Lending money or damaging family bond ?

[Ultegra134]

It might be a little harsh to say this, but it's not your problem that he failed to manage his finances better. Saving is vital for emergency purposes; it's a must for every household. I completely understand why you didn't lend him the money; he didn't bother caring about himself in the first place, so why should you? It's better that it happened this way so you can identify those toxic relatives and remove them from your life. His request is pressing because he's a relative, but he should also comprehend your position and not be pissed off at you. I would have done the same if I were in your shoes.

[1714975823]

1714975823

[1714975823]

1714975823

[1714975823]

1714975823

[Jody.Drummer]

Anything about money will be very sensitive, there is even a saying that the sharpest relationship breaker is money. And I really felt that when my friend borrowed money from me, when I asked him about it he got angry, even though I had helped him before.
What you are doing is right, maybe it looks uncompassionate because we don't lend money when he needs it. But when it will make it difficult for us in the end, there is no other choice but not to lend it. I'm sure if that person can be trusted then you will give him a loan, but his problem with being untrustworthy is what keeps you from giving him a loan.

[KaliLinux]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Did you not lend him the money because he was really not a solid trustworthy guy or because you realized he probably wouldn't be able to pay it back because now he doesn't have a job? Just my honest open question. I realize most people even within the family wouldn't mind dealing with you in whatever capacity when you are working and is financially stable but as soon as you lose your job, most of them stay away from you, and trust me cos I know this.
Anyways, you might want to get people's opinion in here that you did the right thing and others will say the opposite but at the end of the day it is your family issue, and both of you will have to resolve it someday

[Bananington]

If you had the money to spare, and the money in abundance, you would have been able to just give to this family member regardless of if they will be able to pay back soon or not. You do not have enough and any money you give out is out of sacrifice which you expected to be paid back. When you know that someone that has asked you for money even if they are family members do not have the habit of paying back, there is a reluctance to give because money is not easy to make.

Because this person is family, you should have considered giving some of the amount of money this person has asked for since you cannot give all, so your relationship is not completely affected. In giving some, the person knows that you still want to help, but you cannot in the capacity that they expect. Try this next time.

[$anounimus$]

Don't waste your energy on things you don't need. Your attitude is correct. Dealing with money is a bit sensitive, let alone lending money to people you can't trust. Establishing brotherhood is indeed important but don't sacrifice our wealth either, unless we give just enough and without asking to be paid back. Your brother should also have self-respect, because being in debt will risk self-esteem, especially for people who don't have integrity.

[Flexystar]

I think your decision was pretty good considering the fact that he did not speak with you at the family reunion. Imagine if he is not that understanding of your decision then how could anyone trust him with the loan payoffs in the future? I hate to break it but your cousin is really selfish and he could just think about his own situation but not yours. Let us say you might have had some troubles at your own end as well but he did not think about it in the first place.

Managing finances is the first rule when you live in this world. If you mismanage it then things could turn out bad. Just like what happened with your cousin. He might have gone rogue on his job, he might not be that good in managing his funds as well that's why he may not have any safe funds to pay the EMI's for a few more months.

Better yet say no in such situation and save yourself.

[Casdinyard]

As someone who has been stuck in a situation like your relative, I know how heartbreaking it is to not receive help from the ones you expect would be able to lend you a hand. Although I also get you OP, seeing as I'm someone who lends money out as well and have been stiffed out of my own money a couple of times by relatives. My solution to this is to offer them an ultimatum. I learned this from a shark tank investor during a night of belligerent browsing over the internet, but I digress. They ask for money from you, you oblige, if you feel like it you can even tell them to not oblige themselves to pay you at all, but you should let them know that this will be the last time they will ever be able to ask for money from you. If they take the money, no more loans after. That way you can save yourself awkwardness in family reunions and get-togethers, and you'll be painted as one of the most generous relatives too!

[blockman]

That really is something that you shouldn't be thinking about anymore. That is happening to many families and when someone's favor isn't granted, they're acting dumb. You don't need that type of guy in your life even if he's a close relative to you.
You don't have to think of his problem as you don't have anything against him, if he gives you attention then reciprocate but that's it. Whenever both of you are in the same place, you just guard your place and you don't have to be showy to him just because you don't lend him any money because you owe him nothing and you owe him no money. The wrong thing about borrowers, there shouldn't be any heart feeling when a relative rejects you, they also have obligations to make and that what you must understand.

[Fiatless]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Three thousand dollars is not a small money except you can afford to lose it. When you are dealing with money you don't consider relationship. You should only do business especially loans to only trustworthy and reliable people. If you know your cousin will not repay the loan don't give him except he offers a collateral. if he likes let him be angry that's his business because it is clear that you didn't offend him. If he really needs the money, let him approach a bank or other financial institutions.

OP why did you conclude that he is not trustworthy? Have you or someone else given him loan and he defaulted? Is this an established or based on hearsays because it is also good to assist people when they have financial problems.

[darewaller]

Only you can save your money, it takes firmness to take a stand when faced with a situation like this. In most cases that occur in society, money that has been lent to other people is very difficult to collect.
My father once told me to be careful when lending to other people. When they ask us for a loan, they always put on an innocent face like a hungry cat which makes us feel sorry to see it, but when we collect the loan, the borrower immediately puts on a scary face like a tiger going berserk. Better to lose a friend or relative for a while than to lose money and a friend or relative forever because they couldn't keep the trust placed in them.

There are different way's to save money but if we don't trust the others, we can just save on our own. There are hard times which are inevitable and sometimes call us to use our saving money but we must not be guilty of doing so because for what we are saving? When the purpose of savings is to have something in use when an emergency happens.

