the person's family and friends. When you come to the funeral you expect friends and family to be there. The person could've been bad, but to the family it's always a loss and you don't want to spit in their faces calling their son or husband names, right? People who didn't like the deceased usually don't come to say the last goodbye to him, so they aren't present there. Those who are don't want to be attacked at that moment.

[batang_bitcoin]

It's like the last pay respect to the deceased. Well, since he can no longer talk and tell what he has done good to other people, that's how they've conversed and interacted with the deceased.
We don't condone the crimes of someone that has been done as they have to pay for it and the person's death might be the payment for all of those crimes and yet, behind that there's still some inch of good deeds he did for the people he know personally.

[Sayakaaja]

people who speak well of people who have died, may be during his lifetime he was famous for his kindness to others, not bad.

if in Islam, people should not speak badly about people who have died. because it can cause the deceased person to be tortured, in his grave. then in Islamic teachings people are only allowed to say good things about people who have died.

[HajiBagi]

Speaking poorly of the deceased is not a good thing because everyone has good and bad habits. In my opinion, speaking poorly of the deceased prevents them from resting in peace in their grave and makes the people who knew them feel bad as well. Nobody can know what God will do with them or whether they will go to heaven or hell because they might have been good or bad things in the past.

[HughMunro]

After all, he has passed away, and those who go to the funeral are relatives or friends, and no one will say anything bad if they go to the funeral. If they are enemies, they will definitely not say good things.

[Maximeppler4]

Some people treat others badly but still have good intentions toward family or friends. They don't speak ill of their loved one, who has passed away. They come to the funeral, that is, they still have respect and remembrance for the dead.

[Majestic-milf]

It's something that has got me wondering too. One thing I've observed is, most times it's family who read the eulogies and I don't think they'd want to say anything bad even if the deceased was not a likable or nice person. It's more like paying their last respects.

 While reading through the replies, I think a reply from @o48o, saying those who didn't see eye to eye with the deceased will not attend. In my opinion, these peeps would be the first to be in attendance because they are moved by curiosity.

[Fiatless]

I wouldn't say people are saying good thing about the dead at funeral. Funerals are attended by the the close relatives, friends and allies who loved the dead while alive. The dead person might one way or the be other be bounded to be good to these people. You will see that those called to read parting notes about the dead are mostly family or friends which he will mostly be good to. So, what else will they say if not his good.

And also from the religious and moral point of view, there is a general warning of Not speaking I'll of the Dead.

It is not everybody that attends the burial love the deceased. And sometimes people are asked to volunteers to speak about the dead. I have spoken in some burials and I regretted my action because I hide the bad parts of the deceased. The best decision is to shut-up because you might just be lying.   

That is not the circumstance in all cases. People who speak well of him must have had an encounter with him in which he was courteous and never displayed a negative attitude toward them. Whereas you only knew about his negative aspects, you don't have the right to conclude that he's a bad person because you don't know the whole story. He may be involved in various criminal activities, but he also exhibits the characteristics of a good human being, which they appreciate and value.

Most people in the burial know the good and the bad side of the deceased. They just choose not to talk about the person’s bad part. People always want to please the dead. The most important thing is to always remind the person when he was living that his negative behavior is bad. If you didn't tell the living that his negative behavior is wrong, you are not qualifies to speak good about they person when he is dead.

[DanWalker]

I attended a burial of a well known criminal in my hometown because he was a relation. He was involved in kidnapping, armed robbery and all sorts of criminal activities. When it was time for the funeral eulogy, many people came up and spoke about their relationship with the deceased. All of them spoke of his kindheartedness, generosity, love, kindness, etc. Nobody ever mentioned about his bad character or criminal activities.

This funeral made me recall that I have never attended any burial where people speak about the true character of the dead. They only speak good things about the deceased. Are they scared to speak evil about the dead or is there a tradition that forbids people from speaking bad against the dead?   

If he is really bad and has no good points, people will never say good about him, maybe he is a criminal in society, but to his neighbor's, friends and family, he doesn't mistreat them. One more thing, when that person dies, that means they have nothing left, so speaking ill of the dead does not bring any benefit. His death means that he has paid for what he has done, and now it's time for him to become an average person. Just like when you have committed a crime and have been adequately punished, you are no longer a criminal.

