A problem that can’t be dissolved: mission impossible

[terrong]

I’m paying my <censored> monthly allowance of 2000 (out of my own hard earned wallet cash ofc) without failed for more than 9 years. I think that’s enough for everyday necessity and even some luxury items to treat themselves to their heart content.


And one fine day my <censored> reach me a complaint about having money problem and hinting me to increase the monthly allowance for <censored gender> itself. I’m unwillingly to provide more help as I find myself unconditionally advocating the self entitled mentality on my own <censored> and it would begin to nailed me an arm and a leg, if I give into that sort of entitlement.

I begin to realise there is really a problem that can’t be fixed, won’t have an answer to that problem, and it’s no right or wrong way to do it.

That’s just one fine instance, I believe there is much more on the wild, a whole lot of mission impossible that’s without my knowing.

  It's pretty hard to make any judgement without knowing all the facts.  Likely you aren't interested in sharing anymore than you already have and you're just here to vent.
You're not alone.  Many people have to support others in this world and sometimes not only with money but with their time, effort and emotions.  It can be quite difficult at times not to do so grudgingly and while occasionally more money may be required (as I suspect due to inflationary pressure after 9 years) sometimes more money isn't the answer.  In cases where lawyers get involved, the costs can skyrocket and the main beneficiary in that case is generally the lawyer.  It's not always easy to sleep in the beds we've made for ourselves and none of us can accurately predict the future.

Let’s make it clear, I pay to my parent monthly allowance, I don’t want mention gender *you know why I don’t want unwanted attention*, I have absolutely doing it unconditionally, just paying it out of my spare cash because I want them to have a meal everyday to survive, I’m doing it just like any grown up kids trying to protect their ageing parent, I rephrase, no commitment in doing it, not even a legally bind responsibility obligation, just out of unconditionally want my parent to spend on some food with that money and forget the hardship, but I find it’s a mistake to be feeding them with cash and expect they will appreciate no matter how much I give them, but no they demand more not less, I’m going to say I didn’t expect that, and I can’t find a way to reject them or blame them, this is kinda big dilemma that has no right or wrong way to do it. I think it’s very clear, if anyone else on my shoe they surely know it, btw I’m just making an instance.

For me it is not a problem, so try to change your perspective, for me parents are luck, the more I spoil them the happier I am with my life.
If you feel it is hard to bear it yourself then try talking to your other siblings to bear it together but if you are just alone then talk to your parents about your situation without covering anything up, I'm sure he will understand.
So it's not an unsolvable problem, the way to solve it is to start talking to him

You might be true that’s not impossible mission, but look what I had lurk out from the replies above, the obligatory allowance, it establish my topic where there is truly a mission impossible in this thread, please proceed to discuss.

yes I know it's obligatory allowance bud, but nothing is really compulsory for someone to live except eating, drinking and breathing, and the cost for that can't be 2000 as you mentioned.
If it's a debt then try selling anything to pay it off and live in peace (I've been in the same situation)
but before that you have to talk to your parents about your current condition, i am sure they will understand that.

[bits4books]

Apparently this is about alimony for your wife - and I'm sorry for you. All these post-divorce processes, such as alimony and division of property, is a very big pain, especially if your wife did not bring anything to the family budget herself.
As an option you can certainly declare yourself bankrupt and file a lawsuit to cancel these alimony payments, but this is a rather difficult story and very expensive in terms of legal costs.
If it's not a secret, what was the reason for the increase in the amount of payments?
As already mentioned above-the judicial system is really unfair to men in divorce. A woman doesn't have to do ANYTHING and a man needs to pay alimony, give up his child, half of the property, etc.
The only way out for future couples that I see is a prenuptial agreement. Well, or true love, in which you do not have to divorce.

