Lending money or damaging family bond ?

[Uruhara]

Here’s what I do. If the amount they are asking for is something I can afford to lose I just give them, knowing I may or may not get my money back. When you look at it this way, you can easily evaluate the situation and give them a answer that puts you in a safe place without having a guilty conscience and straining the relationship.

It shouldn't be any other way, in my opinion. Everyone has his own problems to deal with. Everyone needs money for solving those problems. Some people think that their problems are more important than anyone else's, and there are rare cases when it's true, and then we should act according to the situation, but most of the time you shouldn't lend more than you care to lose.

Correct. We must first evaluate the situation and financial condition of ourselves. before deciding whether to lend or not. and if indeed we have really cold money and we do not mind if the money will be returned to us late or even not returned at all. so I think we can help or lend our money to relatives or other people, we can do it with a calm feeling. but we also must first try to explore and understand the borrower's situation. if the borrower really needs money in an emergency situation or for something that is indeed positive, such as rebuilding his business, then this condition is indeed appropriate for us to help. but if it turns out that the borrower's condition cannot be trusted or even he just looks like he needs money for fun then I don't think we are encouraged to give loans to people like this. because well he will probably come and come again regardless of the past loan that he has not returned.

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[bastian466]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Money problems can destroy everything.  it is very difficult to lend money to people we do not trust even though it is still related to brotherhood.  the problem you are facing can be discussed properly, he should not act like that if the loan application is not granted there should not be the slightest sense of hatred, he must be self aware and be able to accept it wisely

[m2017]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

The dilemma you are facing is not an easy one, and almost every person on the planet faces it. Almost all of us have relatives of some sort. There are few solutions here: either lend money to your unreliable cousin, forever forgetting about this money (because he will never give it back) and then you will maintain your family ties (but is this so, because you will no longer treat your cousin as before); or - don't give him anything, as you did and ruin your relationship with him. As you can see, in both cases, there will always be someone dissatisfied with this state of affairs.

Money at any time can spoil the relationship between people and it doesn’t matter if they are strangers, friends or relatives. This could have been avoided if people had fulfilled their obligations to each other. They borrow money, and then don't return it, and they are still offended by you. Completely forgetting and confusing that this is a request, not a requirement.

[slapper]

I think that making a solid bond with family member is necessary but if a family members are not trustworthy then don't make a bond of money with them. There are lots of people who ask for loan but do not return and I think that refuse to give money is better because your family bond will surely break when your uncle refuse to give it back to you after talking loan from you.

You take correct decision because if he makes relationship with you for just money then it's not a relationship but is a way of getting money in wrong way.
Family bond is important than money but the situation which you describe cannot save your family bond because if you give him laon he will not be able to give you back so this breaking of bond will occur then.

Family-money relationships can be complicated. You want to help your family without being exploited. In instances like this, you must be alert and thoughtful. "Is this person being honest with me?" Can I help them? Will my actions worsen things? If you know an offer will be rejected, decline it. You can support your family without risking your safety. But family is priceless. If you help, set rules and communicate to avoid conflict and hurt feelings

[Wong Gendheng]

Humans when they are very fond and need money, it is natural that everyone does anything for money, but money can unite 2 people who are hostile or vice versa can make 2 friends become enemies, and when we are in debt, our obligations are immediately paid off, not because of the debt of friendship or kinship becomes lost.

[Fakhrulenclix]

Humans when they are very fond and need money, it is natural that everyone does anything for money, but money can unite 2 people who are hostile or vice versa can make 2 friends become enemies, and when we are in debt, our obligations are immediately paid off, not because of the debt of friendship or kinship becomes lost.

It cannot be denied that in this world there are many cases of hostility between families caused by financial problems, especially borrowing money or vice versa.
but that doesn't mean we can't help our families who are in need of money, there are many other ways that can be done without destroying family ties.
such as lending money without an agreement or if you can give enough money sincerely.

[HajiBagi]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Money has caused more problems than we can imagine in our lives, like broken family relationship , failed marriages, and other issues. If you want to help someone in this life, do it from the bottom of your heart, because giving someone something that you are not willing to give isn't a help. According to your story, there was nothing wrong with him asking you to lend him money and you telling him you didn't have any.
Make sure you are capable of lending money to others, especially causins or any family member, because they won't return it. This does not imply that you do not want to give; rather, it means that you are unable to do so because you may need it at any time.

[BVeyron]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Unfortunately, lending or borrowing money usually creates a problem between friends or relatives. And this problem is in some ways used by financial companies to encourage people to take credit money from banks instead of going with their problem to their friends/family. The situation with not a trustworthy guy among close acquaintances is a terrible thing: if he doesn't really need money (for example, he spends a lot without any reason), then its a positive thing for him - he would surely behave in more rational way concerning money spending, but if he really needs money, then it can lead him to take a credit which he probably won't be able to pay, so then its a problem for the whole family/community/company... And these two cases are not always easy to distinguish from each other. So the best way, I think, is to involve more mutual friends/relatives and discuss the problem and its solution altogether.

