I have no plan on gambling ever again.
You're raffling away bitcoins in the Newbie section right fucking now.
Lurk, I'm dropping my usual evil sarcastic persona here to tell you you NEED professional help. I don't say this to be mean. I say this as a "former" addict myself, because I don't want you to slide further down that slope. It is hard, very hard to break an addiction and even tough we might think we might have the strength to overcome that addiction on our own, the truth is, only a very select few actually do. There are people out there who know how to help, who have helped others and who will help you, if you only let them. Please, please at least talk to one of them.
I know you totally didn't want to hear that right now.