Lending money or damaging family bond ?

[Jody.Drummer]

Indeed spending money without expecting anything in return is a very good thing, but don't let our kindness get us in a difficult situation. We help as much as we can and if we can't then talk about it properly. Because after all communication is something that really must be done to maintain kinship. Sensitive matters such as money are one of the sources of the problem, and there is no distance because money out there is a lot of hostility and they even dare to kill each other. I'm always careful when it comes to money, because the impact will be enormous.

We know that there would really be boundaries when it comes to our kindness, yes you could lend them if you do have the money which it would really be that be a sort of help or support on someone
specially when it is your family or relatives but on the time that they are already that abusing your kindness then it would really be just right that you should draw a line.You cant really be just like
this forever on which it is really that fine that they would be asking for some loan but ending up on not being repaid or get those amounts back which do
really sucks and give out that worst feeling.

This can be one of the certainties because indeed with conditions that continue to be sustainable, it could be that we are the ones who are at a disadvantage.
It's not wrong to help, but we also can't help all the time when it's true that the assistance is only limited to utilization because on the other hand, we also need real feedback, of course, and even if it's the closest person or maybe a relative, we also can't be trapped in a situation like this. .
On the other hand, the problem of being uncomfortable with someone is one of the things that is definitely often felt, which makes us feel guilty if we don't do that.

[Davian144]

The 2 biggest problems that can complicate matters or even damage the family system are lending money, if there are relatives who lend money and don't want or have difficulty paying, then family values can decrease and even become hostility. so be wary of lending money, don't be too easy to lend money to your family.

This is true because I also gave a small loan to my cousin in the past and to this day it has not been paid and he has rarely contacted me so far. Loans of money can sometimes destroy friendship and kinship so that until now I have decided not to lend money to anyone anymore, even though everyone has a different character in dealing with this. But I have considered that loans in the form of money are basic things that will make hostilities occur when the payments are not paid on time or when they are not paid at all.

[Marcellin9]

The 2 biggest problems that can complicate matters or even damage the family system are lending money, if there are relatives who lend money and don't want or have difficulty paying, then family values can decrease and even become hostility. so be wary of lending money, don't be too easy to lend money to your family.

This is true because I also gave a small loan to my cousin in the past and to this day it has not been paid and he has rarely contacted me so far. Loans of money can sometimes destroy friendship and kinship so that until now I have decided not to lend money to anyone anymore, even though everyone has a different character in dealing with this. But I have considered that loans in the form of money are basic things that will make hostilities occur when the payments are not paid on time or when they are not paid at all.

Although I did not have lent money to my cousin, I had a similar experience as yours couple of years ago. I lent one of my closest friends at that time around $4,000 and expected no return any time soon without any interest. I just wanted to help my friend then so I was not expecting anything from him. However, two years later, I decided to buy an apartment and I kind of needed money but my friend never wanted to pay my money back. Well, I thought maybe he was still short of money and that was fine if he would not pay me back soon. To my surprise, a few months later he was assigned a teaching job in my city and he asked to live in my place for two months for free. I thought this would help him financially so I agreed. However, he forged a lease on rent to get money from his company and kept the money. I thought he might pay back the money I lent but I was too naive. He used the money to buy a brand new camera and never mentioned anything about the money he borrowed from me. Two months later after he went back to his city, I summomed the courage to call him over the money he owed me and he was angery. Several months later he paid the money and blocked my calls since then. That was really an aweful experience and I stopped lending money since then.

[woez]

In general, it is important to set clear expectations and boundaries when it comes to lending money to family members. If you decide to lend money, make sure both parties understand the terms of the loan and have a written agreement, if not, help out sincerely with a nominal amount that doesn't interfere with your other expenses in your daily life.

It is also important to consider the potential impact on your relationship and whether or not the loan is good for the family which could eventually lead to resentment or tension in the future.

[siniminomorocomunisakito]

The 2 biggest problems that can complicate matters or even damage the family system are lending money, if there are relatives who lend money and don't want or have difficulty paying, then family values can decrease and even become hostility. so be wary of lending money, don't be too easy to lend money to your family.

Oh boy, lending money to friends and family can be like walking on eggshells. You never know how it's going to end up, and it can really put a strain on your relationships.

But I have considered that loans in the form of money are basic things that will make hostilities occur when the payments are not paid on time or when they are not paid at all.

