Joerii
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June 28, 2013, 03:17:40 AM Last edit: June 28, 2013, 03:28:41 AM by Joerii |
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There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
GdcEKnhdmSxd3ocMSC2Z22Ebdy7EgMbHSo
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Hypercube - get the attention you deserve
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nagatlakshmi
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June 28, 2013, 03:36:41 AM |
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A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.
The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?"
And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"
Wallet: GZugQscFvTjAVhyQaWfxi316MTdaQq8N5y
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xan_The_Dragon
Sr. Member
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Merit: 250
I AM A DRAGON
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June 28, 2013, 03:58:51 AM |
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MfFMEpgL5Ma9C2yw6iSsSX4QcbSVzjm6iK
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mobile
Sr. Member
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Merit: 250
the sun is shining, but the ice is still slippery
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June 28, 2013, 04:14:25 AM |
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Im not one of those guys that has an arsenal of good jokes at bay. But Tradecoin seems intriguing & what better way to start my holdings. Tradecoin seems to represent "making something better", thinking outside the box in which relates to my joke in which I modified. Did I loose anyone yet? Q: How many BTC traders does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two … one to change the bulb, the other to sell off the old one at the highest price possible before Mt Gox gets ddosed. ![Roll Eyes](https://bitcointalk.org/Smileys/default/rolleyes.gif) GN7Y2aEVPQwgxxWqtQtx9AjP6WMcyQCF15 Will look forward to future developments on this cryptocurrency. Cheers...
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1 MoBi1eNbqh8QMuvtZjYzQGV8NEckJJYcT rep| GnuPG <3 CLAM <3
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ilostcoins
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June 28, 2013, 04:25:24 AM |
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GcSHckLNayBi3jsukP4dN7HrCFtjaztigQ Somewhere, a kid got bored and asked his dad to tell him a story or joke. Dad: Ok, there were a father and a kid, the kid got bored and ... Kid: I've heard that before. I want something star trek/programming/element/math/generally nerdy themed. Dad: Ok, a kid, in the living quarters of Enterprise, got bored with fixing the mathematics in his water simulation program and asked his father to tell ... Kid: ![Angry](https://bitcointalk.org/Smileys/default/angry.gif)
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LTC: LSyqwk4YbhBRtkrUy8NRdKXFoUcgVpu8Qb NVC: 4HtynfYVyRYo6yM8BTAqyNYwqiucfoPqFW TAG id: 4313 CMC: CAHrzqveVm9UxGm7PZtT4uj6su4suxKzZv YAC: Y9m5S7M24sdkjdwxnA9GZpPez6k6EqUjUt
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iamrickrock
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June 28, 2013, 04:27:19 AM |
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A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
GJzxFnyivFqCN3FiNimeBo6LW8zwhPzVRG
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wankoran
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June 28, 2013, 04:29:11 AM |
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GZskhqjaQ8EZzmfJJJSPJVuGmJ5c26jRq5
thanks.
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant. "You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician." The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked. The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
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OPC: oQJ419pEiNRWzd5QgaTFm9Mu7s2DZJsphn
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vingaard
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Activity: 1246
Merit: 1011
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June 28, 2013, 05:47:02 AM |
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GcaraDqCUQC4T8PNK9oCj2tzxcej4yyMBR ![](https://ip.bitcointalk.org/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fimg266.imageshack.us%2Fimg266%2F9094%2Fxlnz.jpg&t=665&c=8MdJYGK1o9Lqdg)
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tonyback
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June 28, 2013, 07:15:37 AM |
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One Hell of a Headache
Steve had suffered from blinding headaches for many years, since his late teens. He decided to try one last time to remedy his situation, and went to see a headache specialist.
The doctor said, "Good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Steve was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need a new suit." Steve entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long."
Steve' laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Steve tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Steve admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Steve thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Steve and said, "Let's see .. 34 sleeve and 16 and a half neck."
Steve was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Steve tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Steve adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Steve was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Steve's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2 E."
Steve was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Steve tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. As Steve walked comfortably around the shop the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Steve thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Steve's waist and said, "Let's see size 36."
