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Question: Would any of you be interested in a biography style journal detailing my day-to-day struggles as a homeless American?
Yes - 20 (66.7%)
No - 10 (33.3%)
Total Voters: 27

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Author Topic: I have nowhere else to turn..  (Read 19311 times)
fabianhjr
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January 31, 2011, 03:50:36 AM
 #101

I'd be interested in a journal style thread where you write about your day, how you ended up where you are now, etc, with a donation address at the bottom. You seem to be a good writer and whether you're lying or not is irrelevant if you're producing something interesting to read  Smiley

Probably would be a good idea make a new thread if you were to do something like that, this one is cluttered.

I support the notion, I can set you a blog if you want or you can use blogger. Then just put it in your signature and keep us updated in the threat. If you can get a camera(video or photos) it would be even better. Smiley

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January 31, 2011, 07:39:45 AM
 #102

I'm here to get a few kind words, have a place to vent, and to transcribe my day-to-day struggle.

That's all I wanted out of you. An admission that you're back on your feet, and you're just here to talk about your day to day life. You lie again, I'll kick your teeth in. You have shelter, you have food, you have government checks. Try to climb your way up the ladder to a decent job so you can pull yourself out of a bad spot. Your endless "bad coincidences" are impossible. That's why I let this thread go on this long before I laid you out. A lot of these guys come from wealthy communities and never encountered beggars or con artists before, which is why this thread went on so long. As long as the community understands that you're just here to talk about your life and for the attention, and you're not here for "food money", it's OK.
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January 31, 2011, 09:12:32 AM
 #103

I'm here to get a few kind words, have a place to vent, and to transcribe my day-to-day struggle.

That's all I wanted out of you. An admission that you're back on your feet, and you're just here to talk about your day to day life. You lie again, I'll kick your teeth in. You have shelter, you have food, you have government checks. Try to climb your way up the ladder to a decent job so you can pull yourself out of a bad spot. Your endless "bad coincidences" are impossible. That's why I let this thread go on this long before I laid you out. A lot of these guys come from wealthy communities and never encountered beggars or con artists before, which is why this thread went on so long. As long as the community understands that you're just here to talk about your life and for the attention, and you're not here for "food money", it's OK.

I also have a unicorn that shits butterflies and rainbows. What admission? I'm not on my feet, I'm sleeping the back of a Durango, and as I said, there are NO work programs for single males in Colorado. In fact I think the only government checks are SSDI, SS survivors' benefits, TANF, and SSI. I don't get government checks, I get 175$ a month in food stamps, and without a kitchen it's very hard to make that last more than 2 weeks, those don't get refilled until the 5th of Feb either, so I've got a little bit until I get them again.

I do have some potential income in about a month. I'm working on a website for local businesses here in Aurora. Unfortunately, it's 3-4 weeks before my boss meets with his investors in LA, and until then there's simply no money. He was able to lend me a Gateway Solo 1450 laptop, so I can work wherever I'm at, but that's really the only thing I have going for me right now. If he can't get any investors on board, I'm back to square 0 again.

I'm glad you're here to protect the naive rich people, but I assure you, they're a hell of alot smarter than you give them credit for. Everyone has encountered a "beggar," and you really shouldn't act like you're the most intelligent person in the world. Superman for the "wealthy communities" as it were. Rich people are very good at protecting their money, that's why they're rich. You seem to think I'm making a shit ton of money here, and I'd like everyone who HASN'T given me money to clearly state it, so you can realize that only a very small amount of people from here have helped me with anything, I think a total of 4 over about a months time. I am VERY grateful for those who have, I was able to get a hotel for a night, which is really nice. Being able to shower, watch TV, and sleep in your own bed at least until morning is a luxury most take for granted. I actually really need deodorant come to think of it, next time I get some extra cash I'll grab some.

I'd honestly prefer if there was anyone around the Denver/Aurora area who could, instead of money, help me out with a few things: hygiene items, some clothes, a backpack, and a couple blankets. I suppose I could ask you guys to mail them to me, but I'd be afraid that Joe would poison me if I were to announce a friend's mailing address.


