I want you to judge me critically and more harshly than usual:
Even though this topic is a week old, I like your challenge and I'll be harsh

But first: it really depends on how much money you're storing. If it's $50 worth of Bitcoin, don't worry too much. But if it's $1000+, keep reading!
Windows laptop
That's your first mistake. In general, Windows is a magnet for problems. But switching to Linux without knowing what you're doing isn't great either.
Your second mistake is doing it online, that creates a hot wallet instead of a much safer cold wallet.
This laptop contains data I have had for over 10 years. Family photos, bank statements, executable files that are for old games, emulated game file save files...I moved so many over. 10 years of files without checking where they're from.
I wouldn't worry too much about static files, other than making regular backups.
1) I ran a simple anti-virus scan. Free trial.
Free or paid, it's always a good start to assume they don't know all possible threats.
2) I used a wallet program {Program 1} to generate a seed offline.
I'm going to be extra harsh on this: you can't omit the name of the software here! It could be you used the worst possible piece of shitty compromised wallet software out there, so that's what I'm going to assume. Not good!
Being offline when you create the seed isn't enough. It's better to assume malware will quietly remember the seed and wait until it can broadcast your seed when you go online again.
I wrote down the derivation pathway it said it used, and BIP seed it generated.
"BIP" is too general: it's a Bitcoin Improvement Proposal. It should come with a number (probably 39). If you're writing it down, be thorough.
After writing this down, I never had it in view of a camera or another person. Any time I practiced the seed, I destroyed the torn scrap paper from my practice runs.
Have you
tested your backup to make sure you can restore the same Bitcoin addresses if you start from scratch?
3) I QR-scanned a master public key. My camera saw nothing else. On a mobile device (I never created any serious wallets on my mobile devices), I created a watch-only wallet. I matched the receiving addresses to the addresses in {Program 1}.
What's the purpose of this step? I'd be more interested in restoring the keys than creating a watch-only wallet.
4) I closed {Program 1} but it was still installed. Connected to wi-fi for a minute, disconnected, then I deleted the wallet inside {Program 1}
Why? If the purpose was to create a cold wallet, you could have done all this from an air-gapped offline Linux Live system running from DVD.
5) I downloaded another program for a wallet {Program 2}.
Why?
6) I started sending funds to the BTC wallet.
Did you withdraw funds from the exchange?
Multiple people at this point knew I was buying on an exchange
Who are these people? People you tried to buy Bitcoin from in person? People working at the exchange? People reading your emails? Is that the email address you've posted in your Bitcointalk profile?
7) I connected to Wi-Fi on two different occasions and would stay online for over 24 hours each time. I used my mental seed to recover my wallet in {Program 2}, and confirmed that even there, BTCBitcoinBTC is being received live while on Wi-Fi.
Why would you expose your seed phrase to different wallets? That doubles the risk in case one of them is compromised.

I deleted the wallet file from {Program 2} offline. I uninstalled {Program 1} entirely.
How safe is that from hard drive recovery?
9) {Program 2} remains installed. I still send funds to the wallet, now only visible from the seed in my head and the master public on my cell phone.
Going back to this quote:
Any time I practiced the seed, I destroyed the torn scrap paper from my practice runs.
Did you not keep a physical copy of your seed phrase? Are you really willing to risk you still remember the seed 5 (or 25) years from now?
Could my BTC be swiped
Yes.
or have you managed to hold all your BTC with worse security practices than mine?
Yes. I'm okay with risking small amounts in risky environments, being fully aware I'm one mistake away from losing them. But it's like asking someone if they've been robbed on the streets: you know it's possible, and you know the chance of it happening to them doesn't influence the chance of it happening to you in the future.
I think I've been pretty thorough, but imperfect. Most losses are due to public wifi or fools screen-sharing. I did not cross $10000.00, I probably never will except by BTC itself going up by itself,
It sounds like you want to keep your Bitcoin long-term. Why not create a proper cold wallet on Electrum, air-gapped on a system that runs exclusively from RAM so there are absolutely no traces? And keep a backup of your seed words! You'll have to consider what's more likely: someone gaining access to your backup, or you forgetting the words you try to remember.
Do not leave comments saying that I might spit out some part of the seed phrase while I'm asleep.
Good point, I didn't even think about that yet: some one-night stand might get you drunk to get the words out of you! Jokes aside, unless you're an active sleep talker, this wouldn't be my main concern.
I carry around four hints for four words in the seed, even though I remember all of them. Now that I've mentioned this detail, I'm going to shred into fragments even that hint for those four in the next 2 days.
You know I once forgot where I stored a paper wallet
for years, and later forgot
and remembered again how to access my made-up brainwallet? The mind is a funny thing to rely on!
I was unaware of Bitcoin Core and Bitcoin Knots throughout this entire process so I did not use them to generate a seed. I still don't know if I need them or no.
Bitcoin Core isn't the best place to generate seeds. You'd get a wallet, but no seed words. Electrum is much better if you want a seed.
I did not use the Coleman io generator offline, as it, if I understand would run in a browser. That means it would allow any browser to display the seed AND every single private key, meaning a browser could save that info as if it was a manual field entry, username, etc...
Coleman's site is a brilliant thing, but you should NEVER use it on a computer that you're going to use for something else again. For educational purposes, I'll quote my post on how to safely sweep a paper wallet. You can apply bits and pieces of it to your situation:
Online:Install Electrum on your PC.
Import your address to create a watch-only wallet.
Preview the transaction, Copy the unsigned transaction. Put it on a USB stick.
Offline and running without hard drive storage:Get a Linux LIVE DVD. Use Knoppix or
Tails for instance, or any other distribution that comes with Electrum pre-installed.
Unplug your internet cable. Close the curtains. Reboot your computer and start up from that DVD. Don't enter any wireless connection password. Keep it offline.
Start Electrum. Import your private key.
Copy your unsigned transaction from the USB stick, load it into Electrum.
CHECK the transaction in Electrum. Check the fees, check the amount, check all destination addresses (
character by character).
If all is okay, sign the transaction. Copy it back to your USB stick.
Turn off the computer. That wipes the Live LINUX from memory and all traces are gone.
Online:Use your normal online Electrum to (check again and) broadcast the transaction.
I also wanted to be able to connect to the internet at least twice just because it proves that if I wanted to, the seed works and so I can spend the BTC some day or simply pass it back to an exchange 20 years from now.
That's not necessary. Your seed produces private keys, those keys produce addresses. If you can reproduce those addresses from your seed on an offline system, preferrably with a different piece of widely available software, you know you can access your funds. There's no need to see it in a wallet.
Do you think it's a good idea to create a second wallet and seed with a different method, and I keep a minority of my BTC on that? It forces me to remember 24 words, but considering how wonderfully I did with just 12 holy words and how well I can keep the secret, I feel like I can do this over and over again with my practice methods and immunity of the few hints to my words online to dictionary attacks.
I use more than 2 wallets, all for different purposes. You may want to extend your seed phrase with a custom password, that way you don't need to remember even more words. Or just write it down

I will create a second wallet on Linux on another device after a full format and wipe. Unless it's explained to me why I shouldn't, I plan to just download trusted wallet programs, play around with them, log in on my email and on my exchange on a browser (and no other websites), and, even if on Wi-Fi, create another seed and verify that it works for receive/send. I will then write the seed, delete the wallets and all dummy wallets, and format this other device a second time. Thoughts?
There's no need to waste time reinstalling an OS with the risk of leaving traces of your wallet on your hard drive, when you can simply create a wallet while running from RAM. If you've never tried it, you'll be amazed what a Linux Live DVD can do.