Sep. Joke contest WIN up to 5$

[ndnh]

One Irish potato said to the other: i am going to change my nationality.
The other one: How?
First potato: I am going to be French fries 

[cookiemonsterwhat]

I know 10 facts about you:
Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it.
Fact 4: You're smiling.
Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.
Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.
Fact 8: You just checked it.
Fact 9: You're smiling again.
Fact 10: You like this and you're going to rate or comment.


19LXAEKq7dXf55noccsvigCUwkSxCMwx1h

[Thekool1s]

I hope 18+ Jokes are allowed too:

Here is a translation of a joke which i know.

A wife is doing sex with her boyfriend. Suddenly her Husband Comes, She hides her boyfriend in the freezer and closes it but the ball of her boyfriend gets stuck in the door. Husband Sees the balls and asks what are those? Wife says its just a bell!  . The Husband goes there and touches the ball nothing happens. Then he punches the balls  again nothing happens. Then he brings a hammer and smashes the balls. Then a Voice from Freezer comes "Tring(Bell sound) MotherFucker! Tring"! 
 
I hope the joke is funny in english too as it is funny in our local language.

my btc addy: 1A9H6pMR1V1ZagYvDKDCpSBueRaNvP6BHv

[roadbits]

THE BIGGEST LIE

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

[prodigy8]

THE DOCTOR

The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’

[sir.humus]

I save contacts on my phone in Memento style:

David - Don't believe his lies
Robert - Cheated you in the past
Monic - Will sleep with you out of compassion



address:122LJenypFR1XTsuQjrycds8nyuXdkLwGa

[Fiiasco]

Knock knock. Who’s there? Smell mop. (finish this joke in your head)

171e1ivvbNhxykmDRhUN6XxgMtdXwsmBbg

[CripLib]

Aren't we supposed to vote?

Of course my joke was the best but I am not allowed to vote on my own joke

So, my vote goes to:

+1

[twister]

The teacher was asking the end of the day question that she asks every Friday. If the student got it right they would not have to go to school on Monday. Little Johnny Was determined to answer correctly. So he painted two black marbles black and rolled them to the teachers feet. All of a sudden she Shouted out, "Who's the comedian with the black balls?". Johnny shouted out, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday suckas!".

1FeWC9i1riDXeQMqf2MJGf1k1MwNCak36B

[Swordsoffreedom]

What's the difference between a blind man using a map and a truckload of BFL Jalapeños?

The blind man has a chance of finding a block.

PM me in 2 weeks^TM

[rivoke]

The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.



14sArAJ7UJcZ1yfit16yogcCex2hjDy2hy

[gordoh]

Superman was flying over metropolis one day, horney as hell, and suddenly he saw wonder woman suntanning naked on top of a building, and he thought to himself "I'd love to get me some of that wonder P*ssy!"

Suddenly he realized, he's superman,  he can go do a little quick pumping and get out of there before she even realizes what happened. So superman swoops down, pumps as fast as he can and flies away.

Wonder woman jumps up and shouts "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???" and the invisible man says "I don't know but my asshole is killing me!"


Wallet address: 1F3VYE7oGqdbYDkXFGDWkrmJuiPRbDZYv5

[twister]

Superman was flying over metropolis one day, horney as hell, and suddenly he saw wonder woman suntanning naked on top of a building, and he thought to himself "I'd love to get me some of that wonder P*ssy!"

Suddenly he realized, he's superman,  he can go do a little quick pumping and get out of there before she even realizes what happened. So superman swoops down, pumps as fast as he can and flies away.

Wonder woman jumps up and shouts "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???" and the invisible man says "I don't know but my asshole is killing me!"


Wallet address: 1F3VYE7oGqdbYDkXFGDWkrmJuiPRbDZYv5

 I don't get it 

[CaptainTE]

How do you sell a deaf man a chicken?
Lean in close, take a deep breath and scream at the top of your lungs:
WANNA BUY A CHICKEN?!?!?

BTC: 137yedPK92TUsjPSAQAFUgaWog96QJdtT1

I'll show myself out...

[gordoh]

Superman was flying over metropolis one day, horney as hell, and suddenly he saw wonder woman suntanning naked on top of a building, and he thought to himself "I'd love to get me some of that wonder P*ssy!"

