Not going to sub story here, but I'm beginning to believe that the cosmo's or whatever are out to get me on this one, first my mother who is going through chemo for breast cancer (thankfully they caught it in time, it was still stage 3a but still once she's done with treatment she'll be ok) then my grandmother, not even a week or so later with kidney cancer and she doesn't have all that time to live. Probably 3-6 at the most? Maybe if that.
Then, my father, melanoma. By the way he never got to the appt for the consult, he's using a walker and a cane and in his infinite wisdom he decided not to use it the day of the appointment and he fell. Did I forgot to mention he has parkinson's? So he fell on the gravel outside of the hospital, and my mother went out to go help him up. Bad move on her part because now she has a compressed back, she had to be admitted and is now required to wear a brace.
To make it even worse, the other night in their apt my father once again not using his cane or walker fell and she went to go pick him up AGAIN and hurt herself again.
What is it about the cosmo's that's disrupting me, what is it that I have done wrong? All I want to do is scream, I'm living on scraps, I have a very serious panic and anxiety disorder that doesn't allow me to do much, and the state won't give me SSI because they don't believe I'm disabled enough. Not disabled enough? When I wake up in the morning and I'm afraid to look out the window at a car, when I get in a car and feel claustophobic, when I can't even stand on my own two feet for longer than a couple minutes because I have back issues, when I can't see a dentist because I have no insurance, when I can't find a job because of my health and dental issues.
What is up cosmo's do you want to throw me a break here? Do you want to give me something to work with? Because I would really appreciate it.
Are you talking about karma? An undetectable force that keeps track of everyone's moral and immoral acts and evens it all out? That's fantasy.
You got dealt a bad hand - you have to deal with it as best as you can.
Get medication with anti anxiety/tranquillizers until you are able to work, then get a job.