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Author Topic: FS: SgtSpike's Written Works Editing Service  (Read 624 times)
SgtSpike
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May 04, 2011, 10:21:53 PM
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SgtSpike's Written Works Editing Service

Writing a paper for school?  Drafting a resume or cover letter for a job?  Need some help with spelling, grammar, or sentence-structure details?  I am here to help!

I will edit your paper, letter, document, or other written works for 2 BTC per 12pt, double-spaced page (with 1" margins)!



I consider myself to be an excellent editor.  I routinely catch writing mistakes that others fail to catch, even in professional publications.  I catch the common mistakes in wording (effect/affect, except/accept, their/there/they're, etc), misuse (or lack of use) of commas and other punctuation, grammatical errors, logic structure, and proper whitespace usage.  I often will suggest rewording sentences to make them more clear to the reader, or to better drive home the point of the document to the reader.

I will edit anything, though I am especially suited for editing business or professional writing.

An example of editing that I performed for another person is quoted below.  It was a Personal Statement as part of a college application.  Note that these are edits I made after another person had already suggested their own edits, so I played off of that.  My edits are in red.  Typically, I like to use "Track Changes" and comments in Microsoft Word to show potential fixes, but I can make notes however you prefer.

See the original "already edited" version in the second quote below.



Quote
Personal Statement
You may consider adding an opening statement here that would say something about why or how you came to choose the things you chose to talk about in this paper. It just starts, seemingly abruptly. - Agreed.

There is a place in Lake Forest Park called the sand pit. It is essentially an abandoned quarry filled with sand, a forgotten place where my friends and I would hang out a lot and play games like "Ghost in the Graveyard" or "Capture the Flag". Along the quarry wall are some fairly tall cliffs where the erosion creates twenty or thirty foot drops onto sand piles. We decided to jump off of them and see how high any of us dared to go. Of course, one kid wanted to go off the 20+ foot cliff and dared everyone to jump off after him. I was more reluctant. It was really high and I had never been one to do dumb or dangerous things for no reason. But after everyone had jumped down, they all dared me to jump and made fun of how fearful I was. I ended up jumping - not because I wanted to, for intrinsic reasons, but because I wanted to fit in and be one of the guys. Of course, knowing me [I don't know you, so explain], I landed on a flat area and wasn’t able to roll down like everyone else. I ended up breaking my right foot, receiving a les franc fracture (a rare and hard to heal injury). This is a perfect example of what following the pack did for me. [What did it do for you, exactly?] - Agreed, need something more to explain.

I was out of commission for over 10 weeks, unable to walk for most of the summer and much of the first month of school. From that time on, I stopped trying to please my peers and did the things that I really enjoyed, not the things that would make them laugh. I found that I had real friends who actually cared about me and I enjoyed being myself, not the person others wanted me to be.

As I moved up grade levels, there was a particular event from my freshman year of Highschool that stands out. A classmate reached out to me, and we soon became friends. He made me re-evaluate my beliefs and question how I spoke, dressed, and acted on a day to day basis. Then one day, he told me he was gay. There is nothing wrong with that. What was wrong, was how I had consciously slurred him and many other people like him in public. I said things like “that’s so gay” and “what a fag”. Despite that, he be-friended me, and is still one of my best friends to this day. After he came out to me, I realized how much my words must have hurt him and made a decision never to use those slurs again.

This mindset [what mindset?] was really evident in high school, especially during my senior year. Drugs are more available and prevalent than ever. Many highschoolers are pressured into using them, but I’ve managed to stay drug free. Saying no is not easy, because there are many people who use drugs, and it is socially acceptable to smoke marijuana. I have seen many kids get into harder substances, and this inspired me to volunteer at S.A.M.A. (Science And Management of Addictions).

Need some sort of a conclusion... what is the question you are responding to? Also, colleges LOVE people who put their name in the paper - tell them why they would be proud to have you as a student there!

Pay close attention for added commas - there were many that needed to be added in. Just a note - in professional writing, you want to avoid using contractions (don't, I've, where'd, etc) as much as possible. Also, I noticed you use "a lot" a lot, which is a big no-no in writing. Just a couple things to keep in mind for the future. 



Quote
Personal Statement
You may consider adding an opening statement here that would say something about why or how you came to choose the things you chose to talk about in this paper. It just starts, seemingly abruptly.

There’s a place in Lake Forest Park called the sand pit. It is basically an abandoned quarry filled with sand. A forgotten place where my friends and I would hang out a lot and play games like "Ghost in the Graveyard" or "Capture the Flag". There are some fairly tall cliffs where the erosion creates twenty or thirty foot drops onto a sand(pile?). We decided to jump off of them and see how high any of us dared to go. Of course, one kid wanted to go off the 20+ foot cliff and dared everyone to jump off after him. I was more reluctant. It was really high and I’ve never been one to do dumb or dangerous things for no reason. But after everyone had gone down they all dared me to go and made fun of how scared I obviously was. I ended up jumping. Not because I wanted to, for intrinsic reasons, but because I wanted to fit in and be one of the guys. Of course knowing me, I landed on a flat area and wasn’t able to roll down like everyone else. I ended up breaking my right foot, receiving a les franc(spelling correct?) fracture (a rare and hard to heal injury). This is a perfect example of what following the pack did for me. [What did it do for you, exactly?]

I was out of commission for over 10 weeks. Unable to walk for most of the summer and much of the first month of school. From that time on I stopped trying to please my peers and did the things that I really enjoyed, not the things that would make them laugh. I found that I had real friends who actually cared about me and enjoyed being myself. Not the person others wanted me to be. {alternatively, you can say "being myself and not the person..}
As I moved up grade levels there was (As in past tense. It happened already.) a particular event from my freshman year of Highschool that stands out. A person(needs more description. Maybe "someone" or "a future friend" reached out to me. He made me re-evaluate my beliefs and question how I spoke, dressed, and acted on a day to day basis. He’s gay.(Perhaps be more desciptive? "After a while he trusted me enough to.." Theres nothing wrong with that. What there was something wrong with, is how I had consciously slurred him and many other people like him in public. I said things like “that’s so gay” and “what a fag”. Despite that, he be-friended me, and is still one of my best friends to this day. After he came out to me, I realized how much my words must have hurt him and made a decision never to use those slurs again.

This mindset is really evident in high school especially in my senior year. Drugs are more available and prevalent than ever. A lot of people are pressured into using them, however I’ve managed to stay drug free. Saying no isn’t easy, because there are a lot of people who use drugs and its socially normal (change to acceptable) to smoke marijuana. I’ve seen a lot of kids get into harder substances and felt inspired to volunteer at S.A.M.A.(maybe the dots? not sure) (Science And Management of Addictions). {not everyone knows what this is, like myself. May choose to describe this if it is acceptable.}
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