[Betwrong]

~ The dilemma you are facing is not an easy one, and almost every person on the planet faces it. Almost all of us have relatives of some sort. There are few solutions here: either lend money to your unreliable cousin, forever forgetting about this money (because he will never give it back) and then you will maintain your family ties (but is this so, because you will no longer treat your cousin as before); or - don't give him anything, as you did and ruin your relationship with him. As you can see, in both cases, there will always be someone dissatisfied with this state of affairs.
~

Exactly. If you think of it, your family bond will, very likely, be damaged anyway, whether you lend the money or not. But that's when the amount is significant for you. If it's not, you can forget about it and treat your relative the same as before. It's all about the amount actually.

[Litzki1990]

If the relationship between relatives is ruined because of money, then you will think that he considered money more than your relationship. So there is no problem even if there is no such false relationship.

As he seems cousin to you, you should have helped him.  Because if relatives are not available during times of danger, people's trust or faith in relatives is broken. But you have good reason not to help because you said that cousin of yours is not a trustworthy person and the amount of money is too much. So if you help him by giving him that much money in times of danger and later if he refuses to give you the money, maybe you did not give him the money out of such a fear. But your cousin should have understood why you hesitated to pay him.

Hope you don't break the bond of kinship because of money.  And because of the attitude that refused to give your cousin a loan, I hope your cousin will change that attitude

[Supreemo]

~ The dilemma you are facing is not an easy one, and almost every person on the planet faces it. Almost all of us have relatives of some sort. There are few solutions here: either lend money to your unreliable cousin, forever forgetting about this money (because he will never give it back) and then you will maintain your family ties (but is this so, because you will no longer treat your cousin as before); or - don't give him anything, as you did and ruin your relationship with him. As you can see, in both cases, there will always be someone dissatisfied with this state of affairs.
~

Exactly. If you think of it, your family bond will, very likely, be damaged anyway, whether you lend the money or not. But that's when the amount is significant for you. If it's not, you can forget about it and treat your relative the same as before. It's all about the amount actually.

this kind of setting is pretty common in every family. there will always be that kind of relative who will scorn you and will understand the situation no matter how many times you explain it. all i can say about this is, that really depends on the situation. i have seen cases in which they refuse to lend you a helping hand even if you have helped them before and you have sacrificed a lot for them when they needed it badly, and when it's their turn, they will just ignore you immediately.

[Twentyonepaylots]

If the relationship between relatives is ruined because of money, then you will think that he considered money more than your relationship. So there is no problem even if there is no such false relationship.

As he seems cousin to you, you should have helped him.  Because if relatives are not available during times of danger, people's trust or faith in relatives is broken. But you have good reason not to help because you said that cousin of yours is not a trustworthy person and the amount of money is too much. So if you help him by giving him that much money in times of danger and later if he refuses to give you the money, maybe you did not give him the money out of such a fear. But your cousin should have understood why you hesitated to pay him.

Hope you don't break the bond of kinship because of money.  And because of the attitude that refused to give your cousin a loan, I hope your cousin will change that attitude

I agree that as a relative you should have the heart to help them but it varies in different scenarios that happens since everyone has their own story to tell based on their actions and decisions. I personally would do the same of not helping him since I know he had history with me regarding financial issues. As soon as you make me feel that your are not trustworthy on the money that I lend you, It would be very hard for me to help you the next time. I tend to just make excuses so that I don't end up lending that someone with money. I agree and I must add that the cousin truly knows why you don't lend him the money but he is not that matured enough to admit it. Well, what ever happened I think you have done the right thing.

[cryptoknightt]

in managing finances, lending money to someone is one of the things that must be thought about in detail, because it is not included in our financial plans, even our family cannot lend them money at will, let alone lending to people we don't trust. 3000 thousand dollars is not a small amount of money, the feeling guilt is also a risk not lending money to people and even family. but after all our own survival is the top priority in life

[Fivestar4everMVP]

I think I've come to a point in my life where when it comes to managing my finances, I don't care who gets hurt, one thing in life is that, how you sell yourself out to people is how they will take you, personally, If I was the op, I would have done exactly the same thing he did, three thousand dollars is no small amount of money, and I never would lend such amount to someone i don't trust would pay back the money..

It is better to dash out the money, and tell the borrower not to pay back, than lend the money out, expecting a payback that never comes, it's always a heart breaking experience as most times, we already had plans of what the money would be used for, only to discover it's pay is not forthcoming.

[Fortify]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

It's a really terrible idea to lend money to friends or family and it often ends up in a bad way. Most people have to learn and experience this the hard way, because they need to go through this process of seeing the negative outcomes before it cements in their mind. If you can afford to donate the amount you're being asked to borrow, then that is the way that you should be looking at it - don't expect it back, but if it comes back it is simply a bonus. Anyone who falls out with you because you won't lend them money will have a very bad time going through life and will probably fall out with a lot of people as they try similar tactics with everyone they meet eventually.

