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Author Topic: Would you quit gambling for a friend?  (Read 1123 times)
alani123 (OP)
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February 10, 2024, 11:34:51 PM
 #1

So I heard a story of some acquaintances that in their friend group, some person really got addicted recently.
At first it was just fun and game, they would sit together and play some slots together in a big screen with some 10€ or so for as much as this would last them with small stake spins. And this is something they would do on big occasions. Only when together as a group and only for big days like birthday parties etc.

But the thing is, unbeknownst to them, one person in their friend group was really compulsive. So in the course of a few months, he became really addicted. He would spend much of his own money from his salary on slots and sports betting, eventually losing most of it regularly every month. Then on nearly every get together he would ask his friends to chip in so they can play slots this time in his account. Every time asking for more significant amounts too.

This guy hasn't caused any trouble to his friends but it's a worrying situation to see him waste most of his salary every month... So now the other guys were contemplating to quit their poker playing hobby because it was really affecting their friend negatively. And they had a somewhat regular get-together to play poker with very small stakes just for the fun of it. It's a petty that they might have to abandon their poker games but to them it's either that or abandoning their friend and worsening his compulsion.

Would you do the same for a friend? Me personally I think I would have just confronted such a friend and told them to seek help instead of me altering my lifestyle for his benefit. If they didn't seek help to the point that it was affecting me I would've just stopped hanging out with them silently I think. A friend would've had to be a real good one to make an exception at least.

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February 10, 2024, 11:48:29 PM
 #2

I'm pretty sure that 1 in 10 people will become a gambling addict once they try it. At first it was all just for fun, but after playing many times without realizing it we have spent a lot of money and we think about increasing the bet and of course this will result in more of our money being spent on gambling.

Maybe for now this person has no influence on his friends but I am sure that sooner or later he will start borrowing money to gamble, over time he will borrow more and it is very likely that their friendship will be damaged because of it. It's best if someone tells him to stop and if it's difficult consider taking him to professional help before it's too late

It seems like his friends don't need to stop if they still have control over their gambling, what needs to be treated is the friend who is already addicted.

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February 10, 2024, 11:49:31 PM
 #3

So I heard a story of some acquaintances that in their friend group, some person really got addicted recently.
At first it was just fun and game, they would sit together and play some slots together in a big screen with some 10€ or so for as much as this would last them with small stake spins. And this is something they would do on big occasions. Only when together as a group and only for big days like birthday parties etc.

But the thing is, unbeknownst to them, one person in their friend group was really compulsive. So in the course of a few months, he became really addicted. He would spend much of his own money from his salary on slots and sports betting, eventually losing most of it regularly every month. Then on nearly every get together he would ask his friends to chip in so they can play slots this time in his account. Every time asking for more significant amounts too.

This guy hasn't caused any trouble to his friends but it's a worrying situation to see him waste most of his salary every month... So now the other guys were contemplating to quit their poker playing hobby because it was really affecting their friend negatively. And they had a somewhat regular get-together to play poker with very small stakes just for the fun of it. It's a petty that they might have to abandon their poker games but to them it's either that or abandoning their friend and worsening his compulsion.

Would you do the same for a friend? Me personally I think I would have just confronted such a friend and told them to seek help instead of me altering my lifestyle for his benefit. If they didn't seek help to the point that it was affecting me I would've just stopped hanging out with them silently I think. A friend would've had to be a real good one to make an exception at least.
Why wouldn't you just choose a Night to play and not take the friend? Why would a person need to quit 100%?

No clue if I would or wouldn't but if it's an activity I enjoy and I'm good at, I would try to plan around the friend.

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February 11, 2024, 12:09:14 AM
 #4

So I heard a story of some acquaintances that in their friend group, some person really got addicted recently.
At first it was just fun and game, they would sit together and play some slots together in a big screen with some 10€ or so for as much as this would last them with small stake spins. And this is something they would do on big occasions. Only when together as a group and only for big days like birthday parties etc.

But the thing is, unbeknownst to them, one person in their friend group was really compulsive. So in the course of a few months, he became really addicted. He would spend much of his own money from his salary on slots and sports betting, eventually losing most of it regularly every month. Then on nearly every get together he would ask his friends to chip in so they can play slots this time in his account. Every time asking for more significant amounts too.

