signature changed.

Total Transactions    12445    
Total Received    16161.82241607 BTC    
Total Sent    16161.82093528 BTC
Final Balance    0.00148079 BTC

seriously, I need help.

I requested a tag. Thanks for the advice.

I would like to request a scammer tag on myself.

https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=126616.0;topicseen

btcjam debt = 92.25btc

debt to a forum member = 83btc

total= 175.25btc

It shames me to even look at those numbers.

Being currently unemployed I don't really know how long it will take. Too long.

I can't believe I've done this.

I was so desperate I lied to the forum member about what the loan was for.

He trusted me enough to lend such a big amount and now I feel terrible. I don't know his financial situation but I can't stop worrying and thinking of how this will effect him.

This whole relapse has been a blur...a roller coaster of ups and downs.

At some point I lost my ability to identify bitcoin as money.  The U.S.D equivalent really didnt hit me until it was too late and too deep. I never cashed out so I didn't gain U.S.D.   I felt like I was playing game tokens after awhile and since I did not work, earn or buy the coins it was easy to throw them around.

Its going to take some time to make this right but I'm going to do my best to fix this.

I'm also calling gamblers anonymous tomorrow.

Now that the ride has ended I recognize what a problem my gambling has become. Its never a big enough win. EVER.

I never meant for things to end up like this but it did. The only thing I can do now is stop gambling and pay back the loans.

hopefully this post will stop someone else from repeating my mistake.

I dont believe I'm ready for bitcoins yet. Its ironic how a search about how to make money at home led to this outcome.

Relevant facts:

• I cannot repay my current bitcoin debt
• I am addicted to gambling
• I cannot control myself
• I will pay back every loan over time

I'm sorry. I will pay everyone back as I buy bitcoin.

   I can't stop with the satoshidice. That game is evil. I really thought I was going to hit "big" one day. Every time I would hit big, the standard would raise until I lost control. Big became bigger. I was paying every loan off quickly and was satisfied with the profits + 10 to 20btc.
   
  Every time I paid off my loans I would end up losing my profits on bitzino, satoshidice and seals with clubs.
I would get another loan and do the same, until I couldn't repay. I asked for a year long debt consolidation to a payment that I could manage.
  Got more loans and eventually was 100% debt free with a pretty hefty profit.
I lost all the profits. Every loan I have out with anyone right now has been a failure. I thought I was invincible but I kept losing. Until now. I've got to stop this. Its already way out of control.

 I was addicted to online poker for years when I was younger. They made it illegal to play to U.S.A. players.
After awhile the urge went away and I thought it was under control.
  I was layed off from my job in June. I was desperate and found bitcoin while searching for ways to make money from home. I was fascinated with bitcoin right away but soon found out my 8 year old laptop wasn't going to generate any bitcoins. I started seeking loans.

 I started winning and the compulsive behavior started coming back. I could play online poker again....It felt great.

Up until now. I feel horrible. I'm sorry and I will repay the loans over time as I can.

I lost control.

Do not lend to me anymore.

Sounds like spirit science.
 I have been an atheist most of my life.
    I am in a transition phase right now.
Becoming aware of my "self"    and consciousness of this self has been a great experience so far.
 
I had the best meal of my life today, not because it was the best prepared or best tasting food, but because I was grateful and aware of this food.

 I thought about how long the potato's were growing. 
I thought about all the people that factored into the food reaching my plate.
I thought about how in death the turkey grants me a longer life.
I thought about all lifeforms and their purpose on earth.
I thought about how humans are made mostly of water.
I thought about when I die my corpse with recycle with the earth.
In death I will spark life.

I am becoming aware. Its a strange feeling.

call it god, call it whatever you want.

This body is a container that allows me to experience this "reality" on earth.
call it a gift. call it a curse.

My spirit is bound to this container until I die.

as an atheist all of this is hard to acknowledge and grasp.

I'm doing my best to accept it because it feels right.

I cannot picture god as a human looking being.

If there is a "god" I believe its everything in every dimension.

