It all started while watching a random ad, about the Price of bitcoin. Then I remembered that many years ago my cousin told me to invest in Bitcoin, but I did not listen, I had the loser mindset at the time.
As I read the ad I struggled to stand up. I grew dizzy, almost fainting. I laid in the bed and cried. I cried for several hours, to relieve the pressure inside my head. I am an agnostic but at that night I believed in God, praying to Him (or her) to give me a second chance. And I was hating myself, hating my entire life, of what a lazy worthless fool I was.
It was ironic because at that night, even though I started to believe in God, it was my belief in God which made me no longer believe Determinism. The idea we have "fates" or that our destiny is predestined, is what some religious people claim proves God. But at that moment I realized we live in a cold, hollow universe, and that I had no "fate", nothing I did in my life was meant to happen. All of my life was meaningless, because of my choices I am simply in a bad world, and that our world is bad because of everyone else's choices. All of us have to make a choice and that doesn't mean our choices will lead to a good or predestined outcome, there is no regulator of our choices and sometimes we receive fates that are not part of some "grand plan" to get us all to Heaven.
So at that time I made a resolution never to be a sop again, that I would get my life on track and start heavily investing and obsessing over money. However now that I am in the cryptogame I have noticed my sanity taking a steady turn for the worst.
I can no longer enjoy videogames, or watching movies, anything that doesn't have to do with making money feels like a waste of time. I view human beings as sheep and children, who don't understand the most important thing is to make money. I work over 12 hours a day doing nothing but related to money.
It is a bit like that Whataboutbob movie, where I start out as a sane and wise psychiatrist, while I steadily go down a road of insanity compared to those around me. That is what it feels like. It feels like nothing I do is ever enough. It feels like I can never catch up to the train. It feels like there are 20 or more trains around me, and the moment I try to board one train I realize I missed another. And I try to research but I realize every minute I spend on research I am losing money investing in another coin.
And although the trolls have told me a couple good coins, I feel like it is not enough. Because I feel like Oscar Shindler saying "I could have saved more." I keep thinking that I could have invested in the crypto game a few months earlier and that I would be rich. Now I am getting paranoid there is no more hope in crypto, with all these BS government regulations I wonder if there will ever even be a future for crypto or will it be banned altogether, the moment I get in. I wonder if my consciousness is the same as everyone else, and that I am not special, because I am linked to everyone else's consciousness and now everybody's trying to get in, not just me, and maybe because I am not special I am a worthless person.
And then I think about how I spent $300 on shitcoins, hoping I will be a millionaire and waiting for the coins to take off, but nothing happening and dev's being behind schedule. And this stresses me out to no end, I just sit and look at these coins and there aren't even buyers of these coins so I can't get my money back. And then I think about all the coins that I did buy, but only bought $100 or $50 of each, and I watch powerlessly locked to my chair as they are mooning. I feel like Oscar Schindler where "I could have saved more, I could have saved more". I think about all the junk I bought in my lifetime that I never use, that I could have put towards crypto. I think about all the coins I don't know about, that are mooning and I will miss out on the profits until it is too late. I think about all the endless hours of research still not being enough, I think about all the times I ignored my psychic powers and gut instinct and lost out on money, I think about taking out money from the coins I believed in, just to put them into other good coins and balance out the risk, even though I believed in both coins. I think about how my IRA is stuck and they wont allow me to cash it and put into crypto. It is all so stressful for me and even though I am not losing money, I feel so terrible and paranoid because I know I am losing out on future riches. I have only put $1500 into crypto but I know I could put so much more, if I just had a decent job which I don't.
And then there's all these free airdrops, there are so many I can't even track them all, and they make you go through so much effort to sign up, sometimes I get paranoid and say "Will they correctly register me as an airdrop? Or will they not like my facebook because I don't have many friends, or will they not like my twitter because I don't have many followers. Will all the airdrops go through? Will I catch all the airdrops before they expire?" And the fact I already have successful airdrops is not enough. For instance, one airdrop I was late to and so I only got 1 coin, when everyone else got 100 coins. And it keeps looping in my mind, had I only been a week faster I could have got 100 coins which=$500. And the more I think about it the more sick I become.
It feels like chasing and chasing, a bunch of trains I can never catch, I see posts where people have $10,000 savings to invest, meanwhile my IRAs are locked up and I can't invest, makes me lose my mind. My thoughts are racing and I dream of crypto. But it's still not enough. I never have enough time to research or sign up for all the free airdrops. I get paranoid my friends won't support my referals to the airdrops either. And even though I have invested in several coins which are mooning, I feel like I did not invest enough. And then I think about all the failed coins I bought, which I could have put more into the mooning coins, and I say why did I not simply do this, makes me lose my mind into a downward spiral. Some days I go to bed and I say, man life sucks, I am broke, have no car, live in a trailer, only way people will like me if I am rich, only way I will enjoy a utopia is if I am rich, but it is so much work to be rich, it would be easier if I just was never born.
Basically, this movie started me on my steady descent towards insanity.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmtUuosWe4QAgree with the most of comments, saying, that you must have had this issue before and it's not connected with crypto. The same issue might happen to you, if you'd be a videogame sportsman)
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