Choosing between your relationship and gambling.

[dunfida]

The trauma from her past experience with his Brother is there, and she knows that risk of getting involve in gambling so probably she just wanna make sure to live happy and without having any stress from a gambling problem. Your cousin have to choose, if gambling is very important to him then better to tell this one to his fiancee and make her understand that he’s not addict in gambling and he’s still in control, if she accepts it better but if not your cousin have to decide.

^That is right, they need to talk about this.
If his cousin was a long-time gambler so it means he passed massive heavy experienced which he has control of his gambling.
But the wrong move is, why he did not let know his fiance about his gambling activity and tell her about that he has control over it and nothing to worry. Girls have always that kind of attitude, trying to control someone especially if they know the outcome, but if you are an experienced gambler, you can tell her that you are not addicted and tell her that gambling is one of your habits. If you can explain it very well, then, there is no problem.

Sometimes there are things in life which arent supposed to be said or to be shared by someone so easily.Its a personal choice whether you would really be submissive towards your partner on which it isnt really just right to quit up something that you've been dealing and doing for long time before you two had met.

This is why i do agree that both of them should really be having that one on one talk about this particular manner, whether which are the things they would be tending to arrange out whether to
quit it out totally or would really be given up by some chance.I do understand on that fiancees part about having that fear since we arent that blind
on what are the probabilities.

[danherbias07]

Where's the trust? Why compare him with someone else from her own past experience? And she should ask him first if he had done something like selling properties, pawning things, loans, or anything money related just to supply the gambling habit.

She found out about his hobby so what? We, men, don't need them to be supportive of what we are doing, as long as we don't cross the line. That's where they come in. I have been gambling for years too and my wife doesn't actually care what I gamble as long as I am responsible, can supply them with their needs and a little luxury. Now that's trust.
Maybe she is just exaggerating because of his previous experience, like a trauma, but it can be fixed thru explanation. They won't go farther if your cousin stops and won't be happy anymore. Worse, he will hide the hobby and it leads to an unhappy relationship filled with fights.

[AmoreJaz]

The trauma from her past experience with his Brother is there, and she knows that risk of getting involve in gambling so probably she just wanna make sure to live happy and without having any stress from a gambling problem. Your cousin have to choose, if gambling is very important to him then better to tell this one to his fiancee and make her understand that he’s not addict in gambling and he’s still in control, if she accepts it better but if not your cousin have to decide.

^That is right, they need to talk about this.
If his cousin was a long-time gambler so it means he passed massive heavy experienced which he has control of his gambling.
But the wrong move is, why he did not let know his fiance about his gambling activity and tell her about that he has control over it and nothing to worry. Girls have always that kind of attitude, trying to control someone especially if they know the outcome, but if you are an experienced gambler, you can tell her that you are not addicted and tell her that gambling is one of your habits. If you can explain it very well, then, there is no problem.

the final decision will be on his fiancee because for sure she already knows that being a gambler is hard to get away from. it would take time for her to see if he is indeed stopping his gambling activities. they both need to sit down in this situation as they are planning for their future life together. it will be the cause of their marital problems later on if they haven't come up with an agreement with this aspect.

[qwertyup23]

Her reasons is because she has this brother that's into gambling and his gambling habit has led to him selling off important properties of his and some that belongs to the whole family just to meet up with his uncontrollable gambling urge. And this experience scares her to death having anything to do with anyone she notice that engages in gambles activities especially for someone she's in a serious relationship with, that she can't deal with such reality.

The fiancee is valid for feeling this way since she has previous experience with someone who has been addicted to gambling. In other words, she had already seen the negative and destructive effects of a person being addicted to this activity. If she wants to ensure the future of his family, then engaging into gambling is something that should be avoided by your cousin.

I'll really appreciate to have you share some advise on what decision to take if you were to find yourself in this my cousin shoe. For It's been a difficult moment for him this past two days as he has  been thinking of the financial support he at times get from the gambling wins and at same time his fiancee too.

If your cousin can convince his fiancee that he is gambling purely for entertainment purposes, then he should do so. Remember that his fiancee had already seen and experienced a person being addicted to this activity. But in all honesty, your cousin should definitely stop or at least venture another activity.

[Zlantann]

I'll really appreciate to have you share some advise on what decision to take if you were to find yourself in this my cousin shoe. For It's been a difficult moment for him this past two days as he has  been thinking of the financial support he at times get from the gambling wins and at same time his fiancee too.

Your cousin's fiance has a genuine reason to be sacred of gambling. When you have a sibling or close relative that can go to the extent of selling personal belongings or even steal to gamble, you might be able to understand why she wants you cousin to stop gambling. But I think she is taking it too far. I don't think is has gotten the extent of giving your cousin that two hard options, since your cousin is not addicted to gambling. Maybe she is scared that he might end up becoming an addict in future.

Thiis issue can be settled amicably through communication and dialogue. Your cousin should try to convince her that he is a responsible gambler and prove to her that he would always be based on the number of years he has been gambling. But if she insists, I think a good wife is worth more than a side hustle or entertainment. If she is a good girl that has some uncommon qualities, I think he should quit gambling because good women are very difficult to find in this present age.

