Choosing between your relationship and gambling.

[Cling18]

I understand how the woman feels because she will about to enter the world of marriage and she surely thinks about their future. Having a gambler's lifetime partner can cause chaos in the future but if the gambler is responsible, she should just accept her future husband's habit. This usual problem could be fixed with the right approach. They can just talk about it before getting married without asking the husband to choose between his habit and their relationship.

[Lanatsa]

I'll really appreciate to have you share some advise on what decision to take if you were to find yourself in this my cousin shoe. For It's been a difficult moment for him this past two days as he has  been thinking of the financial support he at times get from the gambling wins and at same time his fiancee too.

He should try out to explain it out into his fiancee about on making money on gambling plus he isnt really that spending that much on it and having that good control.I do understand on that girls part about the fear

on putting themselves together in huge financial problem if ever them both will really getting into married life.It is really a matter of acceptance came from into an explanation in one side.It shouldnt really be that
one sided considering that it was really just still a habit before she met his girl i guess.

For that dude then it would really be hard situation but he could always agree up and then later on play out but of course you would be needing to hide yourself. 

[darkangel11]

First of all, you shouldn't start a relationship with someone who is so demanding and wants you to choose between her and something else. You can see this is going the wrong way. Now it's "me or gambling", later it will be "me or your job", "me or your friends", "me or your hobbies."
Then there's an issue with his gambling. It's not severe yet, not bad enough to put him against a wall like she is. I would consider if I want to be with such woman for the rest of my life, that's for sure.
I'm not ok with someone being a gambling addict, but she's making it look worse than it is. Women like to crate unnecessary drama.

[Casdinyard]

A year will never be enough to get to know a person really well and I don't think their love for each other already has a strong foundation. Deciding to get married that early will surely have doubts along thr way as they discover each other's weaknesses.
As for me, it isn't a reason enough to leave a person because he is into gambling especially if you're committed to that person. You must not compare him to other gamblers as long as you don't know how he deals with gambling. Instead of dragging the person down, he should get to know him well first because there are still worse things that they could discover about each other along the way.

But you gotta admit, both of them make sound points here. You can't really blame the woman for having so negative connotations about gambling when it's clearly hidden against her wishes in the first place, and to find out that your fiancee's gambling almost everyday behind your back? That's just abhorring. There's hardly any comparison to be made if your girl finds out you're gambling almost everyday, and you hid it from her. On the other hand, it's not so smart of the girlfriend to give an ultimatum like that. It's just childish and very narrow-minded of her. If we're to take the cousin's word for it and he's indeed gambling responsibly, then good for him. But just as what I've said in my last post, they need to talk this one out in private and in detail, from there they can decide whether they wanted to continue with the relationship or not. Either way, it will work great for them.

[Wakate]

I understand how the woman feels because she will about to enter the world of marriage and she surely thinks about their future. Having a gambler's lifetime partner can cause chaos in the future but if the gambler is responsible, she should just accept her future husband's habit. This usual problem could be fixed with the right approach. They can just talk about it before getting married without asking the husband to choose between his habit and their relationship.

Women are always very scared of the future of a gambler because they think things can go wrong anytime and there lover can mistakenly and consciously gamble with there future. Everything about this is understanding and the two persons that is involved here should try and settle this matter because I know that, there is no way a gambler will leave gambling because of relationship. The gambling attempt can be reduced but I don't think the urge can be stopped by any means due to the long term issue the man had been playing bets.

[stomachgrowls]

I understand how the woman feels because she will about to enter the world of marriage and she surely thinks about their future. Having a gambler's lifetime partner can cause chaos in the future but if the gambler is responsible, she should just accept her future husband's habit. This usual problem could be fixed with the right approach. They can just talk about it before getting married without asking the husband to choose between his habit and their relationship.

Women are always very scared of the future of a gambler because they think things can go wrong anytime and there lover can mistakenly and consciously gamble with there future. Everything about this is understanding and the two persons that is involved here should try and settle this matter because I know that, there is no way a gambler will leave gambling because of relationship. The gambling attempt can be reduced but I don't think the urge can be stopped by any means due to the long term issue the man had been playing bets.

You know women and advanced thinkers on which they do already assuming out on what would gonna happen if ever they would be able to see basing up into their past experiences or other peoples experience.

Same goes into this situation where he had a brother who had been engaging on gambling and ending up miserable.The girl is just concerned for whatever things that could possibly happen because gambling
addiction could really mess up someones life financially.Just like the rest been saying that we cant blame her because it is really true that gambling could mess up someones life if not handled properly.
Just be thankful that you have a girl that do minds about future and its up to ours whether we would be quitting or not.You are the ones who would make out the choice.

[livingfree]

That's really addiction in there but as someone who's into relationship, you don't have to give choices to the person whom you love. It's either you support him in or you support him getting out by having that gradual activities where he'll forget to gamble.

The feeling is understandable for that woman but it's also needed for her to understand that it won't just come out in an instant and there's a need for her to give him time until he fully recovers and completely stops.

But to look at that is quite hard, that's why helping him will be her choice and as said, it won't be going to be an easy task.

