Lending money or damaging family bond ?

[Iroh]

~

You just did a great job not lending your cousin.
If you feel that he/she will not pay you in the future then what's the reason why you lend money to him/her. Trust hasn't been there. It's like those banks where if you have a low credit score, they see you as untrustworthy therefore, they will not let you borrow.

Lucky for me, I didn't encounter that kind of scenario as well. Maybe because I'm good at keeping my assets, and I'm not sharing anything that's related to my money to anybody here (even to my own family ). Don't get affected if he doesn't talk to you anymore because after all, you see him as an untrustworthy person. If you are affected that much because of your decision, you can try and approach him and lend him a few dollars to at least build the trust.

Like you said, it’s just like the banks. They would refuse anyone with a low credit score cause the person is not trusted enough to repay such loans.
I think you’re one of the lucky ones cause you haven’t had a relationship ruined cause of repayment of a loan. Money has divided a lot of people. I know.

I also think it’s great that you keep your finances personal and don’t go about sharing how much you’ve got in the bank to family and friends. Your finances are private matters and should be kept private. The only other person who could have access to your finances would be your spouse.
If friends and in some cases family know exactly how buoyant you are, they will come armed with the knowledge and feeling somewhat entitled asking for a loan that would probably be never paid back.

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[Marcellin9]

~

You just did a great job not lending your cousin.
If you feel that he/she will not pay you in the future then what's the reason why you lend money to him/her. Trust hasn't been there. It's like those banks where if you have a low credit score, they see you as untrustworthy therefore, they will not let you borrow.

Lucky for me, I didn't encounter that kind of scenario as well. Maybe because I'm good at keeping my assets, and I'm not sharing anything that's related to my money to anybody here (even to my own family ). Don't get affected if he doesn't talk to you anymore because after all, you see him as an untrustworthy person. If you are affected that much because of your decision, you can try and approach him and lend him a few dollars to at least build the trust.

Like you said, it’s just like the banks. They would refuse anyone with a low credit score cause the person is not trusted enough to repay such loans.
I think you’re one of the lucky ones cause you haven’t had a relationship ruined cause of repayment of a loan. Money has divided a lot of people. I know.

I also think it’s great that you keep your finances personal and don’t go about sharing how much you’ve got in the bank to family and friends. Your finances are private matters and should be kept private. The only other person who could have access to your finances would be your spouse.
If friends and in some cases family know exactly how buoyant you are, they will come armed with the knowledge and feeling somewhat entitled asking for a loan that would probably be never paid back.

I also think keeping your own assets as a secret is a good thing to everyone. Family relationships are better kept based on trust, love and help without reward. I can give you a very different example other than my cousin's lending. I have mentioned in other thread that my closest friend lost his job a few months ago and I knew that he had been unemployed for over a year , plus his wife was hospitalized for two months. I felt so sorry to hear that and I immediately offered my help to lend him $5,000 without any time limitation to return. Why ? Because we have been best friends for decades and I know he can be fully trusted. You know what, he refused to take my money and said he would be okay. I know even to this day, he is still financially struggling to pay off debt but he never asked me for loan, simply because he cares about our friendship very much. Anyway, my money is always ready for him, whether now or in the future.

[Crypt0Gore]

All families are not the same, if your family is built on trust and love there is no reason why you shouldn't help them, all you have to do is watch if they will return the favor someday when you need help, those people that feel hurt and decide to cut off tides because they are denied help are bad people, they are not thinking straight, if someone failed to help it doesn't mean they don't want to, everyone has his or her struggles so they may not be able to provide any help.


When you are blessed with a certain set of people in your life, you will go to any length to help them or get them out of trouble, if I have to say no to anyone it's because I knew they are not worth it, some are so comfortable owing people.   

[Kadal Ijo]

Money is indeed the biggest problem for life, if there is no money in this world it might be more prosperous and humans only rely on transactions by exchanging, money can damage kinship, friendship and so on, especially if someone is in debt, we often hear news of a child having the heart to report his parents , uncle or other family members to the police because of debt problems.

[Supreemo]

All families are not the same, if your family is built on trust and love there is no reason why you shouldn't help them, all you have to do is watch if they will return the favor someday when you need help, those people that feel hurt and decide to cut off tides because they are denied help are bad people, they are not thinking straight, if someone failed to help it doesn't mean they don't want to, everyone has his or her struggles so they may not be able to provide any help.


