When Help Turns to Hurt;Avoid Lending Significant Money to Friends

[tygeade]

The sad part is, this becomes an effective basis whether what you have is a real and honest friend, or just a fake one who is trying to take advantage of your kindness. I have this friend also, he borrowed just a minimal amount, and after that it seemed like he had not remember paying at all. I never reminded him also hoping he'll remember it on his own, but until now no single payment has been given.

We're friends until now, but for me, I already build a gap between us. If in small thing a person cannot be trusted, then he won't be trusted at all when it comes to bigger things. Its not about paying the money, but its the trust that was ruined after not sticking to the said promise.

That's quite true and that's the only reason why we should not lend money to our friends. Friendship should be in its place and should not be involved with money. I am pretty sure almost everyone might have had this kind of experience. This is unavoidable at least until and unless we know who a good friend can really be.

Some people will always be looking to take benefits if we are sincere and are quite open to them. That's why we should avoid having many friends. Instead, a handful of friends will always keep the circle pure and active. I also hate people who pretend to be our friend just because they think we earn more money, so they make us spend anytime we hangout. I have spent a couple of hundred dollars just for night outs or parties. I hate doing it now.

[Fredomago]

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I've been through this, OP. A friend came to me in dire straits, and I felt sympathy and was willing to sacrifice my savings to lend him money with a one-month repayment agreement. Those promises were empty promises, and it took me a year to get my money back, despite much effort.
Experience and maturity have taught me to prioritize my own family. It doesn't matter if they call me stingy and unsympathetic. I don't want to be like a beggar again just to get what I deserve. Furthermore, I don't want to ruin the good relationships I've built up over money.

Tough times when you are tryng to recover back what they owe from you, it's makes you beg in some instances just to collect or to be repay by them, and after that long time you've waited most of the time hate comes out from them, instead of appreciating your kindness just because you come to the point that you need to pressure them makes them feel uncomfortable.

Those are the times that you need to have a strong heart just to get what really yours to the point that you need to forget about your good relations since you badly needed the money that they barrowed from you.

[Stormisover]

There’s a popular saying: “If you want to lose a friend, lend them money.” As harsh as it sounds, life has a funny way of proving this statement true especially when the amount involved is significant.

Lending money to friends often starts from a good place of "help." Because you trust them and you believe things will work out.But money,unlike emotions,doesn’t run on good intentions.It runs on structure,timing,and accountability things that friendships rarely enforce.

When you lend what you cannot afford to lose, you don’t just risk your finances; you risk your peace of mind. Every missed call, every delayed promise, every “next week” begins to weigh on you. Suddenly, casual conversations turn awkward. You replay the decision in your head and ask yourself why you ignored that initial inner voice that said, “This might not end well.”

This is why a crucial financial rule exists: never loan what you can’t afford to lose. If giving the money back would disorganize you emotionally or financially, then it’s not a loan in the first place.

If you must help, be honest with yourself, Saying no doesn’t make you wicked;it makes you wise.Boundaries are not a lack of love they are a form of self-respect and discipline.

In a world where survival is already hard,protecting your financial stability is not selfish it’s fundamental.In other words,help where you can, but never at the expense of your finances.Because once money and friendship collide without limits, the cost is rarely just cash.
If you can’t afford it, don’t loan it.Your peace depends on it.Let's be wise and guarded!

The whole write up speaks so much about me in some kind of ways, am not good at having that feeling that am a debtor, secondly when it happens that I gave out loan I don't also have the enough courage to demand my money this whole situations leaves me frustrated and while I find it difficult to loan out money that I can't give out for free and whenever someone lend me money I make it a priority to pay even before the agreed time just to restore my sanity, a lot of people with a good heart are really being hurt by their kindness some people don't have conscience by not being good at repaying their loans on or before the due time which is very bad, it is good to secure your finance and peace of mind.

[Kasabus]

This is what life has taught me, sometimes back, I was privileged to lend a friend money, after which he has been persistent with me to help him in the situation and I couldn't hold it any longer than to source for the money needed and gave him, we had an agreement on when he's going to made a refund, but ever since he received the money, I was the one chasing after him to seek and plead for a refund until it turned as if am being wicked and inconsiderate for mounting pressure on him for not making a refund, today, I can still say it that am yet to to receive the refund back, don't lend what you can't afford to lose.

That's the sad reality, instead of returning the favor after receiving some help, they become selfish and insensitive by avoiding the person who once help them lend some decent amount. This should bring a lesson for us not to get easily pity on those persons who are asking for financial help, because once they get the money, their behaviors and attitudes suddenly changed, and that will make us realized that sometimes we should also learn to say NO if that could give us peace in the next possible days and months, and so that we can also avoid people who turn abusive and inconsiderate after getting their wants.

[Bigjoe33]

This is painfully true. I’ve lost one good friendship exactly this way. The money wasn’t even the biggest issue, it was the silence and excuses afterward. Since then, I follow one rule: if I give money to a friend, I treat it as a gift in my head. If I can’t afford to “gift” it, I simply say no.

Sincerely, it's really touching, and sometimes I keep asking myself, should we stop doing good? Should we say No when we can help? Even though you will need the money soonest, maybe the time frame of the plea to pay back is still one month ahead of when you actually want to use the money, should we not help since you can afford to loose that money? And sometimes, you see it truly that they need this money, there face, the tears, the pains and agony, and sometimes, you just can't say No, and at last, that become Lion in paying back. Truly, people have lost friendship due to this because people can't just keep you there promises. The worst part is that some of them sometimes even have the ability to pay back, but chooses to ignore the loan and do other things and keep giving you excuses. Well, we will just peg it at, don't lend what you cannot afford to loose or don't give out what will affect your schedule of financial involvements soonest

[viljy]

Unfortunately, this is one of the well-known truths. On the other hand, there is a benefit to this, because it becomes clear to you whether a certain person was really your friend. After all, in fact, non-repayment of a debt is not just a deliberate deception, or a combination of circumstances. It is also the most important "indicator" of the attitude towards you. This is a very personal interaction (if it occurs between familiar people) that causes certain emotional reactions.

Which are sometimes realized in actions, often illegal (the debtor may be killed, although this will not return the money). Of course, these are the extremes typical of the criminal world, but it shows how deeply personal this interaction is. Therefore, do not believe when they try to justify their meanness with words like "nothing personal, just business." There is nothing impersonal in this world. On the contrary, everything is very personal.