Gambling and companionship

[KiaKia]

Are you saying that the couple broke up because the guy is into gambling? He should be happy, because that's a bad partner, if she doesn't like that he is gambling why not start from forbidding him not to gamble anymore first?

She just have to watch over him and see if he will break the promise again, let's say I am the one in this position, I would rather panic about him becoming addicted to gambling rather than trying to stop him entirely from gambling.

Is he a responsible gambler? This is what every couple needs to find out about each other first, they should stop assuming that since one is into gambling it will affect their life together.

[Proty]

It is mostly those that see gamblers as irresponsible set of people or gambling as something that is for irresponsible people that will be ashamed to let people especially someone close to them to know that they are into gambling. The guy the op just made mentioned of , is actually the cause of what happened to him because when you are advising others to stay away from something when the person is doing it then is deceit. Even if we don't want others to learn about our gambling habits, we shouldn't be condemning those that are gambling while we are doing it secretly.

[Slow death]

I'm not surprised by this story. Even today, there are still people who take a very hard line on gambling, and when they're in a relationship, they don't want their partners to get involved in it. This is because they hear so many horror stories of people who lost everything because of gambling. Unfortunately, these are true stories.

So, in this case, there may be a situation where the wife doesn't approve of gambling, and the partner probably knows this, lied, and continues gambling. When the wife found out, she rightly felt betrayed. If he became addicted to gambling, he could destroy himself and the entire family, and the family would never be the same again. So the wife is absolutely right.

[DubemIfedigbo001]

Gambling shouldn't be the basis for their break ups, there must be some other factors that the couple may have not own up to the public, and secondly, where you aware of the guy Gambling life or he still keep that as a secret to you.

I believe both of you have gamble together and he may be doing other things that you may not be aware of since gambling alone cant be a basis for breakups in a long time marriage as you said.

You're right, they must have been on rough edges for some time now and the lady have been nursing the idea that the guy is not an honest person and have been looking for an opportunity to end the relationship.

Discovering his gambling involvement only ended up being the straw that broke the Carmel's back. I really blame the guy to some extent for not coming out plain in the first place and owing up to his personality. On the other hand it is still possible that the lady's ideology about gambling was very negative which made the guy keep it a secret to her for fear of loosing her.

It is important couples are open to each other to foster an atmosphere of trust and eliminate possibilities of suspicion that can promote resentment within them.

[Aanuoluwatofunmi]

I will like people to learn from this because many people gamble in secret for what ever reason and the have companions who knows nothing about this and when exposed can cause the relationship to split or have cracks.

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice. Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

We have to open up for each others, trust on each other and also take responsibility upon ourselves, because gambling should not cause fight or be the reason for a break up in relationship, it pains me so much in seeing that many are well challenged because of things that has to do with relationship and gambling, and this occur as a result of lack in trust, when each party feels they can on their way hide things for each other all in the name of gambling.

[sompitonov]

I'm not surprised by this story. Even today, there are still people who take a very hard line on gambling, and when they're in a relationship, they don't want their partners to get involved in it. This is because they hear so many horror stories of people who lost everything because of gambling. Unfortunately, these are true stories.

So, in this case, there may be a situation where the wife doesn't approve of gambling, and the partner probably knows this, lied, and continues gambling. When the wife found out, she rightly felt betrayed. If he became addicted to gambling, he could destroy himself and the entire family, and the family would never be the same again. So the wife is absolutely right.

The thing is that most of the opinions of people who are far from gambling and do not understand the subtleties, they create a label that they immediately broadcast on the player, although they do not even know about his game strategy, bankroll control and other things. Ordinary people immediately think the worst, that they are constantly losing money and the player will ask to borrow money from them. I also encounter this at work, when a seemingly good guy asks everyone to lend him money, but I know perfectly well that he is losing on bets, I myself do not want to lend him, because then he will have nothing to pay back the money with. In general, it is not enough to know a person in life, you need to understand what kind of player he is, but this is almost never possible.

[Fuso.hp]

I have been gambling for a long time and I am not married yet. When I get married, if my wife does not accept my gambling, I will gamble secretly from her. I think there is no point in creating chaos in the family for gambling. Now, my family does not like me very much that I gamble, but I have tried to convince them many times that I am not addicted to gambling like other gamblers or that I am not too hasty in these games. Then my family does not like this, so I told my family that I do not play them. My family knows that I am moving away from gambling, but I continue to play them secretly. Since sharing it with someone outside or gambling with the permission of family members will not have much of a bad or good effect on my gambling, I think that if my family does not take it well, then I should hide my gambling from them.