When lending someone else, I would only agree if I know that the person has no bad records when it comes to this matter and then they also have a good reason on why they want to take a loan. Asking for a collateral can work like a charm for them to not ran away with the money that they borrowed.

[Dr.Osh]

In this case, you are not wrong in any way. to lend something to someone else, or even your family, you need to know the person, or the person needs to have collateral. in your case, you know the person, and the person has an untrustworthy streak. if you lend money that you have, you have to take the risk that the money will never be returned, and in the end, you will get two conditions where your condition will be awkward because he doesn't repay his loan to you, and your money won't come back.
The advice I have is, if he is really important to you, then get him a job that can pay off his loans little by little. You also need to convince him that the money you have is still being used for something important. after all, he can't force you to lend him your money either.

[Yawa2020]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Advice to all! Don't lend anyone money unless you are above what you are about to lend them and can possibly dash them in case they refuse to pay back. The worst of it is that in my country after you lend someone money you will have to explain what you need the money for before they pay some part of. You can give willingly if you are generous but do not lend. Allow them to pass through whatever they are passing through.

[salad daging]

If you have a lot of money, it's better to enjoy it yourself than lend it to your family or something else, obviously with any money it can damage your close relationship to crack and I myself experienced this, so I decided not to lend money to anyone.

My sibling borrowed money from me for business reasons and I agreed because I knew what business he was doing and he was still working in an office so when I lent money, he was quite calm, he still had income and the rest could be paid to pay off debts to me, but what happened he had reneged on the initial agreement and he always had many excuses when I asked about the loan, then I thought I was like a beggar who kept asking him for money on that which I myself had lent and my right to collect it.

Never mind that I don't want to deal with other people just because of money, I'm quite sorry and emotional when I charge but there's no result.

[South Park]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

If a little bit of money is enough for your family member to act in this way, now you know everything you need to know about him, your relationship was based simply on what he could obtain out of you and now that he knows you are not going to give him that kind of money then he is not interested on maintaining a relationship with you, so you did the right thing as eventually that relationship would end anyway and most likely you would have lost that money too.

[Krislaw]

Nothing to feel bad about here. I understand it's family but one must think first about risks when it comes to lending no matter the story they cook up. And good thing you know your cousin well and was able to take a good decision and not the other way, which could have led to lose of that money.
Communicate with him and do like nothing happened.

[Uruhara]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

At least your reason for not lending to people who cannot be trusted is good. and I guess you are also in a confusing position then. but I personally sometimes can't be firm with things like this. and several times I have lent some money to my distant relatives. And I even lent it without expecting the money to be returned any time soon. because even I see the current economic condition is indeed not possible to repay the loan. but I do this because I do have sufficient reserve funds and cold funds that I will not use in the near future. so I decided to put more importance on family relationships by helping him by lending some money.

but maybe if I didn't have reserve funds and cold funds at that time then I might also refuse to lend him some money. but because I feel I can still help him then I do it.

and the reason I helped him was because I really trusted him for the long term. but if he is not a trustworthy person then maybe i will do the same with you.

[serjent05]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

In a businessman's view, you did well, but as a relative, you should have lent him some money, not that $3000, but to make face since he is your relative, you can at least lend him 10%-20% of what he is borrowing.  It won't make you broke if he failed to pay you and at the same time, it will at least make your cousin feel that you care.

At least that I will do if anyone of my relatives borrows money and I am unsure if he will pay me or not.  I know the feeling of being in need, and the feeling of getting rejected even though the person has the capability to produce the money I am borrowing.

Anyway, the world is round and who's on top now might find themselves at the bottom one day.  It is best to plant good seeds with people just in case in time we are in trouble, there is a possibility that these people with whom we do some kindness will help us.
 

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

If a little bit of money is enough for your family member to act in this way, now you know everything you need to know about him, your relationship was based simply on what he could obtain out of you and now that he knows you are not going to give him that kind of money then he is not interested on maintaining a relationship with you, so you did the right thing as eventually that relationship would end anyway and most likely you would have lost that money too.

You don't understand the feeling of being abandoned.  It is not about the money but the feeling of his cousin being abandoned in his time of need.  But surely, we cannot blame @OP for his action since he weighs his money more than his cousin being a relative.    But well, to each their own...

[Questat]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

OP, just so you know, what you did was the most reasonable choice and it is indeed the right thing to do in that specific situation as there is no win-win about it. Everyone who had the same encounter or will have the same situation as you do will pretty much do the same thing because even if we say that it's your cousin, be it 2nd degree or 3rd degree, it doesn't change the fact that he is not worthy of any of your trust, especially your money.

Now that he took the things into a different matter, it's much better for you to leave him be because you are doing yourself a favor by keeping some safe distance.

[Cryptomultiplier]

What is the essence of having much money if others mostly family can't benefit from it?
As long as family is involved and the person in question really looks like he could really use the cash, even if he couldn't payback, I don't see why a hand couldn't be extended, even if not with the full amount, but with half of the price at least.
It could have been you on the knife edge and needed his help. Who am I to judge after all. You remain the better judge, OP, and no one can fault you for that.

[STT]

Offer to buy not lend, you will still lose friends and family if lending money they cannot manage properly and are unlikely to return.  One thing people do is get someone a job to enable them to pay their debts and so it is within their hands to do the work to repay rather then rely on anyone, its a good general principle to leave the effort with the person who spent the money or it will not really solve the problem.  The same should apply to bailouts that governments does, it can easily go wrong to make things easy as it promotes reoccurrence also.