If you do decide to lend, make sure you're only giving what you can afford to lose, and have a clear agreement on repayment terms. It's always better to be safe than sorry, and sometimes it's just best to politely decline the request and find alternative solutions.

[Betwrong]

~
Although I did not have lent money to my cousin, I had a similar experience as yours couple of years ago. I lent one of my closest friends at that time around $4,000 and expected no return any time soon without any interest. I just wanted to help my friend then so I was not expecting anything from him. However, two years later, I decided to buy an apartment and I kind of needed money but my friend never wanted to pay my money back. Well, I thought maybe he was still short of money and that was fine if he would not pay me back soon. To my surprise, a few months later he was assigned a teaching job in my city and he asked to live in my place for two months for free. I thought this would help him financially so I agreed. However, he forged a lease on rent to get money from his company and kept the money. I thought he might pay back the money I lent but I was too naive. He used the money to buy a brand new camera and never mentioned anything about the money he borrowed from me. Two months later after he went back to his city, I summomed the courage to call him over the money he owed me and he was angery. Several months later he paid the money and blocked my calls since then. That was really an aweful experience and I stopped lending money since then.

I had similar experiences with two of my neighbours at different times. We weren't exactly friends, but we were living in the same multi-flat building so, we knew each other, ok. It was several years ago and both of them never returned the money, no matter in what financial state they were during this time. Are we not friends now? No way, I don't want to be at odds with my neighbours. What's the catch then, you may ask. Well, the amount I lent each of them was around $5. I will never lend them a dime in the future, but I won't be bothering them with "Give my money back either". My point is, lend only what you can afford to lose.

[Cling18]

~
Although I did not have lent money to my cousin, I had a similar experience as yours couple of years ago. I lent one of my closest friends at that time around $4,000 and expected no return any time soon without any interest. I just wanted to help my friend then so I was not expecting anything from him. However, two years later, I decided to buy an apartment and I kind of needed money but my friend never wanted to pay my money back. Well, I thought maybe he was still short of money and that was fine if he would not pay me back soon. To my surprise, a few months later he was assigned a teaching job in my city and he asked to live in my place for two months for free. I thought this would help him financially so I agreed. However, he forged a lease on rent to get money from his company and kept the money. I thought he might pay back the money I lent but I was too naive. He used the money to buy a brand new camera and never mentioned anything about the money he borrowed from me. Two months later after he went back to his city, I summomed the courage to call him over the money he owed me and he was angery. Several months later he paid the money and blocked my calls since then. That was really an aweful experience and I stopped lending money since then.

I had similar experiences with two of my neighbours at different times. We weren't exactly friends, but we were living in the same multi-flat building so, we knew each other, ok. It was several years ago and both of them never returned the money, no matter in what financial state they were during this time. Are we not friends now? No way, I don't want to be at odds with my neighbours. What's the catch then, you may ask. Well, the amount I lent each of them was around $5. I will never lend them a dime in the future, but I won't be bothering them with "Give my money back either". My point is, lend only what you can afford to lose.

I also had the same experience when I lent my one of my closest friend money because her child got sick. I was a soft hearted person before and it was hard for me to say no especially if it was for emergency purposes. But that friend of mind didn't pay her debt back despite knowing that I will also be using that money to pay my bills. She ruined my trust and from that experience, I realized that lending money can ruin relationships and friendships. If you borrow money for an important reason, you should keep in mind that the person who lent you the money trusts you so you should never break your promise of paying it on time.

[deathcode]

The 2 biggest problems that can complicate matters or even damage the family system are lending money, if there are relatives who lend money and don't want or have difficulty paying, then family values can decrease and even become hostility. so be wary of lending money, don't be too easy to lend money to your family.

This is true because I also gave a small loan to my cousin in the past and to this day it has not been paid and he has rarely contacted me so far. Loans of money can sometimes destroy friendship and kinship so that until now I have decided not to lend money to anyone anymore, even though everyone has a different character in dealing with this. But I have considered that loans in the form of money are basic things that will make hostilities occur when the payments are not paid on time or when they are not paid at all.

Although I did not have lent money to my cousin, I had a similar experience as yours couple of years ago. I lent one of my closest friends at that time around $4,000 and expected no return any time soon without any interest. I just wanted to help my friend then so I was not expecting anything from him. However, two years later, I decided to buy an apartment and I kind of needed money but my friend never wanted to pay my money back. Well, I thought maybe he was still short of money and that was fine if he would not pay me back soon. To my surprise, a few months later he was assigned a teaching job in my city and he asked to live in my place for two months for free. I thought this would help him financially so I agreed. However, he forged a lease on rent to get money from his company and kept the money. I thought he might pay back the money I lent but I was too naive. He used the money to buy a brand new camera and never mentioned anything about the money he borrowed from me. Two months later after he went back to his city, I summomed the courage to call him over the money he owed me and he was angery. Several months later he paid the money and blocked my calls since then. That was really an aweful experience and I stopped lending money since then.