[Broly46]

Apparently this is about alimony for your wife - and I'm sorry for you. All these post-divorce processes, such as alimony and division of property, is a very big pain, especially if your wife did not bring anything to the family budget herself.
As an option you can certainly declare yourself bankrupt and file a lawsuit to cancel these alimony payments, but this is a rather difficult story and very expensive in terms of legal costs.
If it's not a secret, what was the reason for the increase in the amount of payments?
As already mentioned above-the judicial system is really unfair to men in divorce. A woman doesn't have to do ANYTHING and a man needs to pay alimony, give up his child, half of the property, etc.
The only way out for future couples that I see is a prenuptial agreement. Well, or true love, in which you do not have to divorce.

Certainly I do not want to relate it to alimony, nope it’s spreading from alimony disease to everything else, it has become a behaviour, when the virus come and stomp the world with surprise, everybody suddenly realise the profit is all that matter in nearly everything in life, even alimony is all about making profit, the past couple get alimony for profit too, that’s the whole point the entire world has been missing priori to the time when they have no financial constraints, when money is running out, everyone behave cold, behave savage, behave rude. COVID is actually very profitable, it’s why COVID won’t end so soon, because making profit on COVID is going on until it’s milking everybody dry, that “everybody” get milked to the point they can no longer afford a living, yeah I think 2000 is an issues very soon at this rate, it’s not about money anymore, it’s the government use COVID to force all of you to spend money until you all go absolutely deep into the debt.

[bitgolden]

There is a good middle level between these type of deals. If you want to spoil your parent and you want to give as much as you can and if you love them (there are good parents and there are bad parents, we don't know which kind is yours) that means it is fine, as long as you can afford to do it, you should do it because they are parents and we love them and they took care of us when we were kids so it is our turn to help them.

However none of this is a mandatory thing, if you do not want to give over certain amount, do not give over certain amount, if they say anything about it, just say you do not have enough money to do it and move on, there is no way they could come and get it from you by force, it is something you do voluntarily and if they can't accept it, they have to start learning to live with it.

[enhu]

Family is Family. They are all you got whenever everything falls apart. But don't always show that you have everything and you can provide all. We all have different situations but it's almost alike. I always tell my brother that my money is all I got left but I give him something to start. If he wants to loan $100, I give him $50 and that's it. He is grateful already for that, he better be otherwise he'd get a slap lol

[Casdinyard]

Family is Family. They are all you got whenever everything falls apart. But don't always show that you have everything and you can provide all. We all have different situations but it's almost alike. I always tell my brother that my money is all I got left but I give him something to start. If he wants to loan $100, I give him $50 and that's it. He is grateful already for that, he better be otherwise he'd get a slap lol

Depends probably in the culture within that family. To some, there are gaps such as in this case presumably, because OP is questioning to where will the money that he is providing, goes while to some culture, they will just give to their parents because that's the child's responsibility to the family. OP seem to be not giving this with initiative, but as something he is required of and it is a common idea that if you are doing something which is against your will, it will not be easy. Someone has to tell him that it is no responsibility to give back with what your parents gave you, because it is something in nature since there is an existing bond.

[Broly46]

There is a good middle level between these type of deals. If you want to spoil your parent and you want to give as much as you can and if you love them (there are good parents and there are bad parents, we don't know which kind is yours) that means it is fine, as long as you can afford to do it, you should do it because they are parents and we love them and they took care of us when we were kids so it is our turn to help them.

However none of this is a mandatory thing, if you do not want to give over certain amount, do not give over certain amount, if they say anything about it, just say you do not have enough money to do it and move on, there is no way they could come and get it from you by force, it is something you do voluntarily and if they can't accept it, they have to start learning to live with it.

This is not the direction I thought the thread will lead to, because it has become my personal rant thread, my purpose of the thread is looking thing at huge picture, this is an issue that faced by everybody, not a personal issues of mine alone, it’s perfectly fine to call me alone by the name, still you can’t see the big picture which is what I call the mission impossible, although I find it challenging to create a thread like this that’s why I start it by my own story and thinking it will open up many possibilities, and yeah I can see some lights that’s related.

