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Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

You did well.

If your cousin is unreliable, the relationship was going to end up broken anyway. If you had left him the money, he would most likely not have returned it to you and you would then be the ackward one with him at family gatherings.

In my language we say that whoever lends money to a friend, loses the money and the friend, which is true although with exceptions, not 100% of the time. You can apply this to family members as well.

There are times when it is worthwhile to lend a relative or friend money, because they are reliable, because they have encountered an exceptional unforeseen circumstance and the like, but in most cases this is not the case.

It's just an unpleasant feeling that I think will subside faster, at least you try to communicate to neutralize the atmosphere and pretend that nothing happened. Or give any amount of money you're willing to help him.

But it is better to avoid financial loss as best as possible. If in the end your sibling defaults on loans, this will make your relationship even more tenuous than this one.

The best thing you will do to someone who wants to lend money from you and you know that quit well the person will not be able to refund the borrowed money, the shortest way to bridge incoming problems between you and the person if you eventually borrowed him the money is to dash the person money the one you can afford, but the aspect of borrowing the person money which you know it will be difficult for it to refund you.

That's okay, you can remove relatives and friends that are toxic to you. That type of not acknowledging you during that reunion was a sign that he's a toxic person.

You've worked hard for that money and it's not a small amount to be lending him away. I know that people needs some help in times of need but who's there to help you when you're in need?

You don't have to validate others feeling but what you need to validate is your feelings and your needs.

Money and family ties? Happens a lot, to most of us. Problem here is people using ties as an advantage for privileges such as being able to lend in an instant and for extending the period that the borrowed amount should be paid. This is also evident with social relations or friendships in particular. On my end, if the amount is huge and I know for myself that the person won't be able to return the money I will just give him a percentage of the amount he is needing, without requiring him to pay. Perhaps an individual is lending $1k, I'd give him 50 bucks with initiative just to free myself from guilt and to be safe from regrets. If I would allow his request inspite of being aware of negative tendencies, I'd be having problem afterwards.

It will always depend on how a family member, a relative, or even a friend has built his trust. If you really think he is not worth the price he asked because he won't pay you afterward then you just did the right thing. If he takes it to heart then it's his problem because once you gave him that money and he didn't pay you will be the one who is bummed out which leads to stress. You won't like that feeling.
Who knows if that will be a good learning point for him. What if that decision will make him work harder for his own money and learn how to save?

I can relate to your cousin's experience because, like him, I was rejected when I asked my family for financial assistance after running a bit short on funds. It's so sad that when it's you who needs help, they just don't give a damn. They used to ask me if they could borrow money, and since I had extra cash left over, I did lend it to them.

While lending out money there is no rule that says we have to be stupid, we can only act wisely. However, have you personally known this family member to be untrusted from your previous financial dealings with him or you just relied and concluded from what was said about him by others? This question is out of the misjudgement we have on others especially when we have not had that kind of personal bizarre encounter with them. Well in this kind of situation what people who fear about refund but desire to help do is, to give part of the loan money that you can afford to lose as gift not to be returned and by that you inform the receiver you don't have all of the money but that you can help with this little. Believe it there is need to keep family going rather than severing it totally by our action or inaction.

If you have the capacity to lend someone in your family that will not gonna give huge impact to your finances then why not help them? Unless this guy has multiple unpaid loans to you then you should not lend him anymore. Human is not a natural untrustworthy, there situation just push them to become that kind of person. I have this kind of cousin too that continuously badgering me about borrowing money. I can’t give him the amount that he want but I still lend him money that I can afford.

Sometimes family is worthy than money especially if you will see this person most of the time because they knew you are financial stable which is painful for them to be turn down.

What you are doing is actually right, you don't need to feel guilty, it's just your own excessive feeling. Maybe if at that time you gave a loan and he couldn't pay it in a timely manner, that would be a new problem again, maybe when we met, he would feel even more awkward than now.

Because I also have experience with this. Very traumatized by this debt problem. I have a close friend, at that time the economy was not stable, his wife was pregnant, then she wanted to give birth. He begs for help, the reason is to buy baby milk, who can bear to see it, while I can help. That was several times until the debt was around $1500. So when I was having a hard time, there was no money, I needed money. When I bill it, it's hard to ask for forgiveness, until it's like someone begging. Even though I had given him more than 8 months to prepare the funds, it didn't even need to be paid off.
It's really sad, the promise at the beginning will be paid on time, when I bill it turns out there isn't any. I finally had to ask someone else for a loan.

It was the right decision, because you are able to protect yourself by not lending your money to people you can't trust, I will also do the same thing as you do instead of me killing myself by lending to people like that even in family relationship.
That awkward atmosphere is normal in my opinion when you don't live up to your cousin's expectations at that time. Likewise, if you lend money to him and don't pay, you will have an awkward situation, I have experienced that too, but the situation is that you are the one who feels annoyed, especially if the money that is loaned is money that we use to operate our business, position you will be more difficult if that happens.

It sounds like you made the right decision based on the information you had at the time, and it's understandable that you may feel awkward now that you've seen this cousin again.
Also worth considering whether there might be other ways you can support your cousin if you're not comfortable lending them money. For example, you could offer to help them look for job openings or connect them with resources in your community that might be able to assist them.

It's okay to prioritize your own financial wellbeing and make decisions that align with your values and priorities.

I hope your cousin understand and and be mature about your situation now. because it doesn't mean you hate him didn't lend the money, maybe you just want your cousin understand if the family relationship is very important than money. So that case you won't lend him.

I think your decision is right because you know your cousin can't be trusted. But you know he's really having a hard time, and if so I think you should try to listen to his problems and also listen to the reasons he wants to borrow money from you, and if he's ever tried that before, and this is only if you have a conscience.
and if you really know your cousin's attitude or character it is your cousin's risk so he can change his ugliness, and other reasons because he is just a cousin not your brother. And if he is your sibling I hope you can help him because you are financially reliable.
if because it changes your extended family ties and only with cousins, ignore it later it's also fine again.

Only you can save your money, it takes firmness to take a stand when faced with a situation like this. In most cases that occur in society, money that has been lent to other people is very difficult to collect.
My father once told me to be careful when lending to other people. When they ask us for a loan, they always put on an innocent face like a hungry cat which makes us feel sorry to see it, but when we collect the loan, the borrower immediately puts on a scary face like a tiger going berserk. Better to lose a friend or relative for a while than to lose money and a friend or relative forever because they couldn't keep the trust placed in them.

here in our country, most borrowers don't know how to pay kindly when you need something. But when the charge comes, he avoids the creditor.

    Then when you charge him because he doesn't make you feel his debt, they will say you won't run, and if you say bad things because he's not a good payer and perverts the lender, the borrowers will let the bad borrower out.

It's just you're good moral that is making you feel sorry for not giving your cousin the loan that he asked from you. Well, you should not worry about him or the relationship you have with him, if he has betrayed you once then you should not lend him any more money in the future.

If he still has not talked with you then no doubt when he will need the money he will definitely come to you again but as you mentioned he is not trustworthy, so I must say the money should not go waste like I know lending him money will be of great use to him but it will be of no use to you. I can assume this, from the scenario that you mentioned above.

Some cousins are very close and live around you or near to you like maybe not in the same city but not that far and you met with them from time to time and you gave and take some items, like food, money or lend any home appliance for a short period of time and then you took them back. Those cousins are trustworthy and in your scenario, this cousin met you after a long time on a family occasion. (this convinced me to assume that he is not a cousin who lives near you or you have less relationship with him.

well talking about myself, I also have a cousin that I met the first time, well he was near to my other cousin ( to whom I was really close) but that cousin (whom I met the first time) scammed me with money by giving me the fake opportunity of job and took some money from me that after some time I came to know, does not require by that company. The bonus was, I was neither called for a job interview. When I share this scene with my close cousin then he asked him why did you do that. well, now they both do not talk with each other neither am i.

No doubt money is not that important but it's not money that relates you with your relative it's trust and devotion to each other with no lies or fakeness. well once I saw these immoralities in my cousin (to whom I met the first time) I never talked or interacted with him after that because i know what is the nature of him and he will again thug me,

Sometimes the hardest thing it takes to learn in life is the ability to say no. There are some extreme examples and emergencies, where if you have a strong relationship, that goes equally both ways - then it can make sense to give someone money to help them out, if you have it to spare. However the keyword there is give. Lending money to friends and family is only going to lead to lots of problems in the longer run. If they need money then give it to them on the basis that you expect to lose it all and only what you can reasonably afford, that way when they do pay it back it works out best for everyone. Nobody that asks, essentially begs, for money and is angry when you refuse is worth being around anyway - your cousin did you a favor by showing how little they value you.

Well said, It's great that you have a strong understanding of the importance of managing finances properly. It can be difficult to make decisions regarding lending money, especially when it involves family. It's important to prioritize your financial well-being and to only lend money to those who you trust and believe will be responsible with the funds. It's unfortunate that your cousin may be holding a grudge against you for not lending him the money, but it's important to stay true to your values and not be swayed by guilt or pressure. Ultimately, you made the best decision for yourself and your financial future.

It might be a little harsh to say this, but it's not your problem that he failed to manage his finances better. Saving is vital for emergency purposes; it's a must for every household. I completely understand why you didn't lend him the money; he didn't bother caring about himself in the first place, so why should you? It's better that it happened this way so you can identify those toxic relatives and remove them from your life. His request is pressing because he's a relative, but he should also comprehend your position and not be pissed off at you. I would have done the same if I were in your shoes.

Anything about money will be very sensitive, there is even a saying that the sharpest relationship breaker is money. And I really felt that when my friend borrowed money from me, when I asked him about it he got angry, even though I had helped him before.
What you are doing is right, maybe it looks uncompassionate because we don't lend money when he needs it. But when it will make it difficult for us in the end, there is no other choice but not to lend it. I'm sure if that person can be trusted then you will give him a loan, but his problem with being untrustworthy is what keeps you from giving him a loan.

Did you not lend him the money because he was really not a solid trustworthy guy or because you realized he probably wouldn't be able to pay it back because now he doesn't have a job? Just my honest open question. I realize most people even within the family wouldn't mind dealing with you in whatever capacity when you are working and is financially stable but as soon as you lose your job, most of them stay away from you, and trust me cos I know this.
Anyways, you might want to get people's opinion in here that you did the right thing and others will say the opposite but at the end of the day it is your family issue, and both of you will have to resolve it someday ;)

If you had the money to spare, and the money in abundance, you would have been able to just give to this family member regardless of if they will be able to pay back soon or not. You do not have enough and any money you give out is out of sacrifice which you expected to be paid back. When you know that someone that has asked you for money even if they are family members do not have the habit of paying back, there is a reluctance to give because money is not easy to make.

Because this person is family, you should have considered giving some of the amount of money this person has asked for since you cannot give all, so your relationship is not completely affected. In giving some, the person knows that you still want to help, but you cannot in the capacity that they expect. Try this next time.

Don't waste your energy on things you don't need. Your attitude is correct. Dealing with money is a bit sensitive, let alone lending money to people you can't trust. Establishing brotherhood is indeed important but don't sacrifice our wealth either, unless we give just enough and without asking to be paid back. Your brother should also have self-respect, because being in debt will risk self-esteem, especially for people who don't have integrity.

I think your decision was pretty good considering the fact that he did not speak with you at the family reunion. Imagine if he is not that understanding of your decision then how could anyone trust him with the loan payoffs in the future? I hate to break it but your cousin is really selfish and he could just think about his own situation but not yours. Let us say you might have had some troubles at your own end as well but he did not think about it in the first place.

Managing finances is the first rule when you live in this world. If you mismanage it then things could turn out bad. Just like what happened with your cousin. He might have gone rogue on his job, he might not be that good in managing his funds as well that's why he may not have any safe funds to pay the EMI's for a few more months.

Better yet say no in such situation and save yourself.

As someone who has been stuck in a situation like your relative, I know how heartbreaking it is to not receive help from the ones you expect would be able to lend you a hand. Although I also get you OP, seeing as I'm someone who lends money out as well and have been stiffed out of my own money a couple of times by relatives. My solution to this is to offer them an ultimatum. I learned this from a shark tank investor during a night of belligerent browsing over the internet, but I digress. They ask for money from you, you oblige, if you feel like it you can even tell them to not oblige themselves to pay you at all, but you should let them know that this will be the last time they will ever be able to ask for money from you. If they take the money, no more loans after. That way you can save yourself awkwardness in family reunions and get-togethers, and you'll be painted as one of the most generous relatives too!

That really is something that you shouldn't be thinking about anymore. That is happening to many families and when someone's favor isn't granted, they're acting dumb. You don't need that type of guy in your life even if he's a close relative to you.
You don't have to think of his problem as you don't have anything against him, if he gives you attention then reciprocate but that's it. Whenever both of you are in the same place, you just guard your place and you don't have to be showy to him just because you don't lend him any money because you owe him nothing and you owe him no money. The wrong thing about borrowers, there shouldn't be any heart feeling when a relative rejects you, they also have obligations to make and that what you must understand.

