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Author Topic: To cut financial ties with original family benefits you in the long run  (Read 627 times)
wxa7115
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February 21, 2023, 03:57:50 AM
 #61

I think this is almost a self-realization.  Obviously as you get older - Parents get older.  I see some friends who have formed the habit of relying on their Parents whenever financial difficulties even though it is a small amount.  At the very least, each person has to find the positive, motivate themselves to change their dependence on their own conditions.  When you have a family, that angle is even bigger.  Being independent is a good way to get motivated, hard work.  change yourself every day.  After all, I think when I separate myself from my parents' financial dependence/dependence, that's a good thing, I'm not sure in all other people's circumstances, but for me, I figured  early independence.
Agreed, it is our responsibility to keep ourselves independent in finance. When we want to do what we prefer after certain age, but looking for the money from the parents for the same is unfair. At some circumstances requesting parents for help is quite Ok, but the same shouldn't continue forever. Inheriting what belongs to them after their life is our sole right. Before that depending on them for financial needs is kind of downgrading ourselves. As suggested, we need to make ourselves motivated and move on facing the challenges.
To sustain yourself should always be the goal, it is true there could be moments in which this is not possible, as it could be the case if you suffer an accident and you require some financial help to pay for the hospital bills.

But this should be the exception, however for what I can see around me it seems this ideal is not pursued with the same kind of enthusiasm as in the past, as I see many young adults and even couples which depend financially on their parents.
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February 21, 2023, 06:20:16 AM
 #62

I think this is almost a self-realization.  Obviously as you get older - Parents get older.  I see some friends who have formed the habit of relying on their Parents whenever financial difficulties even though it is a small amount.  At the very least, each person has to find the positive, motivate themselves to change their dependence on their own conditions.  When you have a family, that angle is even bigger.  Being independent is a good way to get motivated, hard work.  change yourself every day.  After all, I think when I separate myself from my parents' financial dependence/dependence, that's a good thing, I'm not sure in all other people's circumstances, but for me, I figured  early independence.
Agreed, it is our responsibility to keep ourselves independent in finance. When we want to do what we prefer after certain age, but looking for the money from the parents for the same is unfair. At some circumstances requesting parents for help is quite Ok, but the same shouldn't continue forever. Inheriting what belongs to them after their life is our sole right. Before that depending on them for financial needs is kind of downgrading ourselves. As suggested, we need to make ourselves motivated and move on facing the challenges.
To sustain yourself should always be the goal, it is true there could be moments in which this is not possible, as it could be the case if you suffer an accident and you require some financial help to pay for the hospital bills.

But this should be the exception, however for what I can see around me it seems this ideal is not pursued with the same kind of enthusiasm as in the past, as I see many young adults and even couples which depend financially on their parents.

But it is still better that you have your own emergency savings when this happens. The best goal really is that you can now help your parents financially, and for sure you'll be independent. I also noticed right now that there are people who have already had a child at a young age and are still living with their parents, and their parents are buying those needs of the child, like milk and diapers, as well as their food. It is like their parents are starting over again as they struggle to make a living as they need to feed those young couples as well as their child. I am hoping that those kinds of people will strive more, find a job, and be independent, as they already have families.
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February 21, 2023, 07:38:25 AM
 #63

But it is still better that you have your own emergency savings when this happens. The best goal really is that you can now help your parents financially, and for sure you'll be independent. I also noticed right now that there are people who have already had a child at a young age and are still living with their parents, and their parents are buying those needs of the child, like milk and diapers, as well as their food. It is like their parents are starting over again as they struggle to make a living as they need to feed those young couples as well as their child. I am hoping that those kinds of people will strive more, find a job, and be independent, as they already have families.
You can't hope they will change their behavior, they will become independent after their parents died and there's no one give them money, so they will do anything in order to earn money. Usually those people will either become construction laborer, busker, dustman and any other low salary jobs. The worst case they become beggar or criminal because they're forced to make more money due to daily needs. This is why poor people never ends and it's keep repeated on their child due to bad mindset.

