Gambling and companionship

[Joy_learns_crypto]

   I will like to pass a serious message from the ugly incidence I had witnessed. I have this friends that were couple and have been couple for a long time this guys always share even thing together especially same orientation about life, I was open to them that I do gamble they don’t like it at all but I made them understand that I am an adult and that’s my life, recently the lady found that the guy do gamble and he owned up that he has been doing it for a while too. They are broken up now on the grounds of mistrust.

I will like people to learn from this because many people gamble in secret for what ever reason and the have companions who knows nothing about this and when exposed can cause the relationship to split or have cracks.

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice. Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

[Agbamoni]

The man made a mistake from onset. What's wrong to tell your partner that you do gamble, at least in the early stage of the relationship, she will consider if she will cope with it or end it. At the same time, I dont think it is wise to end a strong relationship because you find out that your partner is a gambler. Things like that can be fixed, highest she demand for change which will come in due time.

Both of them have made a mistake. One failed to communicate while the other acted impulsively.

[Wiwo]

Gambling shouldn't be the basis for their break ups, there must be some other factors that the couple may have not own up to the public, and secondly, where you aware of the guy Gambling life or he still keep that as a secret to you.

I believe both of you have gamble together and he may be doing other things that you may not be aware of since gambling alone cant be a basis for breakups in a long time marriage as you said.

[Free Market Capitalist]

I have never kept it a secret. At the beginning it is normal for them to be suspicious, but when they see that you regularly make profits, they believe what you have told them. The problem is the gambler loser, who from time to time loses more than he should. Those many times en up with their partner breaking up.

[Oshosondy]

All I can think about this is that the guy is not totally the breadwinner of the family or are they not married? You called them couple so I assume that they are married. If he is the breadwinner of the family, his wife will not leave him but still say at least he is taking care of her, that is what women know. She left her because your guy is not man enough financially. Forget about her knowing or not knowing that he is gambling secretly.

[lionheart78]

   I will like to pass a serious message from the ugly incidence I had witnessed. I have this friends that were couple and have been couple for a long time this guys always share even thing together especially same orientation about life, I was open to them that I do gamble they don’t like it at all but I made them understand that I am an adult and that’s my life, recently the lady found that the guy do gamble and he owned up that he has been doing it for a while too. They are broken up now on the grounds of mistrust.

All I can say is that the couple's relationship is too shallow if they broke up for the sole reason that the guy has kept its gambling activity a secret.  I think there is much more to it. 

I will like people to learn from this because many people gamble in secret for what ever reason and the have companions who knows nothing about this and when exposed can cause the relationship to split or have cracks.

It is the right of the person to do whatever he wanted to do even when the person has a partner as long as it won't affect the other party negatively.  If he wanted to keep it a secret, it is his right to do so since I am sure the other party has their own secrets too.  So what if the other party finds out that the person is gambling as long as it does not affect their finances negatively,  I can't find any problem with that.

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice.

As a couple I also agree that there should not be secret between them but a gambling activity that does not affect their finance negatively should not be the reason for break up unless the situation is worse than what is told.

Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

It is possible that it is not worth telling since they were not affected negatively anyway, it is up to the person to tell his partner or not, and it is the person's right to decide on this matter.

[giammangiato]

You don't necessarily have to share the same orientation, but you do have to respect your partner's choice. As for trust, I fully agree with the situation.
Trust in a couple isn't optional; the foundation of any social relationship is trust and respect, even more so in a relationship with a partner.
If trust is lacking, unfortunately, you begin to have doubts about the person you're with. Other questions come to mind, like: "Is he hiding something else from me?" The doubts that creep in fuel uncertainties that then explode and create disappointment.

[Die_empty]

I will like people to learn from this because many people gamble in secret for what ever reason and the have companions who knows nothing about this and when exposed can cause the relationship to split or have cracks.

That's deception.  As long as gambling is not prohibited in your country, culture and religion there is no need to hid it from your partner. Relationship is should be based on trust and openness because it might be a longtime journey.

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice. Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

My partner was not comfortable with gambling. But when she observed that it was not affecting my finances, work, and family life adversely, she is now cool with it. If she has a genuine reason why I should stop, we will discuss it accordingly.