Three thousand dollars is not a small money except you can afford to lose it. When you are dealing with money you don't consider relationship. You should only do business especially loans to only trustworthy and reliable people. If you know your cousin will not repay the loan don't give him except he offers a collateral. if he likes let him be angry that's his business because it is clear that you didn't offend him. If he really needs the money, let him approach a bank or other financial institutions.

OP why did you conclude that he is not trustworthy? Have you or someone else given him loan and he defaulted? Is this an established or based on hearsays because it is also good to assist people when they have financial problems.

There are different way's to save money but if we don't trust the others, we can just save on our own. There are hard times which are inevitable and sometimes call us to use our saving money but we must not be guilty of doing so because for what we are saving? When the purpose of savings is to have something in use when an emergency happens.

When lending someone else, I would only agree if I know that the person has no bad records when it comes to this matter and then they also have a good reason on why they want to take a loan. Asking for a collateral can work like a charm for them to not ran away with the money that they borrowed.

In this case, you are not wrong in any way. to lend something to someone else, or even your family, you need to know the person, or the person needs to have collateral. in your case, you know the person, and the person has an untrustworthy streak. if you lend money that you have, you have to take the risk that the money will never be returned, and in the end, you will get two conditions where your condition will be awkward because he doesn't repay his loan to you, and your money won't come back.
The advice I have is, if he is really important to you, then get him a job that can pay off his loans little by little. You also need to convince him that the money you have is still being used for something important. after all, he can't force you to lend him your money either.

Advice to all! Don't lend anyone money unless you are above what you are about to lend them and can possibly dash them in case they refuse to pay back. The worst of it is that in my country after you lend someone money you will have to explain what you need the money for before they pay some part of. You can give willingly if you are generous but do not lend. Allow them to pass through whatever they are passing through.

If you have a lot of money, it's better to enjoy it yourself than lend it to your family or something else, obviously with any money it can damage your close relationship to crack and I myself experienced this, so I decided not to lend money to anyone.

My sibling borrowed money from me for business reasons and I agreed because I knew what business he was doing and he was still working in an office so when I lent money, he was quite calm, he still had income and the rest could be paid to pay off debts to me, but what happened he had reneged on the initial agreement and he always had many excuses when I asked about the loan, then I thought I was like a beggar who kept asking him for money on that which I myself had lent and my right to collect it.

Never mind that I don't want to deal with other people just because of money, I'm quite sorry and emotional when I charge but there's no result.

If a little bit of money is enough for your family member to act in this way, now you know everything you need to know about him, your relationship was based simply on what he could obtain out of you and now that he knows you are not going to give him that kind of money then he is not interested on maintaining a relationship with you, so you did the right thing as eventually that relationship would end anyway and most likely you would have lost that money too.

Nothing to feel bad about here. I understand it's family but one must think first about risks when it comes to lending no matter the story they cook up. And good thing you know your cousin well and was able to take a good decision and not the other way, which could have led to lose of that money.
Communicate with him and do like nothing happened.

At least your reason for not lending to people who cannot be trusted is good. and I guess you are also in a confusing position then. but I personally sometimes can't be firm with things like this. and several times I have lent some money to my distant relatives. And I even lent it without expecting the money to be returned any time soon. because even I see the current economic condition is indeed not possible to repay the loan. but I do this because I do have sufficient reserve funds and cold funds that I will not use in the near future. so I decided to put more importance on family relationships by helping him by lending some money.

but maybe if I didn't have reserve funds and cold funds at that time then I might also refuse to lend him some money. but because I feel I can still help him then I do it.

and the reason I helped him was because I really trusted him for the long term. but if he is not a trustworthy person then maybe i will do the same with you.

In a businessman's view, you did well, but as a relative, you should have lent him some money, not that $3000, but to make face since he is your relative, you can at least lend him 10%-20% of what he is borrowing.  It won't make you broke if he failed to pay you and at the same time, it will at least make your cousin feel that you care.

At least that I will do if anyone of my relatives borrows money and I am unsure if he will pay me or not.  I know the feeling of being in need, and the feeling of getting rejected even though the person has the capability to produce the money I am borrowing.

Anyway, the world is round and who's on top now might find themselves at the bottom one day.  It is best to plant good seeds with people just in case in time we are in trouble, there is a possibility that these people with whom we do some kindness will help us.
 


You don't understand the feeling of being abandoned.  It is not about the money but the feeling of his cousin being abandoned in his time of need.  But surely, we cannot blame @OP for his action since he weighs his money more than his cousin being a relative.  ;D  But well, to each their own...

OP, just so you know, what you did was the most reasonable choice and it is indeed the right thing to do in that specific situation as there is no win-win about it. Everyone who had the same encounter or will have the same situation as you do will pretty much do the same thing because even if we say that it's your cousin, be it 2nd degree or 3rd degree, it doesn't change the fact that he is not worthy of any of your trust, especially your money.

Now that he took the things into a different matter, it's much better for you to leave him be because you are doing yourself a favor by keeping some safe distance.

What is the essence of having much money if others mostly family can't benefit from it?
As long as family is involved and the person in question really looks like he could really use the cash, even if he couldn't payback, I don't see why a hand couldn't be extended, even if not with the full amount, but with half of the price at least.
It could have been you on the knife edge and needed his help. Who am I to judge after all. You remain the better judge, OP, and no one can fault you for that.

Offer to buy not lend, you will still lose friends and family if lending money they cannot manage properly and are unlikely to return.  One thing people do is get someone a job to enable them to pay their debts and so it is within their hands to do the work to repay rather then rely on anyone, its a good general principle to leave the effort with the person who spent the money or it will not really solve the problem.  The same should apply to bailouts that governments does, it can easily go wrong to make things easy as it promotes reoccurrence also.

Good for you to have known him so well. However, I would say, since he's family to you, why nit you're him the little you know it won't hurt you, something you know so well that it won't affect you in any way possible. I mean like a dash out.

That happens, and to be honest, I would have done the same if I was you. I mean, if it was someone like a brother or someone too close, you might give it to them also knowing that they would return it eventually, but to someone who is from the extended family and also not really reliable when it comes to returning the borrowed money, it's just better to make an excuse and avoid it.

The thing that happened with you at the event would have happened even if you had given him the money, but the only difference would have been that you would be the one looking at him differently, like with the eyes of, "Where's my money, man?" and he would be the one to be in an awkward situation, but I really doubt it, people like that don't really feel awkward, but they just dodge you and get away from the situation to avoid encounters.

I just borrowed "money" to a friend to send his daughter for drug rehabilitation and I know the chance of her recovery are very low, but I did it any way. He will most probably not be able to pay me back, but I have more value in his friendship than what money can buy.

Sometimes... you have to focus on what are the most important in your life, not in what money can do for you. I know, if I ever run into trouble... those people will be the only ones that might support me, but if they do not do that.. it will still be OK.  ;)

Thank you for putting youself in my shoes. You know why I did not lend him the money ? We had not seen each other for years and even when we were young, he was taking every opportunity to take advantage of me. I still remember him negelecting me and my calls for so reason and how come when he needed money, he would just call me to ask for money ? To be honest, I did have the money but I refused to lend him. I bet if I were to give him the money, he would disappear for years and I would never get my money back. Well, you are absolutely right that his holding grudge shows how little he values me. Saying no to him was the right thing I have done.

Loaning money is very good, to people in their time of trouble or trouble. But what you have to think about is, you must feel sorry for him, but you also don't want him to not pay, because not paying debts is a bad habit. You must be in a dilemma, and not lend it in the end. I thought that was good, maybe now he has borrowed from someone else. And regarding the family, there will always be complaints and problems. So, I just pray for you, I hope your family is always healthy, also always in harmony and away from fights.

We can borrow money from our relatives, but we can also not borrow money from them, especially if he is not someone we can trust or we really know their character. It's not that we don't want to help him but he probably won't return the money we borrow when we already have plans to use the money.

There is indeed a brother who will come to us when he needs us; when he doesn't need us, he will ignore us, which is not a good brother. I had that too and lent him the money because I know his character well and he can be trusted.

This right here!
You had genuine intentions for him when you were guys were young but he had the opposite. I wonder why he lost his job in the first place. And there is also a lot more than the story he might have cooked up for you.
It very risky to associate money with such person.

This story may be considered to be off topic but this commonly happens on every occasion in every household or even those circle of friends. I was once in a situation that one of my friends tried to loan money from me, and at that time though I have money, it was intended for paying the bills and some other expenses so I turned him down. It came the time that we were at the event and when I greeted him he felt awkward and just imediately change the topic so he could go away. It turns out that he was sulking and still holding a grudge om me for turning him down, and that's it. I didn't bother explaining about why I did that coz it feels like I'm the one at fault on that situation and it's no longer my problem if he will act that way.

There're really times that people don't want to understand your situation but when it comes to yourself you always try to understand them. I already reached that point where if they don't want to, then I won't coz it only feels like I'm wasting my energy when I could use it in a more productive way.

Helping your own family, when you yourself are well established, I'm sure that is a noble goal. but the problem is, whether the type of assistance provided is appropriate.

Well, this is a dilemma when referring to the story of what you are telling. I'm sure, there are various perspectives from the point of view of the members here. well, the question is in yourself. before the relationship between you and your cousin broke down, which was caused by the condition of not giving a loan. you can review again, maybe urgent circumstances make your cousin try to borrow money from you. because, you really understand the behavior of your cousin.

At least, investigate it first. Is what he said true, if so, then how is he responsible for the money he borrows later. yes, at least, you can also give him a little space for him to defend himself. plus, how is the responsibility. but yes, because this has already happened. there are no other words, other than you try to say hello to try to improve so that the bond between the family is restored.

What people don't understand is that people value money more over love, and money will finish but what bind us together is love and companionship. You have done a good deed and having a pity for the daughter to lend the money is one of the thing he can never repay even if he want to pay back, all that matter in this life should be all about love and there will restore of peace.

Your story made me to remember when I borrow my hostel mate some money to buy food stuff, he was in need and wanted me to borrow him after when others has rejected his requests, he made all kind of promise to ginger me but I did because I know he doesn't have a way to back and guess what, he never pay me back and I have forgoten it, your story brings back the memory.

Maybe not feeling guilty, but more feeling bad because it has to do with family. Even though by not giving him a loan in the form of money by saying it's okay, it won't cause family ties to be broken because we will still be good with our own family even though there is resentment because we don't help him. And what you say is actually also very correct.

It was a very sad and painful experience because he has no gratitude and also a sense of helping each other when you need help and ask for your own money. That is why there is no need to entrust more people in terms of money including your own friends, as well as your own family because often family ties get messed up because of money loan problems that are not paid on time.

You did well by not lending money to him, since he is untrustworthy. And in no way you can be blamed for damaging a family bond, rather it's your cousin who damaged it by adopting a hostile stance towards you just because you didn't do what he wanted.

Instead of getting upset, he should be concerned regards improving his reputation on your local relationships' circle, so he could have support from family members like you, who are willing to help, but that don't want to be deceived at same time.

When it comes to this, my real thought is that I will only help them as long as their need for help is genuine. I will help them as much as I can, knowing how difficult it is to be in that kind of situation. I don't go after relationships, but I always think that I will need their help in the future, so I won't expect them to pay it back. 

If I were you, I would do the same, and there's nothing to be upset about when he doesn't want to talk to you. In case of lending money to an unreliable person, you also lose them someday along with the loan amount. I met once, I lent money to a friend, and he not only didn't pay, but also cut off contact with me. I guess maybe he couldn't afford to pay me back and was embarrassed to face me, and cutting off contact with me was the only thing he could do. Money is something that can maintain happiness and friendship... but also something that will make everything fall apart quickly, including husband and wife and brothers...

If the family relationship is more important than money then why not just give him the loan and whether he returns it on not they still have a good family relationship?
Its not advisable to give someone you don't trust a loan, family or not but when when a family or friend is in need you make a conscious effort to help out. Helping out can be in different ways, it doesn't necessarily mean giving them the loan they asked for. It could be helping them look for a job, giving them free money for their upkeep (it doesn't have to be too much), getting them groceries if you can afford it. At least just show them that you care by just being there for them in their hard times. We always talk about being better people but when the time comes we do the opposite. Yea, I know you've got to look out for yourself, but there's a thin line between looking out for yourself and being completely inconsiderate.

I would not loan him money if I had a cousin like @OP. But maybe I will help him find a job so he can return to work and earn some money. I was worried that if I loaned him the money, he would have a hard time paying it back, which is something I don't want. I'd rather help him find a job than lend him money. After all, I know him better than anyone else so I have another reason why I don't lend him the money. And if not wanting to lend him this money makes him shut me out, that's fine with me because I have nothing to lose.

He shouldn't have done that because the amount of money he wanted to borrow was enormous. And not everyone has that large amount of money. But if my cousin was someone I could trust, I might lend him a little money to survive while he looks for another job.

Been there and done that.