[Fatunad]

The trauma from her past experience with his Brother is there, and she knows that risk of getting involve in gambling so probably she just wanna make sure to live happy and without having any stress from a gambling problem. Your cousin have to choose, if gambling is very important to him then better to tell this one to his fiancee and make her understand that he’s not addict in gambling and he’s still in control, if she accepts it better but if not your cousin have to decide.

^That is right, they need to talk about this.
If his cousin was a long-time gambler so it means he passed massive heavy experienced which he has control of his gambling.
But the wrong move is, why he did not let know his fiance about his gambling activity and tell her about that he has control over it and nothing to worry. Girls have always that kind of attitude, trying to control someone especially if they know the outcome, but if you are an experienced gambler, you can tell her that you are not addicted and tell her that gambling is one of your habits. If you can explain it very well, then, there is no problem.

the final decision will be on his fiancee because for sure she already knows that being a gambler is hard to get away from. it would take time for her to see if he is indeed stopping his gambling activities. they both need to sit down in this situation as they are planning for their future life together. it will be the cause of their marital problems later on if they haven't come up with an agreement with this aspect.

If you do love a person really from the bottom of your heart then you would be accepting him/her on what are the things that he involved into but there are things which are really needed to be sacrificed for the better
but since its been said that the guy isnt really that addicted on gambling and turns out to be profitable then i dont see that it is really that wrong to continue on what he's doing.Also, it is really understandable
on what the girl is been feeling out because we are not that dumb not to see on what are the possible circumstances might be faced up ahead if ever his future husband would be addicted into it.

[nullama]

~snip~
I'll really appreciate to have you share some advise on what decision to take if you were to find yourself in this my cousin shoe. For It's been a difficult moment for him this past two days as he has  been thinking of the financial support he at times get from the gambling wins and at same time his fiancee too.

It's really up to him.

If he wants to continue gambling, he must simply say that to her.

If she decides to go, then that's what will happen. You can't force people to be with you.

The most important thing is for him to think about what he wants in life, anything that is non negotiable. If that includes gambling, then he just needs to say that to her, ideally in a calm way.

What she does then with that information is completely up to her.

[alegotardo]

I'll really appreciate to have you share some advise on what decision to take if you were to find yourself in this my cousin shoe. For It's been a difficult moment for him this past two days as he has  been thinking of the financial support he at times get from the gambling wins and at same time his fiancee too.

Welll, i think the gambling can be a source of conflict in a romantic relationship, particularly if one partner is concerned about the other's gambling behavior, beacause while it may be possible to reconcile gambling in a relationship, always it requires open communication and an mutual understanding and a willingness to work together to address any issues that may arise. But, If one partner has concerns about the other's gambling behavior, than it's important to express those concerns in a non-judgmental way and too listen to the other person's perspective and It's too may be helpful to seek the assistance of a therapist or counselor who is trained in helping couples work through issues related to gambling.

It's worth noting that if one partner has a gambling addiction, it may be more difficult to reconcile gambling in the relationship without this professional help because Gambling addiction is a serious condition that can have significant impacts on an individual's finances, relationships, and overall well-being.

[ChiBitCTy]

I can understand her position, having a brother who was addicted to gambling who lost a bunch of his possessions because of it, she simply seems to care for him and doesn't want him to end up going down that same road.  On the other hand he's a responsible gambler (like myself, I would never let myself gamble more than I'm willing to lose, I'm just fortunate that way) so I can understand his viewpoint of being like "hey I'm a responsible gambler, it's not effected anything in our relationship to this point etc etc" but at the end of the day if he really loves her, it's probably not worth gambling if it would make her happy.  I'd give it up for the right girl, personally.

[Maus0728]

I'll take "responsible gambler" as a hobby. And if he has been pursuing this hobby for years without any negative impact on him or his family, why should I allow someone to take control of what gives me enjoyment?

It feels like I am being controlled to give up a harmless hobby that I genuinely enjoy just to please someone else, who may be projecting their past experiences with their own family onto my situation. Either she trusts your cousin to know his limits and ensures that they can still live comfortably even if something goes wrong, or she should walk away.

[LogitechMouse]

TBH, it's hard to choose between the two.

Some might say that leaving the girl and focus on gambling would be better, but on the other hand, what if your cousin will have the same fate as the girl's brother? We don't know how lucky your cousin is, and we also know that luck isn't forever. There will be a time where you will lose to your bets.

For me, I believe there that both your cousin and his fiancee can talk something about this. I believe that they can just continue their relationship while your cousin still doing gambling. Lessen the gambling funds, lessen the gambling time. I know that the trauma from seeing her brother getting addicted into gambling is there, but her brother isn't the same as your cousin. I will not choose between the 2 because I almost had the same experience as your cousin. I got into gambling secretly without my partner knowing it, but one day, she saw me gambling. Of course she got angry me, but I spoke to him calmly and said to her that I will lessen the funds that I'll be using for gambling. Now I can gamble still, but our relationship is still strong as ever.