[Broly46]

My family lived with these type of problems for all of my life, my dad made the most money in our family and surroundings, he was a manager at a very high level company and he had made a lot of money for a very long period of time (30+ years) and whenever anyone had a problem financially, they came to him for help, even sometimes making it so dire that if my dad didn't helped them, they would go to jail and those were only two options available, so my dad had to help them out. End of the day we are talking about something as serious as not having enough for our own family when others took so much from him constantly.

He went into debt and to this day he never really got out of debt because of this, obviously not the same debt but because he retired he finishes one debt but creates another meanwhile so he is in an endless debt loop, all because he was the highest earner, he should have been the richest but he is living a pretty boring retired life because he was constantly asked to help.

I like to think it this way, people tend to rip you real quick when you’re down at the bottom, a eagle will attack it’s prey real cruel when coming near the end of its life, the same behaviours is shown in society, when you hit the bottom the society will drain you dry alive real quick and this status quo is what form the foundation of  “mission impossible” I’m wondering, that sound horrible but it’s reality we have to face.

[verita1]

Brother, I love the actions you do when feeding your parents. I do that too. I really am the provider of my family. Although two members of the family live at home who can contribute with the daily expenses, they do not. I have worthily assumed all the household expenses together with my mother because she also contributes with the money she receives from her pension. Sometimes we feel that what we do makes us uncomfortable when we help our parents or another member of our family financially. But we should not worry because God returns us what we give with our good actions and when God gives you. It is greatly blessed.

[Yatsan]

It is really hard to understand what you are trying to tell us because of the information you have given us are hard to be encrypted because you are too much protecting the people or institution behind what you are discussing us all about. But based on my understanding, you are having an issue on someone or something about the increase on monthly budget that you have intended to be doing for 9 years. There is no such an issue that cannot be resolved if you will be doing quick actions to solve the problem being raised in front of you. There might be really some family problems at times specially talking about finance but remember that commodities are already getting expensive so maybe that is one of the reason you must consider to accept that it is really in need for an increase on the monthly budget.

[Broly46]

Let’s make it clear, I pay to my parent monthly allowance, I don’t want mention gender *you know why I don’t want unwanted attention*, I have absolutely doing it unconditionally, just paying it out of my spare cash because I want them to have a meal everyday to survive, I’m doing it just like any grown up kids trying to protect their ageing parent, I rephrase, no commitment in doing it, not even a legally bind responsibility obligation, just out of unconditionally want my parent to spend on some food with that money and forget the hardship, but I find it’s a mistake to be feeding them with cash and expect they will appreciate no matter how much I give them, but no they demand more not less, I’m going to say I didn’t expect that, and I can’t find a way to reject them or blame them, this is kinda big dilemma that has no right or wrong way to do it. I think it’s very clear, if anyone else on my shoe they surely know it, btw I’m just making an instance.

For me, if they demand more, then talk to them. Tell them that's only what you can give to them.

Or if you can give more and you are really willing, then why not. They are your parents, they are the one who raise you, it is your responsibility to be the one helping them. If you don't have your own family yet then at least let your parents enjoy how you treat them with your salary. It is just a money, you can always earn it, but the memories with them is something that you cannot return once they are gone.

As much as possible, give an amount or support to them without depriving yourself. If it is okay, kindly ask for the reason from doing so and if it is something tolerable, don't hesitate and give it to them. There'll be no laws binding your support towards your parent but it is your responsibility as their child. Whether it is money or anything that you give, try to just appreciate yourself from doing so because it is your way of gratitude for what have they done to you in your life. I'm not sure if my analogy is correct but I think you are  trying to make or mind your life as an adult and you want to focus on the future. I'd say never forget where you came from and who were there at your lowest, more likely that's your parents, not to be insensitive to those who were abused by some bad people.

