[ECONOMICS 101] The "You Have Two Cows" Case study

[hdbuck]

Trolling Mother Economics    






SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRACY
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that
you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...




Feel free to feed the trollz

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[empowering]

NORTH KOREA

You have two cardboard cows for photo ops
The state may or may not have a secret supply of cow
They tell you the cows are created by the great leader from rainbows
If you do not agree and thank them with tears of joy
You become the cow

[OldGeek]

Outstanding!  reposted *elsewhere* Thanks.

[fortif78]

This gave me a pretty good laugh, did you come up with this yourself? If so, +1 to your mind. 

[jimhsu]

GOX

You gave your two cows to a rancher
Someone comes in to steal 1, 2, or none of the cows (you don't know)
The rancher blames the thief for stealing his cows, but says you still have two cows
You go retrieve your cows, and find an empty field. The rancher also moved.
You call the rancher, who says your cows are still there
Someone is standing outside selling his cow for two of your "cows".

[Yeap]

I would end up with no cows and a lot of steak.

[hdbuck]

hey thx for the replies
glad it entertained some people

here's an interesting reading for those with spare time:

-> http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-02-23/tyranny-models-or-dont-fear-reaper

The use of models is wonderfully comforting to the human animal because it’s what we do in our own minds and our own groups and tribes all the time. We can’t help ourselves from applying simplifying models in our lives because we are evolved and trained to do just that.

Deep  

[FelixOliver]

Trolling Mother Economics    

BUREAUCRACY
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

Amazing... I'm entertained

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that
you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

Though this is normally perpetrated by the most unholy scumbags on a daily basis... This is some good sh*t.. Very profound.

[westkybitcoins]

Not bad, definitely will repost elsewhere. However...

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one The state takes one and gives it to your neighbor

ftfy

[nirom]

GOX

You gave your two cows to a rancher
Someone comes in to steal 1, 2, or none of the cows (you don't know)
The rancher blames the thief for stealing his cows, but says you still have two cows
You go retrieve your cows, and find an empty field. The rancher also moved.
You call the rancher, who says your cows are still there
Someone is standing outside selling his cow for two of your "cows".

The rancher blames the thief for stealing his cows and then says the cows were the problem.

[Mike Christ]

CRAPITALISM (CRONYISM)
You have two cows.
The meat monopoly sues you for patent infringement.
You win the legal battle; you sell your cows to pay for your hundreds of thousands in legal bills.

[ISAWHIM]

Anarchy rule
You have two cows
We kill you, kill the cows, eat steak, starve to death afterwords

Cannibal rule
You have two cows
We kill you, eat you, ignore the cows

Kids rule
You have two cows
We tip them at night

Confederate rule
You have two cows
We sell two cows for confederate bills, to the govt.
The northern federation changes money to the federal reserve note, sells us back our cows for double the price by giving us loans for federal reserve notes, taxes us, then refuses to credit our payment of confederate dollars they took, and then creates a war for failure to pay the loan.
Two cows and 100 slaves repossessed by the bank, money still forced to be paid, another loan given as credit.
Free slaves demand minimum-wage for milking cows, you go broke, declare bankruptcy, x-slaves go on unemployment, you collect social-security, kill cows, eat steak. Declare that the war is over. Join the federation.


Ebay:
You have two cows
You see a cow sell on ebay, at auction for $99,999,999.00...
You list your cow as an auction...
Your one cow listing sells with a final winning bid for $0.01, with free shipping, buyer complains it was never delivered, you send him the other cow, he complains to paypal saying you never sent any cows, paypal sides with him, and takes your $0.01 to give back to the guy... You still owe ebay fees of $0.35 for listing the cow.

You buy two more cows... Surely, you think... I will have better luck this time... Just have to sell one cow!

Fail... you got scammed by the same guy again, but seller-protection gives you both $0.01... You now owe only $0.34 for the last listing.

You buy two more cows...

(The guy who listed, and sold, was the guy buying your cows, now selling them back to you. His "winning bid" was never actually paid, because he won it. He just canceled the bid after you saw it and ordered 2 cows from his website.)

Uncle-sam charges you asset-value taxes for each cow sold, at taxes based off $99,999,999.00 per cow.

You declare bankruptcy. They take your house, car, internet, and bill you for the investigation and filing-fees for filing bankruptcy.

You turn into an Anarchist Cannibal and eat people. You now ignore the cows running free, all over.



Dream:
You have two cows.
They fly...
You fly...
You find a case of money, and hide it under your bed...
You start falling, just before you hit the ground, you wake-up...

You still look under the bed, just incase it wan't a dream...