 I met with a man named Eric from this forum a few weeks back, and he bought me a 50$ gift cert. to McDonald's. That was amazingly kind. It's really draining to have to beg for food everytime you need to eat.

If you're making up fairy-tales for me, why couldn't you have done better than government checks? Why couldn't I be a MILLIONAIRE!

As I said, I DON'T CARE if you believe me or not. These "coincidences" as you call them are far too real for me to even make up. Why would I bother making up a shitload of bullshit facts? You can believe what you choose to believe, as I'm sure you will.

I'm here for as much help as anyone is willing to offer, hence "I have nowhere else to turn." And for the most part it's been advice and kind words. I've had alot of people offering to keep me in their prayers, and even though I'm not christian, it means alot to me. I'm glad there are caring considerate people out there. People who can see past their own existence and take some time out of their day to wish well for a stranger.

Yes, Joe, those pictures of my family are fake too! YOU GOT ME! Would you like some forged court documents too? Perhaps I should hack the Adam's county jail website and add a fake entry for my ex who got arrested for prostitution. Or why bother, truth is always stranger than fiction.

I have no problem with you calling me a liar, but next time, please have a shred of evidence. Hollow accusations and attempted martyrdom may seem like a valiant and sincere enough front, but we live in a scientific age, dependent upon proof and research, and you have not done yours.

I invented the internet, and I discovered gravity. Neil Armstrong actually yanked the microphone out of my hand, my speech was way better, but the space termites ate it.

Now, back to the journal idea... Here's what I have so far..

Quote
It's 4am, at least I think. I awake to the frozen breath of the night. I'm shaking, shivering. Can't stop shivering. I thought this blanket would be enough, I miscalculated. I contemplate where to find cardboard, but my teeth rattling stop my thoughts dead in their tracks. I'll just curl up, that'll work.

I think about my girls. My daughter, my wife. At least she's taken care of. I worry about Ali. She hurt me, but I love her too much. She's warm and safe in jail at least. I'm tired, but cold. I pray for the sun. I pray for warmth. I manage to fold the blanket a few times to put distance between me and the stone beneath me. This blanket reeks of piss. Cat piss. He warned me, but it's better than nothing at all. Each breath I take feels like ethanol in my lungs. That pungent spray that can only come from a testicle bearing feline. I pull my lighter from my pocket, and I thank the universe for combustion. If I keep it lit for a little while it'll warm me up. I always worry the synthetic fibers will smolder like burning plastic, a sort of home-made napalm clinging to everything it touches. I take deep breaths so slow the panting. I manage to stop my jaw from shaking. Deep breaths in a piss soaked blanket.

"I wanna be a fireman when I grow up!" Well, kid, chances are your dreams will fail you, and the reality that is life will destroy what you call hope. I call it wilfull deceit. "I wanna huff cat piss when I grow up!" How did I get here? It all seems like it happened so fast. I wish I had some elaborate sob story about how I had it all. Truth is, I never did. Just like the rest of this habitat, I was just balancing my debt right. My house of cards held long enough, but the biting winter winds blew it over, as my cards circled in a tornado's pattern. The only one left, the joker.

I awake to the sunlight reflecting off the blue industrial trash compactor. It's fenced off so I assumed it'd shelter me from the wind and prying eyes. I stuff the blanket under it, and my DVD's, I've scratched them enough already. I'll come back for them later. I make my way to the gas station, gotta try and find Mike. Wow, is that Lloyd? Hah! We were in jail together, he's fucking crazy, felony eluding. I guess his plan to brand himself crazy and unmedicated worked. I tell him about Ali, he asks if "I fucked it up again." Did I? Was this my fault? Probably. I borrow two bucks and head towards the bus stop, another day.

I wonder, how much of this could I have prevented? How many lives have I now destroyed? The naivity of youth fades quickly. Soon you realize how much you actually impact others. I hope Lily doesn't hate me. I'll bet she thinks I abandoned her. Maybe I did. Maybe I could have stopped this. I'll get you back Lily. I promise.

