Five Dollar Wrench, a novel about Bitcoin security

[Meuserna]

Hopefully this is the right place to post this.

I wrote a novel titled "Five Dollar Wrench, the True Confession of a Bitcoin Thief," and I'm sharing it online. Free. No strings attached. I'm posting the novel on Substack, but if you want a copy of the ebook, message me.

I wrote the novel to entertain you with the tale of a clever thief, but my real goal is to help people keep themselves and their Bitcoin safe.

Two Things Inspired The Novel:

First, a few years ago, I was reading a post on reddit by a guy who said his hardware wallet got hacked. Get ready to cringe.

He said, “I thought these things were safe!!!”

A bunch of people chimed in with typical questions about which hardware wallet he used, and there was chatter about whether secure element chips or bluetooth could be hacked.

But a few people asked where he stored the paper backup of his seed phrase. Aha.

“I’m using a hardware wallet,” he said. “And nobody knows my PIN! I got hacked!!!”

If you haven’t already figured out the issue, you’ll know when I tell you what happened next.

People started clicking on his reddit username to see if there were any clues about the situation, and there was a biggin’:

It was a Sunday when he posted about his hardware wallet getting hacked. But two days earlier, he posted on reddit about dumping his girlfriend.

Think about that timeline:

Friday, he dumped his girlfriend.

Sunday, his wallet got drained.

Gee, I wonder what happened on Saturday. Did the now-ex-girlfriend drop by his place to get her stuff? Did she maybe search for his seed phrase so she could snap a pic?

I bet she did.

I’m also willing to bet he talked about Bitcoin a lot, so she knew what she was looking for. Maybe she snapped a pic of his seed phrase weeks earlier, when she got the feeling he was having doubts about their relationship.

I can’t help wondering how many hodlers have been robbed by people they know, and the thieves got away with it because the hodlers thought they were hacked online.

The second thing that inspired me to write the novel Five Dollar Wrench was an interaction with a stranger at a bar, in early November 2024.

Bitcoin was hitting all time highs that week, and a guy at the bar was bragging. “I’m making a killing on Bitcoin,” he said. I thought about how easy it would be for somebody to rob him.

Before I knew it, I was running home to start writing the opening scene for a novel about a Bitcoin thief. Much of what I wrote that night is still in the novel today.

About The Story:

The main character in Five Dollar Wrench is a thief, but she isn’t a hacker. She does it old-school. Call it the new old-school.

“We’re gonna rob them all, and they’ll never know who did it. They won’t even know how it happened.”

How does she do it? Social engineering.

“Social what whut?”

“Social engineering. That’s the term for our shtick. You get into their lives so I can get into their homes.”

Elmer Fudd was hunting wabbits, but Dandy Bowman is hunting seed phrase backups.

Look, I know this makes you cringe, but let’s be honest. There are three reasons why my way works, and for your convenience, I’ll list them.

One: Marks make themselves known. That’s how I spot ‘em.

Two: They don’t secure their seed words. That’s how I get ‘em.

Three: Even if you tell Bitcoiners how they put themselves at risk, they’ll say you’re wrong and double-down on doing it wrong.

To be clear:

I do not endorse or condone theft.

Five Dollar Wrench is not an instruction manual. It is a cautionary tale about the dangers of social engineering and misplaced trust.

Bitcoin owners have been robbed by friends and lovers, even family. Others have been robbed by strangers, sometimes through violence.

These crimes are preventable.

Owning Bitcoin means being your own bank.

Securing your Bitcoin is your job.

The easiest place to begin?

Secrecy.

Secrecy is your first line of defense against social engineering attacks. If nobody knows you own Bitcoin, nobody tries to steal it from you.

Simply put, don’t make yourself a mark.

That’s the lesson of the novel Five Dollar Wrench. Want to read it? Here's a link to the opening scene, and here's the table of contents, with links to all scenes I've posted so far. The novel has been written, and I'm still tinkering with editing it. Around 60% of the novel is up on Substack and I post the next scenes every Monday, Wednesday & Friday. All free. My goal here is to spread the message that securing your seed phrase is the most important thing you'll do, as a hodler.

Using a hardware wallet protects you from hackers, but you have to keep your seed phrase somewhere a thief won't find it.

I know... I know... this is a long post. Any questions, etc? Feel free to ask.

P.S. I've already shared the novel with a few of you (assuming you see this, of course), so please... don't post spoilers.

