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Author Topic: Bitcoin Jokes, do you know any?  (Read 3440 times)
Phinnaeus Gage
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April 12, 2012, 01:01:13 PM
 #21

What happened when Gavin tried to fly from Minneapolis to New York City?

Prior to boarding the plane, he was detained for 14 hours in a bleak room with almost no human contact, his money was confiscated, had his rectum violated, body cavities emptied, and was starved until confessing to "defrauding the IRS" (this is not what the confession actually had written, though it was successfully argued by US prosecution that "developing a currency which is able to transfer over $5,000 worth of USD without reporting the transaction to the IRS" meant the same thing) at which point he was formally arrested, later sentenced to 5 years in prison. Upon the precedent being set that developing Bitcoin clients was a criminal action, gavin's "confession" was used to detain all other Bitcoin developers in the US, while non-US developers could not step foot on US soil without being arrested. The USG went after all websites hosting Bitcoin clients and related services, including successfully shutting down all exchanges and having MTux extradited for successful criminal prosecution. While Gavin was in prison, he was brutally raped by another man on two separate occasions and frequently had his milk carton tipped over during lunch. This did not faze him nearly as much as when he was released to find everything he knew had become devastatingly outdated, and it would take years just to become useful again, crushing his self-identity and creating a crushing sense of having fallen even further by being released. Bitcoin itself had been replaced by another dominant cryptocurrency which had, during the 5-year span of Gavin's imprisonment, been proven utterly flawed, at which point cryptocurrencies became almost unanimously thought of as a failed experiment. With such toxic associations, no cryptocurrency would ever again see any significant usage. Everyone Gavin loved had died while he was imprisoned, and Gavin killed himself within a few months after release, as is the unfortunate case with many released convicts.

Turned out Gavin did have a living cousin who sued the prison complex for allowing Gavin to be raped, but the court refused to hear the case. Gavin's cousin limped along the rest of his life with a crushed soul, having lost all belief in justice, and eventually died having made no significant contributions to society. Meanwhile, the USG expanded its assertions of legal rights over the rest of the world. A world-wide ban on "data obfuscation techniques" (which courts later ruled applied to everything from implementing SSL to using a VPS service) went into effect which led to effective USG control over not just domain names, but the Internet itself, as all ISPs of UN-nations were forced to comply. Worldwide, revolts occurred and were quashed by a new regime of governments seeking to eliminate undesirable citizens as a long-term plan for Order. Few nations were toppled, and the USG's effective dictatorship of the World lasted over 20 years before the "Greatest War" resulted in casualties which dwarfed those of the "Second Great War" (WWII).


- And everybody alive eventually died. They experienced no afterlife. The Earth eventually stopped existing in any recognizable form, and all human progress was lost, rendering all human existence meaningless less synapses in their brains which resulted in some form of enjoyable emotion/feeling - if you even believe that's meaningful. Existence ended up continuing on roughly 900 trillion-bazillion years after humans ceased to exist, but they have no knowledge of us, just as we have no knowledge of previous "Existence Cycles."

scary !


It was during Gavin's incarceration when theymos created cellblockexplorer.com. Also gives blockchain a whole new meaning.

~Bruno~
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According to NIST and ECRYPT II, the cryptographic algorithms used in Bitcoin are expected to be strong until at least 2030. (After that, it will not be too difficult to transition to different algorithms.)
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March 02, 2013, 05:52:41 AM
 #22

What happened when Gavin tried to fly from Minneapolis to New York City?

Prior to boarding the plane, he was detained for 14 hours in a bleak room with almost no human contact, his money was confiscated, had his rectum violated, body cavities emptied, and was starved until confessing to "defrauding the IRS" (this is not what the confession actually had written, though it was successfully argued by US prosecution that "developing a currency which is able to transfer over $5,000 worth of USD without reporting the transaction to the IRS" meant the same thing) at which point he was formally arrested, later sentenced to 5 years in prison. Upon the precedent being set that developing Bitcoin clients was a criminal action, gavin's "confession" was used to detain all other Bitcoin developers in the US, while non-US developers could not step foot on US soil without being arrested. The USG went after all websites hosting Bitcoin clients and related services, including successfully shutting down all exchanges and having MTux extradited for successful criminal prosecution. While Gavin was in prison, he was brutally raped by another man on two separate occasions and frequently had his milk carton tipped over during lunch. This did not faze him nearly as much as when he was released to find everything he knew had become devastatingly outdated, and it would take years just to become useful again, crushing his self-identity and creating a crushing sense of having fallen even further by being released. Bitcoin itself had been replaced by another dominant cryptocurrency which had, during the 5-year span of Gavin's imprisonment, been proven utterly flawed, at which point cryptocurrencies became almost unanimously thought of as a failed experiment. With such toxic associations, no cryptocurrency would ever again see any significant usage. Everyone Gavin loved had died while he was imprisoned, and Gavin killed himself within a few months after release, as is the unfortunate case with many released convicts.

