Geek jokes

[Severian]

A pager walks into a bar. The bartender says "What are you, more or less?"

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[BurntSnow]

You know the way out. Shoo!

[payb.tc]

i was going to tell a joke about svn, but i don't think anyone would git it.

[organofcorti]

"It has now been proven beyond a doubt that smoking is the major cause of statistics."
-Author Unknown

[adamstgBit]

i was going to tell a joke about svn, but i don't think anyone would git it.

i might i use svn, I'm sure other people here do to...

do tell

[payb.tc]

i was going to tell a joke about svn, but i don't think anyone would git it.

i might i use svn, I'm sure other people here do to...

do tell

lol, obviously you didn't git the joke.

[organofcorti]

i was going to tell a joke about svn, but i don't think anyone would git it.

i might i use svn, I'm sure other people here do to...

do tell

lol, obviously you didn't git the joke.

Clearly he hub no sense of humour.

[Garr255]

i was going to tell a joke about svn, but i don't think anyone would git it.

i might i use svn, I'm sure other people here do to...

do tell

lol, obviously you didn't git the joke.

Clearly he hub no sense of humour.

you don't need to use svn to git that...

[Gladamas]

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because they can't get their position and momentum correct at the same time.

[Severian]

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because they can't get their position and momentum correct at the same time.

Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding. The cop says, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

[Gladamas]

The box said, "Requires Windows Vista or better," so I installed Linux.

[adamstgBit]

i was going to tell a joke about svn, but i don't think anyone would git it.

i might i use svn, I'm sure other people here do to...

do tell

lol, obviously you didn't git the joke.

Clearly he hub no sense of humour.

you don't need to use svn to git that...

lol i didn't notice the typo

i git it...

[adamstgBit]

Your mana is so stupid, she thought she had to sell her bitcoin on mtgox, to buy a bitcoin t-shirt

[zoinky]

You hear about that band 1023 megabytes? I heard they are having their first gig this weekend.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Overheard at the visitor center at Fermi Lab.

What's nu?
Not much! What's new with you?

And, on a slightly different tangent to satisfy the Furry Geeks.

What did one wildebeest say to the other wildebeest at an upscale lounge?
Around here, we're gnu.

And, for the Bitcoiner.

Roman walks into a bar and stops at a table where Tom, Zhou, Amir, Patrick, Donald, et al., are setting, and ask, "Now can I set at the adult table?"

[goodlord666]

Xαστoύκι στo σκoτάδι!

Ένας Έλληνας άνθρωπoς, ένας Aλβανός άνθρωπoς, μια σoυηδική κoρίτσι και ένα παλιό ιταλικό γυναίκα ταξιδεύoυν σε ένα τρένo πoυ μόλις εισήλθε ένα σκoτεινό τoύνελ. Ξαφνικά ακoύνε ένα δυνατό χαστoύκι, και όταν τo τρένo πρoκύπτει, η αλβανική άνθρωπoς έχει μια κόκκινη εκτύπωση χέρι στo μάγoυλό τoυ.
       Θα πρέπει να groped τη σoυηδική κoρίτσι, και αυτή τoν χαστoύκισε, η ιταλική γυναίκα σκέφτεται.
      Πρoσπάθησε να μoυ ψηλαφώ, αλλά fondled την γριά αντ 'αυτoύ, και αυτή τoν χαστoύκισε, η σoυηδική κoρίτσι απoφασίζει.
      O Έλληνας άνθρωπoς πρέπει να έχει groped την ξανθιά, και μoυ χαστoύκισε από ατύχημα, oι Aλβανoί καθoρίζει.
      Δεν μπoρώ να περιμένω για μια άλλη σήραγγα, η ελληνική άνθρωπoς σκέφτεται, ώστε να μπoρώ να σκαμπίλι ότι η αλβανική και πάλι!



.. oh wait! This isn't Greek jokes?

[joshbb]

Here's a joke I made up myself in Abstract Algebra class one day:

"What are the chances a group is cyclic? One in Abelian."

[Foxpup]

Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.

BSD stout: Deep, hearty, and an acquired taste. The official brewer has released the recipe, and a lot of home-brewers now use it.
Hurd beer: Long advertised by the popular and politically active GNU brewery, so far it has more head than body. The GNU brewery is mostly known for printing complete brewing instructions on every can, which contains hops, malt, barley, and yeast ... not yet fermented.
Linux brand: A recipe originally created by a drunken Finn in his basement, it has since become the home-brew of choice for impecunious brewers and Unix beer-lovers worldwide, many of whom change the recipe.
POSIX ales: Sweeter than lager, with the kick of a stout; the newer batches of a lot of beers seem to blend ale and stout or lager.
Solaris brand: A lager, intended to replace Sun brand stout. Unlike most lagers, this one has to be drunk more slowly than stout.
Sun brand: Long the most popular stout on the Unix market, it was discontinued in favor of a lager.
SysV lager: Clear and thirst-quenching, but lacking the body of stout or the sweetness of ale.


A.OUT(1)                  UNIX Programmer's Manual                   A.OUT(1)

NAME
a.out - print cryptic message

SYNOPSIS
a.out [ options ]

DESCRIPTION
A.out accepts any option passed to it, stalls for a few seconds, and then prints a cryptic message chosen from the list below. The message printed is determined by selecting a random number calculated from the time since midnight, July 16, 1974. Each of the messages has a different probability of appearing.

The messages are:

(75%)     memory fault. core dumped.

(24%)     bus error. core dumped.

(1%)      yo' mama. core dumped.

In more sophisticated implementations, a.out will stall for a period of time directly proportional to the complexity of the last program compiled. In some very sophisticated systems, a.out will print strings extracted from the calls to printf(2) in the last program compiled before it prints its message.

FILES
Last program compiled.

SEE ALSO
cc(1), lint(1), /etc/haltsys(8）

NOTES
A.out was originally implemented to prevent non-UNIX programmers from performing any useful work on a UNIX system. Towards this end, this manual page and any other information on this command should not be widely circulated.

BUGS
In very rare cases, a.out will actually execute the last program compiled. This is an intermittent bug.

                               20 December 1985                      A.OUT(1)

[Garr255]

Hahaha!

Where did you get those Foxpup?

[Severian]

The Null Packet