Bitcoin Forum

You have a project you need someone responsible and organized to work on.
You've looked at many profiles of people who say they know programming
but they're just amateurs, and if you work with them your project will fail and
you'll waste money.
That's why you need to work with the best programmer in the known(and unknown) Universe !
I operate on a completely different level than most programmers do.
I'm the number one(#1), and everyone else is far behind. They're still debugging
while I ship code fast and like no other.
There is nobody else, noone. I'm the best ever.
(I hear you other programmers mumbling in the background "who does this guy think he is?!"
I'll tell you who I am ! I'm the best ever !! I'm the best)

P.S.
I'm considering doing this as part-time work, but you know it'll turn out well, because
I am the best, numero uno #1. The best programmer in the universe(don't you ever forget that)

Want to show us a portfolio? Or are you a giddy CS student that got a 100% on a quiz on basic for-loops, drunk, high, or an 11-year-old?

So just to clarify you are the best programmer in the universe?

So just to clarify, you're a nobody.
If you've learned a language or two, that doesn't mean anything.
If a monkey can learn 1000 signs, you can learn 1000 functions.  ;)

I don't need a portfolio. No I'm not a giddy CS student.
In terms of age, I'm almost 30.
I just have a very big ego because I know a lot of languages, libraries and frameworks, and I know programming very well
(I am the best programmer in the universe after all...)
PM me for details if you have an offer.


Just to be clear, I'm the best programmer in the universe.


You're hating because you're not the best programmer in the universe ?
It's ok... you can hate.

I like your style.
Any experience with Xcode? I need an IOS app developed :)

Have fun with that.

what aperture would you shoot a model, standing in Glen Coe, 12 metres from your camera with snow-capped hills in the background, and you want her left nipple as sharp as a tack?

Then how would we know that you are actually the best programmer in the known universe?

You must be more popular in the unknown universe, since it appears no one here has ever heard of you.

This doesn't make any sense.... Kid is full of shit, there can't be two 'best programmers in the world'. I mean, although I started a year ago, I can surely say that I beat this guy's ass. So I'm the best.

#closerequest (I know this doesn't do anything, its just for  astetic purposes cause I owned him)

Thanks, I like it too :)


I've used Xcode while writing a JNI on OSX.
I have an iPad so I could test on that.
Do you have other projects, apart from this iOS app ?


Because I'm super-smart, and I'm more ambitious than you, I have an
extremely high confidence and I'm the best ever. There's noone that can match me.
I don't need a portfolio. I have experience, I'm ambitious.
I know the what/how/when/why/who/where of programming, I'm the best.
I type/think/move extremely fast. I'm very well versed, very experienced, very intelligent.
I'm intelligent beyond belief. You can't imagine how intelligent I am, your mind can't conceive
the level on which I'm operating. I'm on a level beyond what you can imagine.
Have you looked on this forum ? There's noone else that can match me. I'm better than
any programmer who has stepped foot in this forum. I'm the best ever. There's noone else.
You're asking how can you be sure. I'm also brutally honest, like any engineer
out there should be, like me.
You should take me as your role model because I'm the best.




@LaudaM , @michaeladair , @siameze
I'll tutor all of you for free.

I would like to know where you have gotten this knowledge from and why is it that you haven't worked on any projects. Its impossible to know that you are good at coding if you don't have anything to show for it.

Very hard and constant work, relentlessness in learning, constant work, every day.


False. I've worked on many projects.


My main goal here is to talk to people who are looking for programmers on my level, which is the highest level
(there's only one programmer on that level, that's me).
If you have a serious question about my knowledge and you want to make me an offer, just
ask me specifics about my skills, I'll answer, and we can take it from there.

This thread just made my day. 10/10 would read again.

Glad to hear that Gazby :) Thanks !
I'm the best. Refer this thread to everyone you know.
Everyone should get their chance to talk to the best programmer in the universe.