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February 21, 2023, 08:03:00 AM
 #64

They've never thought about having another stream of income or one day their parents may not be making money and instead need money and care from them. A lof of hidden problems are there but just ignored. In my opinion, the earlier you become independent financially, the more likely you will be living a comfortable life with your finances. Better to know this and be prepared, if you are young.

It's good to be financially independent as much as possible, but there can always be hard times around the corner. What if we become sick, get fried from our job, or face a lot of maintenance repairs in our apartment? From my point of view family is there to help each other in times of need. This doesn't mean that we should always rely on our parents to provide for us, but if we really need the help they will be there. Only when I got older I realised how hard the life for my parents was and they needed a lot of help from my grand parents. Without their support we could have never went on summer vacation, or get Christmas gifts. So if things are getting bad I am glad I can get at least some help from my parents. Who else would be there for us if we really need it?
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February 21, 2023, 11:43:06 AM
 #65

It's good to be financially independent as much as possible, but there can always be hard times around the corner. What if we become sick, get fried from our job, or face a lot of maintenance repairs in our apartment? From my point of view family is there to help each other in times of need. This doesn't mean that we should always rely on our parents to provide for us, but if we really need the help they will be there. Only when I got older I realised how hard the life for my parents was and they needed a lot of help from my grand parents. Without their support we could have never went on summer vacation, or get Christmas gifts. So if things are getting bad I am glad I can get at least some help from my parents. Who else would be there for us if we really need it?

It’s not just good to be financially independent, it feels great also. Of course there would always be problems that would pop up here and there, but you don’t need to fall back to your parents or family for help. That’s what being financially independent is all about.
Parents also need money themselves and also need to be taken care of more. They definitely need money to relax more in their retirement and not having to bail out their kids whoever they come crying.

I also think if someone is having a difficult financial situation, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to cut costs and put a pause on summer vacations.
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February 21, 2023, 01:17:30 PM
 #66


Most of us are born in a normal family. By normal, I mean we are nurtured and raised by healthy parents and they are still active when we graduate from college and start working. In many countries where economy has been hit by the COVID and affliated incidents, life has been harder than before and many have to choose to live with or at least ask help from their parents. From parents pespective, I believe as long as they are able to help, most likely they will be willing to help, because they love you. From children's perspective, I think this may solve some realistic problems in the short term, but in the long run, this will damage the creativity and motivation to face life challenges and harm the ability to manage finances, especially if you are a man. I say this because a lot of the friends from my generation are struggling financially now because they have been dependent on their parents and even after getting married and establishing a new family, they took a regular amount of money from their parents to pay off mortgages or cover other expenses. They've never thought about having another stream of income or one day their parents may not be making money and instead need money and care from them. A lof of hidden problems are there but just ignored. In my opinion, the earlier you become independent financially, the more likely you will be living a comfortable life with your finances. Better to know this and be prepared, if you are young.
I think it depends on the family most of the families here in the Philippines is exactly the opposite of what you mention.
It is the parents who depends on their children they raise them as a retirement fund their son or daughter would work and most of the time they are obliged to support their parents.
I am not saying that this is done by all but I am sure most people in the Philippines experience it.
It isn't bad thing if their kids are willing to help but the problem is some of them are forced because of some parents who would compute how much they've spend raising their kids and all of their sacrifice.



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February 21, 2023, 02:45:47 PM
 #67

 It's not a bad idea to fall back to your folks when you are financially constrained as a man, because no one can expect some curve balls life throws but where it becomes questionable is when it becomes a norm.
 As humans, there's always the tendency to slack when we notice that our needs are being provided for us and just like a poster observed, it makes the individual (especially the man) lose focus on his role to play as a provider and can become a liability as he has lost sight of what he ought to do simply because he has gotten used to finances being handed to him.
 Also, one would want to fault such a behavior on the parents but I think life places one with choices, so if such an individual wants to carry on, it's his choice.

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February 21, 2023, 03:19:48 PM
 #68

It's not a bad idea to fall back to your folks when you are financially constrained as a man, because no one can expect some curve balls life throws but where it becomes questionable is when it becomes a norm.
 As humans, there's always the tendency to slack when we notice that our needs are being provided for us and just like a poster observed, it makes the individual (especially the man) lose focus on his role to play as a provider and can become a liability as he has lost sight of what he ought to do simply because he has gotten used to finances being handed to him.
 Also, one would want to fault such a behavior on the parents but I think life places one with choices, so if such an individual wants to carry on, it's his choice.