When you are blessed with a certain set of people in your life, you will go to any length to help them or get them out of trouble, if I have to say no to anyone it's because I knew they are not worth it, some are so comfortable owing people.   

i haven't been m on that kind of situation personally so I couldn't say anything about breaking the bond of some relatives, but my parents were. there was a time they were asked by our distant relative to lend them money I forgot for purpose but I remembered my parents refused to lend them since my sister at that time is sick and needs money for medication and since at that time my younger sister in only 2 years old it sure costs a lot of money. after that event our distant relative spread rumors and badmouthed my father for not lending them money and for preventing my mother not to entertain her relatives again even though that's not the case. my father just ignored those stories since his priority is us and he told us with my mom just let it be coz there are people like that when they don't get what they want they will tarnish your name.

i have learned from my father that there're people who only see you as a goose laying golden eggs, that is why you need to choose carefully who will you let inside your life, and you cannot help everyone even if you wanted to since you cannot fulfill all of their wants even if you sacrifice yourself, so learn to be patient when dealing with this people and not to escalate things.

[Marcellin9]

All families are not the same, if your family is built on trust and love there is no reason why you shouldn't help them, all you have to do is watch if they will return the favor someday when you need help, those people that feel hurt and decide to cut off tides because they are denied help are bad people, they are not thinking straight, if someone failed to help it doesn't mean they don't want to, everyone has his or her struggles so they may not be able to provide any help.


When you are blessed with a certain set of people in your life, you will go to any length to help them or get them out of trouble, if I have to say no to anyone it's because I knew they are not worth it, some are so comfortable owing people.   

i haven't been m on that kind of situation personally so I couldn't say anything about breaking the bond of some relatives, but my parents were. there was a time they were asked by our distant relative to lend them money I forgot for purpose but I remembered my parents refused to lend them since my sister at that time is sick and needs money for medication and since at that time my younger sister in only 2 years old it sure costs a lot of money. after that event our distant relative spread rumors and badmouthed my father for not lending them money and for preventing my mother not to entertain her relatives again even though that's not the case. my father just ignored those stories since his priority is us and he told us with my mom just let it be coz there are people like that when they don't get what they want they will tarnish your name.

i have learned from my father that there're people who only see you as a goose laying golden eggs, that is why you need to choose carefully who will you let inside your life, and you cannot help everyone even if you wanted to since you cannot fulfill all of their wants even if you sacrifice yourself, so learn to be patient when dealing with this people and not to escalate things.

Thanks for sharing. This kind of story happened to my parents as well. I have seen many untrustworthy extended family members so I know how to tell who are good or not. Things become less complicated for a relationship without any money involvement. I hope my cousin will understand this and wish him all the best.

[SyndicateLabs]

Well the OP is probably right in his own case, but I know that nothing makes sense in life. Money and family relationships sometimes become very complicated and vice versa it is also very simple to deal with, my thinking about this is a balance in my ability to help and share with everyone around not only for family members but also for relationships outside the family. Be ready to help anyone with your ability, not necessarily with material possessions, but instead with encouraging advice to share difficulties with everyone to overcome it.

[YUriy1991]

All families are not the same, if your family is built on trust and love there is no reason why you shouldn't help them, all you have to do is watch if they will return the favor someday when you need help, those people that feel hurt and decide to cut off tides because they are denied help are bad people, they are not thinking straight, if someone failed to help it doesn't mean they don't want to, everyone has his or her struggles so they may not be able to provide any help.


When you are blessed with a certain set of people in your life, you will go to any length to help them or get them out of trouble, if I have to say no to anyone it's because I knew they are not worth it, some are so comfortable owing people.   

i haven't been m on that kind of situation personally so I couldn't say anything about breaking the bond of some relatives, but my parents were. there was a time they were asked by our distant relative to lend them money I forgot for purpose but I remembered my parents refused to lend them since my sister at that time is sick and needs money for medication and since at that time my younger sister in only 2 years old it sure costs a lot of money. after that event our distant relative spread rumors and badmouthed my father for not lending them money and for preventing my mother not to entertain her relatives again even though that's not the case. my father just ignored those stories since his priority is us and he told us with my mom just let it be coz there are people like that when they don't get what they want they will tarnish your name.

i have learned from my father that there're people who only see you as a goose laying golden eggs, that is why you need to choose carefully who will you let inside your life, and you cannot help everyone even if you wanted to since you cannot fulfill all of their wants even if you sacrifice yourself, so learn to be patient when dealing with this people and not to escalate things.

Thanks for sharing. This kind of story happened to my parents as well. I have seen many untrustworthy extended family members so I know how to tell who are good or not. Things become less complicated for a relationship without any money involvement. I hope my cousin will understand this and wish him all the best.