[Joy_learns_crypto]

All I can think about this is that the guy is not totally the breadwinner of the family or are they not married? You called them couple so I assume that they are married. If he is the breadwinner of the family, his wife will not leave him but still say at least he is taking care of her, that is what women know. She left her because your guy is not man enough financially. Forget about her knowing or not knowing that he is gambling secretly.

He is the bread winner and they are not married but they have been staying together for years now. The guys earns more but the girl is not the type of person to stay just because of money. I don’t know what you think about gambling but I don’t see it as someone main source of livelihood. Do you leave off gambling?
If they can be on my neck over gambling but the guy is secretly gambling makes him hypocritical I think that is the base of the break up, it is deceitful to claim you hate gambling but doing it privately.

All I can say is that the couple's relationship is too shallow if they broke up for the sole reason that the guy has kept its gambling activity a secret.  I think there is much more to it.

Your orientation is that gambling activity is not much of a big deal so do I meaning we are compatible. But some people out there see it as such so you have to talk to your partner about your activities. She is amongst the people that see it as a big deal and may even be against her religion. So because it is not a big deal to you don’t mean it is same for her. That is why it is best not to keep gambling activities a secret.

[_act_]

All I can say is that the couple's relationship is too shallow if they broke up for the sole reason that the guy has kept its gambling activity a secret.  I think there is much more to it.

It is very possible as I have seen although boyfriend and girlfriend that separated because the boyfriend is gambling. If a guy has the money and a lento take care of his family alone, he will not even hide it from his wife that he is gambling and such person will have to do it responsibly.

As a couple I also agree that there should not be secret between them but a gambling activity that does not affect their finance negatively should not be the reason for break up unless the situation is worse than what is told.

Like I said, it is very possible. Some women can do it.

As a couple I also agree that there should not be secret between them

I do not agree that you should not keep secrets from your wife, there are some things that you may just not want her to know or you may not let her want to know something yet.

[cabron]

They are a couple. Of course one will respond when one learns that the other is secretly gambling. If one decides to spend their money on gambling then she will see it like she been betrayed because they are suppose to be honest. If the man should gamble, he should have first told the woman before doing so.

But if he kept it secret, he better be good at keeping this secret instead. Just doing it online or just through the phone.

[Joy_learns_crypto]

They are a couple. Of course one will respond when one learns that the other is secretly gambling. If one decides to spend their money on gambling then she will see it like she been betrayed because they are suppose to be honest. If the man should gamble, he should have first told the woman before doing so.

But if he kept it secret, he better be good at keeping this secret instead. Just doing it online or just through the phone.

You hit the spot. but is gambling a secret you can keep for ever, if I lose a good sum of money on a weekend through gambling my partner would know because of my countenance and if I win my partner would also suspect. You can keep it a secret for long but not forever. Why go through the stress of keeping it a secret, life is short already spend it with people you share reasoning with or can at least understand and respect your choices.

[hyudien]

..

After reading one of your replies on someone else post, I understand a little why the woman left her partner. If true, I assume that the woman was very devout in her religion and we know that most religions prohibit gambling to varying degrees, perhaps because of this she was very disappointed with the man who had been hiding his gambling activities for years and one thing is for sure, a woman heart is very fragile so that being disappointed just once can make her not trust her partner words anymore. I think there should be openness from the start so that conditions like this might not happen.

[Patikno]

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice. Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

Essentially, gambling isn't inherently negative as long as it limits one's ability to manage one's time, finances, or even energy. Therefore, if someone gambles, they should do so responsibly, including disclosing it to those closest to them. However, if someone gambles secretly, I believe it's suspicious, indicating that they're not in a healthy state, and could be irresponsible in their gambling. In fact, stories like you said happen a lot to people around me, especially to my friends, a lot of things happen like broken family relationships, friendships, couples, and so on, and most of the causes of all this are due to lack of openness and irresponsible gambling.

[Dr.Bitcoin_Strange]

I think we have had a case like this before where a marriage was broken because the wife was a gambler without the husband knowledge. It's very important to know the kind of partner we have, know about things they like and how they can react & respond to some situations like this. If gambling is the only thing that makes me happy and I can not stop it, my partner should be aware of it and if she can not cope with it, I can leave, very simple. When someone hide a particular lifestyle from their partner, it's mean that the partner doesn't like such lifestyle and before you choose to be with the person, you should have thought about it.