I've met a lot of people that have taken a personal loan from me and they didn't even bother to chat or talk to me that they can no longer pay. All of them ignored their obligation of paying me back even without the interest. I'm easy to talk with and they're the one who have set the conditions of their payment terms and interest rates.

I nodded and agreed with everything they've said and then I've just come to realized that all of those were just sweet talks. It's normal to have lesser friends and relatives if they're not even thinking of paying you or by asking you telling that they are sorry for not paying you yet.

People who only care about themselves without caring about people who have helped them are toxic in a family or friend relationship. Family relationships are at risk of cracking if the money lent is not paid. In the case of lending and borrowing, the riskiest is the lender if the person borrowing the money cannot be trusted.
To avoid this, it is necessary to have an initial agreement agreed upon by both parties written on paper, if necessary, make it in front of a third party as a witness if the amount is large.

You already had answered your question, OP. He's not trustworthy at all. Even here in the forum, nobody would lend you a single penny if you have a bad history of being not trusted or even defaulting on a loan at all.

Don't feel too bad that just because you're "family" that you should be like a pushover or even a doormat to your relatives. Imagine a situation on chasing after your cousin through calls or phone message to pay you up, but received no reply and the only response you would possibly get is "just move on with it, we're family right?". Sometimes even one of your own would be the one to destroy your trust.

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This seems like a common stuff to happen in Asian countries and believe me, it really happens. Some would even do the opposite of wanting you to repay their lent money.

Not everyone is as good as your mind imagines, and the example you gave is not a literal borrowing. You literally gave him a subsidy voluntarily, since you know that this will not help his sick sister, and he will not be able to pay it back. Nor do I expect that you can really find someone to help you in the same way for free.
You seem very optimistic and confident in your relationships even if they are not giving you benefits. As far as I know, there is no longer a place for good people in our world today, and people like you are supposed to be constantly traumatized.

In comes to lending money, specifically, to family members, I always have that hesitation at first but end up lending them anyways. But in terms of payment, if they do pay on time and wont give me hard time getting the money back, I would never hesitate to lend them again. If they do not have that initiative to pay it, I will never let them be able to lend from me again. So, in your case, since he was untrustworthy, I would have done the same thing. And, you did the right thing. I think the best way to handle the situation of letting down the person's request to lend money is trying to explain and help them in other ways, since they are still a family. But, I must admit that your cousin is kind of toxic in a way that he let money issues affects the relationship you had as a family.

I don't think there'd be a bond if the so called "family" member only reaches out when he or she needs something. Those folks be like fair weather friends and from your story, it's not as if you ever disclosed to him that you was some big hotshot who could afford such an amount. It was just between you and your pocket. And knowing the person was untrustworthy was another turn off.
 Also, I don't think an unappreciative individual would acknowledge it even if you broke a limb for them, so if I were you, I'd feel a lot pained if I were to have lost such an amount on something else than borrowing to someone who isn't straightforward.

You just did right thing I guess. Three thousand dollar is a huge money and you didnt get it easily, I know you did lot of hustle to earn it. Lending money to other people is not a must to do. Its still depends on our decision, If we think they are trustworthy enough then we go for it but if not, its okay not to do it. If they get hurt on what you did, its just shows his true color and intention to you. Because if he truly your cousin and respect your decision I guess he will understand why you dont lend him and will still talk to you on that family gathering. Even me, I dont always allow myself to keep lending people close to me even if its family connected as long as I know they dont know how to handle money well. Its not a true bond if they only reach you in times on needs.

3000$ is a huge amount of money from where I come, if you would give that to someone it should go into something that can yield returns and not to offset a debt. Couple with the fact that he's not so trustworthy, you actually did the right thing for yourself.

You might be the one hating him if you lend him the money and you find out he spent it lavishly on frivolities.

This happened to me a lot of times. Relatives used to borrow money from me and out of mercy I lend them my hard-earned money but they didn't pay me and they are even ignoring my texts and chats. From my experiences, I learned to say no and cut ties with abusive relatives. You did the right thing because that's a huge amount of money especially if that relative of yours isn't trustworthy. When it comes to money, we can see the true colors of the people around us. You shouldn't be the one to feel awkward because you just saved yourself from stress.

I cant imagine that those people that you give or lend your money goes on vacation and post on social media is for sure hurting you and the possibility that they will pay you is low. Though again it's your relative that is most of what people say if you really have extra money then lend them because for sure there are times that you will need them so treat it as a gift for them though make sure that they are not exploiting you.

When it comes to family members i don't lend out money to them i simply give out what i can afford to spare at that time i also do same to close friends and mark it as a support to such member. Lending money to family members has scattered long existing bonds and relationship. It is better to help if one can than to lend out on the grounds of getting the help back. Even if i agree to lend out i make sure it is an amount i can afford to lose should in case it doesn't return back.

Disputes over money has and would continue to ruin a lot of relationships. Relationships between family members and friends alike have abruptly ended cause of disputes over money and in most cases, the relationship would not end on good terms as well.

Personally, I try not to let money come in between my relationship with my family and friends, and that’s why I do not lend any money that I can’t afford to let go to any family member or friend.

It can be quite difficult to refuse lending money to a family member or a friend in need but when I know I would have a hard time getting it back or probably wouldn’t get it back at all, I definitely would not be willing to part with  any money.
Perhaps, if I’m feeling magnanimous enough and the issues that needs my money is really urgent, I would still lend to a family member or a true friend and wouldn’t bother to go all out to get my money back.

As if lending him the money will change him into a good guy, you did the right thing because even if you pitied him you won't get your money back, he might even missed the family reunion because of the money, do what you feel is right for your mental health, no one knows your family better than you do. In this world today, your best friend will turn your biggest enemy because of money, lending people money is like creating new sets of enemies.

This is not whether or not family members can use the money we have, but this is about trust between family members. Maybe it's not wrong if family members help each other, but you need to know that not all family members can do that, I mean when they have a bad track record that makes them reluctant to offer help to them. We don't see from one side, but we also have to see from various sides. besides, I'm sure the OP will also provide him with assistance, it's just that the amount is not what one of his family members wants.

Well, for me, I can't lend anyone money knowing that the person has no source or means of paying it back, unless i have considered it a gift, and that's if the lend request is from a family relative or a best friend. I have friends that ask me to lend them money, but because they are not reliable, I usually decline their request because I hate a situation where, after lending someone money, they expect me to beg them for repayment when the agreed-upon period of repayment is over. At that moment, demanding my money could lead to misunderstandings and some conflict that could also break a friendship or family bond. OP, I think your decision was right.

The thing with family is we always think we know people and sometimes we could be right and sometimes we could be wrong and never want to admit it.
When it comes to finances and family I think it's all about flexibility, you don't want to be the robocop of the family that always thinks they know it all, sometimes just give people the benefit of the doubt as people grow out of these bad habits and try to impress the people that came through for them,if we can't believe in them then who will...unless we saying family nolonger matters and second chances do not exist anymore  :-\

Common reaction whether if its part of the family or your friend or someone you do know.On the time that you would really be not granting up their request or favor then for sure they would really be having those kind of actions where they wont really be minding on having good responses or in good mood. Just like the rest been saying that you did well, we do all want money and we just do assure that we wont really be experiencing
some problems on the time that you would really asking for repayment. If you do see that he's not financially capable since he do lost up some work, then it would be common sense that you shouldnt lent him.
For some amounts as act as a help then its considerable but borrowing huge numbers then its an another story.

I concur with this first statement. Managing finances may include proper budgeting, staying out of debts, and cultivating a healthy financial lifestyle.


Personally, I think you have given him the benefit of the doubt. Beside, you may be questioning his trustworthy based on based experiences. But I want you to know that people are capable of changing and becoming better. Also, it isn't mandatory that you should have given him the whole three thousand dollars. You could have been able to spare, maybe $500, $1000, or $1500 or any amount you could spare. He was already in a bad place.

I still think, you could have lent him whatever amount you could spare. It probably would have gone a long way. Maybe your act of kindness mixed with encouraging words would have made him become a better person character wise. He is hurt that is why he snubbed you at the family reunion. Lastly, this shouldn't be enough to damage family bond.

I do the same as you, not only with my family members but also with my close friends. If they pay on time, I am willing to lend them back, but if they break their promise, there will never be a second time.
I have the same situation as OP, it's my cousin. I have also loaned him many times in the past, but the last 2 times, I was very tired of asking for money when needed, and then I found out that he borrowed money to play games, not work. I haven't loaned him any more money since then, and he ignored me for a long time. I'm almost not too upset and have no regrets about such relationships.

Unfortunately, it is often that your own family will look to take advantage of you. Three thousand dollars is a very large amount to loan somebody even if they are a very trustworthy person. You had every right to deny their request if you had doubts about getting repaid. Whenever I've struggled financially I would rather make sacrifices to make ends meet on my own than to become indebted to a family member and have them resent me if I wasn't able to repay them in a timely manner.

Money is the thing that keeps people's relationships together and also destroys them.  You didn't loan him money so he was reluctant to talk to you but if you loaned him money and couldn't pay you back on time in this case he wouldn't have participated in your family program. So definitely one should not lend money to any untrustworthy person.  Especially not to a relative. Because you can pressure someone outside of the relative to return the money he/she lend from you , but you can never pressure the relative to protect his honor. So you did a good job by not giving money to your cousin as loan

It happened to me too. Not just once but a lot of times. Some of them borrowed money but never paid me back even a little portion of it. It's disappointing, the amount could be small or not but I felt like I am losing trust every time someone did it to me. It is not that I am rich because I am just living a simple life but I felt like I want to live far away from relatives and if possible without contacts, especially on social media. I understand that as relatives, we got to help each other but for me borrowing money is borrowing and it needs to be paid otherwise they should've just asked for some assistance and not borrowed money because if unpaid, it's already lying or a scam.

I think people have love relationships through money and many bad relationships through money.  I have seen several relationships that are relationships through money, as long as you have money, the relationship will be good. When you don't have money, the relationship will be very bad. I think a relationship based on money will never last forever.  So it would be very foolish to think that money can ever be a relationship. So I think money can never be a relationship.

Yes if op's relative was really a good relative he wouldn't have stopped talking to op. Such a relative only comes to us when they are in Danger and keeps his head up in good times. So I think refusing to pay the op to his cousin as loan was a good move. $3k is not a less money this is a huge amount for a common man and a middle class family can run their household well for about 1-1.5 years with this money.

It's too complicated to trust people and lend the money we have to them, even though it's our family who are still quite close. There are several experiences that I experienced exactly as you describe, I mean there is a pattern that you can apply and this has also been practiced by me in my life, this will only apply to those who like to owe but find it difficult to pay anda not in general to the whole family.

In the past several families came to the house asking for loans because they thought they were part of the family so I tried to help, but in the end they made no repayment and they always ended up silent without speaking again. For now, if one of the families asks for a loan I never give again but if they ask under the pretext of really needing it, then I will give half of the loan request It is more in the form of assistance not as debt.

Same with my point too. It’s not hard to lend a money especially if you see that person is really in a bad financial situation. As long as you are lending your extra money, I think that will not make you financially broke. Even if that person keeps asking you for assistance, you can always give as long as you do it willingly. However, if you discover that he is just spending your money for his vices, well helping him is not worth it. By that time, you can give him some advice, but never lend him money anymore as you are only used to provide him for his vices.

Agree, lending someone money is not a big deal if we have some spare money to lend them. But the important thing is that not everyone can lend, we need to determine that person is good or bad. If they are people who don't keep their promises, don't work hard, but just play around, I will refuse without hesitation, if lending them a loan will only cause trouble. And good people who are really in trouble have no reason to refuse them.

When we find it very difficult, of course it is feasible to lend, the presence of many platforms or online loan applications makes it easy for those of us who really need money, some time ago I really needed money to pay off a mortgage, then I applied for a loan online and within 2 days it was approved and I I got the loan amount, and now I have paid it all off.

That happens with almost everyone since all of us have that kind of relatives who borrow money by becoming innocent at first and then don't even answer your calls and messages. The only way to avoid such people is to simply say no at first by making some excuse because if you don't make an excuse, they can become very toxic later on.

Never lend money to people who you know would never return your money, at no cost you should compromise your own life and self-esteem for someone else no matter how hard they try and how many times they ask you innocently.

I always lend money to my relatives the first time. I also always give the benefit of the doubt to the person who borrows money from me, especially if it is someone that I am close to. But when the time comes that I ask for the money to be paid back or when the time is due and that person did not pay me, I acknowledge the fact that that person will never pay me ever. And I will never lend that person money again, ever. At least then, I have the reason not to lend that person money. It is not always about the amount, regardless how much is borrowed from me, I consider the trust that I give to that person and how the broke it.

Best to say no always especially if they borrow just for the sake of unimportant matters since its really hard to have bad blood to your relatives if they refuse to pay on agreed date.