Suddenly he realized, he's superman,  he can go do a little quick pumping and get out of there before she even realizes what happened. So superman swoops down, pumps as fast as he can and flies away.

Wonder woman jumps up and shouts "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???" and the invisible man says "I don't know but my asshole is killing me!"


Wallet address: 1F3VYE7oGqdbYDkXFGDWkrmJuiPRbDZYv5

 I don't get it 

The invisible man was having sex with wonder woman... And obviously superman didn't see him cos hes invisible.

[CripLib]

Superman was flying over metropolis one day, horney as hell, and suddenly he saw wonder woman suntanning naked on top of a building, and he thought to himself "I'd love to get me some of that wonder P*ssy!"

Suddenly he realized, he's superman,  he can go do a little quick pumping and get out of there before she even realizes what happened. So superman swoops down, pumps as fast as he can and flies away.

Wonder woman jumps up and shouts "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???" and the invisible man says "I don't know but my asshole is killing me!"


Wallet address: 1F3VYE7oGqdbYDkXFGDWkrmJuiPRbDZYv5

 I don't get it 

lol

[libivan]

By the way...

Batman and Robin were coming back from a party.

Both drunk, but Batman was much worse. Batman was so drunk that he decided to ask Robin to drive the Batmobile back home.

Excited to have this first opportunity to drive such a nice car, Robin sits in front of the steering wheel, puts his hand on the gear stick, puts the first gear and takes off smooth.

He shifts to the second gear, increases speed, shifts to the third, and to the forth gear, and drives through a curve at more than 70mph.

The car skids, so he reduces driving speed, stepping on the brakes, but regains control, he shifts back to the third gear, and so they went.

As soon as they arrived at the Batcave, Robin parks the car so proudly. Then, batman asks:

— Robin, give me a kiss?

— Hey Batman! Are you crazy? Who do you think I am?

— Oh, c'mon, don't complicate things! You know quite well that the Batmobile has got automatic transmission!

1GdwGhHvkV8eXB1JGAubAHQJwpbtCgk7tD

[raganius]

By the way...

Batman and Robin were coming back from a party.

Both drunk, but Batman was much worse. Batman was so drunk that he decided to ask Robin to drive the Batmobile back home.

Excited to have this first opportunity to drive such a nice car, Robin sits in front of the steering wheel, puts his hand on the gear stick, puts the first gear and takes off smooth.

He shifts to the second gear, increases speed, shifts to the third, and to the forth gear, and drives through a curve at more than 70mph.

The car skids, so he reduces driving speed, stepping on the brakes, but regains control, he shifts back to the third gear, and so they went.

As soon as they arrived at the Batcave, Robin parks the car so proudly. Then, batman asks:

— Robin, give me a kiss?

— Hey Batman! Are you crazy? Who do you think I am?

— Oh, c'mon, don't complicate things! You know quite well that the Batmobile has got automatic transmission!

+1 nice one lol

[Quadmium]

An inspector walks into a mental asylum. He looks around and sees people jumping headfirst into the floor and trashing about.

His job being to release whoever is no longer ill, he studies the scene and eventually finds a man sitting in a chair, watching silently.

He walks up to him, grinning, and says: "Ah! Finally, someone normal here. Why are you not swimming on the floor like the rest of them?"
The man in the chair replies: "Why, I'm the lifeguard!"

1As9VtoyjhwvdR8AKjbzmg87xB92S1MUJn

Much appreciated 

[rayhan]

12NNiA7BTM2tceY45uNnJBpk1fPiEMdWZp

*Posts on Ships*


david is keen to have and buy a boat but
wife strongly disagree.
but David reckless and one day he
eventually bought the boat of her dreams.
 he then brought his wife to dock where his boat was.

"nahh ... how? good is not it? "he said to his wife. "
lets now we are reconciled, darling! you now i give honor
to write something on our boat! "
with enthusiasm and a smile sweet wife of David taking paint
her husband had been prepared and ready to write. while waiting for
his writing, David went to the liquor store. When David returned to
dock, writing is what he saw in his boat

     "FOR SALE"