I wanted to use the node privately via LAN.
VPN router
Tor
My fear is that my IP appears somewhere, I would like to remain as anonymous as possible.
If you just want to connect to your node / machine in your local network privately, do feel free to use Tor.
Light wallets typically utilize the "Electrum server" (popularized by the wallet with the same name) protocol to accomplish that. My
full node guide actually shows how to configure the Electrum server software (in my case
electrs) to run through Tor, such that you don't have to VPN into your local network or open any ports on your router.
why shouldn't you also use VPN as an additional option?
You can absolutely set up a VPN server on your router and use that to log into your local network and access software that runs only locally. In fact, that may be more secure than opening up your Electrum server to the whole of the onion network.
However, for most users this is too complicated and their networking hardware often does not have such features.
I want to do everything right, these are not silly questions for me, I'd rather ask than make any mistakes later
you are not forced to answer, you can just ignore my posts if it annoys you
I think you asked some very valid questions in this thread.
Do note that the guide I linked above, runs Bitcoin Core in clearnet mode. You will need to change only that though, everything else is already Tor-only.