- Hello, I wish to register a complaint... Hello? Miss?
- What do you mean, miss?
- Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
- Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
- Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about a Bitcoin what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very exchange.
- Oh yes, a digital decentralized peer to peer Bitcoin . What's wrong with it?
- I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
- No no, it's resting... look!
- Look my lad, I know a dead Bitcoin when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.
- No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.
- Resting!?!
- Yeah, remarkable currency the Bitcoin , beautiful design, innit?
- The design don't enter into it - it's stone dead.
- No, no - it's just resting.
- Alright then, if it's resting I'll wake it up: "Hello Bitcoin! I've got a nice International Money Transfer for you when you wake up, Hello!"
- There! It moved!
- No he didn't. That was you pushing the cage.
- I did not.
- Yes you did. Hello hello, Hello! hello Bitcoin, wake up. Bitcoin! Now that's what I call a dead bitcoin.
- No, no it's stunned.
- Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That bitcoin is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired shagged out after a long sell off .
- It's probably pining for Tradehill.
- Pining for the Tradehill what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?
- The digital decentralized peer to peer Bitcoin prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful design, lovely colour.
- Look, I took the liberty of examining the bitcoin, and I discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
- Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom.
- Look matey, this bitcoin wouldn't go voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised.
- It's not. It's pining.
- It's not pining, it's passed on. This Bitcoin is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late Bitcoin. It's stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-Bitcoin.
- Well, I'd better replace it then.
- If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth.
- Sorry guv, we're right out a Bitcoins.
- I see. I see. I get the picture.
- I've got a Litecoin.
- Does it work?
- Not really, no.
- Well, it's scarcely a replacement, then is it?
- N-no, I guess not.
- Well.
(pause)
- (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place in pattaya ?
- (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
