Feelings after being Bullied

[beescrow]

It started back in middle school. I used to get bullied alot by a group of "popular" kids. They would tease me about what I wore, how I acted, how I looked, etc etc. Getting called nicknames etc. I only had a few "friends" that I would talk to regularly. This lasted my entire middle school period.

Then I went to highschool, and I would get told I looked so "old", most people wouldn't talk to me, I had a few friends though who I would talk to sometimes, but never express my true self/always hide myself, because I was afraid they would also eventually think I was "old" and stop talking to me. I eventually started wearing makeup to cover up myself, the makeup obviously drew attention, and girls all of a sudden liked me, and guys wanted to be my friend. However, I used very thick makeup because I thought thinner ones wouldn't hide flaws on my face, I also started to put on eyeliner at that time, and that really got me weird looks as people thought I looked girlish with eyeliner And foundation. My mom had me do therapy, I went to 2 different therapists in total. My mom also found out I wore makeup, and was objective at first, but then I told her all that happened to me and bullied/looking old etc etc, and she allowed me to wear it for a while. That was until the rest of my family intervened, and eventually I stopped wearing foundation.

I left that school(the first highschool) I was going to, and stayed a few months out of school, then got transferred into another small school, I also was very very scared of what people would think etc. Even there I had some people talk behind me back and give me weird looks etc. I didn't trust anyone and went through immense stress. I started wearing eyeliner and believe it or not, lipgloss and blush, all to try and increase my physical attraction. For a time I thought I was attractive with those on, especially since girls would say I was "hot" etc.
_______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________

That all happened last year, fast forward one year, and I'm still feeling horribly insecure and because of past bullying, I also have this "fake superiority" complex, so if a girl looks at me as if she's attracted, I immediately ignore her, as I think once she gets to know me and starts talking to me, she'll not be attracted to me anymore. I made up my mind before to only get close to women in particular if they express a huge desire to be with me, aka they "obsess" over me, at least that shows they care and won't just leave me out of nowhere, other than that I don't show women any outward desire to want them or be with them, even though I do want to inside.

This year, I also found Bitcoin, and it helped me develop new ideals and goals in life such as making Bitcoin sites and getting involved with trading cryptocurrencies. I'm happy to say, if it weren't for Bitcoin, I wouldn't know what I'd be doing right now.

Thanks Satoshi Nakamoto.

[Remember remember the 5th of November]

And this personal(off-topic) problem has to do what with Bitcoin?

[brian_23452]

Um....

[ibminer]

And this personal(off-topic) problem has to do what with Bitcoin?

Apparently the post wasn't finished… you got a one liner at the end about bitcoin now   

[beescrow]

And this personal(off-topic) problem has to do what with Bitcoin?

A personal "letter" to Satoshi Nakamoto. Bitcoin is the best thing to ever happen to me.

[Catswold]

Focus on yourself much?  It's a subtle form of selfishness.  You spend so much time and effort worrying about other people's opinions of you that you miss out on just enjoying their company.

Get out of yourself and think about other people.  Stop worrying about what they're thinking about you and focus on them and what they're saying and doing.

It's guaranteed that if you do as you say and only go out with women who obsess over you, you will live a long and lonely life . . . that or be killed by stalker.

[bl4kjaguar]

You should not worry about what other people are thinking about you because those people are too busy worrying about what you think about them! 

[Hazir]

You should not worry about what other people are thinking about you because those people are too busy worrying about what you think about them! 

Pretty much this. Just don't give a damn about what others may think about you. They came and they go, some random people you met along the way are not going to be with you for long. Just ignore them. Find someone who you would really like and make friends. Just remember: "If you have to many friends you don't have friends at all".

[umair127]

It started back in middle school. I used to get bullied alot by a group of "popular" kids. They would tease me about what I wore, how I acted, how I looked, etc etc. Getting called nicknames etc. I only had a few "friends" that I would talk to regularly. This lasted my entire middle school period.

Then I went to highschool, and I would get told I looked so "old", most people wouldn't talk to me, I had a few friends though who I would talk to sometimes, but never express my true self/always hide myself, because I was afraid they would also eventually think I was "old" and stop talking to me. I eventually started wearing makeup to cover up myself, the makeup obviously drew attention, and girls all of a sudden liked me, and guys wanted to be my friend. However, I used very thick makeup because I thought thinner ones wouldn't hide flaws on my face, I also started to put on eyeliner at that time, and that really got me weird looks as people thought I looked girlish with eyeliner And foundation. My mom had me do therapy, I went to 2 different therapists in total. My mom also found out I wore makeup, and was objective at first, but then I told her all that happened to me and bullied/looking old etc etc, and she allowed me to wear it for a while. That was until the rest of my family intervened, and eventually I stopped wearing foundation.