Its really good for us not to lend to anyone even if this is our close relative so that they can establish the thoughts that we are not into that and we will never lend money to anyone. But also we also need to take some consideration like important matters for example immediate medication and that maybe we can consider and think only that we give it to them so that there's no hard feelings for us if they will not pay the money we sent to them.

the presence of a loan application has indeed become a solution for everyone who is urgently in need of a fast loan. but the problem is that the OP's relatives want a large loan of three thousand dollars. and I'm pretty sure it's rare to find a loan application that will quickly lend three thousand dollars at a time. Loan applications usually only lend a small amount.

That would really suck. I get the habit of welcoming others, but maybe not being to the point of you being the doormat. Regardless of any amount, the trust was already lost at that point and you even mentioned that you're not rich. Having a money lent to someone is just like an investment of you thinking that the money you gave will surely be losses and you would not get it back regardless.

This is why I also do not really want to lend. I hate chasing people to pay and I don't really enjoy interacting with people that are trying to test my patience. It is either I would not talk to you at all anymore or I would talk to you in a one-liner to end the communication there and never ever hear anything from me again.

There is a saying that money ties are stronger than blood ties, and nowadays it is true. Many people have lost their families because of debt problems and it is difficult to get back together. On the other hand, when there is hostility, it will be easy to unite with money, With this fact, of course, we must be vigilant and always have a commitment to repay debt.

Besides, the loan app will force you to pay interest, there have been many people fell into default with the loan app when they did not pay on time and the interest amount was too large. Borrowing from relatives is still a better option because we may not have to pay interest and can extend the repayment period if it is difficult to recover the amount.
Lending money or borrowing money from others is really a sensitive issue, when it comes to money, relationships, no matter how close, are very vulnerable. In my opinion, limiting lending is the best thing.

That depends on your communication skills. Family cannot be left behind, especially siblings. For cousins, the priority will be lower. If you don't want to give him enough money, lend him half or 1/3. That will help you feel less anxious. Or you can talk to your cousin's parents when the loan is not returned.
It's also not good that you help them too often because they will lose the will to move on. So use your money wisely.

It wasn't your fault, so don't fill bad about it, I know the reason why you didn't lend him money, because you cannot afford to lose it. This is the best way for you to win this war. People don't judge from the beginning, they only judge what they see and by than no one will listen to you. To you did the right thing.

In my own opinion, not lending him money due to his untrustworthy bahaviour is now a right thing to do. When a person is trust worthy, it will earn them a lot. People will believe what you say trust you. I have a friend with a similar character. Every time he borrowed money from me, I will have to fight with him to collect it back. One fateful day,  pleaded with me to lend him some money, but I told him I had the money but I would never lend him any. His pleading but it fell on deaf ears. Since then, he hasn't talked to me and I do not care. I cant trust him for anything, and such a person can't be my friend because I can't even defend them in their absence.

It is a complicated issue, but you should know that the money that you lend to a dear person is zero, otherwise it will get you into high problems that have no benefit because he will not be able to pay his debts, so you will not go to court and demand his imprisonment.
Therefore, if you need money, do not lend it, and if you are not in need, try to give him 30% of the loan and watch his behavior.

In some situations destroying family bond is not bad decision and I think that a person cannot always trust because sometime he have to think about himself and about his benefit because he work hard for earning such money.

If your cousins cannot afford life expenses then he should do something to earn money and then he should invested such little amount in crypto but begging in front of others and then do not give loan back is a bad thing and no one should do this.

If you realized about your cousin that he is not such a type of guy which will return your money then making an excuse is better option.

What confuses me here is when you said you wanted to pay off the installments you already had, but why did you make another online loan to pay off the installments? Because in the end you also have to pay off your online loan in a timely manner because by making another online loan for an installment, that means you have two loans that you have to pay off. So how do you pay off everything while you take your online loan to cover existing old installments, while you also need to pay in installments to pay back the online loan that you took.

That's absolutely true, because in online loan applications they usually immediately determine how many loan limits they can issue for each borrower. So it is clear that it will not be enough for OP's relatives to rely on online loans, which are now very numerous. The only way for OP's relative is to approach a rich man and get the rich man to trust him to give him that kind of money as a loan, although I also don't believe that would have a much better chance of succeeding.

He must be financially broke that time that forced him to lend some money from you. And since he though you could help him, that’s why he did it. But if you really doubt his trustworthy, well that’s your decision too not to lend him some money as it’s your own money in the first place. However, if I were on your shoe, I could have lend him some money that time knowing I am doing well financially. No regrets if not paid as long I was able to help him. But I can’t blame you too because you know your cousin well more than we did.

There would be considerations or exemptions on which you would really be helping him/her or giving him a loan but in times of emergencies specially if life is at stake on which you cant really be able to let it see that they are suffering and you do know that you do have the money set aside.For these kind of moments then it wont be bad to grant up some loan but dont expect that they would be repaying it up fast and this would be entirely be depending to those someone who did really request out if he would mind on paying it back or not.Its true that lots of relations had been destroyed because of money on which on the time that you
refused into them then this is where relations do start on messing up.

I had a similar bitter experience,only I lent money to a relative and of course he did not return it to me ;D The amount was a little less, but it was enough for me to understand what kind of person he was.Now,when one of the relatives asks to borrow money, I suggest that they take a loan in bank.There are only a few people who deserve my trust.

He cannot blame you for your actions as you cannot blame him too from behaving that way because he is just a victim of the situation. He has lost his job thats why he is not really in a good position right now. But if you can spare him some money that you are not using, I guess that could somewhat help him to lessen what he’s feeling right now. In the end, being untrustworthy is a choice, he can always change it if he will be given the right opportunities and chances in his life, and you could be an instrument for that.

If you are on someones foot to those who are in struggle then it cant really be avoided for you to get mad on someone who hadnt just help you on the time you do need but you shouldnt
really be that close minded on why he had done that too on which it is normal to have thoughts that you might not be able to repay those amounts in due time.Yes, we are on a hard situation
which needed up to be understand but we know that earning and lending money couldnt really be that simple on where you could just simply agree without having those
reconsiderations.

Money should never outweighs the relationship of a family. That should be the proper way, but in reality what is happening is the contradiction. However in this situation shared by OP, his cousin is only lending some money because he is not earning anymore from his job. And he thinks you are the answer to that. But you know he is not a trustworthy person, so you never lend him the money which I think that’s also your own decision. Well, you have not done wrong actually, what you feel is a little bit worried and maybe your conscience is somewhat triggering you. You might have lend him some money and be able to help him, but you chose to disregard him and instead you expect him to learn his lesson.

The favour you showed was great, but some people take support or help for granted. Some people only think they can need your help all the time, but when you request their help, you can't get it.

Imagine if you are running a business and some distant cousin asked you to lend them some money for some important stuff and after you have lent them the money they never pay back, of course you will not be happy and you might not have the heart to lend to them next time. People sometimes act in a way that makes you lose trust in them, so that's just the whole case, but if you lend them money and they return it, next time you will happily lend to them again. Unless you are just so kind and gift them the money, money lent to someone is meant to be returned.

You haven't damaged your family bond but it was your cousin that did it.

It did happen to most of us. When they asked us for some money that they want to borrow, they were cool and very kind to us but in times for the collection of their debt. They're the ones who even have the guts to get mad at us because they're still short and didn't fulfill the promise of paying at the right time. Well, there's the saying that if you want to test someone and want to get rid of them, lend them some money.

This is where and what people are tending to avoid on which on the time that they are on need and to those people who you gave help wayback doesnt really bothered out themselves on repaying the favour.

Yes, we arent expecting for some return but we do know that we cant really be on tip top shape forever which means that there might be a time comes that we would be needing some help.
Not in forms of money or fiat but also in other others which we might really be needing some support or whatsover.

This is why some do make out some advance thinking that they should really be that giving out those limitations on early manner.

In essence, if someone we lend can be trusted, there is no reason not to lend money if you can afford to lend that money. if someone you don't trust borrows money it's better not to lend it because it will affect yourself from your financial side both within your family or other people, especially if you don't have collateral to pay, I think it will make it difficult for you in the future to get your money back.
But yes, there are some people who give up their money for family relationships, and even that is not wrong, in my opinion, depending on the orientation of each other's thoughts.

I do not think you have done anything wrong here. It does not matter to me if you are family if you are not trustworthy then it is too risky for me to lend you money.

It becomes complicated with family members wanting a loan. Hard to say no when we know they can use the money. I did loan money to my mother RIP but did not ever ask her to pay back the loan. But this can not be the same situation for a relative like a cousin.

I think many of the communities here on the forum can relate to what you are saying. And if there is any reason why you don't trust him, it's not his fault, besides, he's also borrowing a large amount of money.

And from what I have seen, the person you refused to lend money to has a bad attitude. If I look at the situation, he was the one who had the urge to be angry with you while he was the one who would lend you money when he needed you, that's why he failed in his goal with you, which could be the reason why he doesn't talk to you but Did you ask him why he doesn't talk to you, dude?

As you've said your cousin is not trustworthy, that means he is not the type of person that is true to his words. For me, you made the right decision to not lend him money. Because it is likely that he will just ignore you when the time comes you're already asking him to pay.

Moreover it doesn't feel good to lend money then this particular person won't pay you. Your trust and relation towards the person would not be the same again. It's hard to earn money so it's just right to refuse if you feel the one asking for it is not deserving.

Money has killed many good relationships in family. People needs to be very careful in money with relatives. As far as you know your cousin very well, knowing fully if you lend him the money he is not going to get back to you. Your decision for not lending him is the best because it will surely turn out to be serious problem. When relatives who are not honest with their words ask for money for borrow, it is better to assist them with the little you have for free or not lending money than to give them knowing fully well that they will not pay back for the sake of peace to reign. When we know relatives who are not honest in their word when it comes to money,  it is important we do not fall into them doing good that will later become a problem.

A rather sensitive issue about family relationships or in society, I have also met a number of cases where relatives borrowed money to invest in other asset portfolios. But when I talk directly, I see that they are making a mistake because only investing through a broker is not proactive.
I once saw a funny story about borrowing money. If I lend you money I will lose both you and the money, but if I don't lend you money I only lose a friend and the money remains.
I personally also look at the problem as positively as possible, help people most effectively without necessarily involving money, sometimes it is worth more than losing money, pointing out the mistakes of new people and strengthen yourself.

Debt problems are serious so that they can break up with relatives and even family, debt is very sensitive and I suggest not to be in debt to family, it's better to owe to other people, especially now that there are more and more online loan applications that we can use when we really need money.

Changing times have made family values disappear, humans get angry and offended easily because of small things, many people even have to lose family members because of debt problems, sometimes debt problems are considered trivial because the person who owes does not want to pay while the one giving the debt is impatient.

Nowadays many people are individualists, they no longer care about religious or family values, when debts occur they don't care anymore about family values, almost every day we encounter news about murders caused by debt problems, the best thing is when there is a family that is in debt provide convenience and even free the debt.

That's a big red flag and it's good that you didn't lend him money. In my opinion it's best to keep. Family and money seperated as long as it's not emergency. In a life or death situation I would do anything for my family, but in other cases I would be reluctant to give a lot of money. It also depend on how wealthy our family, for an average family where we have to work hard for our money it's not easy to lend large amounts of money. Just by his reaction you already know that you made the right decision. Who knows when he would have repaid you, or maybe he would assume because you are family that he doesn't have to repay you. This creates a very annoying situation where you would have to run after your money, better to avoid such issues in the first place.

To some extent, this is respect for the family, because the one who takes care of his family will worry about good relations and making the family members feel comfortable. I know that this is the case in my family, and if someone makes such a request to me, I will know that this is a really difficult situation and I will help, but this is because such situations in my family are extremely rare, because everyone is worried about good relations.

If the situation is different and it can be abused, then you need to learn to recognize this, since this will only exacerbate the relationship in the end.

And to think that many of them are non-interest bearing especially to close friends and relatives. I am not into lending as well, but there are times that are unexpected and you feel like you need to help them and thought you can trust them. Then all of a sudden you realized they aren't the person you are expecting.

I also have the same personality as you. I do not want to collect my receivables as they are supposed to be the ones to come to me and pay. And that's really what happened, I am staying away from them and avoiding further conversations. 

I have been felt a lot situation like that. I've learn if you cant trust somebody will pay their debt just dont do it. Instead give some money that you can afford and tell them to not repay it. You not worry about your money anymore and your relationship is not broken because of money.

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

Another lesson is that when you lend money to a relative, never expect that they will pay you back.  This often happens within the family and relatives but whatever it takes, I would rather be the one on the giving end than on the receiving end.  I will still lend money even if there is no way to get it back.  He is my relative after all.  We have been generous to our friends, what more to our kin especially when they are in times of trouble.

No matter what @OP situation is I can only conclude that money is more important than his relative because he worries more about the payment than the situation of his cousin.  ;D

A person must not give an amount loan, which amount of loan he is eligible for.  Otherwise he will fail to repay his loan and the lender will have to struggle to recover the money. Money is everyone's personal wealth and without it people are immobile so it should be used and managed in such a way that it does not have any adverse effect on the person. Whether it is a relative or a friend, before lending money, it must be ensured that the person is trustworthy and able to repay the loan. Then the loan should be given to that person

It is never your obligation to lend money to your relatives as they have the duty to save for emergency purposes. If your cousin did not speak to you during your family reunion, then it just really speaks about his character. The fact that you know that he is not trustworthy solidifies the reason on why you should never lend any money to him/her. He/she has the responsibility of saving funds for emergency purposes like this one.