I have seen a live experience with people who have left the family alone after which they make it in life and have acquired enough money for a good and long time sustainability, to the funny aspect, when they have squandered the whole wealth and the game got fade away like the grasses cut away to withers, then they remember they have families from which they belong and begin to look for assistance around when they have lived a waste life, fun and bitches aren't the first or recommendable investments to build, investments and family should be a first line in action because we need a place to fall back at later in life, some people have gone so wrong that they can't appear before their family due to shame and guilty conscience.

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February 21, 2023, 05:20:27 PM
 #69

The world will live in it's not what it used to be. So many things have changed. In the past, when you graduated college, you were at least sure of a well-paying job. You also knew that there was going to be job security, and if you worked hard enough at your job, you'd be able to afford a house of your own, a car, and a vacation. This is not how it is anymore; it is tough, and it seems like our parents lived in the best of times. The unemployment rate has skyrocketed, the inflation rate is on the rise,  and it is becoming increasingly difficult to become financially independent.

Personally I blame the government and our educational system.  Or educational system doesn't teach us how to become independent rather they give us old knowledge and expect us to go into the world looking like zombies. Most young folks  who have attained financial independence we are able to think outside the box,  find a need or a problem and solve it. Cutting  ties with one's family is not the best option you need your family and your family needs you. What I would say is for you to ask for help in terms of initial capital investment to start a business if your parents are willing to help. At least they wouldn't request for a higher stake in the company.

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February 21, 2023, 05:40:49 PM
 #70

If you're still single and you struggle financially, your parents will want you to be there. But if you're married and you are still under the roof with your parents and your spouse, that's something else.
However, there are parents that don't want to see their children suffer and they want to be of help as much as they can no matter what is the situation that you're dealing with. And that's why they are the ones that wanting their children to stay on their wing even if they're old enough.

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virasisog
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February 21, 2023, 07:49:45 PM
 #71

We can seek help but we can't rely on them forever. Some people don't want to get out of their comfort zones and are contented with having complete meals under the same roof as their parents. Lacking motivation could affect us in the long run. Our parents will not live forever and we must also give them time to relax and enjoy their lives by also giving them a comfortable life.
Relying on them only makes them suffer though we might not hear them complaining. We should also need to grind and live our own lives and be sure to have our own permanent incomes.
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February 21, 2023, 08:59:26 PM
 #72

We can seek help but we can't rely on them forever. Some people don't want to get out of their comfort zones and are contented with having complete meals under the same roof as their parents. Lacking motivation could affect us in the long run. Our parents will not live forever and we must also give them time to relax and enjoy their lives by also giving them a comfortable life.
Relying on them only makes them suffer though we might not hear them complaining. We should also need to grind and live our own lives and be sure to have our own permanent incomes.
Whether we do like it or not then we should really be that accepting on whats the real deal of this life on which we should really need ourselves to be that independent.Its true that we cant really stick to them in all of

our lives.They dont really become that younger anymore as the years passing which it would really be just right as a child of your parents to live a life which is free of those sufferings and sacrifices.

Just make a goal or plan into your life on having your own family and wont really be still that dependent even on your adulthood which it is really just right that you should
mind off about their sacrifices that they had done.Dont make things even more harder for them since they are getting old.

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February 21, 2023, 09:08:09 PM
 #73

To sustain yourself should always be the goal, it is true there could be moments in which this is not possible, as it could be the case if you suffer an accident and you require some financial help to pay for the hospital bills.

But this should be the exception, however for what I can see around me it seems this ideal is not pursued with the same kind of enthusiasm as in the past, as I see many young adults and even couples which depend financially on their parents.
Those bad periods where you are financially in so much trouble that you have absolutely no idea how you can get out of it is the real reason why so many people succeed in their future. Obviously there are so many people who are poor and can't get out of poverty, but if you are there just for once, and then manage to get out, then you will know what to look for in the future.

