Have you ever wondered why antidepressants main side effect is suicidal thoughts?
Because people taking that medication have a predisposition to depression, and if exacerbated, in some cases suicidal thoughts may appear if the underlying psychological issues aren't resolved or if the dosage or type of medication isn't appropriate, or if it's not well tolerated.
Self-medication is the worst approach if only because you, especially you, lack the required objectivity and knowledge to properly assess and manage your treatment, especially if you're taking mind altering substances.
I feel like I'm pissing against the wind by asking this, but I'm curious, during the times where you were prescribed whatever you've been prescribed by actual doctors, have you 1) followed the dosage both in terms of time and quantity, and 2) have you taken anything else non-prescribed (marijuana, lsd, whatever) during that time?
This time dank has kind of right.
Suicidal toughs may appear not because "underlying psychological issues aren't resolved" , is because any antidepressant is kind of similar to illegal drugs, some will rise your serotonine/dopamine levels and others will decrease the release of other neurotransmitters , but there will be the time that you will need the antidepressant just to feel normal because of the tolerance, that plus unknown/complex effects in the srotoninergic/dopaminergic neurons as well with the GABA system.
In resume, suicidal toughs are a serious adverse effect that many antidepressants can cause and if it is the case, you should go to your psychiatrist as fast as possible, he will either or reduce the dose or change/remove that medication from you.
Prescribed psychiatrist medication should be taken for the less period of time to avoid this effects, so if you are taking one, avoid illegal drugs, dont make your mental illness worse.