The totally epic "I need to take a shit!" thread.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Only post in this thread if you're about to take a shit (or leave one), or are taking a shit (or, for that matter, don't give a shit).

~TMIBTCITW

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Or just took a shit.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Reserved for some future shit.

[beetcoin]

does anyone else feel this way when wiping? no matter how hard you try, sometimes the results are just plain shitty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M

[Foxpup]

does anyone else feel this way when wiping? no matter how hard you try, sometimes the results are just plain shitty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M

This happens when there's still a piece of shit hanging from your arsehole, and when you wipe, you're just dragging it across your arse without getting rid of it. What you need to do when that happens is grab the shit with the paper, and then you'll be able to wipe normally without using up the whole roll.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

does anyone else feel this way when wiping? no matter how hard you try, sometimes the results are just plain shitty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M

This happens when there's still a piece of shit hanging from your arsehole, and when you wipe, you're just dragging it across your arse without getting rid of it. What you need to do when that happens is grab the shit with the paper, and then you'll be able to wipe normally without using up the whole roll.

Great! Now everybody knows how to wipe their ass correctly, thus is turn less toilet paper will be sold worldwide. People will now be laid off and won't be able to afford toilet paper thanks your advice.

And, it gets worse! Less trees will be cut down, hence no more climate change, putting more opportunist outta the workplace.

I can't imagine what else you have up your sleeve. Probably some water injection device that resembles a toilet to clean one's ass, and you just so happen to be developing such a device currently available via pre-order only. I'll be watching you.

~TMIBTCITW

[BitcoinFr34k]

I hate it when the last piece of shit gets sucked back in.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Just got back home, typin' this while on my favorite porcelain throne.

[Bittzy78]

Only post in this thread if you're about to take a shit (or leave one), or are taking a shit (or, for that matter, don't give a shit).

~TMIBTCITW

My wife has me on the cabbage diet all this week. I assure you, I have felt the need to take a continual shit since we started this thing on Sunday.

[beetcoin]

does anyone else feel this way when wiping? no matter how hard you try, sometimes the results are just plain shitty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M

This happens when there's still a piece of shit hanging from your arsehole, and when you wipe, you're just dragging it across your arse without getting rid of it. What you need to do when that happens is grab the shit with the paper, and then you'll be able to wipe normally without using up the whole roll.

Great! Now everybody knows how to wipe their ass correctly, thus is turn less toilet paper will be sold worldwide. People will now be laid off and won't be able to afford toilet paper thanks your advice.

And, it gets worse! Less trees will be cut down, hence no more climate change, putting more opportunist outta the workplace.

I can't imagine what else you have up your sleeve. Probably some water injection device that resembles a toilet to clean one's ass, and you just so happen to be developing such a device currently available via pre-order only. I'll be watching you.

~TMIBTCITW

can u post a video for us on how to douche? i've never tried. or do you think sticking a finger up the butthole may be more effective? i would advise against sniffing afterwards though.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

does anyone else feel this way when wiping? no matter how hard you try, sometimes the results are just plain shitty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M

This happens when there's still a piece of shit hanging from your arsehole, and when you wipe, you're just dragging it across your arse without getting rid of it. What you need to do when that happens is grab the shit with the paper, and then you'll be able to wipe normally without using up the whole roll.

Great! Now everybody knows how to wipe their ass correctly, thus is turn less toilet paper will be sold worldwide. People will now be laid off and won't be able to afford toilet paper thanks your advice.

And, it gets worse! Less trees will be cut down, hence no more climate change, putting more opportunist outta the workplace.

I can't imagine what else you have up your sleeve. Probably some water injection device that resembles a toilet to clean one's ass, and you just so happen to be developing such a device currently available via pre-order only. I'll be watching you.

~TMIBTCITW

can u post a video for us on how to douche? i've never tried. or do you think sticking a finger up the butthole may be more effective? i would advise against sniffing afterwards though.

In the US, we refer to it as an anime.

Only post in this thread if you're about to take a shit (or leave one), or are taking a shit (or, for that matter, don't give a shit).