Debt will indeed damage our trust and relationship with someone if that person cannot pay off their debt and even tries to stay away from us and just forget about their debt.
I know exactly how you feel OP, I've experienced it myself. I once lent money of approximately $250 to my office friend but until now he has no intention of returning it and he even tends to avoid meeting me and until now he has never responded to my chats or calls.
Since then I have been more selective and careful when someone wants to borrow money from me, even if it is someone close to me. From the beginning before I handed over my money to help them, I made it clear to them that I didn't care how long it would take to be paid off but that debt was an obligation to be paid off. I told them not to walk away or stop communicating with me if they haven't been able to pay off because it's more important to maintain good relations.
I don't want to close myself off from helping others or stop helping someone if they are really in an emergency, if I can then I will help them but I will only be more selective and more assertive. Because in the past I was often helped by many people when I was in trouble. The wheel of life keeps turning when we are at the top but it could be that we will be at the bottom and need the help of others.

[Pokapoka124]

Here’s what I do. If the amount they are asking for is something I can afford to lose I just give them, knowing I may or may not get my money back. When you look at it this way, you can easily evaluate the situation and give them a answer that puts you in a safe place without having a guilty conscience and straining the relationship.

[Alisha-k]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

If he had asked you to lend him the money for a business some more meaningful reason, I'd have asked you be considerate even if it meant getting a guarantor but, lending money to pay up a loan???

This only means you'll never get yours back because, If he was working, what then did he need a loan for??

And why couldn't he repay then??
No offense but this trait is mainly possessed by a greedy and self centered person..
He'll be fine, he just has a lot of adjustments to make.

[erep]

Here’s what I do. If the amount they are asking for is something I can afford to lose I just give them, knowing I may or may not get my money back. When you look at it this way, you can easily evaluate the situation and give them a answer that puts you in a safe place without having a guilty conscience and straining the relationship.

If we already know the character of someone who likes to borrow but doesn't want to pay for it for whatever reason, then we only give money that can afford to lose because we already know he definitely won't pay it at any time, but if he asks for hundreds to thousands of dollars then no one will give high loans to him, so as long as we have a way to give a good explanation then he will definitely hate because he understands your economic situation, if he looks hateful to you maybe because he is disappointed because you don't give loans, but you still act as usual to start communicating with him.

[TribalBob]

the right decision, actually what you took but it's good that you gave money yesterday as a sincere expression of sympathy for the loss of a job, because actually we as brothers help each other is necessary, if you don't trust it with large amounts it's good for you to give a little to help so that your brotherhood is maintained.
and what your brother did by not reprimanding you is also wrong, it's best to keep communicating so that it doesn't continue too much so that it makes the relationship even further

[kak uli]

If there are other alternatives, in my opinion, it is better to give as much as you can for free to your family than having to give debt or loans to your own family. that way I think it will avoid bad relations between families.
most breakdowns in family relationships are caused by money. avoid is better in my opinion

[lionheart78]

the right decision, actually what you took but it's good that you gave money yesterday as a sincere expression of sympathy for the loss of a job, because actually we as brothers help each other is necessary, if you don't trust it with large amounts it's good for you to give a little to help so that your brotherhood is maintained.
and what your brother did by not reprimanding you is also wrong, it's best to keep communicating so that it doesn't continue too much so that it makes the relationship even further

I think this brings us to what is more important to one person is, money or sympathy.  We cannot blame anyone for their action.  They have their own priority and we cannot change that. @OP gives more importance to his money, he maybe sympathizes with his cousin's bad fate but he values his money more than reaching out to help his cousin.  For me, any reason he stated is just an alibi to support his decision an convince himself and others that he is right.  I also do not think that he is wrong but I would have done the other way if I were in his shoes.

When it comes to unpaid borrowed money, I have lots of experience.  I lend my forum friend 0.2 BTC, but he did not pay and eventually gave it to him as a marriage gift when he got married.  Then months after, he came to me asking to borrow money because his trading partner is after him when their trading investment collapsed due to the bear market, I still lend him 0.1 BTC which is still unpaid until now, I don't regret or hate the person since I think that the money had saved his life which removes the burden of guilt if I did not lend him the amount.  We are still communicating every now and then.