This guy hasn't caused any trouble to his friends but it's a worrying situation to see him waste most of his salary every month... So now the other guys were contemplating to quit their poker playing hobby because it was really affecting their friend negatively. And they had a somewhat regular get-together to play poker with very small stakes just for the fun of it. It's a petty that they might have to abandon their poker games but to them it's either that or abandoning their friend and worsening his compulsion.

Would you do the same for a friend? Me personally I think I would have just confronted such a friend and told them to seek help instead of me altering my lifestyle for his benefit. If they didn't seek help to the point that it was affecting me I would've just stopped hanging out with them silently I think. A friend would've had to be a real good one to make an exception at least.
For support, sure, i wouldn't drag them to casinos or play in front of them, i wouldn't quit, because me playing is not the issue. And if they didn't know, how it would hurt them? Even though i can't imagine any of my friends wanting that even if they wanted to quit. They don't think their friends are dropping their lives for them as they don't see themselves as main characters of the world, that somehow others are owing everything. If my friend wanted that, i would seriously support them in any way possible, but i would seriously ponder what kind of friends they were, if they thought they would be so entitled that they can ask that.

Because it's not like drinking, as we don't only see in casinos, or gambling related events, nor we talk much about gambling. It's very easy for me to do other stuff with them, like go to swimming, shopping, walking and talking and even composing music and visioning new projects. I wouldn't hang out with friends who have only gambling in their life, as that would probably make my addiction worse as well. I gamble mostly privately, and sometimes play poker in the group, but that's it.

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February 11, 2024, 12:56:18 AM
 #5

~
I wouldn't quit. I mean yea, we're friends, but at the same time, we're our own beings. I'd support the hell out of him to make him stop his compulsive gambling but anything that would prove detrimental to what I want, in this case, my gambling, would be outside of that. In the first place, it's kind of bold of us to assume that our stopping would make him stop.

Someone compulsively gambling will always be one regardless of their surroundings. Much better to fix it at that point since prevention was impossible anyway since we ourselves introduced it to him and avoiding it would just be, well avoiding the problem and not really fix anything.

R


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February 11, 2024, 01:28:00 AM
 #6

My approach would be similar to what yahoo suggested it shouldn't be that hard to make time for your friend and another time for gambling. Even if most of his friends would quit for good, there's no telling how effective that could be when it still depends on the affected person, and there's a high possibility for him to continue without the influence of his friends. Quitting becomes a temporary fix when his gambling problem could still go on, and at that point, it's better if they find another solution that could help him overall.

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February 11, 2024, 01:55:26 AM
 #7

Everyone is responsible for their own decisions and actions in life, not only in gambling but in everything else. If it has become a tradition within a group of friends to make small amount of bets only on special occasions and if this is a method of fun for that group of friends, I would definitely not give up gambling for a single addicted friend of mine. Of course, in gambling there will always be at least one or more addicted people among a group of friends but overcoming this addiction depends on the stability and discipline of that person.

For example, in the last few days I have constantly wanted to play Sweet Bonanza and unfortunately I play this game every night with small amounts but in the evening I realized that the total of these small amounts was quite high and I realized that I had to stop it. What was the result? I didn't play Sweet Bonanza tonight because I have the discipline to control myself in gambling. So, anyone who acts consistently and disciplined can do this.

In summary, I would definitely not give up gambling which I was doing just for fun because a friend of mine was addicted to gambling. Just like in the example I gave from myself, it is possible to prevent this in the slightest situation where gambling ceases to be fun and this completely depends on the character of the person.
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February 11, 2024, 02:45:37 AM
 #8

I don't have to entirely quit gambling just for my friend, but the gambling sessions will have to end. The group should just think of another hobby that's equally fun and entertaining but not financially damaging. It's about time they would have to replace their old ways of bonding.

But the rest of the group may continue with their own moderate gambling hobbies, either individually or with some other group of friends. It's a bit unfair to deprive the rest of their hobbies just because a friend is irresponsible.

