When Help Turns to Hurt;Avoid Lending Significant Money to Friends

[Agbe]

Lesson learned in a hard way. If you want to leave long and having peace of mind. Don't lend money to friends and family members. Those two groups of people have not end well in the lending business. When I was serving or living on another location in my country, I was receiving stipend from the Federal Government for the service and as a Young person, I had plans and goals to achieve with the stipend after the service, and a friend and a brother ask me to borrow them money and I also thought if the money was with me, I would spend them so I send them the money so I can collect them back when I return so I can used them to start something but ironically, they didn't give me back the money and they quarreled me too. Luckily I got a teaching job to survive. It is not advisable to borrow closed people with money.

[Hypnosis00]

This is painfully true. I’ve lost one good friendship exactly this way. The money wasn’t even the biggest issue, it was the silence and excuses afterward. Since then, I follow one rule: if I give money to a friend, I treat it as a gift in my head. If I can’t afford to “gift” it, I simply say no.

The truth is, the real personality of a person comes out when money is involved, that's how powerful money is. There are those who stick with the promises, there are those who easily forgot with their promise to pay the debt once the money is given already, that only shows that there is no genuine friendship built in the first place. This is a painful reality, that's why if you decide to help, just give with whatever extra money you have. Do not expect in return, because that is never intend to be a debt, but just a friendly assistance if one is facing financial crisis.

[7juju]

Everything you have said here is correct, I recently lost a very good friend of mine because I lent him money and he was unable to pay back. Luckily for me it was money I could afford to lose. He came to me with a false pretence that his house rent has expired and his landlord wants to evite him if he can't come up with the money, knowing how hard it is to be homeless I bought his story and lent him the money. But I later found out he used the money for other purpose outside what he told me and still lied that he was arrested by the police and wanted to defraud me another money. When I found out all these lies I waited for the time for the loan repayment date, but he couldn't repay till date, he stopped picking my calls and relocated to another town. Friendship of many years lost because of little money. That made me decide never to loan a friend money rather I will support you with whatever I have, and advice you to go loan the rest elsewhere.

[YUriy1991]

There’s a popular saying: “If you want to lose a friend, lend them money.” As harsh as it sounds, life has a funny way of proving this statement true especially when the amount involved is significant.

Lending money to friends often starts from a good place of "help." Because you trust them and you believe things will work out.But money,unlike emotions,doesn’t run on good intentions.It runs on structure,timing,and accountability things that friendships rarely enforce.

When you lend what you cannot afford to lose, you don’t just risk your finances; you risk your peace of mind. Every missed call, every delayed promise, every “next week” begins to weigh on you. Suddenly, casual conversations turn awkward. You replay the decision in your head and ask yourself why you ignored that initial inner voice that said, “This might not end well.”

This is why a crucial financial rule exists: never loan what you can’t afford to lose. If giving the money back would disorganize you emotionally or financially, then it’s not a loan in the first place.

If you must help, be honest with yourself, Saying no doesn’t make you wicked;it makes you wise.Boundaries are not a lack of love they are a form of self-respect and discipline.

In a world where survival is already hard,protecting your financial stability is not selfish it’s fundamental.In other words,help where you can, but never at the expense of your finances.Because once money and friendship collide without limits, the cost is rarely just cash.
If you can’t afford it, don’t loan it.Your peace depends on it.Let's be wise and guarded!

It's a shame to lose a friend over money, but I think lending money when a friend really needs help is something we should give. As friends, we have an obligation to help them. After we lend money, we will observe and test them to see if they are worthy of being friends. Only by lending money, from there we will know their character, whether they are honest or not. If they are honest, they will return the loan on time as promised, but if they are not honest and they go back on what they said or even disappear without a word, then the decision is in our hands. We can end the relationship because based on their dishonest attitude, they are not worthy of being friends.

[Iroh]

I belive that your circle matters. And as a lot of people are quick in defaulting money clearly taken as a loan from friends at a time of need, I'm certain some people also pay their debts even if borrowed from a friend. The trick with borrowing to a friend is to know the exact friend you're lending to and if he has a track record of conveniently forgetting such loans or paying back when due.
Also, like gambling, you only lend the amount of money to friends that you can afford to let go. So if for any reason, your friend can't/won't pay back, you can decide to let go and it wouldn't hurt you or your finances. Money can and has overtime, continued to cause rifts between friends.

[Furball808]

If you must help, be honest with yourself, Saying no doesn’t make you wicked;it makes you wise.Boundaries are not a lack of love they are a form of self-respect and discipline.