People won't pay to hire people without a portfolio... I did most of my first projects for free/tips just to start building my portfolio... No offense but I'm sure people would hire me over you since I have work experience to show them.

They will pay me because I'm the best at what I do.
And I'll work on projects because I like programming a lot.


That's because you're not as good as I am. I don't need a portfolio, I'm just
extremely good at what I do.

talk is cheap

Say I have 100 BTC to hire a sharp and competent developer, and I come across this thread. How would I tell whether you are actually a good programmer, or just saying that on the forum? For the world's greatest programmer, you seem to have a very severe lack of basic logic and reasoning.

You're just fucking stupid, you claim to have worked on projects but don't feel like showing them? That's just fuxking dumb. Nobody will ever hire you with your stuck up attitude.

epic trolling m8

Haters hating..

Seems legit where do I send BTC?

16NJWnrg7piBf24unvGZZdVdQoqzhDxChV

Lolz fucking noob, keep your dirty ass btc address.

Can I give you a task and we use escrow?  Would you be comfortable putting up a small deposit of your own in
case you're not the world's greatest and the project doesn't get completed?

Let's see if you have what it takes. One question...

Tabs or spaces?

Satoshi ?
Is that you ?

I've sent you a pm asking for details.

Tabs using vim (it will insert the amount of spaces that you configure it to using tabs :P)

emacs will do that too(among many other things). I use both vim and emacs.
I don't actually mind spaces versus tabs. I have project-specific configuration files.

dont wanna miss the conversation  :)

You have to give him 1 thing...excellent marketing skills for his services! I have no need for any coding work to be done, and would never have clicked if it were not for this topic title. If he can code as well as he makes topics - he might just be THE BEST!

Hello sir programmer

I want to know can you tell me who is the developer of HTML without searching?
Ty.

No thanks. There are already 500 used copies of Teach yourself C++ in 21 days from members of the Alt coins section available.

and more copies coming in everyday.

I posted this in another thread before. A mathematician offering his services. Maybe it's something for you?

Could you develop a fast algorithm to calculate the discrete cosine transform (or any daubechies wavelet) of a non-power-of-two amount of samples?
I need it to be ridiculously fast; perfect accuracy is not crucial.
I'm working on a video codec, which is working extremely well so far. I get very competitive compression ratio's compared to H265, but the computational complexity is just ridiculous. (realtime is far from possible, except for very low resolution video)
I need to do a DCT (or DWT) of sample sizes typically between 64 and 1024, usually around 700. It's fine if you come up with different algorithms, depending on the sample size.

Pseudocode is fine; preferably C/C++.

I'm willing to pay you a decent sum, if it's fast enough.

OP, if you are the 'best programmer' I'm sure you would be up for a little wager right? Hey, if you beat a few people your claim might have some merit.

I find this challenging, I'll take you up on this challenge. See pm for details.




@Blazedout419
Yes, I am THE BEST, I stay the best, and I will continue to be the best, no doubt.
Yes I'm very confident. If you have friends that need the best programmer, I'm here, let them know(refer them to this thread).
If you'll need coding work done in the future, you know where to find me.





@siameze , @Welsh
Sorry haters, I'm not impressed by your performance. I stay composed. My mindset is the best.

Everyone else reading this: I'm the real deal (points-at-chest), I'm the number one. If you need the best programmer, you know where to find me.
I'm right here every day.

ill wait for the first task completed..

and of course use escrow guys!

Is this guy Kanye West? Ego is a drug. 

Some previous work would be nice to see!

LOL. Dying

You should do something along the lines of fakegrimlock for that very very large ego but for humor.  Please post the result of the challenge that you accepted

Best. Thread. So. Far.  ;D
I like your style xD Anyways, have fun programming!

Okay, a small, easy test for you:

Write a program that prints number 1 to 100. But, for multiples of 7 print "Satoshi" instead of the number and for the multiples of 8 print "Nakamoto". For numbers that are multiples of both 7 and 8 print "SatoshiNakamoto".