[bitzizzix]

This is common and happens frequently, but some couples don't care. I understand why the woman ended the relationship, as it's better to end it before it gets too serious. However, there's no harm in giving her a warning, and if she persists, it's a sign she's not serious about her partner, and she has the right to make the right decision.
I mean, gambling has always been viewed negatively, and it will have negative consequences if it continues. And like many other cases, families or marriages have been destroyed because of gambling, and domestic violence has even resulted in loss of life, among many other cases, and we must acknowledge that. So, partners, families, or children are victims of irresponsible or addicted gamblers in many ways.

[Die_empty]

Your orientation is that gambling activity is not much of a big deal so do I meaning we are compatible. But some people out there see it as such so you have to talk to your partner about your activities. She is amongst the people that see it as a big deal and may even be against her religion. So because it is not a big deal to you don’t mean it is same for her. That is why it is best not to keep gambling activities a secret.

I don't know how to tell if you are sure that her religion forbids gambling. Islam sees it as a grievous sin that should be avoided by means. That's the reason why before a relationship is started everything should be discussed extensively.

From your response, @Joy_learns_crypto, it shows that the man was aware that she was not comfortable with gambling, and he decided to gamble secretly, which is very wrong and could lead to a separation. Knowing about a secret that was hidden from you by someone you trust could be very painful and disappointing. I don't blame the lady at all for the breakup.

[swogerino]

   I will like to pass a serious message from the ugly incidence I had witnessed. I have this friends that were couple and have been couple for a long time this guys always share even thing together especially same orientation about life, I was open to them that I do gamble they don’t like it at all but I made them understand that I am an adult and that’s my life, recently the lady found that the guy do gamble and he owned up that he has been doing it for a while too. They are broken up now on the grounds of mistrust.

I will like people to learn from this because many people gamble in secret for what ever reason and the have companions who knows nothing about this and when exposed can cause the relationship to split or have cracks.

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice. Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

That is more about no trust in their relationship rather than gambling itself. People have to be open about what they do in life and should feel not ashamed expressing it publicly unless they live in a place like Saudi Arabia or Iran where you go to jail for gambling. I have told my wife, partner back in the days that I need to gamble at least once in a week, usually on weekends in order to be fulfilled. She was totally cool with it and now we are married from many years have a great kid and are enjoying life with the normal up and downs that it provides to anyone of us. Moral of the story here is that to be honest from the beginning pays much more value than hiding things and wishing your partner does not find out.

[Joy_learns_crypto]

From your response, @Joy_learns_crypto, it shows that the man was aware that she was not comfortable with gambling, and he decided to gamble secretly, which is very wrong and could lead to a separation. Knowing about a secret that was hidden from you by someone you trust could be very painful and disappointing. I don't blame the lady at all for the breakup.

Yes. They were not comfortable(I thought the guys wasn’t too) with me gambling they always try tell it to my face making it look like I am a sinner doing so especially the guy.
I feel for her because right now she feels like the fool because your partner who you thought share the same beliefs about gambling is doing it behind your back now imagine what else you don’t like that he is doing behind your back.

[CryptSafe]

At first, I could sense from what you have said that there must have been some conditions that his spouse gave him while they were possibly dating, which might be related to such, and possibly from that condition, he has refused to open up to her about his gambling lifestyle, which is very wrong. In a relationship, communication is very important because on it lies the strength of every successful relationship, and allowing your spouse to find out about that hidden secret or lifestyle discredits you before them, regardless of whatever you both have had in the past.

Trust is built in a relationship when there is nothing hidden beneath, although he must have had his reasons why he kept it a secret, but it should not have taken him this long to have allowed her to find out herself, which isn't alright and for that reasons I believe she walked out of the marriage just like that reasons being that if he had kept his gambling lifestyle a secret from her that means there are others she has no knowledge about and for that reason he can not be trusted and the best thing for her to do is to take to her hills which she already did and if you ask any lady, that's the step or resolution they would take to run away for their dare life.