Let!s be honest, true friends would not mind if you say no. Because friendships should not be transactional like that. They are supposed to be built on more than financial reasons. So if they stop being friends with you for declining then it’s good riddance

[Finestream]

This is a sad reality, instead of trying to help, it only ends up in a hurtful and broken relationship in which you ended as the villain itself. This makes a realization for us that not all people deserves to be help, or lets just say if you want to help, do not give it all, but just give or lend an amount that you won't be bother of losing.

However, there are still some friends who are genuinely good and honest, but we should be very careful in choosing them so that we won't end up with fake friends.

[Joy- maker]

OP you really created a valid thread, but there is one I will like us to understand, that Human beings are created differently, there are people who you will lend money in the name of help and they will still pay back immediately the loan is due and I don't see your guys talking about such people. why? Because I have read through the thread nobody said that he or she lend a friend money and his or her friend paid back the loan without delay nor quarrels.

I know There are some set of person's who are just naturally wicked, and ungrateful. They don't repay back money that are being borrowed to them which is very bad. Few years back I asked one of friend who was owning someone, because anytime the person comes to demand for his money my friend also go into hiding, so one day I decided to ask him why he always go into hiding when the person his owing come demanding for his money, and my friend said that if he pay back that loan he will feel cheated, as in for he to remove such amount of money from his own account and send to another person in the name of paying back loan always make him feel cheated. Just imagine how some set of human beings are just reasoning.

[AmaGold70]

I have fallen out with some of my friends because I borrowed them money and they refused to pay me back till this day, money they say is the root of all evil and it brings out the beast in people without stress. Borrow money to friends isn't gambling that you have to borrow the money you can afford to lose and I'm not going to have sleepless nights because of my own money, the heart of men are wicked especially when money is involved hence the reason why I will never again borrow any one and if they misunderstand it and cut ties with me then so be it and I'm not remorseful about it and I won't regret my decision because I have been betrayed by friends because of money.

[trendcoin]

There are people around me who ask me for money. They all paid me back, and I only gave them small amounts. I never give large amounts of money to anyone. But even this sometimes wears me out. I like to put my investments in a single basket or at most two or three investment vehicles because I want to keep my mind clear. So, when I give someone a money and they don't pay it back in a few months, some negative thoughts start forming in my mind and they pollute my mind. That's why I often come up with some classic excuses not to give money to even people who I trust. I don't think this is a nice thing to do, and it's psychologically negative for me, but I can't do anything about it...

[goro_chief]

I recommend that you don't risk losing meaningful friendships over money. It's better to be safe than sorry and make it clear that friendship is separate from personal growth. Sooner or later, we all have to be independent

[Rengga Jati]

There’s a popular saying: “If you want to lose a friend, lend them money.” As harsh as it sounds, life has a funny way of proving this statement true especially when the amount involved is significant.

That's why I understand this so well, and I've experienced it myself. Not only friends but also relatives need our help. Furthermore, if we lend them money, we can see their true character.

However, there are still friends or relatives who, when we lend them money, will be truly responsible for their loan, especially if the amount is not small. With good communication, good handling of late payments, and repayment of the money, that's something we certainly hope for.

However, on the other hand, it's not uncommon for us to lend them money, whether in cash or Bitcoin, and for them to underestimate us because we're just friends or relatives, procrastinating without confirmation, and then using the money to splurge while trying to forget about their debt to us. Ah, if it's like this, it's complicated, and if we ask for it, the condition won't be that good, it will actually become strained. That's what I've experienced so far.

[Uhwuchukwu53]

The rhyme to which borrower operates is the opposite to the lender, as they are capable of sugarcoating and make all kind of promises and assurance, but the language will always be a different thing during payback. The only way to scale through is total avoidance be it friend or close relationship may even worsening the situation because you will be limited to certain action because the blood or closeness. I believe that lending of money should have a strong agreement, and such should not be made too open without a collateral human is very difficult once it comes to do with money, I don't advice even to give person who your not confidence or having 75% trust money informed of lending because you loss your money, I speak from experience many time I battle with people I gave money in paying back becomes a war after all promises which killed our relationship the worst of it some don't even care about how you feel or how your closeness will scatter based on their act, if one have what it takes to dash best lending without collateral most time is very dangerous.

[Royal Cap]

Not all friends ruin relationships over money. The problem is when things aren't clear at the beginning. Some people borrow money, get into real trouble and pay it back which actually makes the relationship stronger. I think it's important to understand both your own capabilities and your friend's nature before giving money. If you feel that not getting it back won't break the relationship then it's better to think of it as help rather than lending it and if you're uncomfortable, the most honest thing to do is to say no at the beginning. I think it's wise to sometimes not give money to maintain a friendship.