It's true that life can be complicated, especially when it comes to money and family relationships. However, I believe in maintaining balance and being ready to help anyone, regardless of their relationship to me. It's not just about material possessions, but also about offering encouraging advice and support to help others overcome difficulties. By sharing our resources and kindness with those around us, we can create a more compassionate and connected community.

[rby]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

You are right in your ways but I will say that people who cannot manage their expenses and also business strategy and also their Saving, they always get ruined. And I want to say that there has been similar occasion with me as my cousin asked to lend me some 50 or 100 dollar as he want to buy a phone as he has also some savings. I asked him to save more money and buy because lend from someone and than buy something is not good. And also I knew him that he was corrupt and do not return money too.

In both cases of you and Op, trustworthiness is the key factor that denied them the access to get what they asked for. While I feel that that of the OP is a high amount. $3k is an amount for investment or for project, unless the OP is rich that $3k means nothing to him if he losses it.
Which is the best approach I use, I don't lend to people and relatives anymore as they do not pay back, I only help them with what I can afford to lose and tell them not to pay back.
But in your own case, I wouldn't lend him money to buy phone unless the phone is gonna be an asset instead of a liability.
What I mean is that maybe he got a job that requires a smart phone, then I'll be sure it is a necessity.

[Renampun]

i haven't been m on that kind of situation personally so I couldn't say anything about breaking the bond of some relatives, but my parents were. there was a time they were asked by our distant relative to lend them money I forgot for purpose but I remembered my parents refused to lend them since my sister at that time is sick and needs money for medication and since at that time my younger sister in only 2 years old it sure costs a lot of money. after that event our distant relative spread rumors and badmouthed my father for not lending them money and for preventing my mother not to entertain her relatives again even though that's not the case. my father just ignored those stories since his priority is us and he told us with my mom just let it be coz there are people like that when they don't get what they want they will tarnish your name.

i have learned from my father that there're people who only see you as a goose laying golden eggs, that is why you need to choose carefully who will you let inside your life, and you cannot help everyone even if you wanted to since you cannot fulfill all of their wants even if you sacrifice yourself, so learn to be patient when dealing with this people and not to escalate things.

what your father did was really wise, he prioritized his family rather than fulfilling the request of his cousin even though in the end your father's cousin used dirty tricks to defame your family.

cover your ears when you hear an unpleasant sentence behind you, not everyone has to be our friend, some are just trying to take advantage, in the previous post I told my experience when lending money to my cousin and the end result was really bad for my mentality.

[freedomgo]

While it's unfortunate that your cousin may be upset with you, it's important to prioritize your own financial stability and not feel obligated to lend money to someone who may not be reliable or trustworthy with repayment. It's also important to communicate clearly with your cousin about your decision and reasons for it, as misunderstandings can arise and worsen the situation.

Your cousin is only a victim of the situation, and not his being untrustworthy has put him to where he is right now. But the decision is still all yours, as earning money is not easy so you also have to protect your finances and not just easily lend it to someone who’s not capable of paying back. However, helping him without expecting some returns is certainly a noble deed. To think that he’s your cousin, and if you have the spare money, then lending him a portion of it might be good enough.

[Jody.Drummer]

While it's unfortunate that your cousin may be upset with you, it's important to prioritize your own financial stability and not feel obligated to lend money to someone who may not be reliable or trustworthy with repayment. It's also important to communicate clearly with your cousin about your decision and reasons for it, as misunderstandings can arise and worsen the situation.

Your cousin is only a victim of the situation, and not his being untrustworthy has put him to where he is right now. But the decision is still all yours, as earning money is not easy so you also have to protect your finances and not just easily lend it to someone who’s not capable of paying back. However, helping him without expecting some returns is certainly a noble deed. To think that he’s your cousin, and if you have the spare money, then lending him a portion of it might be good enough.

Indeed spending money without expecting anything in return is a very good thing, but don't let our kindness get us in a difficult situation. We help as much as we can and if we can't then talk about it properly. Because after all communication is something that really must be done to maintain kinship. Sensitive matters such as money are one of the sources of the problem, and there is no distance because money out there is a lot of hostility and they even dare to kill each other. I'm always careful when it comes to money, because the impact will be enormous.

[Pokapoka124]

Most times, in this demographic, when a person starts making money, those closest to him including friends and extended family feel entitled to what the person owns and want a piece. I believe giving loans to family members ever works because of sentiment and most times it is a non collateral loan. You can’t really do nothing to them if they choose to default the loan, taking legal action against a relative could cause problems in the family. You can easily become the bad person in their eyes when you try to get your money back.