I left that school(the first highschool) I was going to, and stayed a few months out of school, then got transferred into another small school, I also was very very scared of what people would think etc. Even there I had some people talk behind me back and give me weird looks etc. I didn't trust anyone and went through immense stress. I started wearing eyeliner and believe it or not, lipgloss and blush, all to try and increase my physical attraction. For a time I thought I was attractive with those on, especially since girls would say I was "hot" etc.
_______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________

That all happened last year, fast forward one year, and I'm still feeling horribly insecure and because of past bullying, I also have this "fake superiority" complex, so if a girl looks at me as if she's attracted, I immediately ignore her, as I think once she gets to know me and starts talking to me, she'll not be attracted to me anymore. I made up my mind before to only get close to women in particular if they express a huge desire to be with me, aka they "obsess" over me, at least that shows they care and won't just leave me out of nowhere, other than that I don't show women any outward desire to want them or be with them, even though I do want to inside.

This year, I also found Bitcoin, and it helped me develop new ideals and goals in life such as making Bitcoin sites and getting involved with trading cryptocurrencies. I'm happy to say, if it weren't for Bitcoin, I wouldn't know what I'd be doing right now.

Thanks Satoshi Nakamoto.

I am glad you found bitcoin and it gave you a great outlook on things, We all have out insecurities, mine is my big ears.  So Thank god bitcoin help you grew out of the phase you was going through.  Keep your head up and I hope you much success with bitcoin.

[beescrow]

Thank you guys for the positive comments! Really made my day. Yea, I'm done worrying about what people think, from now on I'll try as hard as possible to get those thoughts out of my mind, thanks again.

[carpe]

It really sucks, because it effects on your outlook on people.

It made me hate so much, like wtf why me.

[socal]

While bitcoin didn't flip things around for me six years and a few deployments with the army sure did. I was the same, in so far as the teasing, being an outcast, not having a whole bunch of friends etc but minus the makeup part. Anyway point is after being a tiny dorky nobody all through high school I joined the army and discovered not only am I much stronger than I thought I was but I also physically grew up a lot and then came the realization that I'm trained to destroy my enemies and not take shit and I'll tell you what since I came back from the army not only do I no longer take shit from anybody but, and I'm being honest to god here, I have actually gotten the satisfaction of telling several former cheerleaders I went to high school with, that back then wouldn't even give me the time of day, to take a god damn hike and how dare they think they are good enough to ask me to go out with them all in all I owe everything I am and everything I have to the army and what it taught me which is above all else I am as strong as I want to be not as weak as others want me to be

[jc01480]

Beescrow, welcome to the neighborhood.  Secondly, challenge yourself.  Be honest and true.  Don't break promises and throw yourself into whatever you hope to be or do.  I'm old now.  And I can say I heard this all a time or two.  I thought I was weak at one time. 

When I was 12 years old a kid 17 years old picked a fight with me.  I figured it was either curl up and get pummeled or stand my ground and get pummeled.  So, interestingly enough, I stood my ground, took one hell of an ass whooping.  Got up and stood my ground again.  The kid lost interest at that point.  My face was wrecked, but that jerk knew he would never really defeat me without killing me, a place he clearly did not intend to go.  I was hurt, but proud I got back on my feet. 

Years later when I joined a certain organization that shoots like Annie Oakley and fights like Chuck Liddell, I had a few classmates (8 to be exact) jump me in the barracks for fun (the rough and tumble kind).  Not one of them was standing when it was over.  You see, I grew up from that 12 year old smartass to a 6'7" tall brick shithouse.  And I'm not a bully, but I do dearly love to meet them from time to time.  For the next 22 years I dealt with bullies that beat their spouses, pimps who bullied their girls, dealers who bullied their customers, and even cops who bullied their public they swore to protect.  Yes, I know bullies, too.  They sure squeal a lot at the first indication they might be in pain shortly. 

Keep your head up and back straight.  Carry yourself with confidence.  And learn how to fight like they do in MMA if you want.  That's what we were taught in this goverment organization.  I'll fight anyone now if I have to, but we're going to the ground where I own the assailant.  On the ground, the assailant will first lose their eyesight.  Next is respiratory function is all but eliminated temporarily.  After that you pretty much have a squealing pig that can't see or breath and it's over. 

[brian_23452]

Don't you know this is the internet?  We're ALL 6'7" war daddies who kick ass for a living. 

[xDan]

Good luck with your life man.

The only advice I have is: shitty people exist in this world. You'll never get away from them completely. The best you can do, is try to reduce how much you care.

Actually following that advice, now that is the hard part. So much easier said than done. It's a life long struggle for some people.

Bitcoin is love, Bitcoin is life.