I begun to wonder if I should change the story to “we all pay our parent 2000 in monthly allowance for 9 years, then our parent...” and that will change the topic from “my problem” to “the problem faced by everybody”, however nobody gonna self confess to a situation that’s sucked like that because it sound like admitting to the defeats, and it’s kinda shameful to be weak provider and all, so everybody think I should be decent human being and do our parent a favour by feeding them to their absolutely heart content? Nope I’m not a decent human being, I’m actually the opposite, I will do the most horrible thing nobody can imagine.

[Broly46]

^^^
Taking thing to a different light, would you agree to this point???:
Change all the you, your to we all, ours

As much as possible, give an amount or support to them without depriving ourself as a community. If it is okay, kindly ask for the reason from doing so and if it is something tolerable, don't hesitate and give it to them. There'll be no laws binding our support towards our parent but it is our responsibility as their child. Whether it is money or anything that we give, try to just appreciate ourself from doing so because it is our way of gratitude for what have they done to us in pur life. I'm not sure if my analogy is correct but I think all of us are  trying to make or mind our life as an adult and we all want to focus on the future. I'd say never forget where we all came from and who were there at our lowest, more likely that's our parents, not to be insensitive to all of us who  were abused by some bad people.

[Broly46]

It is really hard to understand what you are trying to tell us because of the information you have given us are hard to be encrypted because you are too much protecting the people or institution behind what you are discussing us all about. But based on my understanding, you are having an issue on someone or something about the increase on monthly budget that you have intended to be doing for 9 years. There is no such an issue that cannot be resolved if you will be doing quick actions to solve the problem being raised in front of you. There might be really some family problems at times specially talking about finance but remember that commodities are already getting expensive so maybe that is one of the reason you must consider to accept that it is really in need for an increase on the monthly budget.

Well this has to be done, because I would be quickly labelled racist, sexist, white privileged, left or right, blm or anything if I calling it by the name by assuming “all white people should pay their parent 2000 monthly allowance for 9 years without failed and when white parent ask for increment just give into the white parent demand” and you will be laughing to the bank because all the people will curse me real hard for a topic that’s totally unacceptable and no censoring the most sensitive issues, I need to make assumption at this point. Don’t like it then I can do nothing to please everybody.

[fiulpro]

Okay this seems fair , 2000$ for parents who definitely are your responsibility and you are doing great. I do believe that you need to talk with them!!!
You have to make them understand that 2000$ per month is a hefty amount which can for sure crater to their every need , if they fail to comply to your argument, then stop giving them money for a while , save up , if you save up for a year around 12*2000$ = 24000$ then instead of giving them this money , invest it into a small business, now name this business in their name which would mean , now they will have a fully functional business to look after and they can engage themselves mentally , get involved and stay at home and earn profit.
See the problem is : I believe they have overly great lifestyle and they have to start taking responsibility.
No matter what , if it's a kid , parent , sibling , I believe after a certain point you learn to be responsible and lean on your strength. As far as my parents are concerned , my grandma and my dad , they would kill me if I dare to send them money , even though they are very old , they like earning themselves and I help them up with some gifts every now and then.
You have to talk , to make sure they get engaged in something!!

The thing is ; when people are old, they have very little to hold onto , what they need is to feel that they have some responsibility and they are needed. So I believe if you engage them in business where they have to do nothing but make a phone call and watch from the sidelines they would love it.

[redsun114]

This is not just about one parent or this is not just about one person, this is basically just a symbol of what you face when you make money.

If you are not super rich or wealthy, it is always hard to deal with life when you are not alone and have responsibility of other people. Think of a person who has to work and earn enough money to support their spouse and their kid, isn't that similar? And this is a lot more common as well, maybe a kid taking care of their parent is not common but a person taking care of his own family every day is very very common and it is the back bone of our world.

When we are talking about a single guy living at home, we are talking about someone who can save some money with even small amount income, when we talk about a family dad, we are talking about someone who can't live with 2x more income. Sometimes you need income of 3 people just as a single person.

