"Don't Take Your Bitcoins To Heaven, Heaven Knows We Need Them Here"
To my Christian friends,
Glorious times are upon you! You must all be anxious and enthusiastic that the Rapture is upon you. Although I do not believe as you do, I wholeheartedly believe in Freedom of Religion and Freedom of Worship and I am very excited for you. I am starting a new service, Rapture Services, LLC.
Do you have friends or family who's mortal soul you are worried about? What happens if one of your friends or family is not taken in Rapture and left behind to face the End Times? Why not leave them your Bitcoins to make their life a little easier? It works like this. You contact me via private message and I will give you a Bitcoin address to transfer all your coins to me. Each person will have their own individual address so that there will not be any question as to how many coins were shipped to me. I will keep the coins safe by copying the wallet.dat files to as many different media types as possible and take all possible including safes, faraday cages, and faraday cages in safes. I will provide you contact detail including Name, Physical Mailing Address, Home Phone Number, Cell Phone Number, and E-mail addresses on all major e-mail providers (Hotmail, Yahoo, Google), and HAM Radio ID in case of global communications disruptions. You will include my information in your final correspondents to your friends and loved ones before the Rapture with directions to contact me if you are taken in Rapture and they are not. I will allow one week for people to contact me then distribute your Bitcoins to them evenly unless you leave more detailed instructions about how to distribute them. If you, yourself, are not taken in Rapture, you can contact me directly and identify yourself via and agreed upon identification mechanism and I will transfer your Bitcoins back to you directly. I am willing to provide this service without any fees to you or your friends in light of these glorious times.
Maybe you are a lonely soul but what about your pets? I am also offering pet sitting services after the Rapture. Transfer me your Bitcoins as stated above and I will give you my address to ships your pet to me. I will keep them here at my ranch where they will be happy and free to roam and play with other animals until the End Times. Ask about my Noah's Ark discount (Note: pets do need to be male and female to receive the Noah's Ark discount).
Thank You and Have a Blessed Rapture.