[Meuserna]

Oh! And here's the cover for the novel:

[Ucy]

Ofcourse, everything confidential or sensitive, including the the secret phrases should be kept secret. Otherwise it's still possible for someone who is close to you to have an idea where you keep your keys without been told you own Bitcoin
Being a crypto person also include knowing how to be cryptic about information and other things, such that you can write down a private keys and keep it in an open place, even online/cloud, and no one or very few people will be able to decipher it

[aioc]

Secrecy is your first line of defense against social engineering attacks. If nobody knows you own Bitcoin, nobody tries to steal it from you.

That's true, so if you're an extroverted one who loves to brag a lot, it's time to practice not telling about your portfolio where you hid it. The Wrench is a new word, but everybody should learn how it works; the perpetrators can easily spot a potential victim through their character. I'm a mix of intro and extro, and I have to learn how to control myself when to comes to portfolio subjects.

And  since you mentioned this

but if you want a copy of the ebook, message me.

I want to have to have one.

[Meuserna]

the perpetrators can easily spot a potential victim through their character.

In the novel, the thief walks you through how she spots marks and how she gets them. I tried to show all kinds of everyday security failures, including things people don't even think about.

Here's the blurb for the novel:

His T-shirt said "Have Fun Staying Poor."
She decided to make him poor, but her plan fell apart when she found a handwritten note where she expected to find cash.
That's where it started.
She's robbed hundreds of men and is responsible for the deaths of at least seventeen. Surely more.
And she doesn't work alone.
"We're gonna rob them all, and they'll never know who did it. They won't even know how it happened."
They don't even know she exists.
"I'm a ghost!"
Actually, she's a thief, and this is her confession. It comes with a Five Dollar Wrench.

[treesintheforestooh]

Love the creativity. Truly admirable! Some good lessons and reminders.

[joniboini]

I read some early chapters and it's quite enjoyable. Not sure how others who have no interest in Bitcoin or crypto will think about it though. Definitely not the kind of novel aimed for platforms like webnovel, as far as I can tell. That being said, some chapters talking about the background for characters are definitely interesting, at least to me. Hope you'll get more readers.

[Meuserna]

I read some early chapters and it's quite enjoyable. Not sure how others who have no interest in Bitcoin or crypto will think about it though.

Thanks! And yeah, I tried to thread a needle there.

It's a 13 chapter novel, but Bitcoin doesn't enter the story until chapter 4, though it's hinted at in chapter 2.

For people who aren't into Bitcoin, it's a darkly comic tale of a thief. And even when the story becomes about Bitcoin robberies, it's still more about the thief than the crimes.

For hodlers, it's a very different story because they see what's coming before the thief does.

Interestingly, the feedback I've gotten from both groups has been strong. Very different though, for obvious reasons.

My biggest fear for this novel was angering the Bitcoin community by writing a story about Bitcoin thefts... but like I said, I did it for a good cause. I'm trying to encourage people to think about safety.

[joniboini]

Interestingly, the feedback I've gotten from both groups has been strong. Very different though, for obvious reasons.

That's good. I guess those who have no interest in Bitcoin will get immersed in the story as long as the narrative is great. Reminds me of a good film talking about internet hacking and whatnot where they touch some concepts about Bitcoin, digital ownership, privacy tools like VPN, etc. I guess it comes back to what the goal is. I'm sure you can mask your education pov more into a great narrative story. Which means it depends on what characters are there in your story.

[r_victory]

My biggest fear for this novel was angering the Bitcoin community by writing a story about Bitcoin thefts... but like I said, I did it for a good cause. I'm trying to encourage people to think about safety.

I believe there won't be a problem with that; I've seen many topics here about this type of situation, and there are many, even thieves who disguise themselves as police officers to steal Bitcoin/cryptocurrencies. It's a relevant and useful subject. I haven't read your novel yet, but I found it interesting and will read it as soon as possible.

[joniboini]

I've seen many topics here about this type of situation, and there are many, even thieves who disguise themselves as police officers to steal Bitcoin/cryptocurrencies.

I feel like I've seen such topic before but in another forum. We're not short of scams or malwares anyway, so a story about them isn't really that farfetched.

Regardless of how we present our story, some people will always feel offended I believe. I don't think you should accept their swear words or whatever at face value. Unless they can explain why this or that is wrong, just treat it as spam.

Looks like OP just updated the novel with a new chapter a few days ago. I guess the next one is this Monday?

[ccp]

This is actually quite good. I was skeptical as I started reading it. I was like, why would someone get off the train in Gary? Good one! Why is a 22-year-old lady ordering whiskey neat? Another good one! Of course, it all came together in short order. Guess you've seen some shit.