If that is the case, then cut your ties with him/her as he would probably drag you down in his problems. What is the purpose of keeping such bond if it is corrupted and rotten at its core already? At this day and age, self-preservation is the key, except if you have family to provide for.

I think that if we lend money to any of our people, it will be seen at a later point in time that lending money will destroy the relationship. If we cannot repay the money, the relationship with them will be very bad, so I think it is better not to lend money.  .Lending money will not last the relationship for a long time.There are some people who can't talk about borrowing money later. Money can't be given to these people in any way.I think there are some people who are very good, they are in danger at some point, if I lend money to them, I will pay them back on time. I have no problem lending money to these people. Because if I trust them to keep their word, it will not be foolish to give them money.  And I think it is very foolish to lend money to those who cannot keep their word.

this is a great suggestion. personally, I also have a family like that. they just come to borrow money, then never discuss the debt again. however, the money I lent him was money I was willing to lose, only a few tens of dollars to my recollection, so it wouldn't hurt the relationship I had with my family. This will not make him borrow money again before he repays the money he has borrowed.
Only, it would be different if they borrowed a lot of money. It might damage the relationship we have. so, I thought, it was better not to loan the money at all, than to cause a bigger rift in the family.

There was a saying that, earlier anger is better than later anger. It is better not to lend to someone who is untrustworthy and has no ability to repay the loan, no matter how close he is.  I think the op made the right decision and there's no need to be upset about it. He is right from his place, where the other person has severed the family bond by not getting the lend.

You've learned, know that if any family members come to lend money from you they always don't have the intention to pay the money back, it is rare to see one that will pay everything they owe you, some will manage to pay half of the money, that's even after you report them to older family members after they pay half of the money they won't pay the rest, this has happened within my family few times and I put a stop to it, now if I have to help any family member, I always give away the money and never expect them to pay back. Assuming the person needs 1000$ from you, you can give them 200$ and tell them that they don't need to pay you back, that this is all you have on you, this won't cause any hate or cruelty between the person, this works better.

The problem is that it is hard to know which is the right step to take in this case, because if you lend or not, you will lose the relationship regardless of what you decide. If you don't give them a loan, they'll definitely ignore you, and if they can't pay you back, they'll find a way to hide from you, too. In either case, you will lose that relationship in the end. If it were me, I would not lend it to them, I would rather lose one of them than lose both.

I wish I could imitate your nature, but it's very difficult for me to apply.
I find it hard to say no, that's what often makes me miserable in the future.
when friends or relatives come to borrow money from me, I can often refuse it which in the end I lose the money because many of them cannot return it even though we have struggled to get our money back.
You are right in that in the end we lost both, first our brothers and of course our money.

You made the right decision.

Never ever lend them money especially if you know they are irresponsible people. If he didn't talk to you just because you never lend him money, means he is toxic enough to not have a very much of understanding. That's the toxic trait of most people I guess, they think your money is only for their wants and needs, they never think of like you're saving it for your own good, or your money is already been decided where to spend on to.

I do have a lot of relatives like that, and I don't even care if they hate me or whatever. My life is completely happy even with a lot of haters. Don't let them affect your life, be happy.

so true. because based on the story told by OP we can see that the family members referred to by OP are really people who cannot be trusted. so not giving loans to people like that is the right move. but maybe the OP would feel bad at this point. but that's better than the OP having to endure being upset someday when the person who was given the loan is completely unable to repay the loan.

and the lesson I've seen is that usually if the closest people with bad character and can't be trusted ask us to loan money and we lend to them. then it could be that he will come back not to pay but instead he comes to borrow again.

It is always obvious that I will never lend my money to a person I don't trust, regardless of how condition they may be. Op I won't hold it against you for not lending that your relative money because it might not think of paying it back. In fact, I'm curious how those individuals feel when they borrow money from someone and then refuse to pay it back because I will always worry that if I did that, I might lose access to them in the future if I need their assistance again.

but as for me i hardly lend people money that I can't dash them, because people have teach me a lot of lessons after  they refused to pay me back my money that lend them, especially some relatives members. Infact don't allow money issue join you with some family members , if not you will hardly found peace with them.

Imagine losing money because your family lends from you, I don't know why some people are so wicked that they only care about themselves, if you give up the little you have on you and try to explain why you couldn't help them they will still feel somehow against you, thinking you intentionally don't want to help.

I want to use my family to make an example, it got to a point where I don't ask for favors from my family because they always take favor as debt, one favor will be paid in numbers, rounds, and rounds.

I stopped asking for help from any but still, it doesn't stop me from helping them, I did this because whenever I could not help I can be bold enough to say that I don't have since I still help last month or past weeks.

If they keep coming back, it means they are just using you, and that's when I will start avoiding them for good,

we all have this kind of experience in which we became obligated to explain why we cannot lend money and even with that they will still hate you even after so much explaination, but what can we do? it's their own thought process.

there was even once I was told that I am lucky enough to have money and become what I am today, like how dare you? but I chose to ignore them since I'll be the one looking like an ignorant if I fought back, besides I also thought that humans don't really care about the process or struggles you encounter to be where you are right now, all they care is the end results. it's a bit insulting since they ignored your efforts but that's how it is.

It's important to trust your instuctor when it comes to lending money, especially to family members. You made the right decision based on your knowledge of your cousin's character.

To me, lending money or not to someone doesn't depend on whether he/she is "trustworthy". Rather, it depends on what amount of money we are talking about. Because if I lent my money to someone I already consider it lost. I don't think three thousand dollars was an insignificant amount for you(for me it definitely isn't), so you did the right thing in my opinion.

Regarding "damaging family bond", imagine how damaged it would be if you lent him the money, and then every time you see him he would be telling you that he can't pay you back.

It seems less pleasant if lending money must rely on our own instincts for this. Even though everyone who wants to give loans to other people, of course we have to see how he works in making money so we can believe that he is able to pay his debts on time. But if he is an unemployed person with no income, trusting him in terms of lending him money is a mistake because he definitely won't be able to pay it on time even if he is a person of your lineage.

It always difficult when our financial decisions impact our relationships, but it's important to prioritize our own financial security and not compromise on our values. I am glad you stod your ground and stayed true to yourself, even if it caused some discomfort in the short term. It simportant to remember that taking care of our own finances allows us to be in a better position to help others in the future, if and when the situation arises

Lending money to a family member is same as doing giveaway, if you have the money to help and deep inside you, he or she need it, why not help him or she, you can tell him you are lending him the money to see if he or she will return it later, but to me with my experience so far, lending money to your family member is better of knowing that you will never get that money back. So I can't because I borrowed my family member money and he refused to pay decide not to help him again. If I have and he or she comes back to me later and ask for help I will  still give but I will remind him or she that the last one I gave you, I didn't get it back so is now left for his or her mind to judge.

Anything related to money - borrow/borrow/give will be closely related to the risk of conflict, affection in the family.  Everything has two sides and lending money to related family members can be frustrating.  It's not something we can condemn or accuse, but it's a sensitive decision.  If you help them (family members or loved ones), do you think it can create a sense of dependence?  I will not go into the issue of whether they refund or refuse / refuse or delay, but it is clear that everything has a huge impact on family feelings when it comes to money.

While it's unfortunate that your cousin may be upset with you, it's important to prioritize your own financial stability and not feel obligated to lend money to someone who may not be reliable or trustworthy with repayment. It's also important to communicate clearly with your cousin about your decision and reasons for it, as misunderstandings can arise and worsen the situation.

refusing to give debt to immediate family is the right choice in my opinion, especially if the family asking you to owe you is someone you recognize that is lazy in paying debts. I think by refusing to give debt, a sustainable harmonious relationship will be maintained. but if you are a capable person compared to the person who is in debt then it would be nice for you to give him a little help as much as you can afford. In my opinion, this is an idea to maintain long-lasting relationships among families

the decision you took was absolutely right (by not giving your cousin a loan) however you have to get rid of your discomfort because you haven't done anything wrong, there are still many things thing you should think about so don't ever overthink things that don't deserve to burden your mind.

I once had the same case, I was so kind to my cousin, I lent her a little money but when I asked for that money she always said that it was only small money and why should it be returned, since then I realized that she is a person who does not appreciate my good deeds then if it is related to the money I will no longer help her even though I still maintain a good relationship with her.

You didn't do any wrong.

People actually get what they deserve especially when their character is weak. You didn't damage any family relationship, you stood your ground and he has no other option than to respect it. Besides, I do not think that you were his last life line. Personally, I believe that if I am to give you something, you must have earned it. The best way to have even help is to recommend him for employment opportunities since he lost his job. It is a better option than giving out money you worked hard for.

If a debtor breaks his promise and does not pay according to the time specified, it is possible that good family relations will crack, but if payment is made on time, then the relationship may be fine.
but mostly if the debt is given to fellow family members themselves, the payment is also often delayed. it's better to avoid giving debt to your own family and replace it by giving as much help as you can

when our family or those closest to us borrow money from us, it will actually be very awkward in the end because if we don't help them, we feel bad for them, but if we have helped them and than they don't keep their promise to pay off their debt or just pay off their debt to us. will also feel bad from putting too much pressure on it.
but I think if you think your cousin is someone who can't be trusted then it's only natural if you don't lend him, that's why we have to have good habits towards everyone so that when needed people are willing to help us.
if we lend money to people who cannot be trusted, then that is the same as letting go of our money in my opinion, because one day we too will need the money we loaned.
but that once again depends on each individual person, sometimes there are also people who are okay if they give up their money so they can help their family or those closest to them.

For me the money I can't give you to take for free I won't loan you because I am playing safe in order to avoid story that touch afterwards, you could have offered him what you have as an assistance within the period and if he oppose, you keep your money and be happy because you did your part.

I think everyone once faced such requests from relatives.And the decision to lend them money or not depends only on their reputation.I have been in similar situations when I refused,but referring to the fact that I do not have free money.

He could have lend him some money even at a small amount, at least his cousin will not feel bad at all knowing his finances are doing well. And to think that his cousin is jobless that time, so it’s obvious that he’s in trouble with his finances, lending him even with a minimal amount is a lot help already. I just hope that family would be our first priority, than anything else, particularly with money matters.

Take it or leave it, you did just great in this. Doing it any other way that leads to compromise would be doing it all wrong. Like you've stated, he is already in debt with some corporate organisation and haven't been able to pay that off then, he turns to you... it's just going to be history repeating itself and as family, you won't be able to take actions as you would have liked to. Better to have him have his ideas and perception to what might have been the reason than for you to be in regrets.
Somehow, these guys that arr particulate about taking loans seems to lack the fortitude to understand that, they've been aided and a good turn deserves another.

Other than blaming others for not lending a hand, he should question himself as to why and work in himself to make better of himself. His salvation is within him.

I agree, lending him a small amount is to make our relative feel that we care.  The guy had already humbled down in approaching us to borrow money.  Not lending him a single cent simply means we don't care and don't want to throw a cent even though we are doing well in our lives.  As I stated, a person in need asking us for help and getting ignored feels abandoned and it adds salt to the injury.

But I think a person has a different view on this as the other prioritized the return of the money while the other sees concerns about the one who is seeking help regardless of past experiences. So I guess whether the action of @OP is right or wrong is subjective.

I agree with your opinion that refusing to provide debt to immediate family is the right choice, especially if the family asking for the debt is a person who is lazy in paying debts. This can avoid potential conflicts that can damage family relationships

However, it is also important to remember that providing assistance to families in the form of debt must be done with care and discretion. It's best to set clear and realistic terms and terms of return so as not to cause anxiety and stress for both parties.

Then he is not a true relatives because if he is then he will not take it personally. You did the right move because if ever that you lend him money how would you get it back right ? For sure are having difficulty getting it to him or more worse he will stoll get angry with you as you keep asking the money.  Dont worry on him because he ain't the one feeding you if he doesn't want to talk to you then you should do the same on him too

Yes, a lot of people probably must have gone though such an experience of a family member or a close friend requesting for a loan and in a lot of cases, those requests have been either politely declined due to legitimate fears of not being paid back. Obviously, the decision to part with your money solely depends on the reputation of the person.
Lots of relationships have been lost due to lending of money. I hope people quickly realize the fact that with the worsening economic situation globally, money is getting harder to come by and the amount sitting in the bank is slowly but steadily losing some of its value. 

I have a suggestion for those of you who are often visited by your relatives or your best friends to borrow your money. If the first borrow they want to return, I think its okay. But if him don't return it and come a second time, just say "I'd rather give you money than lend you because i don't have much money". In this case for example he wants to borrow $ 100, then just give him $ 10 as a gift, so you and he are not burdened with debt problems.