Ali's bail is 625$. Three charges, three counties. She'll be in there for a while. Two of them total 125$. Maybe I can post those two, and she can resolve the third.. She's a good girlfriend, while she's yours. Too bad it's like handling a fish. Lose your grip and she's gone, back into the merky water. You know not where she's headed. I know I love her, I've never been content with one woman. Always restless, needing more. All I want is more of her. She's dirty and grimey. She appears innocent, but she's anything but. Four foot eight, 115 pounds. Tiny little thing. I love having a tiny woman. My last girl was about 175. There's nothing like fucking a tiny little thing. Pounding her doggy-style, and with one well-executed maneuver, she's on her back. Throw her legs into the headboard and keep it going. Never losing penetration.

She's a sex goddess. Eager to try anything at any time, and that innocent smile when she's looks up while holding my cock. "Do you like that baby?" I love everything you do to me. The firsts she's given me would surpass this text in length. And I suppose that's love, how many firsts you're willing to give eachother: First kiss, first fuck, first child, first true love. I gotta get her out.

I make my way to Colfax and Mississipi. My hunger pains me. I eat when I can, or rather when panhandling doesn't make me sick to my stomach. Freddy's is open, I'll get someone to buy me a burger. Ketchup and Mayo, nothing better on well-prepared beef.

It may be a little graphic for some, but I like the bukowski style.
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February 01, 2011, 12:27:02 AM
 #104

I don't assume anything about anyone's background, unless they give me reason to think so, and my statement was entirely generalized. Not just for this community. I honestly do wonder how many people have woken up purely because of cold, having too low of an internal temperature. It's something I'd never experienced before. That piss covered blanket was apparently 80$, and he insists I bring it back to him.

Where exactly am I supposed to store all this cookware? I don't have a "camp," and I don't want to disrespect my friends car by turning it into a hobo palace. I have a backpack that fits a few articles of clothing, and now my laptop, and that's heavy enough as-is. I try to eat healthy, believe it or not. Living off grain-based products is hardly nutritional. I don't know if it's just you trying to be helpful, or if it's back to the homeless stereotype. As I've said, it seems as though if you're homeless the "beggars can't be choosers" cliche turns to the only socially-acceptable way to live. You MUST live off ramen, you MUST stay at the shelter, otherwise everyone treats you as-if you're willfully greedy, or just disrespectful.

One thing I don't get, is what's with all the hostility towards me? Did I do anyone here any wrong? I stated my predicament, and everyone has taken it upon themselves to insult me, call me a liar, and insist I must live their suggested way. Have I forced my opinions on anyone else here? Have I done anything to hurt anyone here?

It's this kind of attitude that makes me question the humanity of people. I came here out of a suggestion from a friend. He told me it might be a decent place to ask for help. Granted, I've met some very wonderful people here, people who still have an ounce of trust left in them, but unfortunately the ratio is tilted far in the favor of the skeptics. Perhaps it's prudent to stay skeptical, perhaps you should still question if you feel the need, but why attack me? I don't know if you've ever dealt with a con-artist, but they tend to follow the pattern of "smash-and-grab." They get what they want, and then bail.

I just want to know what I've done so wrong to deserve to be treated like scum? This is the predicament of all homeless, you're considered scum. You're lazy, you're deceitful, you're probably an alcoholic. You don't deserve anything from anyone, and anyone who helps you must be naive. This is why I suggest you all panhandle for 2 hours.. See how people treat you, and maybe you'll treat someone else with a little more respect next time. I don't care if it's me you treat better or not. I can sympathize with anyone struggling, and when I have a few extra bucks, and someone asks me for change. I'll give them all I can afford to part with, even though I'm in the same situation.

Once again I ask, what did I do to those who feel the need to threaten and insult me? Is it simply distrust? Or do you generally despise the homeless? Perhaps you see those who ask for help as weak, and like the schoolyard playground, they must be weeded out by ridicule and threats of violence. Maybe it's a past memory of pain inflicted by trusting the untrustworthy? Whatever it is, it's probably poorly founded, as I believe that all humans are truly decent people. Even the murderer has family who loves him, and I don't believe anyone could love someone they know well who is truly 100% evil.
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February 01, 2011, 12:41:30 AM
 #105

I suggest you try to earn bitcoins from bitcoiner in the mean time. If you help the economy out, we fork over some bitcoin. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement. However, turning them into dollars would be a difficult thing. So, if there are any local bitcoiners...maybe you could ask them to buy your bitcoin and give you dollars.

