[ANN] rjk's Mega-mining Awesome Sauce

[rjk]

Since MiningBuddy wields a fearsome delete button in the Mining section, I decided to re-post it here for your enjoyment and to ensure my hard work didn't go to waste.

Yep that's right, you too can hash twice as fast as everyone else! The difficulty will bow down at your feet and moon the rest of the poor slobs that don't have this gold-in-a-bottle! Hurry up and order today; at this price it sure won't last very long!

PRICING INFORMATION:

• Mega Sauce: Over 9000 BTC, contact me for special order pricing and availability!
• Maxi Sauce: 1337 BTC, ships in 4-6 weeks in a nuclear flask to contain the epic awesome boiling inside!
• Mini Sauce: Only 199.99 BTC and ready for pre-orders today!
  

INSTRUCTIONS FOR PROPER APPLICATION:
Twice daily, pour rjk's Awesome Sauce liberally on the video cards in each of your rigs, and if you have them, on your FPGAs too. Within a week, your rigs will be assigned their own personal Mega-mining difficulty, available at select pools! Not only will the effective hash rate double, your personal difficulty will be 20% lower than the rest of the network, making you more profit than ever before!

Our super smart engineers have developed a new formula that when applied in liquid form, reduces the number of rounds needed for a valid hash from two to just one. However, the recipe is still secret and stored in a safe, even though it can be reverse engineered by bombarding it with neutrons. No one has a neutron accelerator yet, do they?

Of course, to ally fears of scamming ("who, us?") we are making our very own mail drop street address available to the public, and a phone number so that you can pump our engineers for the gen¹. You can send us letters and view our pretty store front on Goggle Mappes here:

1337 leet street
Haxorville, CA 90001

¹1-900-RJK-MEGA

And here is a proof pic of the sauce itself!


Shipping container




Unfortunate similarities to other products and/or companies that already exist are purely coincidental.

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[teflone]

Ill take two, does this work on folding at home too ? 

[Garr255]

I'll take 1337!

[rjk]

Ill take two, does this work on folding at home too ? 

Your PPDs sir will skyrocket like never before. I also have a bridge for sale that you might be interested in.

[Garr255]

Is it the long lost bridge to Bitcoinica?

[rjk]

Is it the long lost bridge to Bitcoinica?

Yours for only 58k BTC. Dammit I need to sleep before I wake everyone up laughing so hard.

[PatrickHarnett]

Can I get mine with the rail car attached (if so, I'd like a pair)?

[bitlane]

Yep that's right, you too can hash twice as fast as everyone else! The difficulty will bow down at your feet and moon the rest of the poor slobs that don't have this gold-in-a-bottle! Hurry up and order today; at this price it sure won't last very long!

PRICING INFORMATION:

• Mega Sauce: Over 9000 BTC, contact me for special order pricing and availability!
• Maxi Sauce: 1337 BTC, ships in 4-6 weeks in a nuclear flask to contain the epic awesome boiling inside!
• Mini Sauce: Only 199.99 BTC and ready for pre-orders today!
  

INSTRUCTIONS FOR PROPER APPLICATION:
Twice daily, pour rjk's Awesome Sauce liberally on the video cards in each of your rigs, and if you have them, on your FPGAs too. Within a week, your rigs will be assigned their own personal Mega-mining difficulty, available at select pools! Not only will the effective hash rate double, your personal difficulty will be 20% lower than the rest of the network, making you more profit than ever before!

Our super smart engineers have developed a new formula that when applied in liquid form, reduces the number of rounds needed for a valid hash from two to just one. However, the recipe is still secret and stored in a safe, even though it can be reverse engineered by bombarding it with neutrons. No one has a neutron accelerator yet, do they?

Of course, to ally fears of scamming ("who, us?") we are making our very own mail drop street address available to the public, and a phone number so that you can pump our engineers for the gen¹. You can send us letters and view our pretty store front on Goggle Mappes here:

1337 leet street
Haxorville, CA 90001

¹1-900-RJK-MEGA

Do you plan to offer any 'ethnic' or 'regional' flavors for those of us looking for something a bit more exotic ?