Very nice topic i will grab some popcorn  ::)

The best programmer in the whole known(and unknown) universe is too busy for popcorn drama.

Much disappoint.

Haha, ok

In C

In Python

In Perl

In Elisp

In Bash

What other languages should I write this in ?
Any other challenges ?

I'd like to thank those who reached out to me so far :) That was nice.
You still have the chance to work with me on a part-time project.
Use your chance, it's a great opportunity. If you pass on the best programmer in the known universe,
who will you choose? A newbie? Will you choose a weak programmer, an amateur for your project ?
Why would you do that ? Why would you choose an amateur ?!

Choose the best programmer in the whole known(and unknown) universe ! That's me :)
I am the best, and you have the biggest opportunity of your lifetime right now to work with me !
The most wise, the most skilled, the best organized, the most productive, the most handsome, the most marketable,
the smartest, the most intelligent, by far the best programmer in the whole known(and unknown) universe !

I'm absolutely the best there is.
I'm super-smart, I'm the best.

*Sets down popcorn, slowly claps*

That's the only thing you can do when you get touched by the greatness, charisma, intelligence, programming expertise,
marketing skill, by my poise, by my smartness.

You put that popcorn down son and give it up for me !!

Give it up for me everybody !! I am the best programmer in the known (and unknown) universe !!
:)

You forgot to add financially stable ;)

I am about to wrap up my semester BUT I have some things that might interest you :)

Of course, we will use escrow but I am sure we can work something out for the x,y and z.

One includes a joker.org replacement but I havnt been able to develop a proper user database, mainly find an approriate way to distribute torrented files AFTER grabbing them via Transmission. I can go further into details but rather over IRC. Sending you a pm.


Another is a blockchain based project (NOT A COIN) but something a bit better, it expands upon what I was stating earlier :P

I sent you a message...

http://imgur.com/YepHBdQ


If you can fix this, I"ll pay you.

Have you ever produced code for any premine or ico coin? I prefer to work with The best programmer in the whole known(and unknown) universe if he laughs in the face of scummy code.

* does the same as above *  ;D

Can you build web/mobile/tablet apps about livescore , odds & fixture community?

what is the value of


?

k takes whatever value I want it to, always, every single time.

No I haven't.


I can, but those don't interest me that much, sorry.

I guess you couldn't figure out my issue either. Don't feel bad, nobody else can either.

Guess your password and it should work.. *guessing*. Hmm.. this thread look interesting.. he might be wanna-be Satoshi Nakamoto.

I can, but those don't interest me that much, sorry.
[/quote]

so can You please explain what would be of interest for You? because I have many ideas regarding BTC gambling sites.
thanks

Not gambling websites again.. please.. that's overrated, plus.. why should I play a game of chance, I'm a man
of surgical precision.. I'm not a gambler, I don't gamble, I know what I do so well that I hit bulls-eye 100% of the time

Large-scale crawlers/scrapers. I am very interested in the idea of search, search engines, databases, and in
general finding things.

Here's a more detailed answer I gave someone on this forum in PM:


As said above, I didn't include nearly all the things I'm interested in, so describe your projects and
we can discuss them further.

Just to be clear, in the meantime, Convicted2008 had solved the mysql problem he was experiencing, however
he was not able to run it because it couldn't connect to Redis.I've tested this on his machine by trying to connect to port 6379, the default
port of Redis, which although open, did not allow connections from a telnet client(putty).
Unfortunately during our session, I had an unexpected power outage, and this is where we left off.
On CoiniumServ's github issue tracker, issue #680 (https://github.com/CoiniumServ/CoiniumServ/issues/680)
is describing what Convicted2008 and myself have seen happening on his machine
(he had CoiniumServ configured with hybrid storage with both mysql and redis).
After the power outage, I've reached a cafe nearby and tried this again, only with redis and the default configuration
(no mysql).
Running CoiniumServ as Administrator was necessary.
As a result I was able to have the web interface working.
https://i.imgur.com/xKERtvO.png