Because after all, relatives or friends who want to borrow money from you must really need it. On the one hand you don't want to lose a lot of money because in the end he doesn't want to give it back, on the other hand there are people closest to you who must be helped. So just give him 10% of the total money he wants to borrow.

Nowadays it is very difficult to trust someone to give a loan even if it is our relatives or family, because at the time of collection is always a problem and in the end the relationship does not get along anymore, and this is indeed what we have often felt, and I think your decision is indeed very suitable not to give loans to your relatives because later it can damage family relationships, But if he is an honest person and can occupy appointments, then when in need of such help, it never hurts to help each other.

When you are a relative, it is easy to know your personality, lifestyle, and level of trust.
For this matter, I think each person will have their own decision. Personally, I would choose the opportunity to help those close to me whom I feel, observe, or hear of who are completely trustworthy and of good character. And back. We should not be too lenient but also should not be too selfish with accounts that lend to our loved ones because helping them is a good thing.

I am very decisive and decisive in lending money to my relatives, and all money-related jobs involve my relatives. Because just by making the wrong decision, we will lose them and many other things. But I used to be like you, I lost a few brothers and some friends because it was related to lending money and asking for money. Since then, I have been very frank in everything, I declare that for those who cannot afford to pay, it is best never to ask for a loan from me because doing so is difficult for the borrower and me. Better to lose heart first than lose both by lending them money without knowing if they will return it to you.

You just did a great job not lending your cousin.
If you feel that he/she will not pay you in the future then what's the reason why you lend money to him/her. Trust hasn't been there. It's like those banks where if you have a low credit score, they see you as untrustworthy therefore, they will not let you borrow.

Lucky for me, I didn't encounter that kind of scenario as well. Maybe because I'm good at keeping my assets, and I'm not sharing anything that's related to my money to anybody here (even to my own family :D). Don't get affected if he doesn't talk to you anymore because after all, you see him as an untrustworthy person. If you are affected that much because of your decision, you can try and approach him and lend him a few dollars to at least build the trust.

You are right in your ways but I will say that people who cannot manage their expenses and also business strategy and also their Saving, they always get ruined. And I want to say that there has been similar occasion with me as my cousin asked to lend me some 50 or 100 dollar as he want to buy a phone as he has also some savings. I asked him to save more money and buy because lend from someone and than buy something is not good. And also I knew him that he was corrupt and do not return money too.

Like you said, it’s just like the banks. They would refuse anyone with a low credit score cause the person is not trusted enough to repay such loans.
I think you’re one of the lucky ones cause you haven’t had a relationship ruined cause of repayment of a loan. Money has divided a lot of people. I know.

I also think it’s great that you keep your finances personal and don’t go about sharing how much you’ve got in the bank to family and friends. Your finances are private matters and should be kept private. The only other person who could have access to your finances would be your spouse.
If friends and in some cases family know exactly how buoyant you are, they will come armed with the knowledge and feeling somewhat entitled asking for a loan that would probably be never paid back.

I also think keeping your own assets as a secret is a good thing to everyone. Family relationships are better kept based on trust, love and help without reward. I can give you a very different example other than my cousin's lending. I have mentioned in other thread that my closest friend lost his job a few months ago and I knew that he had been unemployed for over a year , plus his wife was hospitalized for two months. I felt so sorry to hear that and I immediately offered my help to lend him $5,000 without any time limitation to return. Why ? Because we have been best friends for decades and I know he can be fully trusted. You know what, he refused to take my money and said he would be okay. I know even to this day, he is still financially struggling to pay off debt but he never asked me for loan, simply because he cares about our friendship very much. Anyway, my money is always ready for him, whether now or in the future.

All families are not the same, if your family is built on trust and love there is no reason why you shouldn't help them, all you have to do is watch if they will return the favor someday when you need help, those people that feel hurt and decide to cut off tides because they are denied help are bad people, they are not thinking straight, if someone failed to help it doesn't mean they don't want to, everyone has his or her struggles so they may not be able to provide any help.


When you are blessed with a certain set of people in your life, you will go to any length to help them or get them out of trouble, if I have to say no to anyone it's because I knew they are not worth it, some are so comfortable owing people.   

Money is indeed the biggest problem for life, if there is no money in this world it might be more prosperous and humans only rely on transactions by exchanging, money can damage kinship, friendship and so on, especially if someone is in debt, we often hear news of a child having the heart to report his parents , uncle or other family members to the police because of debt problems.

i haven't been m on that kind of situation personally so I couldn't say anything about breaking the bond of some relatives, but my parents were. there was a time they were asked by our distant relative to lend them money I forgot for purpose but I remembered my parents refused to lend them since my sister at that time is sick and needs money for medication and since at that time my younger sister in only 2 years old it sure costs a lot of money. after that event our distant relative spread rumors and badmouthed my father for not lending them money and for preventing my mother not to entertain her relatives again even though that's not the case. my father just ignored those stories since his priority is us and he told us with my mom just let it be coz there are people like that when they don't get what they want they will tarnish your name.

i have learned from my father that there're people who only see you as a goose laying golden eggs, that is why you need to choose carefully who will you let inside your life, and you cannot help everyone even if you wanted to since you cannot fulfill all of their wants even if you sacrifice yourself, so learn to be patient when dealing with this people and not to escalate things.

Thanks for sharing. This kind of story happened to my parents as well. I have seen many untrustworthy extended family members so I know how to tell who are good or not. Things become less complicated for a relationship without any money involvement. I hope my cousin will understand this and wish him all the best.

Well the OP is probably right in his own case, but I know that nothing makes sense in life. Money and family relationships sometimes become very complicated and vice versa it is also very simple to deal with, my thinking about this is a balance in my ability to help and share with everyone around not only for family members but also for relationships outside the family. Be ready to help anyone with your ability, not necessarily with material possessions, but instead with encouraging advice to share difficulties with everyone to overcome it.

It's true that life can be complicated, especially when it comes to money and family relationships. However, I believe in maintaining balance and being ready to help anyone, regardless of their relationship to me. It's not just about material possessions, but also about offering encouraging advice and support to help others overcome difficulties. By sharing our resources and kindness with those around us, we can create a more compassionate and connected community.

In both cases of you and Op, trustworthiness is the key factor that denied them the access to get what they asked for. While I feel that that of the OP is a high amount. $3k is an amount for investment or for project, unless the OP is rich that $3k means nothing to him if he losses it.
Which is the best approach I use, I don't lend to people and relatives anymore as they do not pay back, I only help them with what I can afford to lose and tell them not to pay back.
But in your own case, I wouldn't lend him money to buy phone unless the phone is gonna be an asset instead of a liability.
What I mean is that maybe he got a job that requires a smart phone, then I'll be sure it is a necessity.

what your father did was really wise, he prioritized his family rather than fulfilling the request of his cousin even though in the end your father's cousin used dirty tricks to defame your family.

cover your ears when you hear an unpleasant sentence behind you, not everyone has to be our friend, some are just trying to take advantage, in the previous post I told my experience when lending money to my cousin and the end result was really bad for my mentality.

Your cousin is only a victim of the situation, and not his being untrustworthy has put him to where he is right now. But the decision is still all yours, as earning money is not easy so you also have to protect your finances and not just easily lend it to someone who’s not capable of paying back. However, helping him without expecting some returns is certainly a noble deed. To think that he’s your cousin, and if you have the spare money, then lending him a portion of it might be good enough.

Indeed spending money without expecting anything in return is a very good thing, but don't let our kindness get us in a difficult situation. We help as much as we can and if we can't then talk about it properly. Because after all communication is something that really must be done to maintain kinship. Sensitive matters such as money are one of the sources of the problem, and there is no distance because money out there is a lot of hostility and they even dare to kill each other. I'm always careful when it comes to money, because the impact will be enormous.

Most times, in this demographic, when a person starts making money, those closest to him including friends and extended family feel entitled to what the person owns and want a piece. I believe giving loans to family members ever works because of sentiment and most times it is a non collateral loan. You can’t really do nothing to them if they choose to default the loan, taking legal action against a relative could cause problems in the family. You can easily become the bad person in their eyes when you try to get your money back.

We know that there would really be boundaries when it comes to our kindness, yes you could lend them if you do have the money which it would really be that be a sort of help or support on someone
specially when it is your family or relatives but on the time that they are already that abusing your kindness then it would really be just right that you should draw a line.You cant really be just like
this forever on which it is really that fine that they would be asking for some loan but ending up on not being repaid or get those amounts back which do
really sucks and give out that worst feeling.

The fact that you secured your self from the unreliable cousin and didn't lend him the money is nice to an extent but my question is, since you knew he is owing some debt how can you help him pay of the debt? You have all it take to help him but did you help him?
I guess no, but I think it is no fair not to help out because one day you might need his help too.
Note: ONE GOOD TURN DESERVE ANOTHER

what you do in my opinion is correct, what you do has the least risk in my opinion, for example you lend it, then your losses will double, people like that usually when they have lent money, and are not responsible, when we collect it, in fact he is angry, and of course in your family he will shun him. if he is really responsible, of course he will provide guarantees for you, let alone large amounts of money. just imagine if he borrowed at the bank, interest would accumulate, and of course you can't without collateral

Well that is indeed the truth that exists in our lives. Problems with family can sometimes be more difficult to deal with than problems with other people. when we lend money to our family and they fail to pay even though we are in a position of need as well then we can't do anything about it and if we charge too often then family relationships can actually get worse. unless we are lending money that is really cold and we won't need it for a long time. or even when we don't expect our money to be returned. so if we have a lot of cold money then helping the family without expecting it to be returned is the best. but when we still need the money, we can not give a loan. but it depends on the situation of the borrower. if he is in an emergency then we still have to help him. on the basis of compassion and humanity. but if the borrower really doesn't have anything urgent (emergency) then I don't think it's okay to avoid it.

There is a lot of people that act like your cousin, but still they cant force us if we don't wanted to give them a loan, this is some kind of situation that is very hard for us as a relative and we can't provide them a loan specially in some emergency cases, there is a hard feelings but i am sure they will accept our decision we all have basic needs so they cant blame if we don't give them a loan.

You are right mate we all have problems if they don't have money to provide the needs of thier family then that was thier problems, we have our own problems to solve everyday and if we also think about the problems of others that will make us very problematic let them handle thier own problem and we will handle ours.

The 2 biggest problems that can complicate matters or even damage the family system are lending money, if there are relatives who lend money and don't want or have difficulty paying, then family values can decrease and even become hostility. so be wary of lending money, don't be too easy to lend money to your family.

indeed money is the cause of enmity on this earth and vice versa can also lead to peace.
if I were in this position there was a family asking me to borrow money, I would prefer not to give it because we know that getting it back would be very difficult.
And sometimes we, as those who have the right to ask, are even considered bad by our relatives, and sometimes even considered stingy by our family.

This can be one of the certainties because indeed with conditions that continue to be sustainable, it could be that we are the ones who are at a disadvantage.
It's not wrong to help, but we also can't help all the time when it's true that the assistance is only limited to utilization because on the other hand, we also need real feedback, of course, and even if it's the closest person or maybe a relative, we also can't be trapped in a situation like this. .
On the other hand, the problem of being uncomfortable with someone is one of the things that is definitely often felt, which makes us feel guilty if we don't do that.

This is true because I also gave a small loan to my cousin in the past and to this day it has not been paid and he has rarely contacted me so far. Loans of money can sometimes destroy friendship and kinship so that until now I have decided not to lend money to anyone anymore, even though everyone has a different character in dealing with this. But I have considered that loans in the form of money are basic things that will make hostilities occur when the payments are not paid on time or when they are not paid at all.

Although I did not have lent money to my cousin, I had a similar experience as yours couple of years ago. I lent one of my closest friends at that time around $4,000 and expected no return any time soon without any interest. I just wanted to help my friend then so I was not expecting anything from him. However, two years later, I decided to buy an apartment and I kind of needed money but my friend never wanted to pay my money back. Well, I thought maybe he was still short of money and that was fine if he would not pay me back soon. To my surprise, a few months later he was assigned a teaching job in my city and he asked to live in my place for two months for free. I thought this would help him financially so I agreed. However, he forged a lease on rent to get money from his company and kept the money. I thought he might pay back the money I lent but I was too naive. He used the money to buy a brand new camera and never mentioned anything about the money he borrowed from me. Two months later after he went back to his city, I summomed the courage to call him over the money he owed me and he was angery. Several months later he paid the money and blocked my calls since then. That was really an aweful experience and I stopped lending money since then.

In general, it is important to set clear expectations and boundaries when it comes to lending money to family members. If you decide to lend money, make sure both parties understand the terms of the loan and have a written agreement, if not, help out sincerely with a nominal amount that doesn't interfere with your other expenses in your daily life.

It is also important to consider the potential impact on your relationship and whether or not the loan is good for the family which could eventually lead to resentment or tension in the future.

Oh boy, lending money to friends and family can be like walking on eggshells. You never know how it's going to end up, and it can really put a strain on your relationships.