I have been there, had hard time and had troubling times, but I worked hard to get out and I know that unless something super major happens in my life, like for example I can't work due to illness or injury, then I won't be going back again because I know how to get out no matter what. I would be working at the lowest of jobs and still not be in poverty if I can prevent it.

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Sanitough
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February 21, 2023, 09:29:13 PM
 #74

Asking for help from parents when the need arises is normal. But staying financially dependent on them even in adulthood is simply irresponsible. The parents could also take part of the blame. Some parents cannot take it that their adult children are having a hard time. They willingly continue to support them. As a result, their children's behavior is reinforced. Parents instantly coming to their children's aid all the time may sound good, but it could also be dangerous as their children might not grow independent. They might not be able to try find ways to survive.
Parents become the best provider for their children not because they are obliged to do that, but because they want to give the best for their children and protect them all the time. But when these children have grown into adults, it’s time for the parents to give way to their grown up children so they can become independent not only physically, but also financially. That’s why adults should have their own means of living so they can provide for their own family, and not to stay dependent on their parents. And as parents, they should guide their children to develop the best they can be, so they can survive on their own and build their own family without relying from the income of their parents.
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February 22, 2023, 06:11:31 AM
 #75

It's not a bad idea to fall back to your folks when you are financially constrained as a man, because no one can expect some curve balls life throws but where it becomes questionable is when it becomes a norm.
 As humans, there's always the tendency to slack when we notice that our needs are being provided for us and just like a poster observed, it makes the individual (especially the man) lose focus on his role to play as a provider and can become a liability as he has lost sight of what he ought to do simply because he has gotten used to finances being handed to him.
 Also, one would want to fault such a behavior on the parents but I think life places one with choices, so if such an individual wants to carry on, it's his choice.

Indeed. You have done a great job explaining your point well. When I saw Mr. Mauser's comment before yours, I wanted to make a reply but hesitated, simply because I guess his mindset has not come to the stage of knowing a man's responsibility. Then I saw your comment and what a perfect answer to Mr. Mauser's question ! Due all due respect to him, I firmly believe that a man should never think "take it easy" on life, other people like his family and friends may do this to him, but he should never take actions less and think less. As a family man, it is dangerous to think you always have your parents to fall back on. I know this can only be understood by a few people and may cause criticism but I insist on speaking up the truth.
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February 22, 2023, 09:22:43 AM
 #76

Asking for help from parents when the need arises is normal. But staying financially dependent on them even in adulthood is simply irresponsible. The parents could also take part of the blame. Some parents cannot take it that their adult children are having a hard time. They willingly continue to support them. As a result, their children's behavior is reinforced. Parents instantly coming to their children's aid all the time may sound good, but it could also be dangerous as their children might not grow independent. They might not be able to try find ways to survive.
There was a time I had to fall back on my parents for help and this was when I was not paid a salary for six months. I had to do so many odd jobs to survive until I couldn't cope anymore. And that was the first and last time it ever happened.
Parents are always willing to help but taking advantage of this privilege is a sign of irresponsibility. Based on our culture, Immediately you leave school and get a job, your parents expect you to be independent and even support them.

Parents should also learn to allow their children to face the world no matter how tough the situation might be. If these children always get the financial support they need, if their parents become broke or die, they might end up becoming beggars or even criminals. Children must be raised to embrace hard work, patience, and endurance.
Parents would always want the best for their children, that even sometimes they still go beyond their limits and become stage parents, even if their children are already building their own family. Maybe at first, it could be an advantage on part of the son/daughter, but eventually it won’t be helpful in the long run since it will pave way to develop negative attitude like laziness to get his own job, and being dependent most of the time. Also, parents should hone their children to become future responsible parents to their children, and not to become an irresponsible and jobless person who will only depend on his wife to provide for the family.

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February 22, 2023, 10:25:16 AM
 #77

If you're still single and you struggle financially, your parents will want you to be there. But if you're married and you are still under the roof with your parents and your spouse, that's something else.
However, there are parents that don't want to see their children suffer and they want to be of help as much as they can no matter what is the situation that you're dealing with. And that's why they are the ones that wanting their children to stay on their wing even if they're old enough.