More details on CoiniumServ
- CoiniumServ is opensource, however, binaries for it are available for a price on the company's website (http://www.coiniumserv.com/)
- CoiniumServ can be compiled using Mono and is platform-agnostic. Details about compiling can be found in CoiniumServ's travis.yml file (https://github.com/CoiniumServ/CoiniumServ/blob/develop/.travis.yml#L14)
In addition to that, it's necessary to add some assembly references (https://i.imgur.com/8WmAn0e.png) to the CoiniumServ Mono project
for it to build without errors (adding assembly references for the CSRedis library and for the Serilog library)
Also when cloning the CoiniumServ repository it's necessary to also clone the submodule CSRedis:

chocolatey dependencies (https://chocolatey.org/):
nodejs, redis-64, mono, monodevelop, vcredist2010, vcexpress2010, dotnet4.5,  redis-commander
nuget dependencies (https://www.nuget.org/):
the Serilog C# library

Hope this helps someone compiling his own CoiniumServ(mining pool server).

P.S.
If anyone wants more details, let me know.
I've spent together with Convicted2008 1h30min on investigating this together.
Before that happened, I've spent another ~2h setting up a VM and compiling CoiniumServ
just in case this was an actual bug.
I've also not discussed payment details with Convicted2008 but will possibly do so at some point.

Impressive. The plot thickens.....

I wouldn't be surprised if:
came up coincidentally on Stackoverflow or similar sites that help with coding.  :D

Nothing on Stack Overflow it seems. I can see deleted posts as a 10K+ user but they are not indexed in search, so I'd have to come across it manually.

Nice feat.
The code doesn't necessary have to print on multiples of 7. A multiple of any number, + combination of numbers could easily be edited.

lol - I've been programming for 31 years.

Man, this guy is full of guts to say that he's indeed the "best programmer in the known (and unknown) universe".
How will we know if you really are the greatest among the greatest if you don't have a portfolio to show us? -_- Full of air inside those head. Pop it up bro.

I tried a few combinations. If I am too vague, there will be dozens of fizz-buzz answers.

At any rate, it has interesting thread potential.

So he can't have too much experience. Anyhow programming isn't the only thing that's needed, it's his other skills/his character. No wonder he's looking for a job here.  :D

who on earth doesnt know the OLD fizzbuzz test ??? : http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?FizzBuzzTest

Are you new here? We have the finest collection of coders EVAH in the altcoin section. But this guy claims to be the best.

I am sorry to inform you about this. But, turns out, you are the second best, numero due #2 :(

First of course, is the one and only ndnhc , the God of programming.

yes  :-[

Hey this guy has proved himself by me. If you on here any at all you would have seen I been searching for help with the Coiniumserv binary software I purchased to set up and learn about pools and operations. The problem was I bought their binary edition(because I don't know how to code) and was using the Youtube instuctional video to a T. Step for step. The problem was that their precompiled versions have a known issue but to date that if you download the binary edition install it, then your going to have issues with REDIS.

https://github.com/CoiniumServ/CoiniumServ/issues/680#

This has been going on since the end of October and is documented.


8VprMGOwgoDCXfUf had to compile my code from github and send it to me. He did a great job. Recommended.

well i guess he is the best after all. This is the second best thread, first being the pizza one of cause . I thought op was just trolling around.   ;D

That's proof of having some programming skills. I could have probably done that for you as well.
He has proved nothing so far.

Just when I was getting bored. There is a challenger. Now perhaps by the end of this thread we will know who the definitive "Best programmer in the known (and unknown) universe" is.

I accept the challenge.
The war for the position has begun.