Don't ask me for jobs though, I am very hard to convince to pry bitcoin over.

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February 01, 2011, 01:20:45 AM
 #106

I suggest you try to earn bitcoins from bitcoiner in the mean time. If you help the economy out, we fork over some bitcoin. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement. However, turning them into dollars would be a difficult thing. So, if there are any local bitcoiners...maybe you could ask them to buy your bitcoin and give you dollars.

Don't ask me for jobs though, I am very hard to convince to pry bitcoin over.
My wallet.dat file is on my friends laptop, and he moved to california. So if anyone did send me bitcoins, they're lost until I manage to talk him into finding the file and sending it to me, but he's extraordinarily lazy. I just installed it again.. YOUR BITCOIN ADDRESS: 1HDB2X83qCxePRhgocbKVpxZW9RPzADrMz

Everyone keeps telling me that bitcoins are still essentially worthless though? As far as an alternative to cash at this stage.

Is there anyway to merge my address books and wallet.dat files?
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February 01, 2011, 01:37:01 AM
 #107

Everyone keeps telling me that bitcoins are still essentially worthless though? As far as an alternative to cash at this stage.

Not that's it worthless. It's just hard to exchange into dollars.

fabianhjr
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February 02, 2011, 01:40:47 PM
 #108

@david, take a picture uploadit to imageshack or something and post it here? I would be really interested in your accomplishment and effort to explain a clear point.

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February 02, 2011, 03:08:43 PM
 #109

This is why I suggest you all panhandle for 2 hours.. See how people treat you, and maybe you'll treat someone else with a little more respect next time.

I would expect nothing more than disrespect, begging for money with no productive work in exchange. You're capable of valuable work. I can tell just by that post. There is no reason why you can't sustain yourself.
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February 02, 2011, 08:52:21 PM
 #110

This is why I suggest you all panhandle for 2 hours.. See how people treat you, and maybe you'll treat someone else with a little more respect next time.

I would expect nothing more than disrespect, begging for money with no productive work in exchange. You're capable of valuable work. I can tell just by that post. There is no reason why you can't sustain yourself.
Indeed, but for some reason my craiglist posts tender nothing. The only thing I got was that fake cashier's check. I've had alot of replies for web design work, but when I reply, no one gets back to me. I don't know exactly where to advertise my resume in the non-digital world. You're correct, I am sustaining myself, but that's not enough. I need more than just to survive.

Why would you expect nothing other than disrespect? That's what bothers me, what are you supposed to do when you are genuinely hungry or perhaps someone stole your shoes (I've had it happen)? If you have no one that can help you to begin with, where do you turn? Should you spend hours on end trying to track down some charitable organization that might be able to get you some sneakers? Doesn't it seem more prudent to stand outside a foot-locker barefoot and ask a fellow human being if he'd mind buying you the cheapest pair of shoes so you don't destroy your feet?

And why is it assumed that you should be disrespected for such an act? To me it seems like the most logical and quickest way to fulfill your needs. When another human being is genuinely in need, why is disrespect an assumed and apparently reasonable response? Unemployment is still 10%, and in Colorado unemployment rose 1.5% from Dec 2009 to Dec 2010. Which shows that jobs are harder to get, and apparently getting harder to maintain.

This means that one out of every 10 people, can't afford their own way. I know the majority of them rely on family to help sustain until they rebound.
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``At this festive season of the year, Mr Scrooge,'' said the gentleman, taking up a pen, ``it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir.''

``Are there no prisons?'' asked Scrooge.

``Plenty of prisons,'' said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.

``And the Union workhouses?'' demanded Scrooge. ``Are they still in operation?''

``They are. Still,'' returned the gentleman, `` I wish I could say they were not.''

``The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?'' said Scrooge.

``Both very busy, sir.''

``Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,'' said Scrooge. ``I'm very glad to hear it.''

``Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude,'' returned the gentleman, ``a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices. What shall I put you down for?''

