We've solved the remote-wacking problem with our brilliant new BFH9000 (Big F!@#n Hose 9000) personal mining rig which actually mines coins straight out of your chosen victim's brainwallet! This amazing technology sucks so hard* on the interweb tubes that it repeatedly whacks your target with their own ethernet cables until they blurt out their private keys which are then recorded and sent directly to your rig. Don't delay! preorder your position in the waiting list now by sending just 100 Bitcoins to the following address:
19gnq3qQyjxRvmnVzi4SCM7pAv666C8cao
We're also taking investments so we can ramp up production of the BFH9000 units.. and will be paying 10% weekly interest!
Just send 1337 BTC to our address, and make sure to list your return address. That's right - we'll pay 10% interest per week to "that" address! Great deal!? You Bet!!
You know we'll pay the interest - because if we didn't - you'd all turn your BFH9000 units on us and force us to. That just proves what top guys we are and what a foolproven investment this is!
* technology guaranteed to be as described.
The perfect Bitcoin Product.
I hope is also annoyingly loud and heats you entire apartment up.