How about a 'light' version. Is it possible to get ALL the performance with LESS calories ?

I am very excited about this and am looking forward to a trial run....

[rjk]

Can I get mine with the rail car attached (if so, I'd like a pair)?

We still don't know the formula of Mega Sauce, except that it will be faster than the other two! We're pretty sure you will need to buy in batches of 10 to make it cost effective, and you are welcome to keep the rail car!

Do you plan to offer any 'ethnic' or 'regional' flavors for those of us looking for something a bit more exotic ?

How about a 'light' version. Is it possible to get ALL the performance with LESS calories ?

I am very excited about this and am looking forward to a trial run....

Maxi Sauce has an optional extra of a team of Brazilian girls that will show up and blow on your GPUs to keep them cool! Only 800.85 BTC extra!

We accidentally invented a lite version, that's the cheaper Mini Sauce product! It will probably cause your GPUs to overheat every few hours, but hey who cares when they are so much faster!

[Garr255]

Bahaha

[mufa23]

Seems legit...


...but will it blend?

[BadBear]

Is it still good for steaks?

[Garr255]

Is it still good for steaks?

Hi BadBear, I'm the new self-elected communications manager here at rjk's MMAS.
We do not suggest you consume the awesome sauce, but only because of the unknown effects (probably superpowers ex. flying, nightvision, etc...) rather than nutritional values. We can say, however, that the sauce does provide 1337% of the recommended daily value of awesomeness.

Edit: It might have been unclear that the sauce will give the steak the mentioned superpowers, not the consumer of the steak. Thinking we could give this to an animate being that could prove these features exist would be purely illogical and unethical.

Seems legit...


...but will it blend?

No.  

[rjk]

Thank you, Mr. Manager. If I may provide some insights into the sorely disappointing news that rjk's Awesome Sauce will not enable the mentioned superpowers, but would instead give them to the steak itself - the digestive process breaks down these benefits after the steak is eaten, so it won't work that way. You seem to have stumbled onto something though, and that is that we plan to make it work with a direct application - I.E., liberal application twice daily to the skull area.

However, we cannot at this moment recommend the treatment on humans, because of the rare and thus far unexplained side-effects that appear to manifest themselves after the enjoyment of some of the superpowers, namely that which gives the ability to go without food. When the dessert portion of the "going-without-food-but-still-tasting-it-as-if-it-were-there" superpower is activated, the strange side effects manifest themselves as follows:



Unfortunately, this requires a trip through the mangle, leaving the poor subject looking somewhat like this:



However, our engineers are always advancing! Please contact us if you wish to offer yourself for the cause of science!

[Garr255]

Because of the lack of interest (nobody has responded in seven whole minutes), we're now offering a bounty of -1337 coins to whoever would like to participate.

[Gladamas]

The recipe is still secret and stored in a safe, even though it can be reverse engineered by bombarding it with neutrons. No one has a neutron accelerator yet, do they?

Would you please tell me if it contains uranium so I can reverse engineer it?

[rjk]

The recipe is still secret and stored in a safe, even though it can be reverse engineered by bombarding it with neutrons. No one has a neutron accelerator yet, do they?

Would you please tell me if it contains uranium so I can reverse engineer it?

seekrits! NDAs! *foams at the mouth* We trust no one with that info, not even the engineers that developed that formula! Hey you engineer over there, come over here so I can do the obligatory daily Blackbeard-style execution!

We're pretty sure you won't grow extraneous limbs from using it on your rigs, but who sits by their rigs all day anyway?

[check_status]

Damn you rjk. You are keeping us noobs at a disadvantage by high prices which only allows mega miners like Gigavps, Amazingrando and Mystery Miner as the only ones who can afford your secret sauce. The gap between the haves and haves less just get's larger. Without us noobs having access to your secret sauce, you are contributing to Bitcoin monopolies and cabals of concentrated Bitcoin wealth. Are you a Bitcoin globalist simpathizer?

[rjk]

Closed due to lack of interest. 

[MelMan2002]

All I want to know is - when will this company be on glbse?