[Fiatless]

I attended a burial of a well known criminal in my hometown because he was a relation. He was involved in kidnapping, armed robbery and all sorts of criminal activities. When it was time for the funeral eulogy, many people came up and spoke about their relationship with the deceased. All of them spoke of his kindheartedness, generosity, love, kindness, etc. Nobody ever mentioned about his bad character or criminal activities.

This funeral made me recall that I have never attended any burial where people speak about the true character of the dead. They only speak good things about the deceased. Are they scared to speak evil about the dead or is there a tradition that forbids people from speaking bad against the dead?   

If he is really bad and has no good points, people will never say good about him, maybe he is a criminal in society, but to his neighbor's, friends and family, he doesn't mistreat them. One more thing, when that person dies, that means they have nothing left, so speaking ill of the dead does not bring any benefit. His death means that he has paid for what he has done, and now it's time for him to become an average person. Just like when you have committed a crime and have been adequately punished, you are no longer a criminal.

If we assume that when someone does he has nothing left and there is no need to speak ill about the deceased, then we shouldn't speak well about the person because it is meaningless. And is death a penalty for sins committed?

[Minecache]

I attended a burial of a well known criminal in my hometown because he was a relation. He was involved in kidnapping, armed robbery and all sorts of criminal activities. When it was time for the funeral eulogy, many people came up and spoke about their relationship with the deceased. All of them spoke of his kindheartedness, generosity, love, kindness, etc. Nobody ever mentioned about his bad character or criminal activities.

This funeral made me recall that I have never attended any burial where people speak about the true character of the dead. They only speak good things about the deceased. Are they scared to speak evil about the dead or is there a tradition that forbids people from speaking bad against the dead?   

In my opinion, death is the end, so if you speak ill of them, they will no longer listen, and if you blame the dead, who have no ability to resist, you are no different from the bad guys, and no one wants to be the bad guy. Crime does not mean he will be cruel to everyone, I believe he still has his family and he will never treat them badly. The people who attended the funeral were mostly just his relatives, so it's no wonder you can't hear bad things about him.

[Bananington]

I attended a burial of a well known criminal in my hometown because he was a relation. He was involved in kidnapping, armed robbery and all sorts of criminal activities. When it was time for the funeral eulogy, many people came up and spoke about their relationship with the deceased. All of them spoke of his kindheartedness, generosity, love, kindness, etc. Nobody ever mentioned about his bad character or criminal activities.

This funeral made me recall that I have never attended any burial where people speak about the true character of the dead. They only speak good things about the deceased. Are they scared to speak evil about the dead or is there a tradition that forbids people from speaking bad against the dead? 

What will be the point highlighting the character of someone that everyone knows is bad knowing the person is dead. Plus will it change anything. The so called bad person that you see and know as bad may have different relationships with everyone there and to some he is really a kind hearted man having all the qualities they mentioned. Also if it the burial of someone who is a big time criminal, do you think his burial where his other compatriots and fellow close criminals will attend is the place to highlight their bad doings and ruin his memory in front of everyone? you may just be putting your life in danger as some of their loyalist can develop a hatred for you immediately.

[rahmad2nd]

It is commonplace when someone dies. that the things that will be discussed, especially when giving speeches at funerals, are only about the deceased's behavior from the good side. why, in terms of humanism at least we will give more respect to his grieving family.

at least, that's our ethics as better human beings. and how do we give respect for the last time, before he is buried regardless of the bad side he has done throughout his life. and I guess, what you're saying in this thread has become kind of commonplace especially in my country. After all, what's the point of us talking about bad behavior, especially if someone has passed away and will only add negative aura and energy to ourselves.

[paxmao]

It is pretty much irrelevant how they talk about someone who cannot do much any longer. However, it is not true that all dead are praised. Think of Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin,... they are pretty much dragged to the mud - well deserved if you ask me.

They problem with what you describe is that other may feel that the behaviour and lifestyle of the deceased was somehow acceptable and take example, so it is all right to say some truth if possible, even if not really explicitly to make sure people understand they are despised.