If you do decide to lend, make sure you're only giving what you can afford to lose, and have a clear agreement on repayment terms. It's always better to be safe than sorry, and sometimes it's just best to politely decline the request and find alternative solutions.

I had similar experiences with two of my neighbours at different times. We weren't exactly friends, but we were living in the same multi-flat building so, we knew each other, ok. It was several years ago and both of them never returned the money, no matter in what financial state they were during this time. Are we not friends now? No way, I don't want to be at odds with my neighbours. What's the catch then, you may ask. Well, the amount I lent each of them was around $5. I will never lend them a dime in the future, but I won't be bothering them with "Give my money back either". My point is, lend only what you can afford to lose.

I also had the same experience when I lent my one of my closest friend money because her child got sick. I was a soft hearted person before and it was hard for me to say no especially if it was for emergency purposes. But that friend of mind didn't pay her debt back despite knowing that I will also be using that money to pay my bills. She ruined my trust and from that experience, I realized that lending money can ruin relationships and friendships. If you borrow money for an important reason, you should keep in mind that the person who lent you the money trusts you so you should never break your promise of paying it on time.

Debt will indeed damage our trust and relationship with someone if that person cannot pay off their debt and even tries to stay away from us and just forget about their debt.
I know exactly how you feel OP, I've experienced it myself. I once lent money of approximately $250 to my office friend but until now he has no intention of returning it and he even tends to avoid meeting me and until now he has never responded to my chats or calls.
Since then I have been more selective and careful when someone wants to borrow money from me, even if it is someone close to me. From the beginning before I handed over my money to help them, I made it clear to them that I didn't care how long it would take to be paid off but that debt was an obligation to be paid off. I told them not to walk away or stop communicating with me if they haven't been able to pay off because it's more important to maintain good relations.
I don't want to close myself off from helping others or stop helping someone if they are really in an emergency, if I can then I will help them but I will only be more selective and more assertive. Because in the past I was often helped by many people when I was in trouble. The wheel of life keeps turning when we are at the top but it could be that we will be at the bottom and need the help of others.

Here’s what I do. If the amount they are asking for is something I can afford to lose I just give them, knowing I may or may not get my money back. When you look at it this way, you can easily evaluate the situation and give them a answer that puts you in a safe place without having a guilty conscience and straining the relationship.

If he had asked you to lend him the money for a business some more meaningful reason, I'd have asked you be considerate even if it meant getting a guarantor but, lending money to pay up a loan???

This only means you'll never get yours back because, If he was working, what then did he need a loan for??

And why couldn't he repay then??
No offense but this trait is mainly possessed by a greedy and self centered person..
He'll be fine, he just has a lot of adjustments to make.

If we already know the character of someone who likes to borrow but doesn't want to pay for it for whatever reason, then we only give money that can afford to lose because we already know he definitely won't pay it at any time, but if he asks for hundreds to thousands of dollars then no one will give high loans to him, so as long as we have a way to give a good explanation then he will definitely hate because he understands your economic situation, if he looks hateful to you maybe because he is disappointed because you don't give loans, but you still act as usual to start communicating with him.

the right decision, actually what you took but it's good that you gave money yesterday as a sincere expression of sympathy for the loss of a job, because actually we as brothers help each other is necessary, if you don't trust it with large amounts it's good for you to give a little to help so that your brotherhood is maintained.
and what your brother did by not reprimanding you is also wrong, it's best to keep communicating so that it doesn't continue too much so that it makes the relationship even further

If there are other alternatives, in my opinion, it is better to give as much as you can for free to your family than having to give debt or loans to your own family. that way I think it will avoid bad relations between families.
most breakdowns in family relationships are caused by money. avoid is better in my opinion

I think this brings us to what is more important to one person is, money or sympathy.  We cannot blame anyone for their action.  They have their own priority and we cannot change that. @OP gives more importance to his money, he maybe sympathizes with his cousin's bad fate but he values his money more than reaching out to help his cousin.  For me, any reason he stated is just an alibi to support his decision an convince himself and others that he is right.  I also do not think that he is wrong but I would have done the other way if I were in his shoes.

When it comes to unpaid borrowed money, I have lots of experience.  I lend my forum friend 0.2 BTC, but he did not pay and eventually gave it to him as a marriage gift when he got married.  Then months after, he came to me asking to borrow money because his trading partner is after him when their trading investment collapsed due to the bear market, I still lend him 0.1 BTC which is still unpaid until now, I don't regret or hate the person since I think that the money had saved his life which removes the burden of guilt if I did not lend him the amount.  We are still communicating every now and then.

Another friend of mine asked me for help since a bank is after his wife and had threatened to be sued.  I lend them $7000 to fix their problem, that was 5 years ago and until now their promised monthly payment is unfulfilled.  ;D

For me, money can be earned in the future but the situation to help others in a tight spot comes only once or twice.  I do value money but If I can and have extra, I would prefer to extend my help regardless of past experiences.

There are people that don't depends on their family member to sustain their lives, what they do is to work hard and strive for their own fate to pave way, everything works by determination, if they truly want to live a financial freedom kind of life it's possible, but it's take demanding because you will bend some rules and break protocols sometimes, which is actually part of the sacrifice you're giving, so that when you get rich, no one will boast of making you whom you are, it will also help you utilize every resources you have well and place value.

You definitely did the right thing. There was a coldness between you now that he was avoiding talking to you. However, if you had lent him money and he hadn't paid you back, it could have been more than a coldness between you. I think you may have prevented a bigger disaster with this choice. In addition, even banks examine our behavior from an economic point of view when lending to us. You did something perfectly normal and right, just like banks do. You should feel comfortable conscientiously.

No matter which you would go, you would be still end up as the one which is bad.Its just right that you should really be focusing on your finances and see if it just right for you to lend him money or not.

This actually a real life situations on which there are really relatives which their intentions are really that just good when you do have the money, on the time that you do decline their request then this is

where coldness would start up and having those gaps in between relatives or families which do really suck on having that kind of feeling.This is why
you should make out explanation on why you had decline it out, if they do treat it up on bad way then there's nothing you can do.

It shouldn't be any other way, in my opinion. Everyone has his own problems to deal with. Everyone needs money for solving those problems. Some people think that their problems are more important than anyone else's, and there are rare cases when it's true, and then we should act according to the situation, but most of the time you shouldn't lend more than you care to lose.

I think that making a solid bond with family member is necessary but if a family members are not trustworthy then don't make a bond of money with them. There are lots of people who ask for loan but do not return and I think that refuse to give money is better because your family bond will surely break when your uncle refuse to give it back to you after talking loan from you.

You take correct decision because if he makes relationship with you for just money then it's not a relationship but is a way of getting money in wrong way.
Family bond is important than money but the situation which you describe cannot save your family bond because if you give him laon he will not be able to give you back so this breaking of bond will occur then.

Correct. We must first evaluate the situation and financial condition of ourselves. before deciding whether to lend or not. and if indeed we have really cold money and we do not mind if the money will be returned to us late or even not returned at all. so I think we can help or lend our money to relatives or other people, we can do it with a calm feeling. but we also must first try to explore and understand the borrower's situation. if the borrower really needs money in an emergency situation or for something that is indeed positive, such as rebuilding his business, then this condition is indeed appropriate for us to help. but if it turns out that the borrower's condition cannot be trusted or even he just looks like he needs money for fun then I don't think we are encouraged to give loans to people like this. because well he will probably come and come again regardless of the past loan that he has not returned.

Money problems can destroy everything.  it is very difficult to lend money to people we do not trust even though it is still related to brotherhood.  the problem you are facing can be discussed properly, he should not act like that if the loan application is not granted there should not be the slightest sense of hatred, he must be self aware and be able to accept it wisely

The dilemma you are facing is not an easy one, and almost every person on the planet faces it. Almost all of us have relatives of some sort. There are few solutions here: either lend money to your unreliable cousin, forever forgetting about this money (because he will never give it back) and then you will maintain your family ties (but is this so, because you will no longer treat your cousin as before); or - don't give him anything, as you did and ruin your relationship with him. As you can see, in both cases, there will always be someone dissatisfied with this state of affairs.

Money at any time can spoil the relationship between people and it doesn’t matter if they are strangers, friends or relatives. This could have been avoided if people had fulfilled their obligations to each other. They borrow money, and then don't return it, and they are still offended by you. Completely forgetting and confusing that this is a request, not a requirement.

Family-money relationships can be complicated. You want to help your family without being exploited. In instances like this, you must be alert and thoughtful. "Is this person being honest with me?" Can I help them? Will my actions worsen things? If you know an offer will be rejected, decline it. You can support your family without risking your safety. But family is priceless. If you help, set rules and communicate to avoid conflict and hurt feelings

Humans when they are very fond and need money, it is natural that everyone does anything for money, but money can unite 2 people who are hostile or vice versa can make 2 friends become enemies, and when we are in debt, our obligations are immediately paid off, not because of the debt of friendship or kinship becomes lost.

It cannot be denied that in this world there are many cases of hostility between families caused by financial problems, especially borrowing money or vice versa.
but that doesn't mean we can't help our families who are in need of money, there are many other ways that can be done without destroying family ties.
such as lending money without an agreement or if you can give enough money sincerely.

Money has caused more problems than we can imagine in our lives, like broken family relationship , failed marriages, and other issues. If you want to help someone in this life, do it from the bottom of your heart, because giving someone something that you are not willing to give isn't a help. According to your story, there was nothing wrong with him asking you to lend him money and you telling him you didn't have any.
Make sure you are capable of lending money to others, especially causins or any family member, because they won't return it. This does not imply that you do not want to give; rather, it means that you are unable to do so because you may need it at any time.

Unfortunately, lending or borrowing money usually creates a problem between friends or relatives. And this problem is in some ways used by financial companies to encourage people to take credit money from banks instead of going with their problem to their friends/family. The situation with not a trustworthy guy among close acquaintances is a terrible thing: if he doesn't really need money (for example, he spends a lot without any reason), then its a positive thing for him - he would surely behave in more rational way concerning money spending, but if he really needs money, then it can lead him to take a credit which he probably won't be able to pay, so then its a problem for the whole family/community/company... And these two cases are not always easy to distinguish from each other. So the best way, I think, is to involve more mutual friends/relatives and discuss the problem and its solution altogether.

Exactly. If you think of it, your family bond will, very likely, be damaged anyway, whether you lend the money or not. But that's when the amount is significant for you. If it's not, you can forget about it and treat your relative the same as before. It's all about the amount actually.

If the relationship between relatives is ruined because of money, then you will think that he considered money more than your relationship. So there is no problem even if there is no such false relationship.

As he seems cousin to you, you should have helped him.  Because if relatives are not available during times of danger, people's trust or faith in relatives is broken. But you have good reason not to help because you said that cousin of yours is not a trustworthy person and the amount of money is too much. So if you help him by giving him that much money in times of danger and later if he refuses to give you the money, maybe you did not give him the money out of such a fear. But your cousin should have understood why you hesitated to pay him.

Hope you don't break the bond of kinship because of money.  And because of the attitude that refused to give your cousin a loan, I hope your cousin will change that attitude

this kind of setting is pretty common in every family. there will always be that kind of relative who will scorn you and will understand the situation no matter how many times you explain it. all i can say about this is, that really depends on the situation. i have seen cases in which they refuse to lend you a helping hand even if you have helped them before and you have sacrificed a lot for them when they needed it badly, and when it's their turn, they will just ignore you immediately.

I agree that as a relative you should have the heart to help them but it varies in different scenarios that happens since everyone has their own story to tell based on their actions and decisions. I personally would do the same of not helping him since I know he had history with me regarding financial issues. As soon as you make me feel that your are not trustworthy on the money that I lend you, It would be very hard for me to help you the next time. I tend to just make excuses so that I don't end up lending that someone with money. I agree and I must add that the cousin truly knows why you don't lend him the money but he is not that matured enough to admit it. Well, what ever happened I think you have done the right thing.

in managing finances, lending money to someone is one of the things that must be thought about in detail, because it is not included in our financial plans, even our family cannot lend them money at will, let alone lending to people we don't trust. 3000 thousand dollars is not a small amount of money, the feeling guilt is also a risk not lending money to people and even family. but after all our own survival is the top priority in life

I think I've come to a point in my life where when it comes to managing my finances, I don't care who gets hurt, one thing in life is that, how you sell yourself out to people is how they will take you, personally, If I was the op, I would have done exactly the same thing he did, three thousand dollars is no small amount of money, and I never would lend such amount to someone i don't trust would pay back the money..

It is better to dash out the money, and tell the borrower not to pay back, than lend the money out, expecting a payback that never comes, it's always a heart breaking experience as most times, we already had plans of what the money would be used for, only to discover it's pay is not forthcoming.

It's a really terrible idea to lend money to friends or family and it often ends up in a bad way. Most people have to learn and experience this the hard way, because they need to go through this process of seeing the negative outcomes before it cements in their mind. If you can afford to donate the amount you're being asked to borrow, then that is the way that you should be looking at it - don't expect it back, but if it comes back it is simply a bonus. Anyone who falls out with you because you won't lend them money will have a very bad time going through life and will probably fall out with a lot of people as they try similar tactics with everyone they meet eventually.