Sometimes, proper conversations are the best way for these problems to be fixed.

[Reatim]

There's currently a heated issue between an older cousin of mine and his fiancee, it's a gambling related issue that's now looking like a threat to their relationship. Here's what happened;

reading the Story ? I cannot blame the girl as obviously ? She has no complete Idea what is the gambling activities of your cousin Meaning he at first is not Honest for telling the truth , though he is a responsible gambler I believe that His Girlfriend should know what are the activities of Him in regards to financial ways(because admit it or not? the chance of becoming addicted is always there in gambling) and the main issue here is their trust in each other , the girl seems like judging Him according to what she saw in His emails and not about how He act in their relationship accordingly.
maybe better for them to settle this once in for all , and talk closely and deeply , there are laoses on both but for sure this can be settled in good outcome.

[Don Pedro Dinero]

I'll really appreciate to have you share some advise on what decision to take if you were to find yourself in this my cousin shoe. For It's been a difficult moment for him this past two days as he has  been thinking of the financial support he at times get from the gambling wins and at same time his fiancee too.

From what's in bold, your story sounds made up to me.

Gambling makes you lose more money than you win, the only thing is that occasionally there are sessions when you come out a winner, but it cannot be considered financial support.

The fact is that the story, invented or not, describes a situation in which I personally have found myself and I have never reached the point you describe, because when the relationship took hold, what I did was calmly explain that I gamble from time to time, that I do so in a rational way, etc. I am not a problem gambler and I manage my finances well. So I don't let myself be put between a rock and a hard place about it. I have my boundaries, I explain it and I have never had a problem or a dilemma about it.

[Fundamentals Of]

I'm sure there is a middle ground somewhere. If they really both love each other, there will always be a common ground, somewhere where they will meet. Both doesn't have to choose one or the other, relationship or gambling. They will probably reach a better agreement if they smoothly talk things through. Your cousin may promise his fiancée to reduce his gambling money to the minimum. Your cousin will have to entertain that idea. That's enough compromise. His fiancée in turn will accept that guarantee with a condition of something in case your cousin breaks his promise.

[Lida93]

I think he should give the girl the choice and let her decide what she really wants.

From all indication it's conspicuous about what her choice is which is my cousin should completely quit his gambling act and probably engage in other means of extra income other than gambling. And I suspect that her hate for gambling is what informed this development.

[Lordhermes]

@OP what can question is this? No one will make choice, excerpt your partner doesn't like gamble and she's ready to sponsor your bills. To me anything that's paying your bills are important and should not taking for granted for any reason, if the relationship is profitable one can consider, to stop gamble and focus on other things to make money.  But some of us here gamble for Fun and to just try our luck, is not addiction

[Davidvictorson]

I'll really appreciate to have you share some advise on what decision to take if you were to find yourself in this my cousin shoe. For It's been a difficult moment for him this past two days as he has  been thinking of the financial support he at times get from the gambling wins and at same time his fiancée too.

If your cousin has to choose gambling over his fiancée, then you should choose gambling because he obviously does not love her. While he may not have come into contact with a pathological gambler or the dangers of being one, his fiancée appears to have, and she is terrified of what gambling may get him into. She is aware that the addiction will have an impact on him, on her, on their relationship, and on their lives. And for her, it is better that she is alone than if she leaves with someone who is a gambler who will be in her life forever. So I think she made the right choice or asked the right question.

[aioc]

I'll really appreciate to have you share some advise on what decision to take if you were to find yourself in this my cousin shoe. For It's been a difficult moment for him this past two days as he has  been thinking of the financial support he at times get from the gambling wins and at same time his fiancee too.

Since he is your cousin's fiancee and your cousin soon to be a wife so there is a possibility that he will share your cousin's financial obligation and more so when they have children your cousin's fiancee has a cause of concern, actually his fiancee has all the right to know about his gambling activity because gambling addiction is also a ground for divorce or separation.
Your cousin should have explained all this before they become engaged, even if he is gambling responsibly because his fiancee already suffered this concern about his brother's gambling.
They really need to talk to settle this, this is what happens if you are not honest with your partner, never hide something that deals with finances from your future wife.

[alastantiger]

My relationship is so much important to me that I cant trade it for anything. Certainly not for gambling. I've seen marriages fall apart due of gambling.
A few years ago, my next-door neighbor, a gambler, sold all of his assets, including those of his wife, for gambling purposes. His wife would later dumped him because, in her opinion, this wasn't the first time such an incident had taken place. With his family, he hardly pays any attention. While gambling itself isn't a terrible thing, gambling addiction has caused many failed relationships and split ups in unions. Over and over again, I'll put my relationship above my gambling.

[Crypt0Gore]

I am sure the lady accepted to date your cousin because he likes him, so because your cousin is into gambling doesn't mean that all gamblers will end up with the same fate just like how the lady's brother ended up, there are responsible people that gamble and take their responsibilities very seriously, the case of the lady's brother is just like the same thing happening in my family right now, having fun with gambling is different from getting addicted to gambling. My brother is currently facing the same addiction, which you can read here.

https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=5439842.msg61762369#msg61762369