Steve laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 32. A 32 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
donate : GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP thanks
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paulthetafy
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June 28, 2013, 08:03:11 AM |
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Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection? A: A whopper with cheese ![Smiley](https://bitcointalk.org/Smileys/default/smiley.gif) GSo99Jf9NEi1Xm2K2HUBDo1t8pMkV6iKxY
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loucy
Member
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Merit: 10
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June 28, 2013, 11:30:56 AM |
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Q: Why is a lion called "lion"? A: Because it likes lion in the sun.
GMfkdqehSh9JQTyhzcMWELii2ABKGZs7EC
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favdesu
Legendary
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Activity: 1764
Merit: 1000
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June 28, 2013, 11:40:12 AM |
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Q: Why is a lion called "lion"? A: Because it likes lion in the sun.
GMfkdqehSh9JQTyhzcMWELii2ABKGZs7EC
this one is so bad and unfunny, you should donate 2k in order to stay in this contest. ![Cheesy](https://bitcointalk.org/Smileys/default/cheesy.gif)
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nullbitspectre1848
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June 28, 2013, 12:25:03 PM |
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There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read,"Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!". ![Smiley](https://bitcointalk.org/Smileys/default/smiley.gif) Thanks GRTAiCvQNPf7k8hyABQsSSNSCEN3LjCQ1g
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HuuHachu
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June 28, 2013, 12:46:31 PM |
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At the restaurant, the waiter asks: - "How did you find the meat sir ?" - "By fluke, it was under the French fries !"
^^
GZDKKfN2pbdr8BhnJ2pfUbtz2rV7RBhsPk
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noble: 9mKQpsfLeabjFsPv3YR9zYoAVymDPyfjCp
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Snail2
Legendary
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June 28, 2013, 12:58:58 PM Last edit: June 28, 2013, 01:30:29 PM by Snail2 |
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An old one:
A native American chieftain is sitting in front of his tent when his minor son comes to him with a puzzled look on his face. "Say, dad, why is my elder brother named Mighty Storm?" He told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" He replied, "Well, your mother and I were in a cornfield when we made her." The chieftain paused and asked his son, "Tell me, why do you asking all these things my son Torn Rubber?"
GbP2GDLdcv4AxW2MNbhSh8g9PHsjUEJvJZ
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cryptopi (OP)
Full Member
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Activity: 168
Merit: 100
Want some pi with that?
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June 28, 2013, 01:35:37 PM |
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all sent ![Smiley](https://bitcointalk.org/Smileys/default/smiley.gif)
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www.hosterbox.com - really good web hosting (accepts bitcoins) (disclaimer - I am not affiliated with hosterbox in any way)
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tonyback
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June 28, 2013, 05:19:12 PM |
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Where is God?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.
The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"
The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"
At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home slamming himself in his closet.
His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"
The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble now.They can't find God and they're blaming it on us!"
donate: GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP
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cryptopi (OP)
Full Member
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Merit: 100
Want some pi with that?
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June 28, 2013, 05:23:55 PM |
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sent ![Cheesy](https://bitcointalk.org/Smileys/default/cheesy.gif)
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www.hosterbox.com - really good web hosting (accepts bitcoins) (disclaimer - I am not affiliated with hosterbox in any way)
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sevenseals
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June 28, 2013, 07:36:39 PM |
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How does a macho repair a lamp in the apartment?
Not a bit. Let the bitch wipe in the dark.
GTCU7i6r1rGXTasUDBB1nP2SsayjPoaTJq
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5Dzz
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June 28, 2013, 07:45:59 PM |
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Here's a bit of a funny experience I've had. ![Smiley](https://bitcointalk.org/Smileys/default/smiley.gif) Tales of the ice cream man. Back in my neighborhood, summertime playing basketball at the park was a fun time as a youth. We had a local ice cream man that would come by sometimes.... In a crazy ice cream truck this guy would cruise by the park and we would hear the music and flag him down. He yelled, " hey there, love ice cream " ? yes sure. " well, ice cream don't love you !! " lol. heheh GJoiTaUrAmvqNukd3X7UWNtYBi2MjZPMFW
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