``Nothing!'' Scrooge replied.

``You wish to be anonymous?''

``I wish to be left alone,'' said Scrooge. ``Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned: they cost enough: and those who are badly off must go there.''

``Many can't go there; and many would rather die.''

``If they would rather die,'' said Scrooge, ``they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population."

Have we all forgotten the lessons we were taught as children? Or perhaps it was only meant to be superficial. Those of us who weeped at the death of Tiny Tim, quickly grew hardened of heart and abandoned the ideas of charity and lending a helping hand to another.

I find it personally disgusting that I have to sit here and defend the concept of charity. That almost all of you have the nerve to suggest that everyone need make their own way without assistance, and those who can't (regardless of the reason why they can't) need not waste the air you breathe. Most of you seem to expect that there's some other entity that has the duty to help people, but churches have limited funding, and social security is withering away to nothing. Work programs don't exist for individuals, and if they were to be subsidized there would be a mass-protest chastising Obama for his "nazi-like socialist reforms." So how do we win as a society? With this attitude, I feel we don't. Everyone complains about illegal immigration as an issue due to the fact that "jobs are being taken." And as a country we have enough clandestine problems we need to resolve before we take care of foreign citizens, but how are we taking care of our own citizens? 10% unemployment.. with no work programs an minimal financial assistance.

Yet it's assumed that you should be disrespected when you ask for help.. It doesn't logically add up. Yet, I am the target of aggression and angst. I am apparently everything that's wrong with this world. The homeless, the "beggar," the poverty stricken, the man who asks for help.... I am the evil one because I ask for help, but those who insist the poor need not anything from anyone, and must accept the soup kitchens and shelters as a way of life, and accept no other assistance. These are the socially acceptable ones, and I'm the bad guy. If it helps you sleep at night knowing that there's a terrible HOMELESS BEGGAR in your midst, as opposed the man who steps over a homeless vet (who fought for our freedom when you were a child) and tells him to get a job..
Anonymous
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February 02, 2011, 11:14:34 PM
 #111

Poverty is the default human condition. If there is still land to be fed off and matter to be refined, there is no reason why a man can't find his own way unless he his born without hands, legs that cannot carry or a mind without the ability to reason.

Of course, I am only a child, even so I have found employment easily; even with this cursed minimum wage.

Anyways, maybe there is something that I cannot see.
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February 03, 2011, 04:54:28 AM
 #112

Poverty is the default human condition. If there is still land to be fed off and matter to be refined, there is no reason why a man can't find his own way unless he his born without hands, legs that cannot carry or a mind without the ability to reason.

Of course, I am only a child even so I have found employment relatively easily even with this cursed minimum wage. Maybe there is something that I cannot see.

Minimum wage? I'll be happy to earn bitcoin at minimum wage. Anything for bitcoin, really.

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February 03, 2011, 05:03:31 AM
 #113

Minimum wage? I'll be happy to earn bitcoin at minimum wage. Anything for bitcoin, really.

I think he's saying that minimum wage laws make finding employment more difficult, since labor is more expensive than it should be.

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February 03, 2011, 02:17:45 PM
 #114

This thread is so bizarre, but I keep coming back to it to get the latest update on our Colorado protagonist.

I really don't know what to make of it.  Overall, I tend to believe his story that he is homeless, without work and in dire straits.  There is no doubt he has made bad choice after bad choice ($600 knives?!, early fatherhood out of wedlock, hanging around with people of dubious character) yet blames society/environment when things go wrong.  He responds to many of the posts on here, but seems to ignore some of those that offer good, practical advice.   

Here's one thing I would recommend for anyone who is homeless in Colorado in February: get to Arizona or California, someplace where you can sleep outside and not freeze to death.  I've heard Santa Monica is very tolerant of homelessness, the view is spectacular, and the temperature is moderate.

Anybody got any hitchhiking advice for the US Southwest?

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February 03, 2011, 02:19:34 PM
 #115

Minimum wage? I'll be happy to earn bitcoin at minimum wage. Anything for bitcoin, really.