Have you read KaBar's stories on the Hobos, Tramps and Homeless Bums thread on 12ozprophet?

We’re gonna pull off the ultimate magic trick. I’m the magic. You’re the trick.

😂😂😂

“JUDGED TWAT LETS HEEE BE JUDGED!!!!!”

Hey, you've got a little something in your eye.

[Meuserna]

The entire novel is now up on Substack.

Actually, it isn't quite the whole novel. While publishing it, I was also editing it and improving it.

The full version of the novel is on my website: Five Dollar Wrench (dot com). The domain name was available, so I snagged it. But if you'd like to comment on anything, please drop by my Substack and say hello.

On my website, you'll also find some extra content: The mission statement, where the idea came from, etc.

I think my plan is to leave the novel on Substack through the end of the year, then delete it and start reposting it from scratch using the final draft.

P.S. If you'd rather read the novel on an ebook, send me a message. I'd be more than happy to send it to you.

[joniboini]

I think my plan is to leave the novel on Substack through the end of the year, then delete it and start reposting it from scratch using the final draft.
P.S. If you'd rather read the novel on an ebook, send me a message. I'd be more than happy to send it to you.

It's been months since your last post OP.

You mean to say you'll repost it on Substack again or will you post it on another website? I assume you plan to monetize the final book sooner or later. If someone use an app like Readest I think they can crawl HTML pages and make EPUB out of it, or you can just the file publicly.

[5W-KILO]

Nice novelty style write up.

Ther are stori s in my hometown where corrupt officers will also their victims to pay them in Bitcoin, that's if they checked your phone and they see anything that's crypto related.

The likes of Coinbase App or Binance app will raise suspicious on you, and there is no way to claim your right that they can't Search your smartphone, it's not going to work.

I believe that any wrench attack style is very easier in a developing and corrupt countries than other places.

[Meuserna]

It's been months since your last post OP.

I post elsewhere in this forum all the time. Mostly in the hardware wallets section. Like I said in the original post, I've been posting the novel on Substack scene by scene, 3 times a week. I figured I'd post here to let folks know the novel exists there, but I didn't want to look like I was spamming here.

I think my plan is to leave the novel on Substack through the end of the year, then delete it and start reposting it from scratch using the final draft.
P.S. If you'd rather read the novel on an ebook, send me a message. I'd be more than happy to send it to you.

It's been months since your last post OP.

You mean to say you'll repost it on Substack again or will you post it on another website? I assume you plan to monetize the final book sooner or later.

Yeah. I'm thinking about reposting it from scratch on Substack so I can put the most current version of the novel there. The current draft is at least one ahead of what I've posted on Substack. The current draft has much better formatting too.

I also have a website where I'm posting the novel. The website is 100% up to date (I designed it, so it's easy for me to export an updated version of a page from the novel and upload it to the site).

https://fivedollarwrench.com

I have no plan to monetize the book. I'm not asking for people's money. I'll eventually put the book on Amazon, priced at whatever the lowest price they'll allow, but even then I want to keep it available to read for free on my own website and Substack. And maybe elsewhere.

I'm a long term hodler. I wrote this novel to help hodlers stay safe. That's my only goal. Well, my other goal was to finally write a novel. It's been something I've wanted to do for a long time, for the love of writing. This whole project was a labor of love for me.

If someone use an app like Readest I think they can crawl HTML pages and make EPUB out of it, or you can just the file publicly.

I have EPUBs for the novel. I've been sharing them with people but I haven't been posting them online yet because... I don't know... posting the novel on my own website and Substack feels like I have some control over the work. But I have been thinking about posting links to an EPUB, especially since my EPUB is well designed.

I probably should just post a link to the EPUB on my website. Eventually, I'm sure I will.

[Meuserna]

I believe that any wrench attack style is very easier in a developing and corrupt countries than other places.

The style of attacks in my novel are a different kind of brutal because the thief isn't using violence, despite the title. She's using a social engineering trick. (The title comes up throughout the novel in other ways).

"If you want, he can be first on our list."

"Our list for what?"

"We're gonna rob them all, and they'll never know who did it. They won't even know how it happened."

"Bitch, I'm not robbing anybody."

"You won't. You and me? We're gonna pull off the ultimate magic trick. I'm the magic. You're the trick."

The people who get robbed end up thinking they got hacked online, but she got them by finding their seed phrases without them knowing she even existed.