Parents are very emotionally attached to their children because, since birth, they have taken care of you, and they just do it for good. It would be nice to talk with your parents if they are still doing this since you can't stand up with your own feet if they are still there helping you. Though there are still people who rely on their parents and don't want to go to work even if they are married, I couldn't understand why they are still doing that and not going out of their comfort zone.
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February 22, 2023, 01:58:33 PM
 #78

They've never thought about having another stream of income or one day their parents may not be making money and instead need money and care from them. A lof of hidden problems are there but just ignored. In my opinion, the earlier you become independent financially, the more likely you will be living a comfortable life with your finances. Better to know this and be prepared, if you are young.

It's good to be financially independent as much as possible, but there can always be hard times around the corner. What if we become sick, get fried from our job, or face a lot of maintenance repairs in our apartment? From my point of view family is there to help each other in times of need. This doesn't mean that we should always rely on our parents to provide for us, but if we really need the help they will be there. Only when I got older I realised how hard the life for my parents was and they needed a lot of help from my grand parents. Without their support we could have never went on summer vacation, or get Christmas gifts. So if things are getting bad I am glad I can get at least some help from my parents. Who else would be there for us if we really need it?

Yes, family is to help each other, but think about it, our parents sacrificed their youth to raise us to be human. We are still very young, have a lot of health, and have a lot of time to live in this world, but our parents are not like that, I mean, try while we can, don't be too dependent on our parents. Think about a future without parents and how we will overcome that difficulty. I believe that everything has a solution, it's just that we always think that we still have parents, so we never try our best.

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February 22, 2023, 07:45:48 PM
 #79

If you're still single and you struggle financially, your parents will want you to be there. But if you're married and you are still under the roof with your parents and your spouse, that's something else.
However, there are parents that don't want to see their children suffer and they want to be of help as much as they can no matter what is the situation that you're dealing with. And that's why they are the ones that wanting their children to stay on their wing even if they're old enough.

Parents are very emotionally attached to their children because, since birth, they have taken care of you, and they just do it for good. It would be nice to talk with your parents if they are still doing this since you can't stand up with your own feet if they are still there helping you. Though there are still people who rely on their parents and don't want to go to work even if they are married, I couldn't understand why they are still doing that and not going out of their comfort zone.
Those that don't want to work and are married already, they're too dependent on their parents. It's okay to their parents but in the eyes of society, it's all wrong.
They are already grown up and they can go to work and have themselves grind with any career that they may choose since they're older now. But being still dependent on their parents while building another family, there will be various reactions to that kind of setup. Because those working and independent people will have that thought that it's a wrong setup but, it's understandable if it's just temporary.

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February 22, 2023, 07:51:43 PM
 #80

If you're still single and you struggle financially, your parents will want you to be there. But if you're married and you are still under the roof with your parents and your spouse, that's something else.
However, there are parents that don't want to see their children suffer and they want to be of help as much as they can no matter what is the situation that you're dealing with. And that's why they are the ones that wanting their children to stay on their wing even if they're old enough.

Parents are very emotionally attached to their children because, since birth, they have taken care of you, and they just do it for good. It would be nice to talk with your parents if they are still doing this since you can't stand up with your own feet if they are still there helping you. Though there are still people who rely on their parents and don't want to go to work even if they are married, I couldn't understand why they are still doing that and not going out of their comfort zone.
Those that don't want to work and are married already, they're too dependent on their parents. It's okay to their parents but in the eyes of society, it's all wrong.
They are already grown up and they can go to work and have themselves grind with any career that they may choose since they're older now. But being still dependent on their parents while building another family, there will be various reactions to that kind of setup. Because those working and independent people will have that thought that it's a wrong setup but, it's understandable if it's just temporary.
Only a few parents would really be still continuing to support their child even on their marriage life but majority would really be sharing up on the same opinion about on letting your child to be independent already since he had been starting on building his own family.Being that reliant into your parents support does really show that you arent really that prepared on having one.As an individual then you should really make yourself that
independent and you should be thinking that its not your family or parents responsibility on raising up your own family.This is why on the time that you are deciding on creating one then it
is really just right that you should be thinking up this way.

R


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