[Stormisover]

   I will like to pass a serious message from the ugly incidence I had witnessed. I have this friends that were couple and have been couple for a long time this guys always share even thing together especially same orientation about life, I was open to them that I do gamble they don’t like it at all but I made them understand that I am an adult and that’s my life, recently the lady found that the guy do gamble and he owned up that he has been doing it for a while too. They are broken up now on the grounds of mistrust.

I will like people to learn from this because many people gamble in secret for what ever reason and the have companions who knows nothing about this and when exposed can cause the relationship to split or have cracks.

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice. Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

If you have a spouse and you must gamble I think it's wise you let your partner know about it than keep it secret, keeping it secret Will not only make you lost trust from your partner but will also destroy your home, and on the other hand I don't think a man with family should put much interest on gambling, because gambling doesn't guarantee you a success and as a family man it's kinda dangerous, because after gambling at the end of the day you lost, while family is hoping for you to come home with something and you've already spent it on gambling this is an order for most family men and you know it will not only bring misunderstanding but also make your partner think you have a side chick that you spend on, so as a man with spouse you shouldn't keep it a secret to your spouse or better still don't go into it, your partner should know what you can do and what you can not do so she can be able to defend you whenever it is necessary.

[Hispo]

  ...

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice. Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

It depends pretty much on the point of view of one's partner whether gambling is a dirty secret and a reason to distrust one. Mostly, because there are people who have a life which was built from the ground up with religion and also due to traumas in their family history having something to do with gambling, alcohol or something else.
For example, if I had a girlfriend who experienced neglect and lack of resources when she was a child because her father was a addicted to gambling, then I would not be surprised she would be willing to break up with me because I am a casual gambler.

Though, regardless of what each person believes about gambling it is always good to be open with one's partner and tell them from the very beginning one has such a hobby or activity to kill time. It is better than trying to hide something for literal years until found out, destroying a relationship.

[Agbamoni]

All I can think about this is that the guy is not totally the breadwinner of the family or are they not married? You called them couple so I assume that they are married. If he is the breadwinner of the family, his wife will not leave him but still say at least he is taking care of her, that is what women know. She left her because your guy is not man enough financially. Forget about her knowing or not knowing that he is gambling secretly.

That is not enough reason for her to leave him. Even if he not financially stable its still enough reason and I dont think its the reason why she left in this case. Her leaving might be out of anger or something else, maybe she has been looking for a reason to leave him since, not because he dont have money as there was no complain from her side, it could be other reasons.

[Rruchi man]

~

If they were really in a relationship, I don't think it'll be possible for the man to have completely hidden that he has been gambling all these years because some habits are really difficult to hide, and men really suck at hiding things unless you as the woman are not observant enough or not paying attention.

Marry your type; there are women for whom gambling is not a deal breaker for them. go for them, so even if you want to be silly and secretive about your gambling habit, it will not ruin your marriage when they find out.

[retreat]

We may think that gambling is not a bad thing, but we need to understand that people's views on this matter can vary. Some consider gambling a negative thing that should be avoided. And however, as someone in a relationship, we need to be more open with our partners about what we do, because gambling can potentially ruin finances if done irresponsibly. And telling your partner about it can inform them of your gambling activities and maybe they can remind you if something is wrong. However, some people prefer to lie about this and that is something that has the potential to cause distrust in their partners and ultimately destroy the relationship if the lie is discovered. The point is to be honest with your partner, or else cover it up as best you can, but the risk is that if it gets out, your relationship could collapse.

[r_victory]

In every relationship, there must be transparency. A secret can never remain hidden for long, and once discovered, it can be the cause of a separation. If the person in question is out of control and harms their partner with their gambling habit, it's a real problem; otherwise, it's a personal preference that needs to be discussed, and both parties must reach a mutual agreement.

[Versatile_choice]

I have this friends that were couple and have been couple for a long time this guys always share even thing together especially same orientation about life, I was open to them that I do gamble they don’t like it at all but I made them understand that I am an adult and that’s my life, recently the lady found that the guy do gamble and he owned up that he has been doing it for a while too. They are broken up now on the grounds of mistrust.

According to what you said that you both shares orientation about Life, which means that you both have known each other for a very long time. Now my question is how come you didn't know that the guy is also a gambler? Is it that the guy was also keeping it as a secret from you?

And how did you get to find out that it was because of gamble that made the wife to break up with her husband? Did you know if there's something going on between the both of them and they have decided to keep it as a secret from you? Because I still doubt it if you said that the wife broke up with him just because she found out that her husband is a gambler, although gamble can also contribute to that but can't be use as the major reason.

