What to do in case you are attacked by an anaconda.

[galdur]

Any snake that can eat Danny Trejo whole has to be respected, especially when they’re this goddamn huge. It may looks incredibly ropey, with dodgy dialogue, hammy acting and a frankly bizarre turn from Jon Voight, but this is a thoroughly entertaining film, despite starring Jennifer Lopez, Eric Stoltz and Owen Wilson. Why is it so enjoyable? Well, that’s difficult to say, because the plot leaves a lot to be desired – a documentary crew heading for a tribe on the Amazon river become waylaid by a snake poacher on the hunt for a giant green anaconda (spoiler: they find it, death ensues). Whatever the reason, the snakes are awesome, mainly because they’re just giant-ass snakes.



http://lifevsfilm.com/2013/10/11/top-10-snakes/

[Foxpup]

Everyone should realise that this advice is a well-known joke and should not be taken seriously. It contains several pieces of false information for the purpose of building to the punchline. Anyone who actually follows this advice will be quickly killed.

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.

False. Anacondas are extremely slow, and can easily be evaded by just walking away.

They don´t waste time and energy on constricting something that is already still. It´s just another carcass to them.

They do. Constrictors often prey on sleeping animals, and do not want their prey to wake up while being eaten. They are not scavengers, and do not usually eat things they didn't kill themselves.

[galdur]

Everyone should realise that this advice is a well-known joke and should not be taken seriously. It contains several pieces of false information for the purpose of building to the punchline. Anyone who actually follows this advice will be quickly killed.

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.

False. Anacondas are extremely slow, and can easily be evaded by just walking away.

They don´t waste time and energy on constricting something that is already still. It´s just another carcass to them.

They do. Constrictors often prey on sleeping animals, and do not want their prey to wake up while being eaten. They are not scavengers, and do not usually eat things they didn't kill themselves.

They nudge and examine the prey to check for movement. They don´t just slither up to a sleeping animal and start swallowing it without any ado. I guess evolution has taught them certain carefulness.

[Foxpup]

They nudge and examine the prey to check for movement. They don´t just slither up to a sleeping animal and start swallowing it without any ado. I guess evolution has taught them certain carefulness.

More carefulness than you think. They examine their prey by constricting it until it stops moving. They are sensitive enough to feel the prey's heartbeat, and will not be fooled by a person playing dead.

[galdur]

They nudge and examine the prey to check for movement. They don´t just slither up to a sleeping animal and start swallowing it without any ado. I guess evolution has taught them certain carefulness.

More carefulness than you think. They examine their prey by constricting it until it stops moving. They are sensitive enough to feel the prey's heartbeat, and will not be fooled by a person playing dead.

Well, I don´t know about that. Predators don´t usually spend more energy than necessary. There´s always the balance between energy in and energy out.

[Foxpup]

Well, I don´t know about that. Predators don´t usually spend more energy than necessary. There´s always the balance between energy in and energy out.

Well, I do know about that. I am from Australia, after all. It is indeed necessary for an anaconda to constrict its prey to death before eating it, since anacondas are slow and have no options if the prey decides to get up and walk away. They will not attempt to swallow something alive, and they can tell. Playing dead doesn't work on snakes.

[galdur]

Well, I don´t know about that. Predators don´t usually spend more energy than necessary. There´s always the balance between energy in and energy out.

Well, I do know about that. I am from Australia, after all. It is indeed necessary for an anaconda to constrict its prey to death before eating it, since anacondas are slow and have no options if the prey decides to get up and walk away. They will not attempt to swallow something alive, and they can tell. Playing dead doesn't work on snakes.

So, what kind of anacondas do you have in Australia? I guess they´ve adapted to deserts. Do they carry the young around in pouches?

[Foxpup]

So, what kind of anacondas do you have in Australia? I guess they´ve adapted to deserts. Do they carry the young around in pouches?

Very funny. Australia is unique in that it has more venomous snakes than non-venomous ones. You won't find anything so harmless as an anaconda here (or any other boa constrictor, for that matter). But Australians do know about snakes in general. We wouldn't live long if we didn't.

[galdur]

So, what kind of anacondas do you have in Australia? I guess they´ve adapted to deserts. Do they carry the young around in pouches?

Very funny. Australia is unique in that it has more venomous snakes than non-venomous ones. You won't find anything so harmless as an anaconda here (or any other boa constrictor, for that matter). But Australians do know about snakes in general. We wouldn't live long if we didn't.

Wouldn´t live long? Venomous snakes have normally no reason to attack prey as big as man, they simply don´t perceive it as food  but they´ll try to defend themselves of course. Yeah, I guess you live long if you do your best to avoid them.

[james.lent]

We had a tour two years ago to the Amazon. The guide's instructions when you see an anaconda or a crocodile were to slowly back up. Any sudden movements will prompt them to attack so yeah, playing dead would definitely not work unless you decide to become their shish kebab. If you have the speed of Usain Bolt then i think running the other way would be a good idea too.

[erikalui]

And what if you don't have a kinfe?

A ki-nife?
I think I have heard of one of these before. It is combination of a knife and a kite. Right?
It would definitely be useful against an anaconda if your trapped in one.

I wouldn't have both kinfe and knife.

Your bad luck and the Anaconda's too as it won't happen. We may see you trapped instead

[PrikiNo.1]

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet

and - always from the end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles.

Do not panic

Dude, are you crazy? If she start to swallow me, the I am 100% sure that I will panic and in a few seconds I will be dead! Plus, I hate reptiles and the moment I will see the anaconda I am sure that I will start to run... I hope that she will be not ready to run with a speed of sound if she want to catch me!

[Eric Cartman]

Or just 1 step:

carry a machine gun if you think you may encounter an anaconta, and go Rambo if you think one wanna eat you

[kingaltcoins]

Anacondas are known lovers of quality music so just start singing pretty much any tune released in the last decade or so.

Snakes can't hear anything bud => https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhUhWn12qt8

[james.lent]

Anacondas are known lovers of quality music so just start singing pretty much any tune released in the last decade or so.

Snakes can't hear anything bud => https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhUhWn12qt8

drop the beat 

[kingaltcoins]

Check this out how coward can a snake charmer be!  => https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWDT8kDfb6c

[cr7]

Unlikely, they only eat once a month or so and there are plenty of other preys around that are more edible

[XERES]

Great idea but what to do when it tries to inject venom on the legs before swallowing? 

anacondas strangle and swallow i believe

[truckerJoe]

id become j lo
shes so ugly and stinky an anaconda even spit her and died
so that!

[Blue_Tiger]

Wow. Nice survival plan mate.