[coolcoinz]

Give them a finger and they'll take an arm...
For me it wouldn't be a problem. If I were paying my parent's allowance and heard that it's not enough, I'd give them a choice between keeping it as it is, or sending me all the bills. This would mean that I have to accept things they buy and pay for them, or not.
I find it hard to believe that a grown up would have none of their own money and had to ask me for every penny. I'm not paying for my parents, they have their own money, but if they asked me for help, I'd probably demand access to their bank account first, to see how they're spending money. Usually the problem lies in people's spending habits, not in a total lack of money. I don't know a single person who has 0 money, but I know a lot of gamblers and so called "big spenders" who have a room full of designer clothes, but can't pay the rent.

[Quidat]

Hard to clarify the issue under all this censorship (which can pass as the overarching theme for this thread in itself: the modern plague of political correctness ),

but it sounds like a spousal support / post divorce situation. Solution is to hide and migrate your assets as much as possible from feminist jurisdictions clearly persecuting men in court,

and ideally to get married only under the laws of more fair and just legal systems.

Actually i do have also the hard time to understand because of those censorship but i do have the same idea or presumptions of yours that this do
talks about some spousal support in divorce situation yet it wont really be that lasting for 9 years and theres no other thing that will really be
having on this duration.
I agree into the recommendation on switching up all of your or do migrate assets but since he had been earning from his own work then
i doubt that if he would able to do that  since he can really be sued out on where those funds being spent if he cant make any support??

[Broly46]

This is not just about one parent or this is not just about one person, this is basically just a symbol of what you face when you make money.

If you are not super rich or wealthy, it is always hard to deal with life when you are not alone and have responsibility of other people. Think of a person who has to work and earn enough money to support their spouse and their kid, isn't that similar? And this is a lot more common as well, maybe a kid taking care of their parent is not common but a person taking care of his own family every day is very very common and it is the back bone of our world.

When we are talking about a single guy living at home, we are talking about someone who can save some money with even small amount income, when we talk about a family dad, we are talking about someone who can't live with 2x more income. Sometimes you need income of 3 people just as a single person.

This is actually a pretty good analogue, I’d say it’s extremely common to the point people have take it for grant and they don’t even know they have did something that’s totally questionable from the very beginning, since the media has brainwash the entire society to the point that they will treat people at certain gender certain colour with certain responsibilities and vice versa, say men are breadwinner, woman are child keepers, white are tech savvy black are sport savvy, yellow are sweat shop savvy, this is thing that has become common and take it for grant don’t even question whether who start this belief at the first place and is it sustainable in the long run, but in the long run we often see the thing start to break apart then we begin to panic and wonder what’s going wrong didn’t your teacher your mum and your dad told you it’s supposed to be in this way but it’s all a lie now??

[deisik]

Let’s make it clear, I pay to my parent monthly allowance, I don’t want mention gender *you know why I don’t want unwanted attention*, I have absolutely doing it unconditionally

Let's start with cutting the crap here

You are not doing it unconditionally, i.e. without forcing yourself to do that, deep down inside. You actually feel obligated, otherwise you wouldn't raise this theme. But I don't blame you in the least. Just be honest to yourself, how much you really would want to pay. You don't have to find excuses and then feel guilty because you can't deceive yourself. Just accept the fact that you are not quite happy with the situation, and it is totally okay. I'm not saying that this is your case, but some parents are real bastards to their children, and they come to heavily abuse the psychological dependence of their kids on them, the dependence which they thoroughly cherish and nourish. Then you feel guilty

[MCobian]

All children will want to give money to their parents if they have extra money, what you will experience must be experienced by other people too.
My advice is you have to explain to your parents regarding your financial condition, because the solution to your problem is communication.
Without communication there will be no solution related to the problem you are experiencing, and you must be optimistic that all problems
can be resolved.