[Japinat]

There’s a popular saying: “If you want to lose a friend, lend them money.” As harsh as it sounds, life has a funny way of proving this statement true especially when the amount involved is significant.

Whether small or significant, I've proven this to be true. When payment is due, they will stop communicating and avoid you. I have a friend whom I lend money to, and he happens to be my neighbour. To prevent unexpected meetups, he climbs up their back wall to get home.
One friend even blocked me on social media because the payment is already due, so whenever a friend asks for a loan, I just give them money that I can afford to lose, because lending them is like gambling; I don't expect payment.
Of course, not all of my friends are like this, but there will always be friends like this.

The sad part is, this becomes an effective basis whether what you have is a real and honest friend, or just a fake one who is trying to take advantage of your kindness. I have this friend also, he borrowed just a minimal amount, and after that it seemed like he had not remember paying at all. I never reminded him also hoping he'll remember it on his own, but until now no single payment has been given.

We're friends until now, but for me, I already build a gap between us. If in small thing a person cannot be trusted, then he won't be trusted at all when it comes to bigger things. Its not about paying the money, but its the trust that was ruined after not sticking to the said promise.

[slapper]

it's already over before it begins. Like you know this going in but you do it anyway because what else are you supposed to do if someone you care about is in trouble.

And then yeah. It gets weird. They avoid you or they make promises that they can't keep and you're sitting there feeling like an idiot for believing them. But also feeling like a worse person for even keeping track. Because now you're the one looking to see if they posted about going out to eat when they owe you money. That's what it does to you.

I don't even think it has anything to do with the money most of the time? It's about the lie. The performance. When someone says "I'll pay you back next week" and you both know that's not true but you're both pretending it's true. That's the part that kills the friendship. Not the actual money.

Sometimes you give it away and you know you won't get it back. You're just buying yourself out of the relationship without admitting that's what you're doing. Or you're testing something. Seeing if they'll prove you wrong on them.

The advice is right though. Don't lend what you need. But that assumes that you have extra. Most people don't. So really the choice is between taking a person and protecting yourself and there's no good answer there. Simply bad choices and worse choices.

[barbara44]

No matter how close you are to your friend, if money is involved, there will always be complications. I personally would never let money interfere friendship because of the past experiences I had. I have lost a very close friend only because of money. We were quite close and decided to start a small business together. Things were going pretty good at the initial stage but later there were some conflicts of interest and also the money sharing part was not that good once we scaled the business. Initially things started heating up a bit and eventually we ended up closing that business and never talking to each other again.

I really regret the decision of starting a business with one of my friends and will never do that again. I will also suggest anyone to avoid starting a business with friends or even family.

[Hyphen(-)]

Lending money to friends often starts from a good place of "help." Because you trust them and you believe things will work out.But money,unlike emotions,doesn’t run on good intentions.It runs on structure,timing,and accountability things that friendships rarely enforce.

I don’t like lending money out to my close friends because I know they will not take it serious because they know I will probably it ask them if they don’t pay back on time or if they decide not to payback at all, so if it becomes necessary to lend the money out, I do give the money I can afford to lose in order ti stop them from coming again because if they don’t pay back the previous loan, they can’t get another one from me; but yet I don’t used to give them any money from my business money because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

[Eternad]

Lending money to friends often starts from a good place of "help." Because you trust them and you believe things will work out.But money,unlike emotions,doesn’t run on good intentions.It runs on structure,timing,and accountability things that friendships rarely enforce.

I don’t like lending money out to my close friends because I know they will not take it serious because they know I will probably it ask them if they don’t pay back on time or if they decide not to payback at all, so if it becomes necessary to lend the money out, I do give the money I can afford to lose in order ti stop them from coming again because if they don’t pay back the previous loan, they can’t get another one from me; but yet I don’t used to give them any money from my business money because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

I’m on this situation a lot but in my case I don’t have courage to ask them to repaid me back for the loan rather just patiently wait them to remember and pay me back.

The problem is most of my lend money usually just forgotten even by my close friend so the struggle is real for me on how to get back my money while I don’t like confrontation.

This Christmas, I received too a lot of borrowing request but this time I learned my lesson for not entertaining the, and consider my previous money on them as donation or gift.

[hyudien]

..

I've been through this, OP. A friend came to me in dire straits, and I felt sympathy and was willing to sacrifice my savings to lend him money with a one-month repayment agreement. Those promises were empty promises, and it took me a year to get my money back, despite much effort.
Experience and maturity have taught me to prioritize my own family. It doesn't matter if they call me stingy and unsympathetic. I don't want to be like a beggar again just to get what I deserve. Furthermore, I don't want to ruin the good relationships I've built up over money.