Lending money or damaging family bond ?

[Marcellin9]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

[Don Pedro Dinero]

You did well.

If your cousin is unreliable, the relationship was going to end up broken anyway. If you had left him the money, he would most likely not have returned it to you and you would then be the ackward one with him at family gatherings.

In my language we say that whoever lends money to a friend, loses the money and the friend, which is true although with exceptions, not 100% of the time. You can apply this to family members as well.

There are times when it is worthwhile to lend a relative or friend money, because they are reliable, because they have encountered an exceptional unforeseen circumstance and the like, but in most cases this is not the case.

[rat03gopoh]

It's just an unpleasant feeling that I think will subside faster, at least you try to communicate to neutralize the atmosphere and pretend that nothing happened. Or give any amount of money you're willing to help him.

But it is better to avoid financial loss as best as possible. If in the end your sibling defaults on loans, this will make your relationship even more tenuous than this one.

[GeorgeJohn]

The best thing you will do to someone who wants to lend money from you and you know that quit well the person will not be able to refund the borrowed money, the shortest way to bridge incoming problems between you and the person if you eventually borrowed him the money is to dash the person money the one you can afford, but the aspect of borrowing the person money which you know it will be difficult for it to refund you.

[livingfree]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

That's okay, you can remove relatives and friends that are toxic to you. That type of not acknowledging you during that reunion was a sign that he's a toxic person.

You've worked hard for that money and it's not a small amount to be lending him away. I know that people needs some help in times of need but who's there to help you when you're in need?

You don't have to validate others feeling but what you need to validate is your feelings and your needs.

[Yatsan]

Money and family ties? Happens a lot, to most of us. Problem here is people using ties as an advantage for privileges such as being able to lend in an instant and for extending the period that the borrowed amount should be paid. This is also evident with social relations or friendships in particular. On my end, if the amount is huge and I know for myself that the person won't be able to return the money I will just give him a percentage of the amount he is needing, without requiring him to pay. Perhaps an individual is lending $1k, I'd give him 50 bucks with initiative just to free myself from guilt and to be safe from regrets. If I would allow his request inspite of being aware of negative tendencies, I'd be having problem afterwards.

[Reid]

It will always depend on how a family member, a relative, or even a friend has built his trust. If you really think he is not worth the price he asked because he won't pay you afterward then you just did the right thing. If he takes it to heart then it's his problem because once you gave him that money and he didn't pay you will be the one who is bummed out which leads to stress. You won't like that feeling.
Who knows if that will be a good learning point for him. What if that decision will make him work harder for his own money and learn how to save?

[autumnleaf]

I can relate to your cousin's experience because, like him, I was rejected when I asked my family for financial assistance after running a bit short on funds. It's so sad that when it's you who needs help, they just don't give a damn. They used to ask me if they could borrow money, and since I had extra cash left over, I did lend it to them.

[Gozie51]

While lending out money there is no rule that says we have to be stupid, we can only act wisely. However, have you personally known this family member to be untrusted from your previous financial dealings with him or you just relied and concluded from what was said about him by others? This question is out of the misjudgement we have on others especially when we have not had that kind of personal bizarre encounter with them. Well in this kind of situation what people who fear about refund but desire to help do is, to give part of the loan money that you can afford to lose as gift not to be returned and by that you inform the receiver you don't have all of the money but that you can help with this little. Believe it there is need to keep family going rather than severing it totally by our action or inaction.

[Beparanf]

If you have the capacity to lend someone in your family that will not gonna give huge impact to your finances then why not help them? Unless this guy has multiple unpaid loans to you then you should not lend him anymore. Human is not a natural untrustworthy, there situation just push them to become that kind of person. I have this kind of cousin too that continuously badgering me about borrowing money. I can’t give him the amount that he want but I still lend him money that I can afford.

Sometimes family is worthy than money especially if you will see this person most of the time because they knew you are financial stable which is painful for them to be turn down.

[puloweh555]

What you are doing is actually right, you don't need to feel guilty, it's just your own excessive feeling. Maybe if at that time you gave a loan and he couldn't pay it in a timely manner, that would be a new problem again, maybe when we met, he would feel even more awkward than now.

Because I also have experience with this. Very traumatized by this debt problem. I have a close friend, at that time the economy was not stable, his wife was pregnant, then she wanted to give birth. He begs for help, the reason is to buy baby milk, who can bear to see it, while I can help. That was several times until the debt was around $1500. So when I was having a hard time, there was no money, I needed money. When I bill it, it's hard to ask for forgiveness, until it's like someone begging. Even though I had given him more than 8 months to prepare the funds, it didn't even need to be paid off.
It's really sad, the promise at the beginning will be paid on time, when I bill it turns out there isn't any. I finally had to ask someone else for a loan.