Another friend of mine asked me for help since a bank is after his wife and had threatened to be sued.  I lend them $7000 to fix their problem, that was 5 years ago and until now their promised monthly payment is unfulfilled. 

For me, money can be earned in the future but the situation to help others in a tight spot comes only once or twice.  I do value money but If I can and have extra, I would prefer to extend my help regardless of past experiences.

[Aanuoluwatofunmi]

There are people that don't depends on their family member to sustain their lives, what they do is to work hard and strive for their own fate to pave way, everything works by determination, if they truly want to live a financial freedom kind of life it's possible, but it's take demanding because you will bend some rules and break protocols sometimes, which is actually part of the sacrifice you're giving, so that when you get rich, no one will boast of making you whom you are, it will also help you utilize every resources you have well and place value.

[trendcoin]

...

You definitely did the right thing. There was a coldness between you now that he was avoiding talking to you. However, if you had lent him money and he hadn't paid you back, it could have been more than a coldness between you. I think you may have prevented a bigger disaster with this choice. In addition, even banks examine our behavior from an economic point of view when lending to us. You did something perfectly normal and right, just like banks do. You should feel comfortable conscientiously.

[Quidat]

...

You definitely did the right thing. There was a coldness between you now that he was avoiding talking to you. However, if you had lent him money and he hadn't paid you back, it could have been more than a coldness between you. I think you may have prevented a bigger disaster with this choice. In addition, even banks examine our behavior from an economic point of view when lending to us. You did something perfectly normal and right, just like banks do. You should feel comfortable conscientiously.

No matter which you would go, you would be still end up as the one which is bad.Its just right that you should really be focusing on your finances and see if it just right for you to lend him money or not.

This actually a real life situations on which there are really relatives which their intentions are really that just good when you do have the money, on the time that you do decline their request then this is

where coldness would start up and having those gaps in between relatives or families which do really suck on having that kind of feeling.This is why
you should make out explanation on why you had decline it out, if they do treat it up on bad way then there's nothing you can do.

[Betwrong]

Here’s what I do. If the amount they are asking for is something I can afford to lose I just give them, knowing I may or may not get my money back. When you look at it this way, you can easily evaluate the situation and give them a answer that puts you in a safe place without having a guilty conscience and straining the relationship.

It shouldn't be any other way, in my opinion. Everyone has his own problems to deal with. Everyone needs money for solving those problems. Some people think that their problems are more important than anyone else's, and there are rare cases when it's true, and then we should act according to the situation, but most of the time you shouldn't lend more than you care to lose.

[Gladitorcomeback]

I think that making a solid bond with family member is necessary but if a family members are not trustworthy then don't make a bond of money with them. There are lots of people who ask for loan but do not return and I think that refuse to give money is better because your family bond will surely break when your uncle refuse to give it back to you after talking loan from you.

You take correct decision because if he makes relationship with you for just money then it's not a relationship but is a way of getting money in wrong way.
Family bond is important than money but the situation which you describe cannot save your family bond because if you give him laon he will not be able to give you back so this breaking of bond will occur then.

[Uruhara]

Here’s what I do. If the amount they are asking for is something I can afford to lose I just give them, knowing I may or may not get my money back. When you look at it this way, you can easily evaluate the situation and give them a answer that puts you in a safe place without having a guilty conscience and straining the relationship.

It shouldn't be any other way, in my opinion. Everyone has his own problems to deal with. Everyone needs money for solving those problems. Some people think that their problems are more important than anyone else's, and there are rare cases when it's true, and then we should act according to the situation, but most of the time you shouldn't lend more than you care to lose.

Correct. We must first evaluate the situation and financial condition of ourselves. before deciding whether to lend or not. and if indeed we have really cold money and we do not mind if the money will be returned to us late or even not returned at all. so I think we can help or lend our money to relatives or other people, we can do it with a calm feeling. but we also must first try to explore and understand the borrower's situation. if the borrower really needs money in an emergency situation or for something that is indeed positive, such as rebuilding his business, then this condition is indeed appropriate for us to help. but if it turns out that the borrower's condition cannot be trusted or even he just looks like he needs money for fun then I don't think we are encouraged to give loans to people like this. because well he will probably come and come again regardless of the past loan that he has not returned.