Then you log-in to ebay, and see that a cow sold for $99,999,999.00 in an auction...

You buy two cows, the dream must have been a sign!


Windows:
You have two cows.
Next year those will be unsupported, but get updates so they produce less milk, to secure your desire to purchase 2 new V2.0 cows that produce the same milk at twice the cost.
Next year there is a security voulnerability found in V2.0 cow, which mysteriously made it produce less milk than the 2 original cows, so it is patched to V2.1 but still produces less than the previous 2 cows, but slightly more than the V2.0 cows, at an even greater expense.
Next year cows are obsolete, you must now use 1 goat, and it costs 4x the price, produces more than V2.1 cows, but not as much as the original 2 cows one did.
You find a way to make cheese, which is more rewarding, so a new patch is released, Goat V1.1, which halves your output again. Milk drinkers now suffer from lack of calcium in their diet, and gastro-intestinal issues from cheese. Microsoft blames Linux, Sues Apple for making a dedicated cheese app that makes 2x more cheese and 4x more milk.
New OS Bat-milk V4.5, followed by a patch for Cow V1, Cow V2.1, Goat V1.1, which makes them fail at loading the internet.

[alexeft]

Keynesian rule
You have two cows
The central bank promises that if they print more money, cows will become four!!!  

Plan to save Greece
You have two cows but you owe four.
Your saviors take the two, loan you another four and tell you to quit eating!  

German rule
You have two cows
Arbeit macht frei!  
You also prefer beer anyway!

EU rule
You have two cows
Banks have full control of them but you still own them. When they make milk, it goes to the banks.
If they die, it's your loss!!  

USA rule
You have two cows
The US takes 1.9 because they have dollars and the best guns!!

[sjarkara]

South African rule

You have two cows
but that was before dark

[alexeft]

World banking system rule
You have no cows
The bank has the only two that exist. These cows are also sterile.
They loan you the two cows (they gave it all, didn't they?), but you have to give back four?
Where will you find the other two? Nowhere. So, you go Keynesian and ask the banks
to print more cows!!! 

[hdbuck]

EU rule
You have two cows
Banks have full control of them but you still own them. When they make milk, it goes to the banks.
If they die, it's your loss!!  

lmao

World banking system rule
You have no cows
The bank has the only two that exist. These cows are also sterile.
They loan you the two cows (they gave it all, didn't they?), but you have to give back four?
Where will you find the other two? Nowhere. So, you go Keynesian and ask the banks
to print more cows!!!  

true true..

Not bad, definitely will repost elsewhere. However...

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one The state takes one and gives it to your neighbor

ftfy

oh what was i thinking?!  


ahah thx to all for those very nice contributions to this extremely serious research paper so far

[alexeft]

From wikipedia:

Belgium: You have two cows. One moos in French and the other moos in Dutch. Neither you, nor the cows, nor anyone else understands why both cows share the same farm. You address the problem by setting up a Ministry of Cattle with 17 committees, 43 sub-committees and 36 working groups.

People's Republic of China:
You have two cows. All sources that suggest you have more than two cows have been blocked from public view due to their potentially corrosive effect on societal harmony.


Germany:
You have two cows, but not enough lebensraum. So you go to war and kill thousands of the neighbouring cows, but then more cows from other countries come, take your land away and take control over yours. But ultimately you are fine, just everybody else isn't from the debt crisis.


Greece:
You have two cows. You tell everyone you have 20 cows. When people show up for milk, the cows burn down the barn, because they don't like getting milked.



Switzerland:
-You have 500 cows, but none of them are yours. Others pay you for taking care of them.
-Someone else bred a goat that could produce better milk than your cows at a vastly lower cost. To avoid ruin, you rebranded your cows' milk as a hideously expensive luxury item.



Adam Smith: You have two cows. It is not from their benevolence that you expect your milk, but from their regard to their own self-interest.


Milton Friedman:Thank goodness for rich people willing to buy the milk from your cows!

[alexeft]

Linux:
-You have two penguins cows that are incredibly productive, but only people with degrees in animal husbandry can get any milk out of them.
-sudo apt-get install 2cows

[lemfuture]

it was fun at the start, then it gotten more words and longer list than expected

[ISAWHIM]

Topic: [ECONOMICS 101] The "You Have Two Cows" Case study  (Read 666 times)

Coincidence, I think not!

2 pages is a long list? (23 posts)

Better... I put all mine as one post. (Now only 20 posts) and one cow... um.. page

Use smaller fonts... or text-2-speech... much more fun!

Curious to know what you "expected"... since this is "more than you expected"... (Funny that you expected more or less at all. )