Somebody tell me I'm going to grow out of this....

[onesalt]

Atlas you need to accept that altruism is a natural part of human nature and trying to deny it based on the theory that a man is only worth as much as his monetary possesions is an insane standpoint to 99.9% of the population.

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[bitcola]

I sometimes wonder myself what the point of existence is. I don't really fear death anymore. And if life is a misery then I sometimes question why we have that survival instinct. It's clearly some evolutionary thing.

I personally think that the modern quality of life, especially in the West, is terrible.

We are supposed to live in tribal communities. Life is not about sitting behind computers, buying consumer products, working 8 to 6 doing jobs that most of us hate etc. in order to try and retire early which most of us will never achieve.

I see those in the developing world and I honestly think their lives are better.


Now you see yourself as a parasite and just taking and not giving. Well firstly, you know you are doing it so you have a conscience. Regret in itself shows some humility. But why self-loathe yourself? You have to accept yourself for what you are. We are not all what we think we should be.

You can strive for something, but don't fight your nature. It is what it is.


I'm not perfect. There are things about me I wish were different. But there is not much I can do about it now.

[TradersEdgeDice]

Get rid of any Judeo Christian Islamic thinking or shame and find a woman for just sex.

You will pay for sex for the rest of your natural life one way or another.  At least with a prostitute, there's a final price tag.

A lot of women in the industry are REALLY good psychologists.  And a lot of them are batshit insane.  Don't go for the first pitch.  They need your business and it will be a business transaction.

You wouldn't believe what you can learn when you have a woman under explicit orders to let you know when you are being stupid or otherwise ignorant and how it should be corrected.

You don't just need to get cloth off your body.  You need to get it off your mind.  I don't know anybody who can do that by themselves.

Reaching out to a bunch of anonymous people on the net will not go very far if it moves you forward at all. 

[RevolutionMaster]

Get rid of any Judeo Christian Islamic thinking or shame and find a woman for just sex.
You will pay for sex for the rest of your natural life one way or another.  At least with a prostitute, there's a final price tag.

And remember to pay in bitcoins!

In all seriousness, even if the quality of life sucks, try to find a niche that helps people, because if you improve the quality of life for other people, you yourself will have a better quality of life.

[dodgrr]

when I feel shitty, I make art.  No one to satisfy but yourself

[TradersEdgeDice]

Get rid of any Judeo Christian Islamic thinking or shame and find a woman for just sex.
You will pay for sex for the rest of your natural life one way or another.  At least with a prostitute, there's a final price tag.

And remember to pay in bitcoins!

In all seriousness, even if the quality of life sucks, try to find a niche that helps people, because if you improve the quality of life for other people, you yourself will have a better quality of life.

Since we really cannot win against the PTB, I'd rather see headlines like "bitcoin drives people to solicit prostitution" instead of "bitcoin drives people to suicide." :-)

Think of your fellow lunatics, Atlas.

[tonto]

Look, I am not obligated to your time. If you are going to dog me for begging for attention, so be it. That's what I am damn doing because I need advice.

I don't feel like living at all at the moment. If I had an accessible firearm, I would of probably blown out my brains 5 minutes ago in a game of Russian Roullette. Thoughts that are convincing me that existence is not worth playing with are around the context  of part of me believing I am a parasite, that all I do is take from people and never give anything worthwhile back. I feel basically like I have contributed nothing and I always fail at doing so.

I have gotten pretty suicidal infrequently over the past few months. They've put me on these meds -- but all they do is nullify all feeling. They make existence even more pointless for me without the real pain of it all.

Just tell me this will go away over the years. I feel I am gradually going insane. I don't know what factors or cursed genetics caused this but I want to be a stable organism.

Has anyone gone through this and fixed it? Is it just a matter of accepting it?

Hey Atlas, I don't know you man, but just stay living man.  I was within minutes of doing that myself, 18 years ago.
 
Now, 18 years later, I'm married, have an awesome baby boy, and can't imagine not living.   Had I done what I was going to do when I was a senior, this beautiful baby boy would not exist, and his happy squeals of joy when I enter the room would be silent.
 
Don't do it!  Life goes on, it gets better.... and if it doesn't, get a hooker

[tonto]

Furthermore, if you don't have one (or a fun one) yet, try to get a hobby that you look forward to.  My current hobby is tinkering around on my boat, and boating/swimming.  I also try to take my dogs on long walks, it gets us all exercise which helps clear your mind as well. 
 
If I wasn't into boating, I'd totally get a remote-controlled helicopter.

[rebuilder]

Living is an experience. It's not always a very nice one, sometimes it feels terrible and continues to do so for a long time. It still beats the hell out of the alternative. We'll all have plenty of time to rot in the ground, why hasten death?

As for being a parasite... even if you were, why would you care? Just because you were born, it doesn't mean you owe the world something. Find the things you like doing and do them. It'll mean taking risks, it'll mean failing, and it'll probably mean changing your mind about what it is you like doing many times. You're not likely to find a true purpose in life, something you intend to do until you die, but that's a good thing. Not knowing what you're going to do next keeps things interesting...