[Sim_card]

It's good that before you start up a relationship, you let your partner know that you are a gambler. There is no need of keeping iy a secret because she will definitely know in the long run. If she doesn't like gambling, then you have to give up gambling for the relationship or give up on her and continue gambling.

[yudi09]

I will like people to learn from this because many people gamble in secret for what ever reason and the have companions who knows nothing about this and when exposed can cause the relationship to split or have cracks.

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice. Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

If I'm an active gambler, I'd like to find a partner who can be one of the motivators to get me out of that hole.
I don't want to find a partner who shares my gambling habit.

If that happens, then there is nothing to classify me as when I have become a heavily addicted gambler. In other ways, looking for a partner with the same orientation is what I need to do in order to be comfortable and peaceful as a husband and wife.
Luckily for me, she knows that I have been gambling for entertainment purposes and this is one of my successes in communicating as her husband.

[Dickiy]

Generally speaking, society generally holds a negative stigma against gambling, especially in countries where gambling is prohibited. Regarding the woman's decision to end her relationship with her partner, I think it's understandable. The first reason is that it could cause problems if her family found out. The second reason is perhaps because the woman was thinking about how dire her financial situation would be if she had a partner who gambled. I understand that gambling can be controlled, but that doesn't mean it can't cause many problems. I think that's what was going through the woman's mind.

In this situation, the man might choose not to stop gambling, which would inevitably force him to leave his partner. It's also possible that the man is addicted.

[rachael9385]

   I will like to pass a serious message from the ugly incidence I had witnessed. I have this friends that were couple and have been couple for a long time this guys always share even thing together especially same orientation about life, I was open to them that I do gamble they don’t like it at all but I made them understand that I am an adult and that’s my life, recently the lady found that the guy do gamble and he owned up that he has been doing it for a while too. They are broken up now on the grounds of mistrust.

I will like people to learn from this because many people gamble in secret for what ever reason and the have companions who knows nothing about this and when exposed can cause the relationship to split or have cracks.

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice. Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

Marriage is all about understanding and in my opinion I think that the lady was just too quick to make her decision to Walk away from the relationship. The guy in question here, If he's addicted then that's a different problem but if he's not I don't see why she's making a fuss about because it should not really be a big deal. Gambling isn't a dirty secret just like you said it only causes problems if it's an addiction

[Perfectbaby]

Gambling is not that bad or even seen as a bad thing per say, what we should do is that we should try to be open to our spouse or fiance otherwise when they now discover how you have been responsible to them and catering finding for family whenever your spouse or fiance discovered that you aren't the same person that they knew before then we often see problems in the family.

It would be ideal to seriously open up to anyone that is getting more closer to us because they wouldn't know or maybe when they start behaving abnormally they wouldn't point fingers at anyone for their predicament rather it's something that they had put themselves into at the earliest stages without even at least opening up to family and loved once.

[Sonia_123]

   I will like to pass a serious message from the ugly incidence I had witnessed. I have this friends that were couple and have been couple for a long time this guys always share even thing together especially same orientation about life, I was open to them that I do gamble they don’t like it at all but I made them understand that I am an adult and that’s my life, recently the lady found that the guy do gamble and he owned up that he has been doing it for a while too. They are broken up now on the grounds of mistrust.

I will like people to learn from this because many people gamble in secret for what ever reason and the have companions who knows nothing about this and when exposed can cause the relationship to split or have cracks.

If you gamble it is of your interest and that of your spouse, you both need to share same orientation about gambling or given a chance to understand and respect the other person gambling choice and if they won’t then either they go or you reconsider your choice. Why should an adult keep their gambling choice away from their lover that’s deceit to me. Gambling is not a dirty secret.

When it comes to gambling one should not hide anything from their spouse, because in time of help it will be difficult for the spouse to help, not being able to figure out the direction where the problem is coming from.
The end of the long time marriage wouldn't have ended if there was full trust among themselves, may be he has been lavishing the family funds on gambling unaware to her and she must have been warning and asking him where and what he must have been spending the money on but has been refused opening up untill he was forced to do that by his friend, you cannot tell that a friend of a gambler is not gambler .
Keeping gambling activities away from family members is not always a good idea.

Gambling addiction is like other addiction like smoking, drinking and womanizing, and so there are some women that cannot cope with any of these habit and so informing your spouse at the beginning of the relationship is very important, it is now left if she can cope with your habit or not and maybe it is the addiction she is scared of.

Truth and trust is most important in any relationship we find ourselves, we should learn how to open up to ourselves.