[Fesatmas]

It was the right decision, because you are able to protect yourself by not lending your money to people you can't trust, I will also do the same thing as you do instead of me killing myself by lending to people like that even in family relationship.
That awkward atmosphere is normal in my opinion when you don't live up to your cousin's expectations at that time. Likewise, if you lend money to him and don't pay, you will have an awkward situation, I have experienced that too, but the situation is that you are the one who feels annoyed, especially if the money that is loaned is money that we use to operate our business, position you will be more difficult if that happens.

[wajik-tempe]

It sounds like you made the right decision based on the information you had at the time, and it's understandable that you may feel awkward now that you've seen this cousin again.
Also worth considering whether there might be other ways you can support your cousin if you're not comfortable lending them money. For example, you could offer to help them look for job openings or connect them with resources in your community that might be able to assist them.

It's okay to prioritize your own financial wellbeing and make decisions that align with your values and priorities.

[Sarah Azhari]

. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

I hope your cousin understand and and be mature about your situation now. because it doesn't mean you hate him didn't lend the money, maybe you just want your cousin understand if the family relationship is very important than money. So that case you won't lend him.

[bitzizzix]

I think your decision is right because you know your cousin can't be trusted. But you know he's really having a hard time, and if so I think you should try to listen to his problems and also listen to the reasons he wants to borrow money from you, and if he's ever tried that before, and this is only if you have a conscience.
and if you really know your cousin's attitude or character it is your cousin's risk so he can change his ugliness, and other reasons because he is just a cousin not your brother. And if he is your sibling I hope you can help him because you are financially reliable.
if because it changes your extended family ties and only with cousins, ignore it later it's also fine again.

[mamesso]

Only you can save your money, it takes firmness to take a stand when faced with a situation like this. In most cases that occur in society, money that has been lent to other people is very difficult to collect.
My father once told me to be careful when lending to other people. When they ask us for a loan, they always put on an innocent face like a hungry cat which makes us feel sorry to see it, but when we collect the loan, the borrower immediately puts on a scary face like a tiger going berserk. Better to lose a friend or relative for a while than to lose money and a friend or relative forever because they couldn't keep the trust placed in them.

[bettercrypto]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

here in our country, most borrowers don't know how to pay kindly when you need something. But when the charge comes, he avoids the creditor.

    Then when you charge him because he doesn't make you feel his debt, they will say you won't run, and if you say bad things because he's not a good payer and perverts the lender, the borrowers will let the bad borrower out.

[Faisal2202]

I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

It's just you're good moral that is making you feel sorry for not giving your cousin the loan that he asked from you. Well, you should not worry about him or the relationship you have with him, if he has betrayed you once then you should not lend him any more money in the future.

If he still has not talked with you then no doubt when he will need the money he will definitely come to you again but as you mentioned he is not trustworthy, so I must say the money should not go waste like I know lending him money will be of great use to him but it will be of no use to you. I can assume this, from the scenario that you mentioned above.

Some cousins are very close and live around you or near to you like maybe not in the same city but not that far and you met with them from time to time and you gave and take some items, like food, money or lend any home appliance for a short period of time and then you took them back. Those cousins are trustworthy and in your scenario, this cousin met you after a long time on a family occasion. (this convinced me to assume that he is not a cousin who lives near you or you have less relationship with him.

well talking about myself, I also have a cousin that I met the first time, well he was near to my other cousin ( to whom I was really close) but that cousin (whom I met the first time) scammed me with money by giving me the fake opportunity of job and took some money from me that after some time I came to know, does not require by that company. The bonus was, I was neither called for a job interview. When I share this scene with my close cousin then he asked him why did you do that. well, now they both do not talk with each other neither am i.

No doubt money is not that important but it's not money that relates you with your relative it's trust and devotion to each other with no lies or fakeness. well once I saw these immoralities in my cousin (to whom I met the first time) I never talked or interacted with him after that because i know what is the nature of him and he will again thug me,

[Fortify]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Sometimes the hardest thing it takes to learn in life is the ability to say no. There are some extreme examples and emergencies, where if you have a strong relationship, that goes equally both ways - then it can make sense to give someone money to help them out, if you have it to spare. However the keyword there is give. Lending money to friends and family is only going to lead to lots of problems in the longer run. If they need money then give it to them on the basis that you expect to lose it all and only what you can reasonably afford, that way when they do pay it back it works out best for everyone. Nobody that asks, essentially begs, for money and is angry when you refuse is worth being around anyway - your cousin did you a favor by showing how little they value you.

[Shan85]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Well said, It's great that you have a strong understanding of the importance of managing finances properly. It can be difficult to make decisions regarding lending money, especially when it involves family. It's important to prioritize your financial well-being and to only lend money to those who you trust and believe will be responsible with the funds. It's unfortunate that your cousin may be holding a grudge against you for not lending him the money, but it's important to stay true to your values and not be swayed by guilt or pressure. Ultimately, you made the best decision for yourself and your financial future.