[Quidat]

While it's unfortunate that your cousin may be upset with you, it's important to prioritize your own financial stability and not feel obligated to lend money to someone who may not be reliable or trustworthy with repayment. It's also important to communicate clearly with your cousin about your decision and reasons for it, as misunderstandings can arise and worsen the situation.

Your cousin is only a victim of the situation, and not his being untrustworthy has put him to where he is right now. But the decision is still all yours, as earning money is not easy so you also have to protect your finances and not just easily lend it to someone who’s not capable of paying back. However, helping him without expecting some returns is certainly a noble deed. To think that he’s your cousin, and if you have the spare money, then lending him a portion of it might be good enough.

Indeed spending money without expecting anything in return is a very good thing, but don't let our kindness get us in a difficult situation. We help as much as we can and if we can't then talk about it properly. Because after all communication is something that really must be done to maintain kinship. Sensitive matters such as money are one of the sources of the problem, and there is no distance because money out there is a lot of hostility and they even dare to kill each other. I'm always careful when it comes to money, because the impact will be enormous.

We know that there would really be boundaries when it comes to our kindness, yes you could lend them if you do have the money which it would really be that be a sort of help or support on someone
specially when it is your family or relatives but on the time that they are already that abusing your kindness then it would really be just right that you should draw a line.You cant really be just like
this forever on which it is really that fine that they would be asking for some loan but ending up on not being repaid or get those amounts back which do
really sucks and give out that worst feeling.

[Dakcrypto]

one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy.

The fact that you secured your self from the unreliable cousin and didn't lend him the money is nice to an extent but my question is, since you knew he is owing some debt how can you help him pay of the debt? You have all it take to help him but did you help him?
I guess no, but I think it is no fair not to help out because one day you might need his help too.
Note: ONE GOOD TURN DESERVE ANOTHER

[awik p]

what you do in my opinion is correct, what you do has the least risk in my opinion, for example you lend it, then your losses will double, people like that usually when they have lent money, and are not responsible, when we collect it, in fact he is angry, and of course in your family he will shun him. if he is really responsible, of course he will provide guarantees for you, let alone large amounts of money. just imagine if he borrowed at the bank, interest would accumulate, and of course you can't without collateral

[Uruhara]

Most times, in this demographic, when a person starts making money, those closest to him including friends and extended family feel entitled to what the person owns and want a piece. I believe giving loans to family members ever works because of sentiment and most times it is a non collateral loan. You can’t really do nothing to them if they choose to default the loan, taking legal action against a relative could cause problems in the family. You can easily become the bad person in their eyes when you try to get your money back.

Well that is indeed the truth that exists in our lives. Problems with family can sometimes be more difficult to deal with than problems with other people. when we lend money to our family and they fail to pay even though we are in a position of need as well then we can't do anything about it and if we charge too often then family relationships can actually get worse. unless we are lending money that is really cold and we won't need it for a long time. or even when we don't expect our money to be returned. so if we have a lot of cold money then helping the family without expecting it to be returned is the best. but when we still need the money, we can not give a loan. but it depends on the situation of the borrower. if he is in an emergency then we still have to help him. on the basis of compassion and humanity. but if the borrower really doesn't have anything urgent (emergency) then I don't think it's okay to avoid it.

[MiF]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

There is a lot of people that act like your cousin, but still they cant force us if we don't wanted to give them a loan, this is some kind of situation that is very hard for us as a relative and we can't provide them a loan specially in some emergency cases, there is a hard feelings but i am sure they will accept our decision we all have basic needs so they cant blame if we don't give them a loan.

[rhodelmabanal]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

There is a lot of people that act like your cousin, but still they cant force us if we don't wanted to give them a loan, this is some kind of situation that is very hard for us as a relative and we can't provide them a loan specially in some emergency cases, there is a hard feelings but i am sure they will accept our decision we all have basic needs so they cant blame if we don't give them a loan.

You are right mate we all have problems if they don't have money to provide the needs of thier family then that was thier problems, we have our own problems to solve everyday and if we also think about the problems of others that will make us very problematic let them handle thier own problem and we will handle ours.

[Bitcoin2009]

The 2 biggest problems that can complicate matters or even damage the family system are lending money, if there are relatives who lend money and don't want or have difficulty paying, then family values can decrease and even become hostility. so be wary of lending money, don't be too easy to lend money to your family.