[RockBell]

If you really want to keep the bond between you and a member of your family, money should not come into the picture. Even though money is only a piece of paper, it has a lot of influence and when you talk about trust, it is earned. Aside from family, in the crypto world, trust is the cornerstone of everything. If you notice a red flag in a member of your family, I believe you can keep the relationship intact. I have issue trusting  people as for me it must be earned.

[AmoreJaz]

I think I've come to a point in my life where when it comes to managing my finances, I don't care who gets hurt, one thing in life is that, how you sell yourself out to people is how they will take you, personally, If I was the op, I would have done exactly the same thing he did, three thousand dollars is no small amount of money, and I never would lend such amount to someone i don't trust would pay back the money..

It is better to dash out the money, and tell the borrower not to pay back, than lend the money out, expecting a payback that never comes, it's always a heart breaking experience as most times, we already had plans of what the money would be used for, only to discover it's pay is not forthcoming.

besides, if we earn that money by sacrificing a lot from our end, it is hard to just let someone used it to their own desires. sometimes money is the reason of broken relationships as what the OP experienced from his cousin.
but i can agree what he did, as he knew the attitude of his cousin. it was not a small amount in the first place, and for sure, the OP also earned it the hard way.
if his cousin is mature enough, he will soon understand why his cousin didn't let him borrow the money. genuine relationships should not be ruined by money alone.

[Marcellin9]

I think I've come to a point in my life where when it comes to managing my finances, I don't care who gets hurt, one thing in life is that, how you sell yourself out to people is how they will take you, personally, If I was the op, I would have done exactly the same thing he did, three thousand dollars is no small amount of money, and I never would lend such amount to someone i don't trust would pay back the money..

It is better to dash out the money, and tell the borrower not to pay back, than lend the money out, expecting a payback that never comes, it's always a heart breaking experience as most times, we already had plans of what the money would be used for, only to discover it's pay is not forthcoming.

besides, if we earn that money by sacrificing a lot from our end, it is hard to just let someone used it to their own desires. sometimes money is the reason of broken relationships as what the OP experienced from his cousin.
but i can agree what he did, as he knew the attitude of his cousin. it was not a small amount in the first place, and for sure, the OP also earned it the hard way.
if his cousin is mature enough, he will soon understand why his cousin didn't let him borrow the money. genuine relationships should not be ruined by money alone.

Yes, I hope one day my cousin could understand why I did not lend him the money. He is not mature yet and lacks responsibilities as a father(he is a father of two kids) and I sincerely hope he can find a stable job that always  makes their ends meet. I have not seen him after that family uninion but I heard that he is doing okay now, at least he can bring food on the table. Next time I see him, I will try to talk to him and hope he understands.

[mm2543363580]

If you really want to keep the bond between you and a member of your family, money should not come into the picture. Even though money is only a piece of paper, it has a lot of influence and when you talk about trust, it is earned. Aside from family, in the crypto world, trust is the cornerstone of everything. If you notice a red flag in a member of your family, I believe you can keep the relationship intact. I have issue trusting  people as for me it must be earned.

That's the point money shouldn't be involved in any sort of relationships either its family bonds or friends.  Money can cause great difficulty in long run , as everyone is under some financial burden and sometimes helping someone doesn't help you ans you end up in great pain.
Secondly jn transactions you have to be strict and tough sometimes and in personal relationships you cannot behave that way.

[Cryptomultiplier]

If you really want to keep the bond between you and a member of your family, money should not come into the picture. Even though money is only a piece of paper, it has a lot of influence and when you talk about trust, it is earned. Aside from family, in the crypto world, trust is the cornerstone of everything. If you notice a red flag in a member of your family, I believe you can keep the relationship intact. I have issue trusting  people as for me it must be earned.

That's the point money shouldn't be involved in any sort of relationships either its family bonds or friends.  Money can cause great difficulty in long run , as everyone is under some financial burden and sometimes helping someone doesn't help you ans you end up in great pain.
Secondly jn transactions you have to be strict and tough sometimes and in personal relationships you cannot behave that way.

I believe the only time when money can cause problems for family is when there is no trust or there is a reason to doubt.
 If having lent my family cash and they refused to payback and they come to ask again and I refuse, it wouldn't be bad if I say no, neither will it be bad if after learning the reason to request such cash, it sounds worthless and unprofitable.
Saying no isn't bad, it just depends on how it is said. I have the understanding to acknowledge that most request I make is simply inconsiderate or just being extravagant and as such I wouldn't expect the family member I intend to borrow from to just say ok and grant my request, for the umpteenth time. It's just common sense.
Trust is very important firstly. After all there are great families who own and manage family businesses and lend each other money without even asking for refunds most times.