Hopefully this is the right place to post this.
I wrote a novel titled "Five Dollar Wrench, the True Confession of a Bitcoin Thief," and I'm sharing it online. Free. No strings attached. I'm posting the novel
on Substack, but if you want a copy of the ebook, message me.
I wrote the novel to entertain you with the tale of a clever thief, but my real goal is to help people keep themselves and their Bitcoin safe.
Two Things Inspired The Novel:First, a few years ago, I was reading a post on reddit by a guy who said his hardware wallet got hacked. Get ready to cringe.
He said, “I thought these things were safe!!!”
A bunch of people chimed in with typical questions about which hardware wallet he used, and there was chatter about whether secure element chips or bluetooth could be hacked.
But a few people asked where he stored the paper backup of his seed phrase. Aha.
“I’m using a hardware wallet,” he said. “And nobody knows my PIN! I got hacked!!!”
If you haven’t already figured out the issue, you’ll know when I tell you what happened next.
People started clicking on his reddit username to see if there were any clues about the situation, and there was a biggin’:
It was a Sunday when he posted about his hardware wallet getting hacked. But two days earlier, he posted on reddit about dumping his girlfriend.
Think about that timeline:
Friday, he dumped his girlfriend.
Sunday, his wallet got drained.
Gee, I wonder what happened on Saturday. Did the now-ex-girlfriend drop by his place to get her stuff? Did she maybe search for his seed phrase so she could snap a pic?
I bet she did.
I’m also willing to bet he talked about Bitcoin a lot, so she knew what she was looking for. Maybe she snapped a pic of his seed phrase weeks earlier, when she got the feeling he was having doubts about their relationship.
I can’t help wondering how many hodlers have been robbed by people they know, and the thieves got away with it because the hodlers thought they were hacked online.The second thing that inspired me to write the novel Five Dollar Wrench was an interaction with a stranger at a bar, in early November 2024.
Bitcoin was hitting all time highs that week, and a guy at the bar was bragging. “I’m making a killing on Bitcoin,” he said. I thought about how easy it would be for somebody to rob him.
Before I knew it, I was running home to start writing the opening scene for a novel about a Bitcoin thief. Much of what I wrote that night is still in the novel today.
About The Story:The main character in Five Dollar Wrench is a thief, but she isn’t a hacker. She does it old-school. Call it the new old-school.
“We’re gonna rob them all, and they’ll never know who did it. They won’t even know how it happened.”
How does she do it? Social engineering.
“Social what whut?”
“Social engineering. That’s the term for our shtick. You get into their lives so I can get into their homes.”
Elmer Fudd was hunting wabbits, but Dandy Bowman is hunting seed phrase backups.
Look, I know this makes you cringe, but let’s be honest. There are three reasons why my way works, and for your convenience, I’ll list them.
One: Marks make themselves known. That’s how I spot ‘em.
Two: They don’t secure their seed words. That’s how I get ‘em.
Three: Even if you tell Bitcoiners how they put themselves at risk, they’ll say you’re wrong and double-down on doing it wrong.
To be clear:
I do not endorse or condone theft.
Five Dollar Wrench is not an instruction manual. It is a cautionary tale about the dangers of social engineering and misplaced trust.
Bitcoin owners have been robbed by friends and lovers, even family. Others have been robbed by strangers, sometimes through violence.
These crimes are preventable.
Owning Bitcoin means being your own bank.
Securing your Bitcoin is your job.
The easiest place to begin?
Secrecy.
Secrecy is your first line of defense against social engineering attacks. If nobody knows you own Bitcoin, nobody tries to steal it from you.
Simply put, don’t make yourself a mark.
That’s the lesson of the novel Five Dollar Wrench. Want to read it? Here's a link to
the opening scene, and here's the
table of contents, with links to all scenes I've posted so far. The novel has been written, and I'm still tinkering with editing it. Around 60% of the novel is up on Substack and I post the next scenes every Monday, Wednesday & Friday. All free. My goal here is to spread the message that securing your seed phrase is the most important thing you'll do, as a hodler.
Using a hardware wallet protects you from hackers, but you have to keep your seed phrase somewhere a thief won't find it.
I know... I know... this is a long post. Any questions, etc? Feel free to ask.
P.S. I've already shared the novel with a few of you (assuming you see this, of course), so please... don't post spoilers.