My turn first. How good is your KNWOIJSA coding skills? ;D


P.S. Don't Google it.

also, what is a "Paamayim Nekudotayim", without googling please :)

So just to summarize, after 9 days of advertising my skills and availability:
- received 13 offers in total
- 6 offers were around gambling, casinos, and other things
- 1 offer was around a chat application, but the buyer apparently says
work for it would start next year, and it's unclear whether that's ever going to happen
- 1 of them was about some work around torrents that turned out to be unpaid work
- 1 of them said he would show up to talk on IRC which he didn't because of technical difficulties(on 2 different occasions, 2 days apart)
- 1 of them was someone that needed help with something and I did help him for free as can be seen above
- 1 of them was about bitshares, which is still unclear to me(hopefuly I'll get some clarification)
- 1 of them was an interesting project involving complicated algorithms and research yet the formulation
of the job offer is "If someone can write this code for me I'm willing to pay good money".
The problem with that, is that there needs to be work done in order to build said software, moreover
it was a research project, yet he was treating it like a fixed price type of project.
I didn't understand that then, nor do I understand it now. But at least he was honest and I appreciate that.
- 1 of them was about building a chess game where each player in a match puts in a sum of money,
and if they won, then they'd take back theirs and the adversary's money. that was a nice project
with good potential but the pay was pretty much crap(~600USD)
- a lot of the offers included propositions of sharing revenue instead of actually paying for the work done.
mostly scams or near-scams and overall red-flags

Now for some more comments:


@siameze
Buddy bro, I don't care who you are, when you set up a meeting with someone, show up!
Don't tell me your silly excuses that you couldn't set up some proxy..
The guy wasn't able to set up a proxy for his IRC client..
Can you believe that ? Yet he said he wanted to talk over IRC..
Dude, srsly.. that sucks, and you did that twice..

disappointment


I've spent 3h in total talking to this ^^ guy(@h0lybyte), turns out he wants to share revenue instead of paying and he
has overall very sketchy and unclear ideas(which are unclear to him as well, not just me) or he doesn't
even know how to express them.

disappointment

To recap, I came here to advertise my skills and my availability to work on projects.
Zero actual results so far(that's 0).
This was my experience with bitcointalk so far, hoping for better results from hereon.
My overall impression of jobs paid in bitcoin so far is that they're extremely sketchy, buyers either
don't know what they want, they don't want to pay for it or if they do, they want to pay
very small amounts of money for large projects.

It's something you don't really see in other parts of freelancing websites.

Anyway, cheers to those that have actually been able to do some serious work and get
some gigs on here, although I think there's very few of you.

Rather disingenuous reply, don't you think? Surely the best programmer in the whole known (and unknown) universe knows how corporate firewalls work and why I can't just magically appear at the behest of some random Korean guy on irc.

Happy holidays nonetheless and good luck with your endeavors.

So, just to be clear, he didn't actually write any code or fix any bugs.. only downloaded the code from GitHub and compiled it. That doesn't prove he's a good programmer any more than your ability to buy a car and drive it off the lot proves you're a good mechanic. I'm much more impressed with his answer to the FizzBuzz test (in multiple languages, even) than I am with his ability to compile someone else's code.. but even that doesn't prove he's the "best" it only proves (assuming no cheating) that he can write code. I don't doubt that he can write code, but anybody with the slightest amount of common sense and logic is going to doubt someone who claims to be the "best" at anything, especially without proof.

For the record, if OP is "almost 30" as he claims, I was writing code before he was born and knew 5 different programming languages on 3 different computers (Apple II, Commodore and IBM PC) by the time he started school.. it's something I've always enjoyed and I do know what I'm doing, but I'd never claim to be the best. It's also interesting that the "best programmer in the known (and unknown) universe" is interested in search but is looking for work here when you'd think he should be working for Google, Microsoft or Yahoo.

But look what he's accomplished by saying he's the best programmer in the whole known(and unknown) universe. He got more hits that Miley Cyrus flashing her tits.