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February 11, 2024, 03:03:29 AM
 #9

Would you do the same for a friend? Me personally I think I would have just confronted such a friend and told them to seek help instead of me altering my lifestyle for his benefit. If they didn't seek help to the point that it was affecting me I would've just stopped hanging out with them silently I think. A friend would've had to be a real good one to make an exception at least.
Yes, I would also do the same. It seems like he has chosen to become addicted to gambling because he found it interesting when it was introduced to him. However, he may not be aware of the negative effects it can have on his life. It's important for him to realize this and have supportive friends like you who are willing to confront him. If this causes any strain on your friendship, unfortunately, there may not be much that can be done. But it's important to prioritize your friend's well-being and help him recognize the potential harm of his actions.


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February 11, 2024, 03:16:24 AM
 #10

I can do that. If you really love your friend then you would do anything for him.
I mean, it will not only be good for him because he might stop thinking about gambling but it will also be good for myself since I won't be wasting money. Sure, those are small amounts but still, it's a good start to maybe change things in a better way. It's both a sacrifice and a reward for the two of us and I think the other friends will agree with it.

As a friend, we help, not escalate things. If we have the power to do something for our friend then do it. You called him a friend for a reason in the first place. Think about it, what if you were in the same position as him, don't you think he would also do it for you? My friends, I know they will.
If they see me becoming an irresponsible gambler then I bet they will tell me the truth about it and if we have a traditional game that we do every week then I bet they will try to stop for some time until I am in the right mind again to control my gambling problem. Especially if you know his whole family and you are worried they will also be affected by it, you don't want to be on the position to be called as a bad influence for him.

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February 11, 2024, 04:50:03 AM
 #11

Friendship is about the good and bad times. I will help him out of the addiction and this will be achieved by introducing a new activity to the group as this will serve as a big distractor to him. I will not confront him or make him feel that what he is doing is bad because some friends have the habit of avoiding you when you render advice to them and so, instead of changing they prefer to stop associating with you.

To help him, I would ensure that my gambling is completely hidden from him because even if you tell him to seek help it will not be effective if he still sees you gambling. Make him believe that I no longer gamble again and if he tries to know the reason I can tell him the harm it has caused in my life. By this, you are sending an indirect message to him. Don`t be surprised he will also share his experience and understanding that something is a problem is the first step to solving the problem.

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February 11, 2024, 05:19:24 AM
 #12

Would you do the same for a friend? Me personally I think I would have just confronted such a friend and told them to seek help instead of me altering my lifestyle for his benefit. If they didn't seek help to the point that it was affecting me I would've just stopped hanging out with them silently I think. A friend would've had to be a real good one to make an exception at least.
We all started this together for us to make our get-together more fun and enjoyable, and if it happens that what we take for fun is now affecting one of ours behind our back, the best kind of support we can render to him is to leave the game entirely and encourage him that we can do without the game and he should also do the same.
 
To go straight to your question: Yes, I can stop my poker game playing, and we can go to other activities that can contribute to our get-together fun.
 
We are talking about addiction here, and if stopping the game can contribute to him getting himself out of the addiction, why not pick the opportunity? We are all friends after all, and when he is affected, we will also get affected directly or indirectly, especially when this whole addiction gets to the point where he can't keep up with his own personal bills.

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February 11, 2024, 05:26:35 AM
 #13

A friend should always be a reminder to other friends. If a friend ends up becoming addicted to gambling, he should be able to remind him to stop his gambling activities at all costs immediately. And together with other friends, we must stop regular meetings just for gambling and replace them with other more useful things, such as exercising. It will shape his mind and can divert his mind from gambling. If they can do it for a few months and never gamble again, they can stay away from gambling, and hopefully, that can be a solution for them.

But if they don't want to stop gambling, I will immediately decide to leave them rather than experience even more serious problems. I don't want to become addicted to gambling, especially if I can't control myself and end up ruining my life. I would rather lose my friends than be destroyed by them, even though I have warned them to stop their gambling activities.