[goaldigger]

The trauma from her past experience with his Brother is there, and she knows that risk of getting involve in gambling so probably she just wanna make sure to live happy and without having any stress from a gambling problem. Your cousin have to choose, if gambling is very important to him then better to tell this one to his fiancee and make her understand that he’s not addict in gambling and he’s still in control, if she accepts it better but if not your cousin have to decide.

[coolcoinz]

I'll really appreciate to have you share some advise on what decision to take if you were to find yourself in this my cousin shoe. For It's been a difficult moment for him this past two days as he has  been thinking of the financial support he at times get from the gambling wins and at same time his fiancee too.

I'd explain to her that I'm winning and I'm being responsible, that I don't chase losses and I don't put my well being at risk. I would never go in debt over gambling and it's just a form of making money.
What she should understand that he isn't trying to end the relationship, she is by forcing him to choose. I'd ask her if she realizes that we're going to have less money if I quit.
The choice depends on how much he loves her, I guess.

[Mahanton]

The trauma from her past experience with his Brother is there, and she knows that risk of getting involve in gambling so probably she just wanna make sure to live happy and without having any stress from a gambling problem. Your cousin have to choose, if gambling is very important to him then better to tell this one to his fiancee and make her understand that he’s not addict in gambling and he’s still in control, if she accepts it better but if not your cousin have to decide.

This would be a tough choice considering that he had been gambling way before his cousin meets up his fiancee and if he could risk out their relationship then its his choice.I agree on what others been saying that its better to make out some explanation about he had a good control towards his gambling activity and tells her that the money that he had been earning is also the part of his winnings on playing gambling.
The girl would surely understand that but if not then there's nothing you can do and you would really be needing to choose.

[Russlenat]

Tell your cousin to stay away from that girl.  
They are not married yet but she acts like she lost everything. If she had not discovered those emails, she wouldn't be overreacting though.

However, she already wants your cousin to choose which. It gets worse if she could successfully makes your cousin choose her. This is capitalizing on your cousin's feeling over her. It's not gonna be surprising one day you might not be able to hang out with your cousin anymore because she says so.

That girl just want to control your cousin, and by pointing out into gambling, I guess she found more reason to control your cousin telling him to chose over gambling and his relationship with her. Gambling is not actually bad if your cousin is still able to manage his gambling activities including his losses, but submitting to the decision of his fiancée is actually the wrong decision here. I just hope your cousin will decide on what’s best for him, not only for their relationship, especially that they are not yet married.

[Sanitough]

Why does she care so much? A year sounds like a very quick engagement too but what does she want him to do with the money instead?

If he had no other use for the money, gambling with it might not be too bad a thing if he's got a good paying job anyway. Taking himself away from gambling too would be much healthier than having someone else make him do it.

It sounds like she's in it mostly for the money (that could just be how you've worded it but it does sounds like she's a problem).

Not the type of girl that is a wife material. Although I can understand her because she’s just being overprotective with your cousin, but the way she deal with it is the problem now. I would actually want to advise that staying away from this girl is the best thing to do for your cousin. Otherwise, he will live like hell in the future if he continue his relationship with this girl because obviously, this girl just want to manipulate your cousin’s decision not just into gambling but maybe in a lot of matters in the future.

[Maestro75]

Her reasons is because she has this brother that's into gambling and his gambling habit has led to him selling off important properties of his and some that belongs to the whole family just to meet up with his uncontrollable gambling urge. And this experience scares her to death having anything to do with anyone she notice that engages in gambles activities especially for someone she's in a serious relationship with, that she can't deal with such reality.

She may be right. We have seen alot of cases of gambling addiction and what it has led to. If she has a bad experience of gambling addiction with her brother and does not want her man who is your cousin to continue gambling, your cousin should listen to her and not dismiss her worries of he cares for his relationship with her. It should be a dialogue and he has to see things from her eyes. It can even be that your cousin did not tell you the truth about whatever winnings he has been getting. Women like money and if your cousin was making money from his gambling, am not sure his girlfriend would have been complaining of him getting into it.

[Crypto Library]

The trauma from her past experience with his Brother is there, and she knows that risk of getting involve in gambling so probably she just wanna make sure to live happy and without having any stress from a gambling problem. Your cousin have to choose, if gambling is very important to him then better to tell this one to his fiancee and make her understand that he’s not addict in gambling and he’s still in control, if she accepts it better but if not your cousin have to decide.

I would like to agree with you in point If the op's cousin wants to move forward that relationship, then he has to present gambling in front of that person in such a way that she understands that gambling is not a bad thing.
Even then I am not that kind of gambler but in my own thoughts I don't think it should be viewed as a bad thing, because if it can be kept under self control and only as a means of entertainment then I don't think it will have any bad effect. Gambling can be a source of entertainment if you set aside a certain amount of your income as a percentage.

[Frankolala]

I don't blame your cousin's fiancee,he should have let her know he is a gambler,instead of allowing her to see it herself. Some ladies have made up their minds not to marry some particular kind of men,maybe because of their past experience with someone that has such habit or they don't just want to get involved with such person. If your cousin's fiancee is one of those type of ladies sorry she might not understand him.

