The joke thread.

[TooQik]

There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.

[1714182933]

1714182933

[1714182933]

1714182933

[1714182933]

1714182933

[1714182933]

1714182933

[1714182933]

1714182933

[sgk]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, make sure your friend is actually dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

[ice18]

  A young man saw a small house in a forest with an old man living there. The young man asked if he could stay for the night. “Certainly,” the old man said, “but dishonor my daughter and I will torture you.” The young man agreed. The daughter came down for dinner. She was beautiful.

During the night the young man snuck into her room. After the deed, he crept back to his room. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, “Torture 1: Large rock on chest.” He thought, “I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up and threw the it out the window. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read “Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.” figuring that a few broken bones were better than getting castrated, he jumped out of the window after the rock As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, “Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost.”

[Sweeet]

2016 Presidential Election

[sgk]

Wife Swapping

The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to have a bit of partner swapping for the night.

The guys have agreed that if they can pull off the wife swap, when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoon on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives. Clever enough!

After several drinks that night they succeed! Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile.

The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hangover and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug.

After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter.

[Gleb Gamow]

There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.

There are two types of people in this world, those who can spell and those who cunt.

[Sweeet]

There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.

There are two types of people in this world, those who can spell and those who cunt.

There are two types of people in this world, those who can make jokes and those who cant.

[Bakerxab]

Q : How many harry potters does it take to change a light bulb ?

A : One, Because the whole world revolves around him.

[Vod]

Q:  How many black people does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  How can you count?  It's dark.