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February 11, 2024, 05:38:29 AM
 #14

It depends on them themselves in responding to the gambling activities they carry out, if they don't do it wrongly then failure will not occur and of course they will be able to minimize the incidence of gambling addiction.
But on the other hand, we as friends can still help by providing some suggestions or more appropriate directions for them to remain in safe condition and this will enable them to avoid some bad things that could happen at any time, as friends we can helping is priority.

But if I in condition like that, the steps taken are to hide all gambling activities from all friends and gamble only when I at home or in quiet place, this will not affect anyone regarding the gambling we do.
What more, we gamble in online gambling so it will be easier if we want to be able to gamble anonymously without anyone knowing.

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February 11, 2024, 05:52:06 AM
 #15

Well, in my case, assuming the story is true, I might consider it, but the problem I see is that if the friend has already developed compulsive gambling behaviour, the fact that we friends stop playing the poker game is not going to cure him of his problem. He will first have to make a conscious decision and then seek help from a professional to help him out of the hole. If he were already in the process, I would see more sense in helping someone who is in the process of recovery.

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February 11, 2024, 06:04:38 AM
 #16

I don't think that it's going to happen to me, I have a standard when it comes to how close the people in my life is and when it comes to friends, it's going to be difficult for me to acknowledge them as an inspiration to quit gambling or do something for their sake, sure there's loyalty but there's really no way to test it and it will probably be handy only when there's a benefit from both of you so I don't think that loyalty to your friend would make you do something lifechanging, to be honest I believe that it should be more on the "you should be the one that yearns for a change and not other people" because I believe that when it comes to quitting on something that's bad for you, I believe that it's not a good idea to be influenced by others to change when you're resisting on the inside, the help would become useless at the end of the day.



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February 11, 2024, 06:12:31 AM
 #17

At first gambling is alway a fun but frequent playing of it will Leed to becoming an addict and you will never know when you are becoming an addict. Sometimes if people tells you that you are an addict, you become naive or angry, not knowing that of a truth you have become one.
What they should do is to call him to Oder, by telling him directly that he has started playing gamble out of point. You know, some people don't know when they are doing wrong untill they are told. And neglecting the fact of telling them is putting them to more risk than ever. Though people might feel that telling them might cause a conflict or misunderstanding, but it should be better telling them than leaving quietly. because if the worst case scenario occurs today, his friends will be asked that what did they do as a friend to rescue their friend from gambling addict? Because as far as I know, friends has a big role to play within the cycle of friends. Except there is no love amongst them. Because the secret of every long lasting friendship is love and caring for each other.

So my point is that when a friend is going astray in gambling, please Call him to oder than letting go off him to his new Faith of becoming a gambling addict.

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February 11, 2024, 06:15:45 AM
 #18

I am not a regular gambler instead I only gamble for fun and yeah some chance to win so there is no way
that I needed to quit gambling because of anyone as i am a controlled human that will never fall from any bad gambling effect.

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February 11, 2024, 06:16:00 AM
 #19


This guy hasn't caused any trouble to his friends but it's a worrying situation to see him waste most of his salary every month... So now the other guys were contemplating to quit their poker playing hobby because it was really affecting their friend negatively. And they had a somewhat regular get-together to play poker with very small stakes just for the fun of it. It's a petty that they might have to abandon their poker games but to them it's either that or abandoning their friend and worsening his compulsion.


Don't we think the friends were also contemplating that they may also be affected negatively like their friends for a game that started for them as fun but has metamorphose into something that the friend can no longer stop himself from doing and betting hugely which is now affecting him.

So I feel some of the friends are not sure of not being addict themselves if they continued playing afterall the friend started by playing for fun, otherwise I don't see a reason they are quitting because of just the friend. If they are confident not to also be affected, they wouldn't have stopped. For example, people don't stop drinking because a friend has stopped it or that a friend vomits anytime he was drunk. Except when you decide by your own conviction.

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February 11, 2024, 06:22:15 AM
 #20

Friends can leaves while things stay Wink

Never limit yourself because of friends, it's either you need to gamble with other friends except him, looking for new friends or gamble alone. Why you need to sacrifice yourself because of friends, when your friends didn't do same thing for you, you will regret why you need to prioritize him over yourself when he's prioritizing him or his new friends over you.

So I won't quit gambling for a friend.

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