I think he's saying that minimum wage laws make finding employment more difficult, since labor is more expensive than it should be.
Exactly. Thank you.
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February 05, 2011, 12:54:18 AM
 #116

He responds to many of the posts on here, but seems to ignore some of those that offer good, practical advice.   

Here's one thing I would recommend for anyone who is homeless in Colorado in February: get to Arizona or California, someplace where you can sleep outside and not freeze to death.  I've heard Santa Monica is very tolerant of homelessness, the view is spectacular, and the temperature is moderate.

Anybody got any hitchhiking advice for the US Southwest?
The majority of the practical advice ends up in my PM's. I don't really have any intention of asking banks if I can crash at their unsold properties.. I don't plan on squatting, and I've got some intentions of trying a few of the bitcoin incomes i've heard.

I do have the coding gig that I've mentioned several times, but I am putting all my eggs in that basket. We goto LA in 2 weeks to meet with investors, and if we get funded, I'll no longer be living this life. If not though, I have no backup plans. I'm putting my heart into this project, as it will net millions..

Library closes in 3 minutes, take care guys.
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February 05, 2011, 12:24:32 PM
 #117

You're delusional if you think you'll go from bankrupt to millions.
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February 05, 2011, 11:42:33 PM
 #118

if you want to start the first bitcoin travel agency i know veteran russian carders who card hotel rooms and flights for only 20% the original cost (through an agent, so you don't have to show a card when you check in) anywhere in the world. you can use them to stay in a hotel for up to 2 weeks at at time or sell these on craigslist, find anybody looking for flights (every single USA craigslist has somebody looking for flights) and offer to sell to them at the price they are asking. pay the carder liberty reserve, keep the rest. once rolling make your own site selloffvacations.biz and resell his vacations on craigslist for bitcoins. go on travel forums and advertise your biz, if somebody on Lonely Planet needs a hotel room in Morocco you have the cheapest solution.

i was an anarcho street punk for 2yrs living in the streets and punk flop houses all over N. America in the 90s. you don't sound desperate enough I used to throw trash cans at cop cars to get into jail to see a dentist. it's easy to get free food, you approach restaurants and food courts/bakeries and tell them you'll do some labour for the leftovers helping clean up or something. if you just passively email resumes, nobody will answer. phone them and social engineer your way into an interview. i rented a suit with stolen cards once and then conned my way into numerous jobs i was totally unqualified for.
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February 06, 2011, 04:17:53 AM
 #119

I think this boss is giving you a really bad deal. He's just using you as free labor at a long shot.

You should demand payment of some kind to compensate for your time, even if that is 10 dollars a day. Your boss can at least pay you that much, right?

Your objective is really that you should get ANYTHING in your pocket. 1 cents on the ground, 10 bucks for a one day job, whatever. Then you should figure out how to conserve these money for the future.

Unless you get warm blankets, shelter, or something....don't work for free. (Well, unless you like the arrangement of working for free...)

pull
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February 06, 2011, 05:54:08 AM
 #120

I think this boss is giving you a really bad deal. He's just using you as free labor at a long shot.

You should demand payment of some kind to compensate for your time, even if that is 10 dollars a day. Your boss can at least pay you that much, right?

Your objective is really that you should get ANYTHING in your pocket. 1 cents on the ground, 10 bucks for a one day job, whatever. Then you should figure out how to conserve these money for the future.

Unless you get warm blankets, shelter, or something....don't work for free. (Well, unless you like the arrangement of working for free...)
I have a deferred compensation contract in place, btw. I'm not tacky enough to say how much.

You're delusional if you think you'll go from bankrupt to millions.

Delusions are all I have left, some people call it "hope." I can't seem to get an ounce of help from anyone, so might as well gamble. I have no intentions of ever working at McDonald's, nor will I be happy there. So I'm not going to work for minimum wage. "OH it's a paycheck!" Great, so I'll have JUST enough to pay for rent and food, and be forced to be stuck at that fucking job. Then when I lose it, I'll be back on the streets. That's no way to start a life. Especially, when you have no one and nothing to fall back on. If this works out, and I make my millions! Everyone who did help me, is going to vegas with me. Skeptics need not apply.

ON THE COVER OF THE ROLLIN' STONE!
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