Jokes? Gimme your best!

[lockept93]

I want to read your best jokes you have!

Let's go!

[Mang86]

Looks like this topic is a joke for itslef

[dadingsda]

[Andre_Goldman]

bifurcation

http://imgur.com/a/byGVe

[lockept93]

If there would be a like button i would give it  

[hawthelegend]

I want to read your best jokes you have!

Let's go!

after seeing this topic and reading, I gently pushed my hand into my pocket and pulled the last one out, it trembled at first and clung to my hand. "Go on, it will be ok," I whispered.
Encouraged, it flexed its wings and I knew the time was right.
It flew up towards the blue, blue sky and I looked proudly as it's made its way to freedom.
The last of my fucks was finally given.

[NiHaoMike]

Tiffany Yep sent me a UDP joke, but I didn't get it.

[lockept93]

Tiffany Yep sent me a UDP joke, but I didn't get it.

 

[lockept93]

I give you one (maybe bad english).

A boy want to visit his girl living in the parents house.
He ring the door and the father of the girl open it.

The boy said: "Hi, my name is Toolumbur - i'm here to fuck your daughter!"

The father shocked: "TO WHAT???!"

The boy: "TOO-LUM-BUR"

[UnlimitedMoneymaker]

I like it a lot:
Someon stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.

You have my Word
 

[SniX030]

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian if they have any books on paranoia.
The librarian says, "They're behind you!"

[Instamined]

Black Lives Matter have a valid point but they need to compromise.



I think 3/5ths is fair.

[nahtnam]

Heres one.

3 men are on a plane. They decide to find out what objects fall the fastest.
The first man threw an apple. The second man threw a TV. The third man threw a bomb.
They land the plane to go see how their objects fair. They found a boy crying. They asked why he was crying.
"An apple fell from the sky and hit me on the head!"
They continued walking and saw a woman crying. They asked why she was crying.
"A TV fell from the sky and hit me on the head!"
They continued walking and found a girl laughing so hard she could barely breathe. They asked her why she was laughing.
"My grandpa farted and my house blew up!"

[NiHaoMike]

Tiffany Yep sent me a UDP joke, but I didn't get it.

 

But then she sent it again and I got it...

I used to always recommend Intel CPUs but now AMD has Ryzen...

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice, in practice there is...

[lockept93]

Heres one.

3 men are on a plane. They decide to find out what objects fall the fastest.
The first man threw an apple. The second man threw a TV. The third man threw a bomb.
They land the plane to go see how their objects fair. They found a boy crying. They asked why he was crying.
"An apple fell from the sky and hit me on the head!"
They continued walking and saw a woman crying. They asked why she was crying.
"A TV fell from the sky and hit me on the head!"
They continued walking and found a girl laughing so hard she could barely breathe. They asked her why she was laughing.
"My grandpa farted and my house blew up!"

Like that, but the woman and the boy should be dead i think. 

[Tribizz]

Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches you vagina, say stop.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.

[SniX030]

Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches you vagina, say stop.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.

mmd 

[SlaughterGirl]

Q: What did the baby digital watch say to the mommy analog watch?

A: "Look Ma, no hands!"

[johnsaributua]

Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches you vagina, say stop.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.

hahahaha its funny, i am stomatche (too more laugh)

[8rch7]

I've heard that jokes is seriousness.
Its mean without seriousness we dont understand the joke