~TMIBTCITW

My wife has me on the cabbage diet all this week. I assure you, I have felt the need to take a continual shit since we started this thing on Sunday.

Guess what I cooked for dinner tonight. Hint: It's an Irish dish consisting of a chuck of meat and a couple heads of a certain vegetable, along with a common Irish vegetable and some orange things and an onion and some spices and it was all boiled together and it'll give you the shits.

[Bittzy78]

does anyone else feel this way when wiping? no matter how hard you try, sometimes the results are just plain shitty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M

This happens when there's still a piece of shit hanging from your arsehole, and when you wipe, you're just dragging it across your arse without getting rid of it. What you need to do when that happens is grab the shit with the paper, and then you'll be able to wipe normally without using up the whole roll.

Great! Now everybody knows how to wipe their ass correctly, thus is turn less toilet paper will be sold worldwide. People will now be laid off and won't be able to afford toilet paper thanks your advice.

And, it gets worse! Less trees will be cut down, hence no more climate change, putting more opportunist outta the workplace.

I can't imagine what else you have up your sleeve. Probably some water injection device that resembles a toilet to clean one's ass, and you just so happen to be developing such a device currently available via pre-order only. I'll be watching you.

~TMIBTCITW

can u post a video for us on how to douche? i've never tried. or do you think sticking a finger up the butthole may be more effective? i would advise against sniffing afterwards though.

In the US, we refer to it as an anime.

Only post in this thread if you're about to take a shit (or leave one), or are taking a shit (or, for that matter, don't give a shit).

~TMIBTCITW

My wife has me on the cabbage diet all this week. I assure you, I have felt the need to take a continual shit since we started this thing on Sunday.

Guess what I cooked for dinner tonight. Hint: It's an Irish dish consisting of a chuck of meat and a couple heads of a certain vegetable, along with a common Irish vegetable and some orange things and an onion and some spices and it was all boiled together and it'll give you the shits.

Be sure to keep the lanes to all of your toilets open at all times for the next couple of hours...

[Rassah]

If you ever see me posting late at night, between 10pm and 2am, there's a good chance I'm on my tablet, stuck on a crapper for hours, not being able to tear myself away from here.

[Bittzy78]

If you ever see me posting late at night, between 10pm and 2am, there's a good chance I'm on my tablet, stuck on a crapper for hours, not being able to tear myself away from here.

I generally never have the luxury of spending more than 5 minutes on the porcelain throne at any one time... my kids usually see to that.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

If you ever see me posting late at night, between 10pm and 2am, there's a good chance I'm on my tablet, stuck on a crapper for hours, not being able to tear myself away from here.

I generally never have the luxury of spending more than 5 minutes on the porcelain throne at any one time... my kids usually see to that.

Tell me more about your kids and are they ever left home alone?



Posted while taking a shit.

[gorgorom]

My poop ripped my asshole (methadone constipation)

[Bittzy78]

If you ever see me posting late at night, between 10pm and 2am, there's a good chance I'm on my tablet, stuck on a crapper for hours, not being able to tear myself away from here.

I generally never have the luxury of spending more than 5 minutes on the porcelain throne at any one time... my kids usually see to that.

Tell me more about your kids and are they ever left home alone?



Posted while taking a shit.

Ah crap.. OUT OF TP AGAIN!!!

[Phinnaeus Gage]

If you ever see me posting late at night, between 10pm and 2am, there's a good chance I'm on my tablet, stuck on a crapper for hours, not being able to tear myself away from here.

I generally never have the luxury of spending more than 5 minutes on the porcelain throne at any one time... my kids usually see to that.

Tell me more about your kids and are they ever left home alone?



Posted while taking a shit.

Ah crap.. OUT OF TP AGAIN!!!

Note to self: Bittzy is not from India.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Here I sit, shittin' corn beef hash
Normally I smoke, but my lighter's cashed.

[hilariousandco]

I just had a shit and as my arsehole gaped open to drop its brown cargo I did a queef that sounded almost exactly like the screams of the Exenomorphs from the film Alien. Was literally pissing myself laughing on the toilet. http://youtu.be/4uHpJHwgit8?t=6s