I am so sorry to tell you this my friend but you are on a path of destruction if you don't rethink about your crazy strategy, ther are people who have spend their whole lives as a gambler and they have nothing to show for it, if you want to risk everything on something make sure it's not gambling, investment is better because the chance of having accomplishments is higher than that of gambling, you can dedicated all your life as a gambler hoping that one day you will win and you will get nothing great, ask those who have been buying lottery tickets since their youth days and they are over 70 years old and not a lottery winner yet.
I agree with you, this is the right path to end up very badly, because then it becomes a kind of vicious circle, a spiral that pulls you down. Often then we chase defeats, we chase numbers. I've seen a lot of people ruin their lives.