BiPolarBob's Tell-A-Joke Round #1 (Prize: 0.12345 btc)

[fitimi]

One day three women went for a job interview. The man interviewing them posed all three the same question. What would you do if you found an extra €50 in on your paycheck that you shouldn’t have received? The first one said, “I’d give it back as it wasn’t mine and I wasn’t entitled to it.” When he asked the second one she replied, “I’d give it to Charity.” When he asked the third one, she was more honest and she said, “I’d keep it for myself and go out for a drink.” Which one of the three women got the job? The one with the biggest tits!

[rodzimajid]

Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

[abasin]

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”

[KriszDev]

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

[godlyitems]

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

[peterson33]

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

[rio3232]

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

[amacar1]

Why would bitcoin be awesome DJ (deejay) ?
Because it can do massive drops  

[redandblack]

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

[monas]

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

[raysa]

I have a story when I entered the contest on twitterTakeMyBitcoins and when it is to the theme of Helloween and create photo Selfi scary zombie.
but I do not have a costume on it. and I ended up using the stuff that is around me. and wrap around my face to look like a zombie  

and this my face after makeup LMAO



I see this is not scary but very amusing hahaa
but in the end I was really into the contest winner and prize bitcoin  
https://twitter.com/TakeMyBitcoins/status/520420630353563649

Lol, that looks rather painful. Did your face come out the same when you were done?

no , only the hair on the face of the many uprooted

[dinda22]

Q : Have you ever heard of a baby who is able to drink all the elephant’s milk in a day?

A : I’ve never heard of it. That is impossible. Whose baby?

Q : baby elephant 

[JosIzem]

Today I met a person whose face was looking like this -

Me : what happened buddy ?
Person : Nothing today I asked a loan on bitcointalk
Me : oh then ?
Person : QuickSeller was the first to reply

and we all know what he replies, LOL

I know what he would reply to me.

I always like quickseller but at times he seems too rude too.

[clarkgeneral86]

Critic : Ah! And what is this ? It is superb! What soul! What expression!

Artist : Yeah ? That's where I clear the paint off my brushes.

[Karpeles]

A man walks in to a bank and asks if he can convert his dollars to bitcoin.

His account is frozen and he is reported as a possible terrorist to the FBI.

[ajareselde]

There's no blacker humor than this
Mark Karpeles still has Exchange "bitcoins on mtgox!" in his signature

https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2134

[nickaizoku]

Husband : sweety, why are you crying...?
Wife : im reading book, has a very sad ending..
Husband : what book?
Wife : your bank book.

[nekochan05]

the thief just don't know well about bitcoin and give a cash to bitcoiner 

[ndnh]

There's no blacker humor than this
Mark Karpeles still has Exchange "bitcoins on mtgox!" in his signature

https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2134

Apparently he is "Working on new MtGox features" too

says his personal text.

[Karpeles]

What did the dollar tell the bitcoin?

Take over the world, son? Why, you can't even get into a stripper's pants!