Turned out Gavin did have a living cousin who sued the prison complex for allowing Gavin to be raped, but the court refused to hear the case. Gavin's cousin limped along the rest of his life with a crushed soul, having lost all belief in justice, and eventually died having made no significant contributions to society. Meanwhile, the USG expanded its assertions of legal rights over the rest of the world. A world-wide ban on "data obfuscation techniques" (which courts later ruled applied to everything from implementing SSL to using a VPS service) went into effect which led to effective USG control over not just domain names, but the Internet itself, as all ISPs of UN-nations were forced to comply. Worldwide, revolts occurred and were quashed by a new regime of governments seeking to eliminate undesirable citizens as a long-term plan for Order. Few nations were toppled, and the USG's effective dictatorship of the World lasted over 20 years before the "Greatest War" resulted in casualties which dwarfed those of the "Second Great War" (WWII).


- And everybody alive eventually died. They experienced no afterlife. The Earth eventually stopped existing in any recognizable form, and all human progress was lost, rendering all human existence meaningless less synapses in their brains which resulted in some form of enjoyable emotion/feeling - if you even believe that's meaningful. Existence ended up continuing on roughly 900 trillion-bazillion years after humans ceased to exist, but they have no knowledge of us, just as we have no knowledge of previous "Existence Cycles."

oink

Eyes open, No Fear. Be Safe!
Phinnaeus Gage
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March 02, 2013, 06:11:36 AM
 #23

I sincerely thought (seriously) I was reading a new thread till I got to post #21 and had a WTF moment. I then thought my account was hacked by a DAB (Drunk Asian Benefactor).
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March 02, 2013, 06:22:15 AM
 #24

solidcoin

What is the difference between solidcoin and Novacoin...

Oh, yea they are both jokes
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March 02, 2013, 06:35:24 AM
 #25

some people say when the economy collapses everyone holding bitcoin will be laughing at those holding fiat.

well ill be holding a shotgun and a loaf of bread while everyone else lugs around worthless paper, computers and gold bars that wont satisfy an empty belly.

who's laughing now

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Bit_Happy
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A Great Time to Start Something!


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March 02, 2013, 07:02:21 AM
 #26

Bitcoin is never going to hit $35.   Cheesy

15DYJpWJe9H1YofsNQbP9JEWWNn7XPZgbS
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March 02, 2013, 08:47:05 AM
 #27

Two bitcoiners are at a cafe. One is buying bitcoins and the other is selling. While waiting for confirmation, a funeral procession drives by. The seller stands, removes his hat and bows his head until the hearse has passed.

The buyer was impressed and said, "That was quite respectful."

The seller replied, "Well, I was married to her for 10 years."
teknohog
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minor developer


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March 02, 2013, 02:30:39 PM
 #28

SHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-256
I can hash cheezburger?

WiW
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"The public is stupid, hence the public will pay"


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March 02, 2013, 08:29:54 PM
 #29

Decided to search google. A few topics from bitcointalk came up. Most are terribly not funny. This one is my favourite so far.

Did you hear about the stoner who got into Bitcoin mining?

He was doing blocks of hash while hashing blocks, and blew what he mined on blowing his mind.
MrVivaldi
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March 02, 2013, 08:35:28 PM
 #30

Bitcoins are too expensive. I'll buy some later when the price relative to my fiat goes down.

A currency dependent on secrecy fears the truth.
WiW
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March 02, 2013, 08:48:37 PM
 #31

Another one from Z1Xwitch:



Edit: wanted to add the source, http://z1x.dk/page/4/
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