[For Hire] The best programmer in the whole known(and unknown) universe

[8VprMGOwgoDCXfUf]

You have a project you need someone responsible and organized to work on.
You've looked at many profiles of people who say they know programming
but they're just amateurs, and if you work with them your project will fail and
you'll waste money.
That's why you need to work with the best programmer in the known(and unknown) Universe !
I operate on a completely different level than most programmers do.
I'm the number one(#1), and everyone else is far behind. They're still debugging
while I ship code fast and like no other.
There is nobody else, noone. I'm the best ever.
(I hear you other programmers mumbling in the background "who does this guy think he is?!"
I'll tell you who I am ! I'm the best ever !! I'm the best)

P.S.
I'm considering doing this as part-time work, but you know it'll turn out well, because
I am the best, numero uno #1. The best programmer in the universe(don't you ever forget that)

[hexafraction]

Want to show us a portfolio? Or are you a giddy CS student that got a 100% on a quiz on basic for-loops, drunk, high, or an 11-year-old?

[TheBanksLife]

So just to clarify you are the best programmer in the universe?

[Lauda]

So just to clarify, you're a nobody.
If you've learned a language or two, that doesn't mean anything.
If a monkey can learn 1000 signs, you can learn 1000 functions. 

[8VprMGOwgoDCXfUf]

Want to show us a portfolio? Or are you a giddy CS student that got a 100% on a quiz on basic for-loops, drunk, high, or an 11-year-old?

I don't need a portfolio. No I'm not a giddy CS student.
In terms of age, I'm almost 30.
I just have a very big ego because I know a lot of languages, libraries and frameworks, and I know programming very well
(I am the best programmer in the universe after all...)
PM me for details if you have an offer.

So just to clarify you are the best programmer in the universe?

Just to be clear, I'm the best programmer in the universe.

So just to clarify, you're a nobody.
If you've learned a language or two, that doesn't mean anything.
If a monkey can learn 1000 signs, you can learn 1000 functions.  

You're hating because you're not the best programmer in the universe ?
It's ok... you can hate.

[AT101ET]

I like your style.
Any experience with Xcode? I need an IOS app developed

[Lauda]

I like your style.
Any experience with Xcode? I need an IOS app developed

Activity: 3
Posts: 4

Have fun with that.

[raskul]

what aperture would you shoot a model, standing in Glen Coe, 12 metres from your camera with snow-capped hills in the background, and you want her left nipple as sharp as a tack?

[hexafraction]

I don't need a portfolio.

Then how would we know that you are actually the best programmer in the known universe?

[siameze]

You must be more popular in the unknown universe, since it appears no one here has ever heard of you.

[michaeladair]

This doesn't make any sense.... Kid is full of shit, there can't be two 'best programmers in the world'. I mean, although I started a year ago, I can surely say that I beat this guy's ass. So I'm the best.

#closerequest (I know this doesn't do anything, its just for  astetic purposes cause I owned him)

[8VprMGOwgoDCXfUf]

I like your style.

Thanks, I like it too

Any experience with Xcode? I need an IOS app developed

I've used Xcode while writing a JNI on OSX.
I have an iPad so I could test on that.
Do you have other projects, apart from this iOS app ?

Then how would we know that you are actually the best programmer in the known universe?

Because I'm super-smart, and I'm more ambitious than you, I have an
extremely high confidence and I'm the best ever. There's noone that can match me.
I don't need a portfolio. I have experience, I'm ambitious.
I know the what/how/when/why/who/where of programming, I'm the best.
I type/think/move extremely fast. I'm very well versed, very experienced, very intelligent.
I'm intelligent beyond belief. You can't imagine how intelligent I am, your mind can't conceive
the level on which I'm operating. I'm on a level beyond what you can imagine.
Have you looked on this forum ? There's noone else that can match me. I'm better than
any programmer who has stepped foot in this forum. I'm the best ever. There's noone else.
You're asking how can you be sure. I'm also brutally honest, like any engineer
out there should be, like me.
You should take me as your role model because I'm the best.

Activity: 3
Posts: 4

Have fun with that.

This doesn't make any sense.... Kid is full of shit, there can't be two 'best programmers in the world'. I mean, although I started a year ago, I can surely say that I beat this guy's ass. So I'm the best.

#closerequest (I know this doesn't do anything, its just for  astetic purposes cause I owned him)

You must be more popular in the unknown universe, since it appears no one here has ever heard of you.

@LaudaM , @michaeladair , @siameze
I'll tutor all of you for free.

[michaeladair]

I would like to know where you have gotten this knowledge from and why is it that you haven't worked on any projects. Its impossible to know that you are good at coding if you don't have anything to show for it.

[8VprMGOwgoDCXfUf]

I would like to know where you have gotten this knowledge from

Very hard and constant work, relentlessness in learning, constant work, every day.

and why is it that you haven't worked on any projects.

False. I've worked on many projects.

Its impossible to know that you are good at coding if you don't have anything to show for it.

My main goal here is to talk to people who are looking for programmers on my level, which is the highest level
(there's only one programmer on that level, that's me).
If you have a serious question about my knowledge and you want to make me an offer, just
ask me specifics about my skills, I'll answer, and we can take it from there.

[Gazby]

This thread just made my day. 10/10 would read again.

[8VprMGOwgoDCXfUf]

This thread just made my day. 10/10 would read again.

Glad to hear that Gazby Thanks !
I'm the best. Refer this thread to everyone you know.
Everyone should get their chance to talk to the best programmer in the universe.

[michaeladair]

This thread just made my day. 10/10 would read again.

Glad to hear that Gazby Thanks !
I'm the best. Refer this thread to everyone you know.
Everyone should get their chance to talk to the best programmer in the universe.

People won't pay to hire people without a portfolio... I did most of my first projects for free/tips just to start building my portfolio... No offense but I'm sure people would hire me over you since I have work experience to show them.

[8VprMGOwgoDCXfUf]

People won't pay to hire people without a portfolio

They will pay me because I'm the best at what I do.
And I'll work on projects because I like programming a lot.

I did most of my first projects for free/tips just to start building my portfolio... No offense but I'm sure people would hire me over you since I have work experience to show them.

That's because you're not as good as I am. I don't need a portfolio, I'm just
extremely good at what I do.

[jonald_fyookball]

talk is cheap

[hexafraction]

People won't pay to hire people without a portfolio

They will pay me because I'm the best at what I do.
And I'll work on projects because I like programming a lot.

I did most of my first projects for free/tips just to start building my portfolio... No offense but I'm sure people would hire me over you since I have work experience to show them.

That's because you're not as good as I am. I don't need a portfolio, I'm just
extremely good at what I do.

Say I have 100 BTC to hire a sharp and competent developer, and I come across this thread. How would I tell whether you are actually a good programmer, or just saying that on the forum? For the world's greatest programmer, you seem to have a very severe lack of basic logic and reasoning.