If your cousin talk to her and she doesn't seem to understand with him,he should choose her or gambling, that is his choice and he loves her,then he needs to quit gambling but if prefer his gambling habit than her,he can let her go.

[Yatsan]

There should be a reason. If they have an agreement to share their funds with one another, such that both parties are doing the same thing, then adjustments should be made. Viewing on a positive persepective, the girl might be worried that your cousin might be too dragged in gambling as cited by OP. Indeed that was your cousin's money and he is taking good care of it, but atleast the girl has a point. Maybe she has some kind of trauma to her brother wherein gambling is a huge factor and she doesn't want her partner to end up on the same situation. But it would be a wrong idea to make breake up an option wherein they could have discussed it in a better way. Both has points but this is probably a misunderstanding.

[swogerino]

There's currently a heated issue between an older cousin of mine and his fiancee, it's a gambling related issue that's now looking like a threat to their relationship. Here's what happened;

My cousin as I know has been an active gambler for as long as I could remember and he's one person that gamble responsibly as he takes it as something that's part of a side hustling and nothing more and he added that the winning streaks he has been getting has really been supportive to him financially too. I get to know this cause that's what he told me when I asked him why does he have to engage in online gambling when he has a good paying job. The disturbing issue here is that a day ago his fiancee whom both have been dating for about a year now, she for the first time had access into his mail and discovered lots of email messages both previous and current from the particular gambling sites he has a gambling account with and her awareness of this has made her to ask my cousin to either chose between quiting from engaging in any form of gambling or ending their relationship.
Her reasons is because she has this brother that's into gambling and his gambling habit has led to him selling off important properties of his and some that belongs to the whole family just to meet up with his uncontrollable gambling urge. And this experience scares her to death having anything to do with anyone she notice that engages in gambles activities especially for someone she's in a serious relationship with, that she can't deal with such reality.

I'll really appreciate to have you share some advise on what decision to take if you were to find yourself in this my cousin shoe. For It's been a difficult moment for him this past two days as he has  been thinking of the financial support he at times get from the gambling wins and at same time his fiancee too.

I have said always that I keep a balance to play weekly and I was doing OK from quite so many weeks and months that I don't remember and I have always told my wife how much money I was willing to gamble so she knows now that I gamble "some money" and she is not contrary to this although she keeps telling me that no smart person have ever won anything from gambling.Tonight I was obsessed with a game I don't like that much the provider of it but lately has caught me and kept buying the bonus round and lost almost half the salary,I talked immediately to my wife and she smiled saying,didn't I say it to you that smart people never win anything and advised me to stick to my bankroll.I think I have the perfect wife honestly  .

So your cousin and his fiance should talk to each other and try to settle things,only dialogue has solved world problems,even much worse than gambling sometimes,there is no other way.

[Baofeng]

Lol, it's better that they are not yet in a long relationship, I mean yes it's one year but still a lot of things to learn between 2 persons. As far as gambling goes? it's good that she found out and see her reaction. If the fiancee can't accept his gambling, then what more if they got married and later found it out? what's going to happen divorce? that's why I said this is better for your cousin. Maybe the girl is not for him, just saying. And he should accept that as well and move forward with his life. Whether we want to continue gambling or not, it's his decision and hopefully she can find a relationship wherein the girl will accept him no matter what, no strings attached.

[Bushdark]

I don't blame your cousin's fiancee,he should have let her know he is a gambler,instead of allowing her to see it herself. Some ladies have made up their minds not to marry some particular kind of men,maybe because of their past experience with someone that has such habit or they don't just want to get involved with such person. If your cousin's fiancee is one of those type of ladies sorry she might not understand him.

If your cousin talk to her and she doesn't seem to understand with him,he should choose her or gambling, that is his choice and he loves her,then he needs to quit gambling but if prefer his gambling habit than her,he can let her go.

I see not reason why I would have to blame the cousin for anything, if the woman wants to leave because his fiancee is an gambler not even an addictive gambler, then she can leave to wherever she want to go. We can force people to love us the way we are.

 This is his cousin lifestyle and it is left to the fiancee to decide whether she would stay with him even with the scar on his body and plan how to watch away the scar than to criticize him for been who he is. Some women should not just think they can change our personalities because of love and coming tomour lives. This is a decision that does not need too much deliberation to be handled based on my perspective.

[DoublerHunter]

The trauma from her past experience with his Brother is there, and she knows that risk of getting involve in gambling so probably she just wanna make sure to live happy and without having any stress from a gambling problem. Your cousin have to choose, if gambling is very important to him then better to tell this one to his fiancee and make her understand that he’s not addict in gambling and he’s still in control, if she accepts it better but if not your cousin have to decide.

^That is right, they need to talk about this.
If his cousin was a long-time gambler so it means he passed massive heavy experienced which he has control of his gambling.
But the wrong move is, why he did not let know his fiance about his gambling activity and tell her about that he has control over it and nothing to worry. Girls have always that kind of attitude, trying to control someone especially if they know the outcome, but if you are an experienced gambler, you can tell her that you are not addicted and tell her that gambling is one of your habits. If you can explain it very well, then, there is no problem.