If you really want to keep the bond between you and a member of your family, money should not come into the picture. Even though money is only a piece of paper, it has a lot of influence and when you talk about trust, it is earned. Aside from family, in the crypto world, trust is the cornerstone of everything. If you notice a red flag in a member of your family, I believe you can keep the relationship intact. I have issue trusting  people as for me it must be earned.

besides, if we earn that money by sacrificing a lot from our end, it is hard to just let someone used it to their own desires. sometimes money is the reason of broken relationships as what the OP experienced from his cousin.
but i can agree what he did, as he knew the attitude of his cousin. it was not a small amount in the first place, and for sure, the OP also earned it the hard way.
if his cousin is mature enough, he will soon understand why his cousin didn't let him borrow the money. genuine relationships should not be ruined by money alone.

Yes, I hope one day my cousin could understand why I did not lend him the money. He is not mature yet and lacks responsibilities as a father(he is a father of two kids) and I sincerely hope he can find a stable job that always  makes their ends meet. I have not seen him after that family uninion but I heard that he is doing okay now, at least he can bring food on the table. Next time I see him, I will try to talk to him and hope he understands.

That's the point money shouldn't be involved in any sort of relationships either its family bonds or friends.  Money can cause great difficulty in long run , as everyone is under some financial burden and sometimes helping someone doesn't help you ans you end up in great pain.
Secondly jn transactions you have to be strict and tough sometimes and in personal relationships you cannot behave that way.

I believe the only time when money can cause problems for family is when there is no trust or there is a reason to doubt.
 If having lent my family cash and they refused to payback and they come to ask again and I refuse, it wouldn't be bad if I say no, neither will it be bad if after learning the reason to request such cash, it sounds worthless and unprofitable.
Saying no isn't bad, it just depends on how it is said. I have the understanding to acknowledge that most request I make is simply inconsiderate or just being extravagant and as such I wouldn't expect the family member I intend to borrow from to just say ok and grant my request, for the umpteenth time. It's just common sense.
Trust is very important firstly. After all there are great families who own and manage family businesses and lend each other money without even asking for refunds most times.

Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so

When you do lend out someone inside your family or relatives then you should expect that you wont really be repaid on the right time or simply you should be treating that those money is already been that given or not really that giving as a loan. If you are having that finances then its better to have that way on which you would really be able to avoid some argumentations or gaps but this is only good for 1x or 2x
but if the time comes that they would really be that abusive then it would be an another story. We are just humans where patience and temper is something that
have a border line.They shouldnt wait until things becomes too hot and something that could be arranged up or amicable.

The bond in the family should not be broken because of debt or money. We should always try our best to make sure that we don not allow the influence of money to jeopardize the family bond which is something that can affect us in a long run if we are not that careful. Money is a powerful thing that causes problem in the family if proper attention and care is not taken into consideration. I have seen families that are in enemity with themselves even till today because of money and inability for them to resolve the problems within them.

That's one of the best approach.

Giving them the money that you afford to lose but it's not the entire amount that they're asking. So, it's like that if they're asking for a $100 then you can give them freely $10-$20 and you're good not expecting any amount in return.

That's how you can't disappointment them but at the same time, you're still a giver but you don't tolerate them because you know that they can't pay in full.

You know, giving out money to a spouse, girlfriend or family member us more like a gamble. Especially when it isn't of your free will and you've got any hopes of getting it back. You shouldn't even conceive that idea because, it's often gone most times. You treat it like some bitcoin investment or betting funds, money your ready to pathway with as the most likely case is, "your not getting it back".
In order not to be the one being hurt at the end of the day by giving that which your not willing to path away with, just avoid giving loans to your spouse, girlfriend or family. Even friends too. Its better you give them some grants and be good. It would serve you both better and save you the stress of seeking it out.

If I had a lot of money, I wouldn't do it either because that's the money I worked hard to earn. There is no free money in this world. I won't give it to anyone easily, especially lazy people who just raise their hands and ask for money. Instead, find them a decent job, and if they will work, give him a loan. Otherwise, even if it's a brother, I wouldn't care.

Everyone needs money. It is difficult to move even a step without money. As money can help people a lot, this money also breaks the relationship of people also destroy family relationship. There are thousands of people just like you who have already ruined relationships with money. Those with whom we used to talk everyday by phone call before the money transaction, after lending the money, now they do not receive the phone of the loan provider. Not only that if that money is asked some times their negative comments are also heard. If the loan is not given, the relationship deteriorates temporarily. But after giving the loan, the relationship is lost for a long time.

Understandably, you felt awkward in this situation. It's essential to manage our finances properly, and lending money is a decision that should not be taken lightly. Trust and reliability are crucial when loaning money, especially when it involves a significant amount. It's good to hear that you still wish him the best, despite the situation. Maintaining positive relationships with family members is essential; hopefully, things will improve between you both.

If you lend money from any source and it becomes a fish bone on your neck then the repercussion is that you will experience difficult situation with the people around, same also is that people will come after you looking after for your family or any other relatives closer to you, they can also cease any of your own asset from you, many finds it easy to borrow something but repayment seems to be more difficult because things were easier said than done.

That's a tough spot I would say. Lending money to family can be uncomfortable and awkward, especially if you don't trust them to pay you back. And also depends on how much "family" they are and how much they mean to you. I mean, yeah, it sucks that your cousin's giving you the "cold shoulder" now, but only because you didn't lend him money? Well, does he think that he deserves money from you? Like its his right?. If you ask me, you probably did the right thing. Like, if you'd lent him the cash and he never paid you back, that might've caused even more drama in the long run. Feelings of resentment is the worst. So, maybe not lending him the money actually saved your relationship in a weird way? Now you don't have that whole "Hey man, when are you gonna pay me back?" conversation hanging over your head every time you see each other.

The decision you made was indeed the best decision, even though the decision you made looked like a person who had no feelings. But if you lend your money to your relatives, it is very likely that your money will be difficult to return. Because

If you give your brother the money, you will definitely find it difficult to charge your brother, because there will be shame. But if you are in an urgent situation, you will definitely force yourself to collect the debt to your brother. It's better when you are billed, your brother has money, what if your brother doesn't have money, you must be confused, and the worst thing is, your brother has reached the stage of forgetting the debt, if you are impatient, it will definitely cause a war of words. And in the end you still have a bad bond with your sibling, the money also hasn't been paid, it will definitely be more confusing.

You are right. Giving debt or loan within family only if you can endure the lose which you gave them in loan of debt. Otherwise if you can't endure then it is better not to keep money relation with family. Most of the time what happen in money relation with family like there in a joke ''give me a loan then leave me alone''. I always keep distance with such lazy people who ask money again again to fulfill their small needs instead of working. 

When talking about financial it's not always the best thing just to lend or give money to your family or relative, And the fact that he had a grudge only just because you didn't lend him money was already a red flag in my opinion. It's actually great to lend money to your family and relatives but there should always be limitations on it, and you should also assess if that money would actually help him or if you're just spoiling him teaching him to be lazy and not actually standing on his own.

I guess it would be better so that they would not be dependent on you when it comes to money, it might just teach them how to stand on their own, he did make a loan so it's his responsibility to pay for it. Maybe what you can do his hire him to do something with that you are making use of your money and at the same time, you're teaching him that money is not easily earned.

I think it's normal with family members who beg for loans with no intention of repaying them to be responsible. It's their duty to pay, since they are begging you for it but since they are a member of a family it's understandable.
If you want to lend money to a family member, you must don't have to expect to be paid in time. You have to put in your mind that there's a chance he will not pay, so if he pay it's good and if not, it's okay.

If you relatives is a true family if you decline on what they want they will understand. I do always lend my relatives if they need money but for those relatives that dont know how to pay it is i always decline and saying i dont have money. as long as you can explain to them your situation they will understand but again if you have a lot of extra money and they just need small one it is better to lend it to them but just expect that you just gave it to them

For me, isn't your tolerating them to have loans or debt and not pay for it because they are part of your family? If that's the case I wouldn't agree in that situation, lending them money especially if they need, it's a good intention of you however you must think of yourself too. Of course you work hard for the money you've earned and you also have plans to your money then imagine they borrow money for you expecting to get paid sooner.

If you know that there's a chance they would not pay the money you'll be needing then much better to guarantee that they'll be paying you like if they have income soon. Still its up to you, we have different situation if you're afford to help them then that's good but tolerating that situation they might adapt it in the future.

We need to get used to things like that and if someone wants to borrow but is not very familiar with it, it is better to refuse in polite language, of course,
it's better to refuse than to make ourselves difficult,
but anyway everyone has their own view on it.

Refusing in a gentle way is also a solution so as not to complicate each other in this matter, because oftentimes hostilities occur as a result of having troubled parties and one of them is due to loans that do not end in repayment in a timely manner. So I also think that refusing to borrow something more subtly is a very good solution for peace between the two parties.

Well I totally agree with what you said. because the borrower should be able to understand if the OP cannot provide the loan. because actually OP also has the right to do whatever with the money he has. And if a cousin stays away from us just because we don't lend him the money then there's really nothing to hold on to in that kind of relationship. Maybe if I were in the same position as OP then I would do the same thing with Op.

I can say there is no way to avoid it once they have deliberately borrowed your money. In this case, you can just choose to lend and accept the loss of the money and the relationship, or you'll just give up on the relationship in the first place. For a person who wants to borrow money but has no intention of paying it back, I will not need the relationship, I will not lend it, and would rather lose the relationship than lose both.

If your gut told you not to lend him money, then you shouldn't do it. And you did a good job not lending him that money. If it was a small amount, it wouldn't matter. But the amount is quite high.

And lending money doesn't ruin a relationship. It happens when you ask them to return the money. If it's a family member, then it is more complicated. You can't ask or force them to return that money. I have faced this a lot, even with some of my friends. They still owe me some money, and I am not the one who will go ask for that every now and then. So it's still stuck there.

After facing some of these incidents, I have stopped lending people money. In emergencies, they will not be the one to help you financially. You have to do it on your own.

I agree, we shouldn't keep those relationships because money-based relationships will break down sooner or later, so if it were me, I'd also decide not to lend in the first place. It can be said that losing a relationship with a loved one is a sad thing, but for those who live for money, we should not be too sad.
As for me, I will not discriminate between relatives or friends, I almost do not prioritize in that way, but I will base on each person's lifestyle to evaluate and maintain relationships.

I see what you're saying. Helping them is ineffective if it discourages them from trying. If I see that, I will not tolerate them since it demonstrates how much we care for and love them. I just want us to work together as a family, because no one else can help us. So, if he is serious in his need for assistance, why not? It is preferable to give than to receive. And I don't think I'll be repaid if they borrow money from me. But if he keep on doing that, it doesn't appear to be good. I will not lend him money again.

everything returns to oneself and we can see the condition of a family to lend money, if the need is very urgent and important I think we have to use our conscience a little to help him even though we know the risks we will face.
but if you just borrow money without knowing the needs I think it's better to avoid and refuse in a way that doesn't offend.
money is not everything, family ties must be maintained as well as possible because basically humans need each other, it's not just about money and family are people who will see us later when we hit a disaster or in old age.

There is nothing wrong with helping your own family members because helping each other with fellow family members is also a very good thing. But when referring to the possibility of a dispute arising because of the loan, it is indeed a good idea not to give a loan even if it is a member of our own family. But basically helping each other as a family is a very good thing and it's not wrong if we want to do it for the welfare of our own family.

Borrowing and breaking family bonds are both very sensitive things. because the family bond is broken and unfortunately if I die suddenly my family will face many problems and financial crisis. which no one wants. but on the other hand taking a loan means being under a pressure and we have to work hard till the loan is paid and take extra pressure to repay the loan. along with this, the amount borrowed has to be paid with interest which is more troublesome. So all things considered I think giving loans is better than breaking the family bond

When I am faced with a situation like this, I will prioritize helping to the best of my ability. I mean, I won't give a loan, but instead I will help without wanting to be returned, yes, even if the amount is not the same as what was borrowed. I think this is better, our families who borrow it will definitely understand and they will even be more grateful. If it's like that, he won't have the burden to pay debts, and we don't expect anything either. Of course this comes back to what our abilities are like, because we also have to consider everything.

Honestly I would do the samething, and if they don't want to talk to me because of it then it's fine.
We could live on our own it's not being selfish or prideful but it is not our responsibility to lend them some money when their in trouble, we have a choice and we could always reject it and they should respect it no matter what our reason would be, because it is our money we work for it.

For me I don't even advise people to go that far of lending money to family members and at the end make it cause problem that will be very difficult to resolve. Rather than giving money that I know that I will not able to get refunds, I will rather give little and not expect any pay back from my family members since I know that it could cause serious bonding problem that will make people to ha enemity with me and my own family.

Everything we are doing we need to think and make sure that we do not do something that will backfire or make people to see us as bad people.