Seriously. Don't off yourself. You'd be killing off a whole world - the one you experience.

[Ryland R. Taylor-Almanza]

First of all, if this means anything, I have nothing but respect for you, Atlas. I've learned an incredible amount from all of you're posts, and you have motivated me to learn more. You are the smartest, most intellectual 17 year old I've ever met (Especially considering how stupid kids are in my area.) I've read thousands of depression posts like this, and usually I have no reaction other than "Well, that sucks." But reading this coming from you actually made me hurt inside. We haven't even really talked that much, but I have profound respect for you anyways, just from reading posts from you and pm's occasionally.

firearm + webcam + live stream

think about it

deadlizard, I have now lost every last bit of respect I've ever had for you.

[ansible adams]

Life has no meaning but what we make.

I have thought long and hard about suicide several times in my life. The worst despair was in my early 20s, and for no apparent exogenous reason. My life was fine according to normal indicators. The cloud over me didn't lift until I had intensively researched suicide methods and come up with a method that appeared reasonably painless, accessible, and foolproof (hydrogen sulfide inhalation). Knowing that I could quit life whenever I wanted to, it became unimportant to quit just then. The sodium sulfide and citric acid are still waiting in the closet in case I change my mind.

I've never discussed my suicidal thoughts with a professional or anyone who knows me face to face. I'm not crying for help. I'm preparing an exit strategy. Hopefully life retains enough meaning to hold me here, but if not I know how to leave.

[nemo]

You grow out of it, then you regret the time you wasted acting like a little bitch.

As far as being a parasite and never helping anybody, I'd greatly appreciate your bitcoins:

1ESG4qM68ZU2X3QD5R3ywv1LSRVRWQaVdT

50 would be rad as fuck.

[deadlizard]

um wtf is wrong with you 

Statisticaly those that talk about it don't go through with it.
And if for some reason he does he might aswell make it memorable.

[MikesMechanix]

Statisticaly those that talk about it don't go through with it.

You're 100 % wrong. It is VERY important to take people who talk about suicide seriously.

Almost everyone who ends up committing suicide talks about it beforehand. It can be for a variety of reasons, but it's generally thought of as the last desperate call for help.

Also, compared with the rest, people with a history of depression are orders of magnitude more likely to commit suicide. Roughly 15 % of people with diagnosed depression end up killing themselves.

It is very important that the OP's depression is treated. That should be the #1 priority. Even if he's not yet too serious about what he says.

[Djao]

[em3rgentOrdr]

Yes, there is some very empowering thing about becoming *post-suicidal* if you could call it that.  Basically, then you realize that you can do just about anything.  Become a full-blown agorist.  Don't worry about cops shutting down your business.  Go out and be civilly disobedient.  Go change your name, reinvent yourself, move to a random country, learn their language, and spread the ideas of anti-statism to them.  Take more chances.

*Disclaimer: I don't necessarily advocate that you go out and try to get yourself in trouble with the police.  All I'm saying is that now your can raise your risk threshold.  Now you are enabled to do so much more that was previously out of question.  Although as a voluntaryist, I would advise against any acts of violence, needlesstosay.  But there are so many other things that you can now do.

But yes, I do enjoy your posts here on bitcoin forum and would definitely miss you're insightful inputs.

[Atom]

Yes, you're going to grow out of this.

[LokeRundt]

Shit, I need to read the threads before I post.  Easy there Atlas, you got this

[JA37]

Look, I am not obligated to your time. If you are going to dog me for begging for attention, so be it. That's what I am damn doing because I need advice.

I don't feel like living at all at the moment. If I had an accessible firearm, I would of probably blown out my brains 5 minutes ago in a game of Russian Roullette. Thoughts that are convincing me that existence is not worth playing with are around the context  of part of me believing I am a parasite, that all I do is take from people and never give anything worthwhile back. I feel basically like I have contributed nothing and I always fail at doing so.

I have gotten pretty suicidal infrequently over the past few months. They've put me on these meds -- but all they do is nullify all feeling. They make existence even more pointless for me without the real pain of it all.
Just tell me this will go away over the years. I feel I am gradually going insane. I don't know what factors or cursed genetics caused this but I want to be a stable organism.
Has anyone gone through this and fixed it? Is it just a matter of accepting it?

It'll go away. I'm more than twice your age and I can almost guarantee it.
And you have no idea what you give to people. Things that are insignificant to you could mean the world to others.

Leave these forums, go out and exercise moderately, have a look at the TED-talk about blue zones, follow some of the advice there.
Forget about Ayn Rand for a bit and come back when you feel better. I'll still be here bashing the ultra individualistic society that's in favour in these forums. Perhaps I'll even have a greater understanding of your points.
Be well. All else is secondary.

[JazzyJ]

The only thing stopping me killing myself while I was younger was imagining someone finding me. How much it'd screw them up and how selfish that'd be..and then thinking about how much some people in this world would kill to be in my position. No matter where you are in your life, a lot of people would love to have what you have right now.