Free Tradecoins (TDC) - Just Post Jokes

[sevenseals]

How do men sort their lundry?

Two bundles: "dirty" and "dirty but wearable".




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[tadakaluri]

Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, "Hey, what're you in for?"

 "I'm getting my tonsils out. I'm a little worried," said Tim.

 "Oh, don't worry about it," Sammy said. "I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and Jell-O I wanted for two weeks!"

 "Oh yeah?'' replied Tim. "That's not half-bad. So, Sammy, how about you? What're you here for?"

 "I'm getting a circumcision, whatever that is," Sammy answered.

 "Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn't walk for two years!"


Here is my Wallet: GJuxiqE5h85PS1B1xg8s158krVWToYwbma

[nagatlakshmi]

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."

The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."

He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"


Send TDCs to: GZugQscFvTjAVhyQaWfxi316MTdaQq8N5y

[tonyback]

Blind Man

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior was that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" called one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replied a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room; they open the door.

"Nice boobs," said the man. "Where do you want these blinds?"

 

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[jparsley]

if your friends say you cant fly tell them "flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss"


if you die in an elevator remember to push the Up button

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[cryptopi]

all sent

[sevenseals]

How can you recognize that women telling nonsense?



They move their lips.

[tonyback]

Golf and Prayer

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

 

GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP

[redcoins]

A woman is helping her computer illiterate husband set up his computer.
She instructs him to choose and enter a password he wants to use, when logging on.
The husband, in a rather amorous mood, figures he will try for a shock effect to bring his mood to his wife’s attention.
So when the computer asks him to enter his password, he makes it plainly obvious to his wife that he is keying in the word, “PENIS”.
His wife nearly falls off the he chair from laughing so hard, when the computer replies:
**PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH. ***

Gcvu3116VLa16hwiX9MAAhtVu7c7EM4W6c

[cryptopi]

sent

[tadakaluri]

A girl invites her boyfriend over for dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner she wants to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but nervous because he's a virgin. He goes to the pharmacy to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist his situation and asks for advice. The pharmacist tells him everything there is to know about sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack or a 10-pack. The boy says he feels lucky and insists on the 10-pack.

That night, the boy shows up for dinner a little late. His girlfriend meets him at the door leads him straight to the dinner table where her parents are already seated. The boy sits down, quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still silent with his head down. Five minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 10 minutes, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boy, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Here is my Wallet: GJuxiqE5h85PS1B1xg8s158krVWToYwbma

[nagatlakshmi]

Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers.

The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love."

The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes."

The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

send TDCs to: GZugQscFvTjAVhyQaWfxi316MTdaQq8N5y

[tonyback]

New Lexus

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the
office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he opened the door a
truck came roaring past and completely tore off the driver's door of the
Lexus. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911.
When a policeman arrived, the lawyer was still screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now
completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body
shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are", he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn't you notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
The lawyer looked down to his left side and let
out a terrible scream: "Oh my God!!! ... MY ROLEX!"

 

GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP

[nullbitspectre1848]

Want to hear a joke about a vacuum?  Nevermind... It sucks...

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Q: What is the difference between and Virgin and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it!

Mickey goes to the judge after speaking to him before about getting a divorce with Minney. The judge says "I'm sorry Mickey but I couldn't find grounds for divorce for being insane. Mickey looks stunned and says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fuc**** Goofy.


Thanks, I'll be here all week.


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[cryptopi]

all sent

[bamboe32]

A vacationer strolled over to a farmer working in a field and asked, "‬Did you happen to see a wagonload of monkeys go by?"

"Nope," ‬replied the farmer. "‬Did you fall off?"


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[tonyback]

Blind Pilots

Passengers on a plane are waiting for the flight to leave.
The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle,
dressed in pilot uniforms. Both are wearing dark glasses.
One has a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping
his way up the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men
enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start.
The passengers begin glancing nervously, searching for
some sign that this is just a little practical joke.
None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway,
and people at the windows realize that they're headed
straight for the water at the edge of the airport.

As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off,
that it will plow into the water, screams of panic fill the cabin.
But at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to
scream too late, and we're all gonna die."

 

GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP

[tadakaluri]

Today's Joke:

A yuppie was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie complained bitterly about the damage to his car.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"

"You yuppies are so materialistic, it's ridiculous" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off."

"Oh, my God!" screamed the yuppie, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. "My Rolex!"

My Wallet: GJuxiqE5h85PS1B1xg8s158krVWToYwbma

[nagatlakshmi]

Three ladies go to an exotic male strip club.

One friend pulls out a $10 bill, licks it and sticks it on a stripper's left butt cheek.

Not to be outdone, the second friend pulls out a $50 bill, licks it and sticks it to his right butt cheek.

The third friend pulls out her ATM card, swipes it down his crack, grabs the $60 and goes home.

    

Send TDCs to: GZugQscFvTjAVhyQaWfxi316MTdaQq8N5y

[cryptopi]

all sent