I am god. You are also god.

Its consciousness. Awareness.

Its whatever is telling my mind to think.

Its our ability to experience our senses and be aware that we are experiencing.

anyway....after that....i dont think i can even call myself atheist anymore.

peace

Hey all,
 My birthday is coming up and the wife agreed to buy me 2 jalapenos.
I'm requesting 30btc with a repayment of 33btc on dec. 9th.
I know I'm late in the game but still want to preorder and hope they arrive early enough.

If you can help me out let me know.
  Thanks

O.k. I am completely paid up (a year in advance lol)  with all my btcjam loans.
thanks to everyone who helped me out.

I rated all of my lenders.   

Please rate me also.    otc name is lurk_   or just on btcjam is fine.

you might see me around again.  its a nice system.

thanks again to everyone.

Bcb  "I have an unlimited supply of BTC."


thats an answer I'd like to give

I would like to request a 10btc personal loan for no longer than 30 days.
If interested p.m. me your rate.
Thank you.

i never said you were a scammer...i dont think anyone did.

the fact that you never said how you would repay if you lost  and you are asking for a very high risk loan.....gambling.

scammer or not   good luck.

mine went back up too...tulkas said it helps show people you have a lot of loans out and you are more of a risk.  which i can understand I guess.  no biggie everything worked out in the long run.....even though tulkas flagged me as a scammer and denied me access to parts of the site.....he removed the flag when he saw i was repaying and everything is fine now.   tulkas is a good guy, he was just taking precautions.

if it was that easy you wouldnt need a loan...you say you earned 5-6 bitcoins just from starting at 0 and winning freerolls and low stakes games.

 if it was so easy  your 5btc should have been plenty to build up more until you were rich.

I like to play poker and on seals nothing is a sure thing....youre asking someone else to take all the risk(10btc can go fast)
 while you get to play poker for free basically.

if you were a sure thing your previous winnings should have been enough to build a bankroll.

they never replied to my ticket...but it looks like the double spends are gone....i wasnt sure what my correct balance was but i guess it looks about right.....well see i guess

 this is what the double spends say



Warning! this transaction is a double spend of 32225092. You should be extremely careful when trusting any transactions to/from this sender.

You Received

7.404 BTC ($ 80.33)

Value at time of transaction $ 80.32
Hash
470d5196d115492231b43342d...
Sent Time
2012-11-09 05:50:29 (+33 minutes to confirm)
Confirmations
73 Confirmations
Double Spend
This Transaction is a Double Spend!



 Warning! this transaction is a double spend of 32223946. You should be extremely careful when trusting any transactions to/from this sender.

You Received

7.404 BTC ($ 80.33)

Value at time of transaction $ 80.32
Hash
bac06b762ff34a74ec2217f01...
Sent Time
2012-11-09 05:52:54
Confirmations
Unconfirmed Transaction!
Double Spend
This Transaction is a Double Spend!

when i refresh my wallet the balance switches between   72    15    and 18    this is crazy

I'm not sure what exactly happened  but i sent a large amount to btcjam...some of it disapeared but then i got sent back 7btc that says its a double spend.....I woke up today and it looks like the money i sent bitcoin jam was returned???  I'm not sure...and confused.

 btcjam is still showing the payment as pending.

how can i update my account to see the true balance and what exactly happened?
i use blockchain wallet.

I always end up paying my loans early...i know its only been 1 day, but i've done really well with the loan.
  I'm sending you full payment today....but im going to give you 1btc interest instead of 1%
thanks again for the loan....but I hardly ever need them to last the duration i ask for.

 I did well and you trusted me, so I'm going to share the wealth.

payment sent 21btc

tx
       731cd5bc9868b09f957f8a65b0e135f423391c34be17fa0d345bf6263e6279c4

loan received from  ffcitatos   agreed to 20btc for 1 month  at 1%

Thanks a lot ffcitatos!
tx:
 b9f9cb6a5d3a2a5cafde8df4282a9a0ea47e7a46be4ed7b768a7ab9aa317bdb0